Am I Being Unreasonable?

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by Ninn, Dec 16, 2006.

  1. Ninn

    Ninn Custom Crochet Queen

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    We generously offerred to share our internet connection and telephone service with my BIL. His trailer is right next to ours, so I ran an extension line to his home. His SO is disabled and they needed to be able to contact the lawyers and such. No problem-the agreement was that they pay half. I went ahead and did this for them because they are my family and I love them.

    Now, my internet service is paid quarterly. Otherwise, the bill is so low it tends to get ignored until the check comes from the school. When the bill came, he did not have his half-said he wouldnt have it for a few days. I went ahead and paid the entire bill. This was in November. Still have not seen the money.

    My telephone is paid monthly. Last month, we had a case of service interruptus because he was late getting his half in and I had not budgeted for it. (you can bet i did this month). So, this months bill has an extra 22.50 on it for reconnecting the service. His share of the bill is 33.00. It was due 2 days ago-the day he got his cash assistance. Since he was not home, I called the phone company and got a 24 hour extension to get his half. I went over 3 times yesterday to get the money. Noone answered the door. The bill will get paid today, by us. He has not paid his share.

    So, DH cut the line. BIL had the brass testicles to post a notice saying we were no longer welcome in his home, since we can't manage to help family members when they need it!! His excuse for not payin? How is he going to buy christmas gifts for his SO if he pays his bills!!! I don't know -- MAKE something maybe? We did. He firmly believes that we should go without in order to let him have a free ride!!!! I asked him which bill I should forgo in order to pay his half-he said he didnt care, whichever one I wanted!!! Then tells me that because he cleaned out his freezer and sent over food that was outdated and he had no room for, that we should consider that his payment. Last time I checked, the telephone company did not accept food as payment.

    Am I being unreasonable to expect him to pay on time? I don't even pass along the late fees, just the disconnect fee from last month-only half. We have to pay on time or lose the service. Shouldnt he?
     
  2. AngieM2

    AngieM2 Big Front Porch advocate

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    You did right.

    Angie
     

  3. Speciallady

    Speciallady Well-Known Member

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    when he gives you the money, what he owes, and enough for the next quarter he can have it back, don't allow him to use the phone, long distance anyway until he does pay.
     
  4. bubbba

    bubbba Well-Known Member

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    Thats a drag look on the bright side though, at least he didnt run up hundreds of dollars in long distance or 1-900 dial a psycic calls.
    You have every right and reason to be angry but I would try and let it go because its not going to help anything and just bring you down.

    Peace
     
  5. MorrisonCorner

    MorrisonCorner Mansfield, VT for 200 yrs

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    I learned this the hard way: never split utilities with someone who can't put down a deposit on them. So if your BIL wants to be reconnected he has to put up $50 and KEEP $50 in the account by... say... the 15th of the month. No $50 in the envelope? Cut the utilities until there is. That way you've got enough to cover his share on the next bill and keep from late fees etc.

    Family. What can you say?
     
  6. farmhome5

    farmhome5 Well-Known Member

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    You ran an extension cord? Why wouldn't he come over when he needs to use the phone or Internet? You did the right thing when you cut the line. In my book it was called stealing.
     
  7. suitcase_sally

    suitcase_sally Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Judge Judy's and Judge Alex's courtrooms are full of people like him. Never expect someone with no money to pay you.
     
  8. Wildwood Flower

    Wildwood Flower Halfway, OR & Wagoner, OK

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    Your first mistake was living next door to your relatives.

    Your second mistake was to share a bill with them, with you being the primary responsible party.

    It seems that people have a way of "forgetting" what the deal was when the bill comes in YOUR name. Then they justify it in their mind with things like the meat to the freezer deal.

    As the old saying goes, "Good fences make good neighbors." or..

    TRUST EVERYBODY, BUT MAKE SURE THE CARDS ARE CUT.
     
  9. Ninn

    Ninn Custom Crochet Queen

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    Well, as for living next door to them, we had little or no choice. We were homeless and had to take what we could get in a short period of time. (long story).

    We thought we were helping out, as with no phone, they were missing conferences with the disability lawyers and not having much success with their case.

    DH got tired of being taken advantage of. Everytime we leave to go downtown or into the city, they conveniently need to go along to pick something up. Since we were already going there anyway, they see no need to offer gas money. Now the truck is leaking oil from the block and we haven't even had it a year. Why? Because for 4 months, it has been the only transportation for 3 families. We can't afford to repair it right now, so we just deal with putting more oil in all the time. It will take about 3 months to save up the money to fix it. So, told them all, no more free rides. Looks like they didn't take me seriously. Now they know I'm serious.

