A question for those whom have lost a close one that could communicate

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by moopups, Dec 12, 2006.

  1. moopups

    moopups In Remembrance

    May 12, 2002
    In beautiful downtown Sticks, near Belleview, Fl.
    Were they aware that their passing was coming soon? Did they speak of it? What were their words?
  2. holleegee

    holleegee Well-Known Member

    Mar 3, 2005
    My grandpa died from lung cancer the day after Thanksgiving 5 years ago.

    He didn't talk about passing untill about a week before Thanksgiving. He said he was done fighting and was ready to go home.

    He made sure he wrote a letter to each family member and close friend. He finished the letters the day before Thanksgiving and handed them out as we left his house Thanksgiving evening.

    He passed away the next day.

    His final words (to my Grandma) were "I love you, I'm going to see Jesus." Then with a smile on his face he was gone.

    It makes me smile/cry typing it.

  3. SFM in KY

    SFM in KY Well-Known Member Supporter

    May 11, 2002
    My mother was diagnosed with bone cancer in July, she was hospitalized for tests shortly after that and then came home and was never ambulatory after that but was also completely aware and coherent.

    I sat nights with her and was there part of the day as well, often. She did not speak at all of her impending death, only of things she thought of that she wanted done before her death. She was adamant that she wished to be cremated and that there be no funeral or memorial service, in fact had a living will plus a will that specified cremation and no services.

    She didn't complain of pain but two days before her death she said, one night when I was trying to move her to a more comfortable position, that she was ready to go and said that she knew I'd take care of my father for her (he was beginning to show considerable signs of Alzheimer's at that time).

    We didn't speak any more other than the usual questions about something to drink or something she might be able to eat. When I came in the following evening the daytime nurse said she had slept or been a light coma most of the day and she passed away shortly after midnight.
  4. barnyardfun

    barnyardfun Happy Homemaker Supporter

    Mar 26, 2005
    My Poppy died in 1993 three days after my birthday :Bawling: I remember going to see him on my birthday (he was in the hospital) and he kept saying "I'm going home" and we kept telling him that yeah poppy we are gonna get you home soon. But he kept insisting "NO, I am going home" Well yep he went home alright, to his heavenly home. I still miss him so very much.

    Also, my grandma said that the night before he did he asked her "Can you see him?" (they were in the room alone) GM "See who poppy? Poppy "Jesus, can't you see him, he is standing at the end of the bed!

    I get tears in my eyes everytime I think of that! :Bawling:
  5. Deb862

    Deb862 Well-Known Member

    Jun 22, 2005
    Upstate NY currently
    My maternal grandmother suffered for 7 years with emphysema and was bedridden for quite a long while before she died. My mother was taking care of her during that time. A few weeks before the end, she said she didn't want to be alone and when my mom asked her why she said she was afraid. Of course, my mom asked her what she was afraid of and my grandma said that she was afraid of the "people" who were coming to see her, a man and a woman, who appeared out of the corner where the closet was. Mind you now, my grandma never, ever had dementia and was with it mentally until she died, but we assumed she was losing her mind possibly.

    Well, a few days before she died she seemed a little more upbeat and told my mom that she wasn't afraid of the people anymore, that she "understood what they were trying to tell her" and that "they were coming to help me." Unfortuntely, my mom was too dumbfounded to probe further (I would have!) and didn't ask questions. She died a few days later. I think she was afraid of her impending death, which made her suffering more drawn out, but when she lost her fear and let it happen, the end came quickly and peacefully.
  6. culpeper

    culpeper Well-Known Member

    Nov 1, 2002
    My mother predicted her own death about 40 years before the event. She said she'd 'wreck Christmas and New Year of 1988-89'.

    She had her stroke on New Year's Eve, 1988 and died a few weeks later, in 1989, never having gained consciousness.

    In the September just prior, she had a 'thing' about her Will, and the disposal of assorted sundries not mentioned in the Will. She badly wanted to tell me who she wanted the gold tea-set, and the sandwood fan and certain books etc to go to. She insisted on going through her cupboards with me and telling me who things should go to.

