Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Babies
 

So this weekend we were BBQing and needed more wood for the fire. My SS/14 went out to split down some of our firewood into nice thin BBQ sized pieces. While doing so he had a splinter bounce up an clip him in the cheek. It was a pretty good size and left an ugly little cut.

When it hit him he instantly dropped to the ground like he'd just taken sniper fire. Of course everyone goes running over to check on him, and his mother rushes him into the house to doctor him up. Not knowing exactly what has happened I do a quick search of the area to make sure he hasn't chopped a finger off or something. When no missing parts are found, and no sign of blood or gore I go in to check on him.

In the bathroom I find his mother spazzing out and assume it's gonna be pretty ugly. I herd the kids out if the area, grab the other first aid kit from the kitchen (just in case) and rush into the bathroom to see how I can help. What I find shocks me... Ready? Men with weak stomachs shouldn't read any more, moms should read on though.

He's got a cut on his cheek about 1/16th of an inch deep and 1/8th inch wide. The gauze pad she has used to clean away the blood has about 7 spots on it. He's laying back on the bench in the bathroom talking in hushed tones like he's near death, come closer he says, I want to tell you something ma... She's in full panic mode at this point (which is very much unlike her)

Ok I think, maybe it WAS worse? I move her aside and go in for a look. Nothing in the wound, not very deep, minimum blood. She's still trying to push over my shoulder and fussing about maybe he needs a trip to the ER. I quickly decide she needs to be somewhere else and send her for ice. (Uh oh, we're out of ice, it's a trip to the store for her) As she's walking out my 7YO son come in and heads for the tub. He needs to clean up he says... Ok.

Now here's where some of you will hate me and most of the men will agree. After the door is closed (and locked) I tell the boy to get up and go to the sink. 'I can't', he says in his deathbed voice.

'Son, get off your :censored: and go to the sink, NOW!' He gets up but grunts and groans with every little movement. (I'd like to thank the academy, my agent, and all my fans for this award...) When he gets to the sink and looks in the mirror he turns 8 shades of red. Not because the wound scares him but because he realizes how foolish he looks. About this time he starts tending it himself, cleans it up puts a bandaid on it and goes to watch some TV.

I turned my attention to the boy in the tub. When he saw his brother go down he came running and cut his leg on a blackberry thorn. A long cut but not too bad at all. He's climbed into the tub to clean it off and has a bottle of peroxide with him. I go over and help him clean up and start dabbing peroxide on his leg, no big deal. His little eyes well up and he asks me through clenched teeth hurry it up already. Once he's cleaned up he puts his shorts on and paces up and down the hallway for a few minutes looking kinda PO'd, and is outside playing before mom gets back with the ice.

Now some of you will be wondering why I'm posting this in S&EP. It's simple really. Let your kids testicles drop women! The older boy is so used to his mom fussing over every little bump, scrape, and bruise he went down like a sack of tatters when he got a splinter. The younger kid is so used to getting cuts, scrapes, and bruises he goes to tend himself unless it's serious. Who do you think is better prepared for an emergency? Which is better prepared for life in general? If no one had been around the older son would have laid there for how long?

PS, once the older boy realized he wasn't REALLY hurt he was fine. I think he was more than a little ashamed of himself when he heard his mom and I argue later about her not letting him be a man, and as I said above, her not letting his balls drop...

you are the stepfather?

Of the older son yes.

This is how boys can turn out if there is not a man's influence in their lives. I suggest you buy Mom this book. It may help her understand.

http://photo.goodreads.com/books/132...l/12948470.jpg

My kids will probably tell you I was not born with any bed side manner! No coddling from me! I am the one that is as cool as a cucumber when stuff happens and usually I am the one walking the kid away from the situation while DH has the academy award winning drama performance!!
My kids have never had the chance to panic when one child ran the chainsaw through another child's hand or when 10 yo DS cut his fingers DEEP on the edge of a can lid because they were to busy watching DH freak out to freak out themselves! My 13 yo DS never even cried when the chainsaw went through his hand! I am not raising any pansies here!!

My two DD's took their drama lessons from DH though!! LOL!!

