2 Weddings in 2008

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by Ninn, Jan 14, 2007.

  1. Ninn

    Ninn Custom Crochet Queen

    Messages:
    2,786
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Location:
    Susquehanna, PA
    DD (22) has decided that it is past time she marries the father of her 3 children. They are getting married July 13, 2008.

    DS(16) will be nearly 18 by then. His DF has a terminal illness and they want to be married while they still can. Soo, February 6, 2008 for them.

    Wow. That's alot of wedding planning. I am so glad the girls already know what they want. Lisa (DD) has hers pretty much all planned. Brittney (DDIL)
    is just starting to realize how much she wants this, and is planning her little head off.

    Can't wait to see how all this shakes out. I love weddings!
     
  2. caroline00

    caroline00 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,473
    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2002
    I also was wondering why they were waiting so long...

    especially if one feels it is past time when they should be married... how about Valentines day 2007?
     

  3. Cabin Fever

    Cabin Fever Life NRA Member since 1976 Supporter

    Messages:
    15,369
    Joined:
    May 10, 2002
    Location:
    Between Crosslake and Emily Minnesota
    Or what about Father's Day? :shrug:
     
  4. auntielisababe

    auntielisababe Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    243
    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2004
    Location:
    New England
    Or a Double wedding on mothers day?

    Lisa
     
  5. Ninn

    Ninn Custom Crochet Queen

    Messages:
    2,786
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Location:
    Susquehanna, PA
    they are all paying for everything themselves. time is needed to make dresses for the granddaughters, find suits for the menfolks and pay for them, choose locations, create music, craft decorations, etc. DS has been told if he wants to marry before 18 he must work full time and finish his homeschooling. Must prove he can support a wife. DD is the sole support of her family, since her man has broken his back. (or his get up n go, don't know for sure which) Both need time to put away money for things we cannot make ourselves. One needs time to mature, the other needs time to get moved into a decent place as well. It's only a year, after all. DDIL has longer than that, but would like to be a wife. She is already planning to move in with us and learn how from me, thereby holding up her end of the deal. If he has to work, and since she cannot, she can learn how to be a good homemaker.
     
  6. via media

    via media Tub-thumper

    Messages:
    1,588
    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Congratulations!

    One thing for your son to think about: Does your soon-to-be DIL have medical insurance now (maybe through her parents)? How will your son pay for her medicine/treatment/care after they're married? Many companies will not cover someone with a pre-existing condition for a certain period of time, and I think there are other companies out there that would deny her coverage altogether.

    /VM
     
  7. cc

    cc Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    2,156
    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2006
    Location:
    Tennessee
    I'm like Wind in Her Hair and confused also. Sounds like DD has things all backwards. I always believed that first you both work then you get married then you have kids. I know I'm somewhat old fashioned but if they really want to get married the JP or minister will do that for no (or very little) expense. As for DS, at 16 I didn't have a clue what I really wanted and can't help but think that very very few 16 year olds do.
     
  8. sancraft

    sancraft Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,961
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2002
    Location:
    Georgia
    Well, I sure hope she isn't going to wear a white dress? I'm sorry if that sounds mean. I just don't get it when people have lived together and started playing married for years, then want to have a white wedding. I had a friend who had raised 2 children, bought 2 homes and had a business with her babies daddy. Then after 14 yrs together they finally got married and she had teh nerve to wear white and expect gifts. Exactly what should I buy a woman who has kept house for 14 yrs.? Dishtowels? All of that is for a young bride leaving her parent's house and needing to set up her own home. If the guy was worth marrying, I'd say your dd needs to go to the justice of the peace and have some cake and punch for family and friends to acknowledge their big day. But if this guy is allergic to work, why on earth is she going to marry him?
     
  9. ericjeeper

    ericjeeper Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    940
    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2006
    Location:
    Indiana
    probably will take her to work then go get her.
     
  10. jen74145

    jen74145 Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    6,375
    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Location:
    Northern California

    Y'know, marriage was never meant to be between a couple and the state, and some choose to avoid an "official" wedding for this reason.
    A strong, neverending commitment in which God is involved is marriage.