    I was very unwilling, but I went along with it, because she was quite agitated about it, very anxious that I listen to her.

    She also talked about her funeral, and how she wanted it arranged.

    I was well-equipped when it came to pass a couple of months later, but at the time I didn't see it as a warning. She wasn't ill at the time or no more than usual (she had severe osteoporosis and was constantly in pain).

    She did get ill at the beginning of December - we now know she had a small stroke, but it wasn't picked up until later. She was well in recovery by Christmas.

    If you read the book by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross called 'On Death and Dying', you'll read of many cases of people who know when their time is up. It's very common, apparently.
  7. Burbsteader

    Burbsteader Well-Known Member

    Aug 6, 2002
    Western WA
    My dad fought prostrate cancer for 2 years before he passed away in July.
    He never accepted that he was dying. When my sister and I visited we had to fight to get him to accept hospice. I talked him into it by telling him (lying to him) that it was just temporary.
    He died a week later.
    His passing was not completely at peace because there was some small spark in him that did not accept that he was dying. But at least by talking him into hospice we were able to give him some dignity and to ease his horrible suffering in his last days.
    I take a small bit of comfort from that.

    My uncle passed away 2 years ago November. In the end he had been placed on a feeding tube after years of problems from strokes. The feeding tube was the end for him and he finally gave up the fight. He could not even have the little comfort of a sip of coffee.
    So one day he sat in his favorite chair and just slipped away.

    Sadly, because he did not complete his DNR paperwork the EMTs were obligated to fight to revive him and he was placed on life support until my aunt was able to get the machines turned off.
  8. Wildwood Flower

    Wildwood Flower Halfway, OR & Wagoner, OK

    Aug 26, 2006
    I live in Oregon part time, and Oklahoma part time
    My mother had cancer and she didn't last long after they started chemo-therapy. As soon as she started to get really sick she told my Dad that she was going to die. Of course he was upset, but she insisted she did not want to be that sick. They took her to the hospital, and when I came in the room she bolted upright from the bed and said, "Sandra, I'm going to die now." very matter-of-factly. I said, "Okay Mom."

    Looking back on it, my mother was very commanding and certain about things. I'm glad she did it that way. I sure do miss her though.
  9. Tricky Grama

    Tricky Grama Well-Known Member

    Oct 7, 2006
    N. E. TX
    My Mom was 81, could run circles around most people, out 'shop' me, crawl around on the floor w/great grandkids, just generally seemed in good health. Except she had a coronary artery that kept clogging.

    A few days b/4 she died, she asked what we were going to do w/her furniture? What did I think was "on the other side?". I knew she was dying-but very hard to accept since it was Christmastime & we had just been all over the mall. She woke up a few days after xmas, fixed her breakfast and died at the kitchen table.

    But she KNEW.

  10. Jan in CO

    Jan in CO Well-Known Member Supporter

    May 10, 2002
    Mitch, I think some people do know, and some don't pick up on the 'signs'. My father in law suddenly gave things away that were family things to different ones of us, then two months later, he got up, showered, made his bed, did his grooming and then called his son to take him to the little clinic in their town because he 'didn't feel right'. He died as they were doing diagnostic tests on him there. He'd been adamant about keeping the family heirlooms up until then, so I think he 'knew'.

    My father was ill for a couple years, getting weaker and more senile by the day. He just kept saying he wanted to make it to his 85th birthday, and we kept telling him to "JUST DO IT", because you can if you want too. He agreed to go to a nursing home for what is called respite care for a few days so my mother could rest, and went two days after his 85th birthday. Died that night, peacefully. He kept 'seeing' his mother, long passed before he went, tho. Several people have mentioned seeing their parents or others who have gone on, and it's usually put down to being senile, but I think they DO see them, maybe the ones who have gone on came back to help them cross over. Who knows. You aren't thinking of leaving us, now ,are you???

