[donsgal]

On Wednesday of next week I am going to be interviewing for a job. Although it is probably not the best job in the world, and something that most people would consider "beneath me" considering my experience and education, I rather enjoy the work and think I would like doing it a lot.

My dh and I are very, very close to each other. We are together 24/7 and I mean that literally. Whenever I have worked outside the home in the past, dh has always taken a very active interest and role in my looking for a job and working. Including usually going with me when I have a job interview.

Lately I have shared this information with others and they are just simply horrified that my dh would go on a job interview with me. Frankly, I do not see why this is such a big deal because I am very proud of the fact that my dh loves me and wants to take an active interest in my job hunting efforts. But people have said that perhaps one reason that I have not gotten jobs in the past is because he was there with me for the interview.

Dh really likes to go so that he can see where I might be working. It helps me a lot because I miss subtle things sometimes which are important. I like having him there so we can compare notes later about the place, people, etc. It has always been a very imporant part of the process.

I am not desperate for this job, but I would like to get it and I am concerned that if that person was right, that having my dh there might be viewed in a negative way. But I am even more concerned that if I mention this to dh he is going to be really hurt that I don't want him coming along on Wednesday.

I know he is already planning for it because he is quite the "scheduler" with his time and he plans his days way in advance and he is leaving time for the interview. I don't want to hurt his feelings and make him feel like I do not want him there. Frankly, I DO want him there, but I am fearful that it might be viewed in a negative way.

I am wondering how you would handle this situation. Would you just go (with dh) and hope for the best, or would you tell dh you didn't want him coming along and hurt his feelings? I'm just stuck here on how to handle this touchy situation.

donsgal

 

[Peacock]

DO NOT TAKE YOUR DH ALONG.

This is not optional.

If your DH has such a problem with it, I would question whether or not he honestly wants you to get the job.

Your potential employer is hiring YOU, not a married couple! Will DH be coming to work with you? Then he has no business being in the interviewer's office. You are an individual. Behave like one.

 

[donsgal]

DO NOT TAKE YOUR DH ALONG.

This is not optional.

If your DH has such a problem with it, I would question whether or not he honestly wants you to get the job.

Your potential employer is hiring YOU, not a married couple! Will DH be coming to work with you? Then he has no business being in the interviewer's office. You are an individual. Behave like one.

Well, he usually waits in the reception room. He doesn't go into the interview with me. He only did that one time, at the invitation of the interviewer.

donsgal

 

[Lizza]

DO NOT TAKE YOUR DH ALONG.

This is not optional.

If your DH has such a problem with it, I would question whether or not he honestly wants you to get the job.

Your potential employer is hiring YOU, not a married couple! Will DH be coming to work with you? Then he has no business being in the interviewer's office. You are an individual. Behave like one.

Ditto.

 

[Lizza]

Well, he usually waits in the reception room. He doesn't go into the interview with me. He only did that one time, at the invitation of the interviewer.

donsgal

same answer.....do not take DH, period.

 

[AngieM2]

When I've done preliminary interviews for a couple of different places, if someone had come in with hubby, wife, mommy or other - their resume would be placed in the very very back of the pile of possible candidates.

This will almost definitely keep you from getting a job.

Angie

 

[Country Lady]

This is one time you need to leave him home.

 

[Peacock]

The question, I think, would be WHY he comes along. Of course this has been discussed before. If I were hiring you, I'd wonder if you could get to work on your own, or if your arrival is dependent on DH's driving you there. Also I'd wonder why DH has to "check it out" -- like a parent, maybe, not trusting you to make a decision on your own.

I've learned that, like it or not, most employers aren't interested in potential employees' families. In interviews, it's better not to imply you even HAVE one. I have a really hard time doing this, I always get to chatting with the interviewer about kids, spouses, etc. - which is what I'd do if I were dealing with a client, and in that situation it's appropriate. But in interviews it's better not to imply that anyone or anything might get in the way of you doing the job or even distract you for a moment.

Having your DH there even in the waiting room hints that he's "letting you" work, which is really kind of him, hm?

 

[gleanerl]

for Dh to go along with you when you apply, is one thing.
they called to interview you, not your 'couple-ness'
leave Dh home.
if he has a problem with that, well......... then you have a problem..
have him drop you off, then have him pick you up when the interview is over and discuss your vibes, as to how the interview went..

 

[Meg Z]

I think that even waiting in the reception area might be a little too close for some employers. Perhaps he could drive you, drop you off and run a few errands, then come pick you up after? That way you still get some discussion on it right after, without the possibility of any negative impact. And hubby gets the important part of taking you to the interview.

If you think he will be upset by that, perhaps he can wait outside, in the car...although it would get pretty hot this time of year.

Meg

Good luck with the interview, by the way.

 

[rockinl]

Hi, definitely not. He can't go. He can give you a ride, but even that is pushing it because most jobs will ask if you have reliable transportation. You should drive yourself if possible. I understand about you wanting him near, but this is definitely a no-no..

I have hired many employees, and never had a spouse come along while interviewing . I would not hire anyone whose spouse came with them for an interview. Even if he sat in the lobby.

You may just have to show him this thread. It shows how much you care for him, and it also shows that he can't go.

