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Who handles the finances in your family?

4K views 50 replies 34 participants last post by  Bellyman 
#1 ·
I was elected very, very early in the marriage to handle all financial matters. Mr. Pixie says he has never once regretted the decision. I always get his input, but I handle all the paperwork stuff.

How about you?
 
#2 ·
I am naturally a 'paper pusher, spreadsheet geek' so I've taken care of this in all 35 years of marriage. Every month, we have a quick chat about current info. Every 6 months, we have a longer chat and set future priorities and apply budget info. Every New Year's Day we go out to breakfast (a treat for us) and we map out the next 12 months with projects, goals and dollar info. Bottomline - day to day is me, all planning is done together.
 
#3 ·
When you are alone you do it all yourself. Am in the process of getting my daughter's name on some of my stuff.

One of the worst things I've seen in my working days was when an elderly woman who just lost her spouse said "I have no idea of my finances. Hubby took care of it all". mzgarden has the right idea.
 
#5 ·
I managed and ex mismanaged me almost to bankruptcy 4 or 5 times. When I got divorced my credit rating was lower than a snakes belly in a rut. Now I'm alone, debt free and have an excellent credit rating that really doesn't matter to me because I don't need it.
 
#6 ·
Even though my wife was a bookkeeper before we were married, I do it all and she wants nothing to do with it. I always talk with her about anything major and get her input.

But she is a "bury your head in the sand" type about this and talking about what would happen when it's my time to go. She refuses to talk about any of it. With the financial stuff it is all done on-line now - no statements in the mail and most our regular bills are automatically debited or put on the credit card. I am going to have to write all this down (along with passwords) and put a map of sorts in the safe box.
 
#7 ·
We have our own Bills we take care of.

If we get any New bills it is always up to me being the Man.

big rockpile
 
#8 ·
Why would it be up to you being the man? Don't you think women are able to take care of finances? I've done it for 35 years, and that's the way my man wants it.
 
#9 ·
Mostly, I manage it. There isn't really a lot to it, though. Our bills are really quite few. I try to keep things simple. I write one check a month most months. I pay three things online every month with one other set up to come out of our checking automatically. Our income comes as direct deposits. Maybe three more things are annual types of things.

We talk about our finances. We both have an idea of the direction we'd like to go but we don't really stress over any of it. Plans can change. Situations can change... and they usually do. Just gotta roll with it.

The funniest thing is, my wife has an accounting degree. But she has no interest in taking care of the finances. Oh, she's quite capable, just doesn't want to. I, on the other hand, do not have a college degree at all and still take care of the day-to-day stuff, and do the taxes, too, since one of us HAS to. LOL! Her words to me nearly 100% of the time, "Handle it."

An example... We're looking at houses. She knows I'm totally anal and will analyze any property we're considering to death, will look at it multiple times, will be all over the tax websites, websoilsurvey, surveys, will be inspecting EVERYTHING, and will be analyzing both floorplan possibilities and investment possibilities... plus. She even told me, if you find something you like and we can afford it, go for it, knowing that if I like it, she will almost certainly like it. In other words, "Handle it." LOL! Of course, I would never actually buy something without her input. But she knows I'm the hard one to please. And she knows my tastes, which have a lot of similarities to hers.
 
#11 ·
I make the money, she spends it. Isnt that normal?

Seriously, we have one checking account, one savings account, and one charge account. These financial devices are in both of our names. I write the checks for the bills that are still mailed to us. We both have access to these accounts 24/7. Simple, easy-peasy and no secrets.

I think a lot of times couples get into trouble when they each have their own checking, savings, and charge accounts that the other spouse does not have access to. I hear stuff like, "She pays for x, y, and z bills with her money and he pays for a, b, and c bills with his money." IMHO, that's not a marriage.
 
#13 ·
I totally agree, it's never been his money and my money, it's our money.

I can kinda see if there were issues of abuse of joint accounts in the past, but I don't think I could stay married to someone if I couldn't trust them.
 