    Jan in Co
  11. tinetine'sgoat

    tinetine'sgoat Luvin' my family in MO

    Aug 4, 2005
    Grandma Effie knew that she was passing, but didn't want to leave her kids, grandkids. Well my aunt finally told her that it was ok to leave, we would be fine and we would see her again soon. She died within a few minutes of being told it was ok. The nurse said that some people feel like they need permission that your gonna be ok without them, and had suggested my aunt tell her it was ok.

    Grandpa Howard knew he was going to pass away and asked for all his kids to be there with him. We were told that he might not be alive when we got there, but we drove down and came into the house with him sitting on the couch telling every story he could think of to all the kids, and grandkids that had gathered. For a couple of days he gradually declined, but he would wake up and tell us he loved us, we would stand around the bed and sing his favorite hymns to him and he would smile, and as he got worse he would talk in his sleep and he was talking to Grandma. He passed very quietly and peacefully.

    Gramps knew he was dying of cancer, but he refused to go to the doctor until the pain got to bad. He went to the hospital and they ended up removing alot of his stomach, they told us he would die there, but he was always fiesty. I was actually standing next to his bed in the ICU being very quiet so he could sleep and out of the clear blue he said "you gonna talk to me or just stand there?" A couple days later they moved him to another room, and from there they wanted him to go to a skilled nursing unit for months. He told them nope he was going home to die, and that if the doc didn't sign him out that he was gonna walk out. The doc signed him out because otherwise medicare wouldn't pay if he just walked out. Gramps passed away that night at home, with Granny next to him.
  12. Christiaan

    Christiaan Dutch Highlands Farm

    Mar 12, 2004
    Along the Stillaquamish, Washington
    My father had some minor strokes that affected his balance mostly. He then had a major stroke. I was able to be with him at the hospital, the last thing he said was his name in answer to a doctor's question, then I saw the light go out. His body took another three or four hours to die, but he was gone.
    My mother took it very hard and slowly lost her shortterm memory ability. After a few months she went to live with one of my sisters and was well taken care of for the next seven years. Two days before her birthday (Dec 23rd) she was hospitalized because her lungs were failing after years of chronic bronchitis. I came to say my goodbyes, but she was not truly concious. She survived until Jan 2nd and then passed peacefully.
    No great truths or wisdom to pass on about the moment of passing. Once they were there and then they were gone.
    My son died in a car wreck and I could not be with him, so I am thankful that I was able to say my goodbyes to both my parents.
  13. gottahaveagoat

    gottahaveagoat Well-Known Member

    Jun 5, 2006
    Our family went to an Uncle's funeral in November 21st, 18 years ago and on the way home from funeral, my dad turned to us and said he was next. Mind you he was not sick at all. On Dec 29th he woke up to get ready from work, as he was getting ready had a heart attack and died. I guess he knew but I have no idea how he did.
  14. midwsthomestead

    midwsthomestead joy seeker

    Nov 8, 2005
    central Indiana
    My mama was killed in a car wreck.
    For the year prior to that, I had this odd tho't float by out of the blue now and again that I was so glad we'd bought our home while she was alive, that she knew how settled and happy we were. There was no earthly reason whatsoever for me to think that almost exactly a year from when we bought that house she'd be suddenly gone. She was 47 at that time and in good health.

    Ya just never know I spose~shrug~

  15. largentdepoche

    largentdepoche Well-Known Member

    Dec 8, 2005
    My aunt, God rest her soul, passed away in Sept 2004.

    She was in a coma and very ill. My cousin told her it was okay for her to pass on, and she did right after he said that. Sadly we weren't told she was even in the hospital, but I trust she saw her husband and my grandma waiting for her :).