Women need to learn to suck it up also. I had an older brother to teach me. LOL

LOL, you are so right!

I never made a fuss over my son's numerous cuts, bruises, and owies. I check to see if he needs stitches, and that's it.

Our standard reply is: Are you dying? No? Then go clean it up! ;) Of course I will say that one summer I went through an astounding number of bandaids, haha

Ah and my wife fusses when i come in bleeding every where with a bunch of duct tape on a wound .Duct tape is your friend :bouncy:

Did you know some die from minor wounds because they think they are worse than they really are :grumble: In my case i use mind over mater :happy:
If you have no mind it won't matter :nana:

I agree totally! I'm usually the one telling kids and some adults to suck it up. And Strange Bear its not just women. I've known a couple of men who baby their kids Way to much!

Yes, I'm one of those mom's to baby my boy's! My 2 oldest boy's however are not wimp's even though I pampered them all their lives..my youngest son is somewhat wimpy only when he around certain family member's though..

Standard of operation in our house:

"Are you bleeding?"
"Yes."
"Are you bleeding to death?"
"No."
"Well then...I guess it's not the end of the world then, is it? Go get a rag."

I got a call from the school nurse to come pick up my child as he hurt his arm on the playground and that I should probably take him to the doctor.

I get to the nurse's station and my son, age 12, is holding his arm in that telltale position (close to the body, a sign that it's probably broken). Of course he's been sitting in the nurse's station looking like it hurts but as soon as he sees me, he starts to tear up. I didn't hug him or coddle him but I told him 'come on, get up honey, let's head to the doctor'. We take off and get it taken care of that day and the next (yes, it was broken).

When I go to the nurse's station the next day (I work at the school), I was told in a 'teasing' manner by 2 office ladies that I was too tough on my child and I should have spent some time hugging and coddling him. And 'boy, I'm sure a hard mom'. This teasing went on for several days.

I didn't hug him in front of everyone because I didn't want him to break down in tears and in his opinion lose face in front of everyone in the school. He's a 'big' man on campus 6th grader.

Besides, we need to keep a calm head, take care of the problem expediently, and then have time for hugs and cuddles.

YES!!! This is the exact same thing we taught our boys and the other neighbor ladies were aghast.

Oh yes...I'm "the bully mom" on the block. I also do horrible things like make my kids do chores, read books instead of play the Wii and spend quality play time outside. I'm evil and must be destroyed.

Can.not.wait.to.move! lol

:pound: I love how you told that story.

You are so right. I do not have any med training. But it happens that at my job, I'm one of 2 people who receive the wounded (900 people at times, very physical and many injuries). It is 99% about the presentation and your reaction so many times. Of course, all people are different, but with those who tend to lean to the dramatic, the attitude of the one that offers help usually means everything.

I haven't read the book CF posted, but I bet it's a great start. I'm sure we all have a family member we need to "train" for reaction sake. I know I have a couple of those.

Hey, and this goes for both MALE AND FEMALE. Same principal, not just a guy thing.

One of the biggest frustrations when I was a paramedic was dealing with those types of parents. We couldn't refuse to transport anyone, even if it wasn't necessary to go to the hospital at all, let alone in an ambulance. I often tried to talk people out of it by telling them their insurance wouldn't cover the $1000 ambulance ride because it was unnecessary. That may have been a lie (and could have gotten me sued if I was ever wrong) but it worked sometimes. Getting the hysterical parents away from the kids usually made it much easier for all involved...that was true even when there were real serious injuries. I've noticed with babies and small children, when they fall down and they're not hurt, they first look to the adults around them to see how they react before deciding if they will cry. Maybe that continues throughout life for some.

I don't know your particular family dynamics, whether you're the only father figure or if he has his real dad too, but try to get your wife to realize what she's doing to him. That will not serve him well in life.