    What really frosts my pumpkin is that they went to my daughter's house last nite and complained about the way we are treating them at Christmas!!! They are the ones who can't pay the bill. Now we are not welcome, our kids are not welcome, the soldier coming home for Christmas is not welcome. Watch how fast they want a ride to town next week, tho. Heaven forbid anyone should walk anywhere. I am not supposed to walk that far at all yet, but I will be doing it. I am now planning my errands so that I meet up with DH on his way home from work. Then I will have no need to go to town afterward, and they can just find another way to manage. I think it's ridiculous to expect one person to support 2 families. He sure had money to go out and buy movies with this week. (NOT for christmas gifts, just for watching.)

    They have been opening and slamming their door all day because our curtains are open. They want to be sure we see the sign. Talk about childish!!!

    Just because we are family doesnt mean I owe them a thing, does it?
     
  10. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

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    No, you don't owe them anything. Ignore them and their childish behavior.
     
  11. Jennifer L.

    Jennifer L. Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You did the right thing. Your BIL decided, all on his own, that you would pay for the telephone because he needed the money for something else. Something that could be considered frivilous. He didn't come to your door hat in hand asking if you could possibly manage it, he just decided. That's taking advantage of you big time! Yes, you did the right thing. Dollars to doughnuts it would have continued and probably escalated to even bigger bills.

    The sign and the door slamming is seriously immature. You don't need to deal with that. They've got problems, it's too bad, but you can't carry them.

    Jennifer
     
  12. sancraft

    sancraft Well-Known Member

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    You are not being unreasonable, he is. You did the right thing.
     
  13. Lynne

    Lynne Well-Known Member

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    You are not responsible for them. What you did by sharing the phone line connection was nice and they are taking advantage of you. Gift are gifts and the outdated food sounded like it was “gifted” to you plus if it was payment for the phone that should have been stated at the time.
    You have heard the saying – give them an inch and.... It is good that you stopped it now.

    He sure had money to go out and buy movies with this week. (NOT for Christmas gifts, just for watching.)

    So many times I hear that families can not afford to buy heating oil or food…BUT they always seem to be able to have cable, online services, beer and such. It hurts my heart to see the children suffer.
     
  14. Ravenlost

    Ravenlost Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Why would you even want to go over to their home when they treat you like this?
     
  15. RoseGarden

    RoseGarden Well-Known Member

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    If things are so tight for your BIL that he has to choose between Christmas gifts or bills, then he has a serious maturity and priority problem. Christmas gifts are nice, yes, but paying bills (in this example so they can stay in touch with lawyers, etc) is much more of a priority. Sounds like he needs to find a second job or some other way to make a few more bucks on the side...

    No, you did the right thing. He needs a lesson in priorities, much like a child would.
     
  16. Hip_Shot_Hanna

    Hip_Shot_Hanna Well-Known Member

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    People like your BIL will always use others, take advantage of them, and be outraged when you say "No more."

    It's unfair, it's frustrating, and it's distressing - but that's the way they are. If you are not welcome in their home, then obviously they want nothing to do with you - which includes any help you might have offered.

    Celebrate. ;)
     
  17. Anita in NC

    Anita in NC Well-Known Member

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    Sounds to me like you did the right thing.

    If he wants reconnecting it is cash in advance for the 3 months of internet service and a month in advance for the phone.

    He needs to grow up. Don't allow him to abuse your generosity.
     
  18. Snowdancer

    Snowdancer Well-Known Member

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    I honestly don't think I'd allow them access to the phone even with a prepayment of a few months. There's too many horror stories about angry relatives & friends who ran up the charges and had no legal obligation to pay; leaving the person who's name the phone was in to pay the enormous bill.

    He's shown his true colors; don't let him fool you into forgetting how he acted when you asked for what he owed you.
     
  19. Wilbursmommy

    Wilbursmommy Well-Known Member

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    Seems like every family I know has one of these. In ours it is a bil, too.

    You did the right thing. Have a Merry Christmas!
     
  20. Herb

    Herb Well-Known Member

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    No one will work you over harder, quicker than family. Kudos to you for putting your foot down. Just stick to your guns, if you fold now he'll own you for life.