  16. Jenn

    Jenn Well-Known Member Supporter

    Nov 9, 2004
    Yurk ya got me nervous- when my mom was here visiting I was having a lot of thoughts about her dying. I feel very unfilial about them- sort of combo of how will we even know if you die (living alone far away) and how will we sort out all your stuff (as I voiced to her) along with a weird sense of my relationship with my mother is something that is almost finished and it'll be a sense of accomplishment/closure when it is done (well guess the relationship will never be over but her life will be sometime probably before mine). But then I'm in a weird housewife Zen state of "If it's empty fill it, full empty it, and if an empty package throw away" so guess I'm foreseeing the chore of closing up Mom's house after she goes as a chore on the horizon. BTW she's probably got 20 more years based on family history and health so I'm really off kilter on this. My dad (not living with my mom) on the other hand..... keeps depressively saying "I'm ready to go" in a way that makes me feel neglected if ya know what I mean? "Well WE aren't ready for you to go so just put up with this mortal coil a while longer!"
  17. Terri

    Terri Singletree & Weight Loss & Permaculture Moderator Staff Member Supporter

    May 10, 2002
    When my grandmother had cancer, she "died" but came back.

    She never WOULD specak of the experience, EXCEPT to say that she would never be afraid of dying again.
  18. Queen Bee

    Queen Bee Well-Known Member Supporter

    Apr 6, 2004
    I have had several loved ones die and speak of it before hand. The strangest to me was a dear friend.. She was 86, perfect health (no meds at all), ate well, beautiful women (looked 56), happy, loved her family and friends. One day while at the beauty salon, she told the girl who had fixed her hair for 20yrs--"I love you, I want you to have this (100$ bill) as a tip. I won't be back.". The next day @ lunch, she told her favorite waitress the same thing w/ a 100$ tip. That night she told me she was dying and was going to heaven and she wanted me to 'understand'. I told her 'you can't go to heaven, you have to stay around until I get old!' She laughed because we had this on going joke--I would take care of her now and she would take care of me when I got old --because she was in such great shape--I told her she would be pushing me in a wheelchair in a few yrs. The next day she stopped eating, took to bed and never got up. Her children came for two days and she told them--" I am so happy, I am going to heaven NOW", she again asked that we understand. She told her lawyer the same thing.. she lasted three weeks w/ no food and over two w/ little to no water..

    Had a 2yr. sister tell my dad she "was going to see her Father" (we weren't raised in a Christian home--no church or bible). My father told her "I am your Father" she replied 'no you are daddy' she died two days later!
  19. Songbird

    Songbird Well-Known Member

    Apr 2, 2006
    Northwest Missouri
    My Dad was in good health at the age of 62. I had a dream one night that he died from a blood clot - the next day he dropped dead from a brain aneurysm.

    I took my Mom out to a nice restaurant for her birthday in April of this year. We were having a really nice time when out of the blue I thought this will be the last time we do this. I thought that was a crazy thought since my Mom was in good health at the age of 68. She passed away in September, just a few months later. I think she knew she was going to die too as she spent the last year of her life telling me what she wanted done for her funeral, who she wanted to have her jewelry and what to do with the money she had left.

    Scary, these premonitions of mine. I knew my Mom's cat was going to die as well as my dog - they both died within a few days even though they appeared healthy.

    I wonder if I will know when I or other family members are going to die in the future. I've always had a feeling that I won't live a long life. I'm 50 now, but have some health problems. My fear has never been of dying, but leaving my family alone. My sister and I had to tell my Mom that we would be ok without her before she would let go.
  20. suzfromWi

    suzfromWi Well-Known Member Supporter

    Jun 1, 2002
    Mom was very sick for many years but was a stubborn women and didnt want to leave us all. She kept asking God for ONE more summer.
    He gave her 91 of them but when we had to move her to hospice he must have thought she had suffered enough. She told us all to love one another and keep in touch. When I told her I had to leave to go home 4 hours away, She told me she,d be home before I was. She hung on until one night I went to bed and prayed for God to take her. In my mind I sang to her " Now is the hour' and at 11 that night my sis called to tell me mom was gone....I miss her still but talk to her often and know her spirit is watching over me....