LOL - this made me laugh, although I do believe it isn't just boys who need to toughen up a little - I know of many of my DD's friends who could use a little toughening :)

A word of caution on the over dramatics though. Twice in my life I have been guilty of missing a problem because I "thought" the person was over reacting. First time was thirty years ago when my best friend (who was renowned for her drama queen reaction to pain) turned up at my house on her pony in hysterics because the pony had jumped on her foot. We were late to be somewhere and I was used to the screaming, so I told her to get over it and we hurried to pony club. When we got there our instructor asked her what was wrong and, on hearing the story, told her to get off and take her boot off. The boot came off and was absolutely FULL of blood LOL - I crept away from that one with my tail between my legs.

Then a couple of years ago DD had an asthma attack. In all fairness, she had never had one before so I had no real reason to suspect that that was what it really was. I thought she was over-reacting and she was a very poorly little girl by the time I took her seriously enough to get her to the doctor :(

I'm not QUITE so quick to dismiss things on the basis of over-dramatic behaviour now LOL :smack


ETA - although in all fairness, DD has never been the sort to get hysterical and over-react either so it was a little unfair of me to think that that was what was happening. She is usually the one who actually HAS hurt herself and wants to keep going LOL

I really do think this story circles around into many other aspects of life.

I grew up with lots of cousins. A few uncles and aunts close to my age also. I wouldnt have stopped cutting the wood myself as a kid in that role. Usually I never even knew where I got worse cuts then that when my mom had a chance to see me at super time.

My relatives of my age group though? Many of them were coddled as you describe here. ALL of them grew up to be the type who crumble to various degrees under any sort of pressure. I have long thought there is a correlation there. Only three of them even left their parents homes so far (the oldest)two were 29 and 31 respectively when they did, the last was 25 but actually moved in with our uncle. (the 31 yr old listed)

Last time I was back in the area I grew up and shared some of the actually rather tame stories of my "travels" they act like im daniel boone or davey crockett or something and look at me with a mix of fear and respect that really makes me laugh. Even the one among them who was only a step or so away from being an eagle scout!!! (always had his fellow scouts with him)

I'm the only dad he's ever known as his dad is in prison. He'd have a fit if he saw her coddling him like that. (West Virginian mountain man type) Thing is his sister (my SD) is tough as nails. She's been messing with him all day, dropping to the ground and rolling around whenever there's a loud noise or whatever. I'd make her stop but I'm not sure it's not good for him in the long run...

What do you expect, the next food network star wears lipstick. And he's not a girl, at least I don't think so any way.
Boys are not exposed to hard knocks like when we were kids any more.

How about we agree that boys and girls could use a little toughening up these days?

YES Invaild you are valid.

This is just why I worked hard to fine men to menter my son. Dh is disabled --he has his good days but too many bad days and I wanted my son to be a man. Yes I push him. Pounce's son is going to be a man I meet him and was duly impressed.

In my family I am famous for telling my daughter to, "buck up and shake it off". I did once miss a problem when she told me she had a fever but since she was playing around and acting normally, I didn't pay attention. Finally I agreed to take her temp (although she was still acting normally), and it was 104 degrees! I felt like the worst mom in the world.

Since we have been taking this martial arts class for a couple of years, we are now in the phase where if we come home without some color (aka bruising), we feel like we were slacking. "Suck it up, buttercup, and walk it off!" I broke 2 toes there last week. Just taped them together and went on with life.

One caution I would add though, from a survival standpoint, is not to ignore pain or an injury. Take the time to examine it (whether in yourself or your child), to be sure that it will not be made more severe by tolerating the pain. In a SHTF situation, where people can die from infection from a tiny injury, it does pay to play it safe and err on the side of caution. Go inside, clean the wound, slap on a bandage, toss back an aspirin if needed, and get back to work. But make sure that wound is clean first.

Sounds a lot like my 14 year old . Not only is he the biggest drama queen ever, he is limited as to what chores he can do because some of them are to strenuous. The most exercise he gets is getting off his bed and going to the refrigerator. If I make him do any kind of manual labor he calls Grandma and complains. Now his little brother (12) will split firewood from sun up until sundown, come in the house, take a shower, clean his room and offer to help do the dishes. Big difference between them.yes they are biological brothers but complete opposites. My biological son (16) is the same as the youngest. Hard working and tough as nails. Both of them want to be Marines, the middle one has no future goals.

