Advice needed again... inlaws

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by Anita in NC, Nov 29, 2006.

  1. Anita in NC

    Anita in NC Well-Known Member

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    My DH's sister is trying to arrange a conference call for Christmas day. (DH has 4 sisters and 2 brothers and his mom and dad are still around).

    One of DH other sisters asked that family members that couldn't make Thanksgiving call on Thanksgiving Day to chat with all the other members. DH called, liked he was asked. The phone went to voice mail and he left a message that he had called and to call him back. No-one called.

    I'm a little fed up with all this "we want to be a close family stuff" once or twice a year when the rest of the year no-one phones, emails, writes etc.... We haven't heard from his brothers or 3 of his sisters for 2 years now. His mom and dad call every 4 months or so we they want something.

    I've tried to make an effort in the past by sending letters, photos, emails etc... but I'm at the point now that I don't care any more.

    Do I say something about the family not being close and making time for at least emails? It seems so fake to want to chat on Christmas day when they don't bother the rest of the year.

    or

    Do I just forget the whole thing?

    I have to say the we are some distance, 16 hours, from most of his family although he does have one sister 3 hours from us. However, with phones, email etc... I don't see distance as keeping people from communicating. My folks and brother are in the UK and I speak to my mum several times per week. I speak to my brother once in a while but we do email. I write to my Aunts monthly (they don't have email) etc...

    So what do you think?

    Anita
     
  2. turtlehead

    turtlehead Well-Known Member

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    It sounds to me like they want to be a close family but don't know how to do that. They're not good at phone calls or letters or emails. They tried the "Everyone call on Thanksgiving" and that didn't pan out well so now they're trying a conference call. You might call the number only to find out you're the only one on the line... but what does it hurt to pick up the phone and try?

    If you're totally fed up with it, get DH to call the conference number. It's his family, not yours.

    My family is all over the place - WV, NC, GA, FL, and at one time TX, OK, and MI. We use myfamily.com to stay in touch. It's easy to set up a site, easy to add folks as members (they have to have a userid and password to get into your family site), and everyone can post news, pictures, recipes, you can have online chats, post sound files (I posted one of a band concert snippet) or movie files or genealogy charts - anything you want, really.

    We use myfamily.com in waves. Sometimes it's dead and sometimes it seems like someone's posting every day. We've had our site for about five years now.
     

  3. mpillow

    mpillow Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Does your husband have relatives in Maine....???
    My in-laws are just this phony bologna way too and I can't stand it. Call me on the everyday not just a holiday.....nor just when you need something.....nor when drunk. :rolleyes:

    I can tell you that I didnt keep my mouth shut and my husband is holding a grudge (toward me) about voicing my opinion eventhough he shares the same opinion (see phony bologna inherited?) :shrug: I have no intentions after almost 15 years of putting up with it anymore...I'll just stay home and let husband go by himself.

    Hope you find a solution that works.
     
  4. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

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    No, you're not alone.

    I have a couple in my family that haven't the slightest idea what family is. MySD and DIL don't write, call, or visit all year BUT expect us to buy them and their DD's Christmas gifts. How strange is that?? They discovered that I don't lay that game.
     
  5. belladulcinea

    belladulcinea Well-Known Member

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    I say let them do what they want and don't complain. Is it hurting you to let your dh do this with his family? It's his family let him deal with it. My il's can be really silly but that's who they are right now until they change, I can't change them and I am not ugly to my dh about them either. Our families are our families and it's perfectly ok for them to be who they are. Everyone's families are different and maybe they are doing the best than can do in the communication area. Isn't that the real point of all of this angst about other people, we all handle things different and that's ok. Let your il's off the hook and dh too, it's no skin off your nose and if things don't work the way your dh wants them to, commiserate with him but don't gripe about how bad his family is even if he agrees. We all would like to think the best of our families and we don't need anyone, spouses included running our family down to us.
     
  6. QBVII

    QBVII Well-Known Member

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    How much trouble can a phone call be, I don't really see what is so upsetting about doing a conference call --- what if they all wanted to converge on your HOUSE on Christmas Day?

    Count your blessings I'd say, LOL.
     
  7. NWMO

    NWMO Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't say or try to "remedy" anything. It is your husband's family and when he is either ready or truly bothered by it all, he will figure out a way to make them communicate. Periodic cards/letters at holidays and phone calls on his part are enough. You can't force it.....and when someone on the other end makes a conscious attempt, be willing to participate.
     
  8. Anita in NC

    Anita in NC Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the responses. I think I'll just let hubby do whatever he wants and just stay out of it, as you said it's family so he can deal with them. I got enough on my plate with my own family. :p
     
  9. MarleneS

    MarleneS Well-Known Member

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    This is your husband's family, and I would let him decide for himself how much time and effort he wished to put into sharing his life with them. I would also keep my unkind thoughts to myself unless it was something that directly effected my own life :) Spouses who attempt, from the kindness of their hearts, to be the buffer or go betweens for their spouses families often set themselves up for disappointment.

    Hugs,
    Marlene
     
  10. Shepherd

    Shepherd Well-Known Member

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    The world's made up of all different kinds of people, even within our families. I'd go ahead and make the phone calls, send cards, letters, photos, etc. and not worry about what the others do. Just let it go from there. At least you (your husband) did your best. You don't want to find yourself one day with regret, wishing you'd done 'this' or said 'that'.