    On the other hand, I will never understand people who have more than one sexual partner yet then do the big wedding and all.... *waits for the flaming*

    I do have to say, Nin, your son's heart may be in the hright place, but what about college, trade school or whathaveyou, and TRUE love? Would be terribly sad if he didn't truly love this girl, and she would know it and mourn it... and what happens when he sees what he's missing and finds a girl he does love deeply? Just a thought... but otherwise, congratulations!
     
  11. sancraft

    sancraft Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,961
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2002
    Location:
    Georgia
    I've never understood why people want to play house and not get married. If you're love, committed, for the love of Pete, having children, get married. What on earth is stopping you. YOu're doing everything a married couple does anyway, so make it legal and protect the one you're so in love with.
     
  12. Beaners

    Beaners Incubator Addict

    Messages:
    3,111
    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Location:
    Greensburg, PA
    Ninn-congratulations. If I were you I would be very excited about the weddings and what they represent to your family. I hope everything turns out well for the engaged couples and that they know you're proud of them. I would be proud of them too, congratulations again.

    Kayleigh
     
  13. ginnie5

    ginnie5 wife,mom,taxi driver,cook Supporter

    Messages:
    6,677
    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2003
    Location:
    Near Charlotte NC
    I think that is truly admirable that your son wants to go ahead and marry his girlfriend. It shows a quality in him that is not seen much today. My sister has systemic lupus and shortly after she and her dh were married it showed up (it had shown up before but no one knew what it was). She was in the hospital for months while her organs were attacked. we didn't even think she'd live...they called family in 3x. He stood by her and continues to do so. He takes such good care of her too. They can't have kids....lupus attacked her uterus and ovaries, she's partially paralyzed but it makes no difference to him. He still loves her over 10 years later. So be proud of your son. You've raised a fine young man.
     
  14. SteveD(TX)

    SteveD(TX) Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,373
    Joined:
    May 14, 2002
    I've probably been to a half a dozen weddings in the last few years where there were kids prior to marriage. In every single one, the bride wore white. I think the idea of not wearing white must be old fashioned; at least to the younger generation. Esp. if it's their first marriage.
     
  15. Pony

    Pony Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    19,807
    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2003

    Actually, the whole white dress thing was not to symbolize virginity, but to prove you were wealthy enough to afford a dress to wear for only one day. I think it was the Catholic British Queen Mary who was the first "royal" to wear white. Prior to that, it was actually considered bad luck.

    But then if you think of Queen Mary's life... well...

    The thing is, the wedding is a nice celebration that lasts a few brief hours. But it's the marriage itself that counts. If you've been living together and have three children, you're about as married as you're gonna be!

    And if you're broke, the money would be better spent on the children, on building a future. If the "husband" in this household isn't contributing, I don't know that I'd want to make the situation legal, anyway. It's a lot harder to get un-married than to get married....

    Premarital counseling would definitely be a good idea for both these couples. They should talk to their pastors about this as part of the wedding planning.

    Pony!
     
  16. SteveD(TX)

    SteveD(TX) Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,373
    Joined:
    May 14, 2002
    What I disagree with, is the whole idea of a huge fancy wedding, when the couple has already had kids and/or have lived together for a while. My stepdaughter got pregnant at 16 with twins; they were born 1 day before her 17th birthday. She and her boyfriend didn't live together, but a year and a half later they decided to get married. And of course, she expected for my wife to pay for a big fancy wedding, white dress and all. She did. The marriage lasted all of 6 months. :shrug:
     
  17. Ninn

    Ninn Custom Crochet Queen

    Messages:
    2,786
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Location:
    Susquehanna, PA
    OK, NO, she is not wearing white. She has a second hand ivory lace dress that she is repairing to wear. She is not having a huge wedding, just family, outdoors. She wants her kids to look nice, so I agreed to make little sundressed and boleros for the girls and a tie for the baby. While I don't agree with her timing or her choice, it is not my decision to make. She IS 22 after all. The girls will be able to wear those dresses for a long time, so I don't mind the expense. It will just take time for her to save up for the fabric. Her man has been labelled disabled, with crushed disks in his back. This does not stop him from playing ball or hunting or helping people move, etc. It only stops him from working or doing housework or changing his son's diaper, etc. I don't like him and I don't have to. She knows how I feel and how her father feels. She is convinced that her kids need 2 parents and that the father has to be the man who made them. Nobody else could parent them. (I am her stepmom and she loves me- I raised her and did a pretty good job, considering how much opposition and undermining I got from her grandparents.)