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#16 ·
Money problems, arguments and lack of communication are actually the number one reason behind divorce. It is all about sharing and trust and equality. So many men ((usually of a certain age) are still stuck in the dark ages of wanting complete control of the money which means complete control of the woman and so many women (of a certain age) are still afraid to come out of the shadows and stand up for their right to be secure. I have definitely noticed that the younger women are not giving up their financial control anymore. A man of quality is never threatened by a woman's equality.

As with Irish Pixie and her husband it has never been his money and her money but always our money and we have always been equal partners in everything. Finances have been my career and a lot of it was to be involved in the management of personal and shared business finances of couples. Such a mess so often.

Sometimes he earned more and sometimes less than I so we have both been the major breadwinner at some point - support each other completely and never consider one to be of more value or have more rights because they earn more.

I have always handled the finances as it is my forte but we share all accounts and major decisions. I have made sure that my husband knows everything that is going on by holding a monthly meeting. I usually have to duct tape him to the office chair to get his full attention as he has complete confidence and trust in my work since I am quite pedantic - again just because it is my career.

Big Rockpile - if you follow the bible concerning the woman's and man's rolls and thus consider yourself to be the head of the house - then why is your wife paying any bills? The roll of the man according to the bible is to provide for his wife and family. “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. So logically speaking if your wife is a major (or even minor) contributor to the finances of the house and relationship then she is equal to you and you both share the throne.
 
#17 ·
When I married this last time we had some issues concerning who would pay the bills (write the checks). We tried swapping on and off but I got very frustrated by my husband only paying the minimum on doctor and credit bills. Then we tried swapping off each year and I saw our credit score drop because he was not getting the payments out on time. My husband was always very ( this is yours and this is mine) kind of guy and always wanted his own checking and charge accounts. I am so much happier now that we are not together. My credit score is high, bills are paid on time and no balances on any credit card. Took a long time but I finally got here!
 
#21 ·
I write the checks out of our joint account. He has his own account out of convenience but I balance it. He is a " it takes money to make money" kind of guy. I'm more of a scraping every nickel kin of gal. He is very good with bargaining for vehicles and such. I am very good with details and deadlines. We don't really spend much on things other than monthly bills. Any large purchases, are discussed. I also have more time to pay the bills and balance the checkbooks so that's what I do. He loves to bargain for a good deal, while I'd rather take a beating.
 
#22 ·
Trust me I don't want my wife doing this.

Money for Bills comes out automatically but we have separate accounts. She took my name and this part is going to be right. She would get upset on my decision but she understands.

big rockpile
 
#23 ·
Well in this household, we have 3 budgets. The house budget, his budget and her budget. The house budget is where his SS money goes into. That is pretty snug most of the time. My SS goes in my checking account, which is part of my budget. My SS is the money for school taxes, property taxes, vehicle insurance, house insurance, and other holes that need to be filled in. I set this up a few years ago, like this, and it works for keeping the bills paid on time. If my SS was in our main budget, then the big 1x a year bills, might be a struggle to get paid on time. This way, I just transfer money over when the bill is due. Sure makes for less stress. The hubby is retired and has a part time job that starts in late April, and usually goes part way into November. That is his money and I don't ask for any of it for the budget. He is supposed to set money aside for the winter months, but usually he doesn't set much aside and come middle of winter, he is expecting the main budget to put gas in his truck, and feed the wild birds, etc. I told him the wild birds are not a priority in our household budget. I have my chickens and the egg money is their feed money. They pay their way. Sometimes, we just don't see eye to eye on how money is spent. It has made things less stressful to have separate budgets.
I am the one who tracks the bills and makes sure they get paid on time. We now have our house completely paid off. If he was doing the budget, we would not be where we are today. We have no regular credit cards and both vehicles are also paid in full.
 
#25 · (Edited)
Depends on what "finances" you are talking about.
Bill paying - my wife handles all that. She pays most bills online and writes a few checks for the others. I do take care of the electric bill - I pay it with my credit card bill and I usually take care of all the property taxes.
Investing - I handle all of that. I've self taught myself and my wife has no interest in learning.

