Advice: Help, or Don't Butt In?

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by Peacock, Jan 5, 2007.

  1. Peacock

    Peacock writing some wrongs Supporter

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    Since I posted about the cookie mom with "family issues" I've been thinking about her. Remember I only moved here last March, so everybody's fairly new to me. This is a mom of a girl in our troop; she homeschools so we only see her at GS meetings, but my DD has really hit it off with her. The mom's on her 2nd marriage, daughter's from the first, has a 2 year old boy from the second.

    I'm a co-leader. Our leader told me that the "family issues" the mom spoke of when she pulled out of being cookie mom was the fact her husband walked out on them on Christmas Eve.

    What an incredibly horrible, sad thing!

    Now, of course this is 2nd hand information. But I think the leader is a very reliable, honest woman and she wouldn't just spread a rumor. If it's not true exactly, then it's strictly a misunderstanding. I've been thinking that there might be something I could and should do to help them cope with this terrible situation, if only to send her a pizza. I could take the daughter for a while, maybe a weekend, to give them both a break. Money's got to be tight, so perhaps a gift card to the grocery? But I don't *know* this woman that well, so I have no idea whether my help would even be welcome or would just embarrass her.

    What should I do? Any thoughts?
     
  2. Shazza

    Shazza Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I think that calling in for a cuppa would be good to start....then you may pick up on her needs or she may ask for help...or at least go along with one of your suggestions. :)
     

  3. ellebeaux

    ellebeaux Well-Known Member

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    Why don't you just stop by her house before suppertime with a frozen stew or hot pizza as a reverse 'welcome to the neighborhood' gift? Then you can just start a friendship from there and see how it goes.

    Maybe she'd be too overwhelmed to talk to you then, but she'd remember the gesture, for sure!
     
  4. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You have a good heart!

    Be careful, though, she might be feeling very vulnerable and sensitive. If you let on that you've heard anything, she may feel that people are talking about her family.
     
  5. rkintn

    rkintn mean people suck

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    If you wanted to give her a gift card or help monetarily, why not send it anonymously? Just buy the gift card or a money envelope and send it to her in the mail. You could still make the friendly overtures and would have helped her monetarily.
     
  6. Peacock

    Peacock writing some wrongs Supporter

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    Yeah, I thought about the anonymous thing, and it seems the best idea by far. I have no problem with anonymous gifts, in fact I generally prefer them.

    I guess I just want to know if it's true before I start sending help. Also, it could be that the guy came back home and they made up.

    I think I'll call her and ask if she's okay, a reasonable question since she just abdicated cookie mom duties due to "family issues" which could be anything - sick parents, or whatnot. If she tells me, great, then I'll know better what to do. If not, that's up to her.
     
  7. Maura

    Maura Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Call her up and ask if her little girl can come over for a play date. You should be able to steer the conversation to: what time does your Daddy come home? Then, you will know if he is back in the picture.

    If you still feel you need to help, you could buy new clothes for the kids and mail them to her with no return address. Nothing fancy, underpants, socks, a couple pairs of pants and shirts and maybe a sweatshirt.
     
  8. Dente deLion

    Dente deLion Well-Known Member

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    I hope no one thinks this is nitpicky, but I would be completely creeped out if someone anonymously mailed underpants to my daughter.
     
  9. Peacock

    Peacock writing some wrongs Supporter

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    I agree, Dente.

    I'm also thinking that since it just happened a couple of weeks ago, they probably are set for clothing at the moment and their needs are more immediate -- food, money, and emotional support.
     
  10. kitty32_z8

    kitty32_z8 Well-Known Member

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    How nice of you to want to help!Maybe if the girl comes for a play date mention htat she sounded depressed a bit and is everything o.k.? This way she doesnt think people are talking about her family. Offer your support as a fellow woman and tell her even if it si monetary to not hesitate to call you!
    If all else fails a mailed gift card for groceries or gas would work too.
     
  11. patnewmex

    patnewmex Jane of all trades

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    I wouldn't do any type of gift annonymously. That can be really creepy and might send the wrong message entirely. You want her to feel safe and loved, and not like a charity case.

    Just be bold and go over and introduce yourself and bring some food or gift item saying you are new here and trying to get to know folks. She'll apprecaite being able to put a face with the kind gesture and might think that she has someone she can call on.

    Certainly don't let on you know ANYTHING about her home situation as that would be a horrible mistake. Since you got it second hand, no matter the source, it is gossip and should be treated as such.

    Good luck!

    Pat