    DS on the other hand, is deeply in love with this young lady. has been with her for a year, thru hospital visits, suicide attempts, severe depression, etc. He has learned how to help her manage her meds, etc. He will make an excellent husband. Her medical condition is irreversible. She will die from it. Nobody knows when-it could be the next time she catches cold. It can't be changed, it can only be lived with. The bargain they made is that he will finish school before they marry and she will learn to cook and care for a home, etc. Her mother took off last year and left her with us-she is learning alot. Right now she divides her time between our home and her daddy's home, learning to care for him as well. Their relationship has never been better.

    Neither of them wants a big wedding. But food is expensive. Both sides have large immediate families, so there is no cutting the guest list back there. Music will be downloaded and burned on cd's. No dj's or bands. Decorations will be home made and therefore require paychecks to pay for materials and time to craft. Somehow, I thought that was the smart way to go. I'm sorry so many of you don't agree. After all, I waited 14 years to marry my husband. We were grandparents when we finally legallized our spiritual union and were recognized by the state. We paid for everything ourselves-a tiny ceremony near the water and a huge family picnic. My boss took my pix for free. My kids will have to pay for their photos. Just because DD isnt doing things the way I would or you would doesn't mean she can't have nice clothes and pretty flowers and pictures to remember it by. Just because DDIL is terminal does not mean she shouldnt' have a beautiful wedding and a lovely memory to hold on to at the end.

    The fact that neither of these kids asked us for a dime seems to have gone right past all of you. All I seem to hear is that they are not doing it the way you would. Is it YOUR wedding or life? They are doing what is right for them and at least attempting to be responsible. I was sharing joy. I didnt expect to have my hard working daughter who supports that lazy SOB ripped to shreds for her choice. And NO, her children don't think it's weird that their parents arent married. They are 1,3, and 6. They don't have any idea what it means at all. Since their parents live in the same house, they are the minority in this area anyway. So glad all YOUR lives and children are perfect. MINE are at least true to themselves and doing what is right for THEM. I wouldn't want them to do it because it was right for ME or for YOU.
     
  18. holleegee

    holleegee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,040
    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2005
    Two weddings in one year!! I am happy for you and your children!

    if you are looking for a photographer for cheap (sometimes free) find someone at the local community college that is taking photography. Sometimes they will do it just for the experience (you pay for the film/developing)
     
  19. hisenthlay

    hisenthlay a.k.a. hyzenthlay

    Messages:
    2,024
    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Location:
    Southwestern PA
    Ninn, congratulations to you and your kids! It sounds like you all have a big year ahead of you! Weddings take a lot of planning--I think it's normal to start a year or more in advance, and especially if you're doing two at once! My fiance and I are trying to plan our wedding now for May or June, and everyone tells us that a 5-6 month engagement is insanely short! Well, that's what our schedules permit, so we're going to make it work. A wedding is special no matter how long a couple has lived together, how many kids they have, etc. The point is not whether they should or should not have done it sooner. That's nobody's business but theirs, and I'm sure they have their reasons that people here don't need to know about. The point is that they are now making an affirmative statement to each other, the world, and God (if they believe in that) that they love each other very much and intend to be together forever. I'm sure the children they already have will grow to appreciate that their parents wanted to create a strong family unit for them. As for your DS, it sounds like he is making a very loving and caring choice to marry his DF, and as hard as that may be with her illness, it does sound like a sign that he is a wonderful person.

    Congratulations!

    p.s. The "white dress" thing appears to be going out of fashion. I have it on authority from several bridal dress shops that people mostly choose between white, ivory, champagne, etc. now based on what color goes best with their skin tone. White has a tendency to wash most people out, so ivory is apparently the most popular choice. I got ivory. :shrug:

    eta: as for wedding gifts, maybe your DD could register for a few things they need, but also "register" for education savings gifts for the kids, or something like that. Since my fiance and I already have most of what we need (we are adults, and have living together for most of the last 6 years), we'll register for a few things (to satisfy those guests who insist on buying "things") and also "register" at a few charities, requesting that guests make donations to them instead of buying for us.
     
  20. Ninn

    Ninn Custom Crochet Queen

    Messages:
    2,786
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Location:
    Susquehanna, PA
    what a great idea! DD loved it!