He just can't go.
Get the job first, then let him come around for extra observations. You can always quit later.

Sorry, we just want the best for you.

Good luck on your interview.

 

[elliemaeg]

I was in a management position for a number of years and bringing any one with you to the interview was scorned. The reason being a person seeking employment should be able to stand on their own two feet and work independently of others. Whether it be a sister, or friend or even hubby. This is nothing personal against the person who is with you, but in reality it affects how the interviewer looks at you and your willingness to accept responsiblility of your position no matter what it is.

Hope I explained this satisfactorily. Hope you get this position if it is for you.
God Bless

 

[RachAnn in NW Okla]

I wouldnt take DH to a job interview....mine had dropped me off while I did the preliminary paperwork once....but he waited in the car in the parkinglot

I advise against it for the same reasons that the others have.

you know I have NEVER seen the inside of my DH's workplace? he has been there 5 years!

Editted to add:

When I teach character Ed/business etiquette to my HS special ed students, I cover not taking anyone to an interview with you.

Interview Etiquette

be on time, if possible ten minutes early
bring a minimum amount of materials with you: paper and pencil for note taking, copy of resume, copy of references,letters of recommendations, etc.
do not bring someone with you to the interview
use a firm handshake
do not sit down until you are asked or until the interviewer sits down
maintain eye contact with interviewer, but do not stare
pronounce your words clearly
keep answers brief and to the point
do not fidget
watch your body language - don't cross your arms, wring your hands, tap your fingers, or shake your feet. Keep your legs together and your feet on the floor
be friendly, polite and courteous
smile occasionally, don't grin or frown
sit up straight, don't slouch
do not smoke before or during the interview
Do not chew gum
do not have mints in your mouth

we had some people interview for a 3rd grade position and when I met one of the ladies, I instantly forgot her name as I was too busy staring at her mouth and feeling sorry for her for not getting the job---her ENTIRE tongue was BLUE!!!!!!! She must have had some blue gum or candy right before her interview! How embarassing for her....my Superintendent and Principal are both pretty down to earth guys but I am sure that the blue mouth was a strike against her!


Rachel

 

[RachAnn in NW Okla]

here is another resource
(note-it also says to go alone)

http://72.14.253.104/search?q=cache:cvAjAwjiMmkJ:www.danrpeoplelinks.ucr.edu/nb3/lib/ls_1_3.pdf+"interview+etiquette"+alone&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us

 

[Songbird]

Definitely don't take DH along. You need to present yourself as an independent woman - that is what an employer wants to see. I don't understand why your DH doesn't realize this.

Me and my DH are close as two people can be, but I would never take him along on a job interview.

 

[vickiesmom]

Never take ANYONE to a job interview with you. It is bad form! If you don't want the job, by all means walk in with your husband...but if you truly want this job, go alone...have a friend take you, because if your husband takes you I BET while you are interviewing he will have someone come in and ask how much longer you will be...a job killer!!!!

 

[Alice In TX/MO]

To put it very simply, you are sending your potential employer a few bad signals.

1. I can't do anything on my own. I'm helpless.
2. My husband is very controlling. He will be a problem if I'm hired.


Employers want independent thinkers who can do the job without supervision. If you can't even make it to an interview on your own, you don't get hired.

You said this would hurt his feelings. If the concept of your need to make a good impression hurts his feelings, either you haven't explained it well, or he's not thinking straight.

 

[sewsilly]

No, husbands do NOT get to go to interview, in my opinion, even to drive you there.

The time to check out your employment would be AFTER your starting, if it's a setting that would be appropriate to introduce your spouse. My DH recently took a new job and about a month after starting, myself and the children went in at the end of the working day, to be introduced around and see where he works.

The only impressions that count are YOURS. You have to size up the situation, the people, the environment.

I work at school, and while DH was out of work, I worked a second job at Lowe's. Dh has only been to school a time or two, for conferences where he was also the parent, or his attendance was required because of the KIDS, and he never went to Lowe's while I was there.

Unless there are jobs where TWO people are being hired (happens sometimes) the only person needing to attend is the person applying for the job.

 

[vickiesmom]

Donsgal, I am wondering about your relationship. Before I have a million women telling me that somewhere it is written that a man should cleave unto his wife (or whatever) you really should ask yourself why is this man so attached to you. You say you two are together 24/7...literally. That is not healthy. All couples should have independent interests. To me he sounds emotionally dependent...which is so dangerous I can't even go into it!

 

[TC]

I agree with everyone who has posted. No hubby at the interview. If I were interviewing you, my very first thought when finding out you brought your spouse is : this guy must control her every move. He'll call her at work every 10 minutes, he'll show up an hour before she is expected to leave, he'll never let her stay late, if the need arises etc. It might not be true, but that is the way it would look to a future employer. I wouldn't let him drive you there, as some interviewers actually will look out windows, without you knowing, to view your transportation. As a reliable means of such, is so important in your ability to come to work daily. Someone driving you there suggests you either don't own your own transportation and must have "rides" or a controlling spouse. Again, neither may be true, but it is all about an impression you are making to someone who wants to trust you to do an important job for them and pay you for it and you are a stranger to them.