This is not to say we have separate accounts - we don't. We have two checking accounts with them having BOTH of our names on them. Both of our paychecks are direct deposited into one of them.
I have several savings accounts that part of my paycheck is also direct deposited in different credit unions. My wife's name is also on those. There are no secrets or secret accounts.

I have 3 cousins who were taught by their parents that you keep separate accounts from your spouse. Their spouses have no idea how much money they have, where there money is, or how much / where their investments / retirement accounts are. It has come in handy for them though. One cousin is finishing up with their second divorce, and one of the other cousins is in the process of getting divorced. As for the other cousin, things aren't hunky dory at their house either. This other cousin is just waiting for the spouse to die from health issues.

I've never understood the "My checking account / your checking account".
 
#26 ·
My X-Wife Always payed the bills from our Money. Never a question. That was Her work--dealing with Money. She would say things like we need $150 extra for the Insurance or a car repair, etc, etc and I just pulled over time---made the extra money needed. We went out to eat probably once a week or more. We got by---for 18 years of Marriage we lived week to week. Then all of a sudden she left---no warning---left me the house payment and All and I payed child support, etc, etc---when we went for a Divorce a year later---I had payed all the bill each month(3 months ahead on the house payments) worked less hours(less over time) and had put over $10,000 in savings---$9500+ more than I had the day she left. Not that All Women would Manage the Money the Way she Did-----it hurt Bad when she left----but Now I am Glad she is gone and I handle the money!!
 
#27 ·
I do, heaven help us if hubby did. It didn't take long after we got married to take the checkbook away from him. He couldn't remember to record checks or ATM withdrawals in the register so he got handed a credit card which gets paid off in full every month. He does have a list of which bills come out of the checking every month and which ones need a check a written in case something would happen to me. I'm sure I'll be turning over in my grave every month when he tosses the bank statement to the side and doesn't balance the checkbook. LOL
 
#28 ·
My wife, has worked well for over 35 years. I travel to much and it has always made sense. We both have always worked good jobs and made good money but live simply. If I need to buy a truck or tractor or cattle I just tell her and she asks how much do I need. All of our accounts are joint and we both manage our own 401K's but they are still both of our money. You can be a man and head of the house without it being about money. I trusted her with raising my 2 daughters which means more to me than anything in the world. They are both single, professional women with MBA's and are doing well. I was working out of town when my wife found the acreage and house we are living at now and wanted to buy. I reviewed the property and called some friends of mine to check out some things. Had our attorney send me power of attorney documents where I was at and had my wife do the deal and close. Guess if things ever go bad then the money is the least of my worries.
 
#30 ·
I handle all the finances. My Mr was in the Navy for 10 yrs and often gone months at a time on deployments. When he got out and went to work civil service he sometimes worked overseas and once again, not always home for weeks or months at a time.
I am the frugal one and have several savings accts set up and financed via monthly automatic transfers. One we call the subscription acct. It is for membership dues, insurances for home and vehicles, taxes. Mostly stuff that comes up once a yr. The other 2 accts are for emergencies, house repairs, vehicles repairs etc. Our Rainy Days funds. Our investments go out automatically from one of the 2 checking accts we have. His federal pension goes into that acct and it pays our investments with a little bit left over to feed the checking account there that is mostly used for Grands birthdays and Christmas gifts. I very seldom write a check from that acct. Mr knows what we have, he is aware of what accounts pay for what. And knows how to find the spread sheet that has an overview of all accts and the balance according to last statements. He know where all passwords are and our most responsible child has access to our 2 checking accounts. In my federal career I was responsible for certifying my offices transportation costs which often ran to over $1M a month. I was never gigged by the IG inspectors and was actually put on self audit status the last 10 yrs that I worked so that the folks in Norfolk did not have to do a monthly audit on my office. What I do here at home is penny ante stuff compared to what I did at work.
 
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#32 ·
We both managed our money together early in our marriage, but with life changes, I took over. Is it crazy that I like paperwork? :D At times when I was busy with newborns or feeling a little overwhelmed, he willingly took over. He's an Excel wiz, so he created a budget. When it came to the time that he was struggling to keep up, I took over.

Both of us brought something new and helpful to the system and we're happy to step in where there is a need. :)
 
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