Even the lipstick boys can be tough. My sister was friends with this little fella that went on to be a hairdresser. He as very, um... Anyway, walking out of the corner store one day some big dude starts giving him crap. Surprise of all surprises this little femme kid whooped the crap out of the trash talker. And I don't mean thlapped him thilly either. Toe to toe and blow for blow.

My stepson wants to be a Marine. I am afraid if I don't do something for him (or he for himself) he won't survive the bus ride, let alone the Marines. It's either toughen him up now or suggest he look into the Coast Guard later.... :pound:

Thanks for posting this, InvalidID! Not only did I get a little laugh out of the deathbed scene in the bathroom, but I am so grateful to know I'm not the only rough cob of a Mom out there. When my kids were little they hated for me to brush their hair or wipe their faces because I was "rough". :rolleyes:

And with injuries, if it's not gushing blood and their are no bones or entrails hanging out, wash it with some soap and water and get on with your life. My kids are pretty tough because they've been raised to know I'm not going to make a big deal out of most average injuries. They've seen me pick a 2" long sliver of wood out of my leg, tape up barbed wire gashes and get back to work, just cuss a little when I crushed my thumb with a rock, and continue butchering chickens when I cut a little divot of flesh out of my hand by accident. I'm a klutz, so I'd have to be institutionalized if I got hysterical every time I hurt myself.

Some of the kids we've had sleep over make me roll my eyes. One kid fell on the gravel and had a TINY little scrape on her knee - it barely bled one drop of blood. I cleaned it up, put neosporin and a bandaid on it, and she wanted Motrin and an ice pack, and limped and moaned about it the rest of the day. Another kid had a meltdown over the blood from losing a tooth (a baby tooth!) at our house. Another kid had to be picked up and taken home by his Mom because he slid down a tree with my son and had several "road rash" type abrasions on his inner arms.

I agree totally - life is tough and people who are going to survive it need to be tougher. Moms aren't doing their kids any favors by babying them - not that I don't kiss and hug them when they need it.

Mom and I were digging up a new garden spot when I was young. Cut my foot open on a broken bottle, at the Dr's office I had to sit on a chair and get sewn up while my Dad had to lay on the table. The Dr. didn't even wash out the wound,I suspect he was too preocupied with my Dad. One can still see all of the dirt in my foot. Grow up Boy's ,you don't want to be a wimp dad.

I feel so much better now. I'm the kind of mom with the kind of kid.....that finds the melted bag of ice on his dresser DAYS later and he can't remember what it was for. And the kind of mom that takes the DD to the dr 3 days AFTER she breaks her arm...and and patches up stitch-worthy holes with super glue or reinforced tape. Hey, if it's in a place where you won't see it...why bother with stitches? And overhears DS-12 tell his older brothers and sisters that he's lost 5 teeth this month....!? !? !?

From what I have seen, stitches just make the scar worse. Better to tape it shut if it's not bleeding that bad, after it's been washed out well. And from what I have seen lately, cleaning wounds ls no longer considered part of the treatment in the ER.

My kids aren't babies. I taught them to clean and dress their own boo-boos when they were little.

Don't know if either is tough enough to walk around on a broken foot or not though. Hope to never find out.

When I was 11 I was attacked by a doberman down the street from my house. Mean dog, and I wasn't the first kid to be bitten.

After getting cleaned up I was walking around watching the muscle move where the skin as torn away, I thought it was neat to see how the body worked. At the ER the Dr is stitching up my leg and I asked my dad to tilt his head. Everyone had taken extra care to make sure I couldn't see what they were doing, but I was watching in the reflection of dads glasses. At this point the Dr. said, 'Just let him sit up, he wants to watch and I'll be able to stitch him up easier'.

Funny, the nurse wanted to marry my dad on the spot... LOL

ETA: A few days later I killed that :censored: dog. The cop that lived on our street was the one to take the report. He went from her house (owner of the dog) to ours and promptly took me out for ice cream.

This is something I was trying to explain to my wife. I showed her the scars I have and contrasted the smaller wounds that were stitched up, to larger ones that I fixed up myself. Stitches = big ugly pink scars, no stitches = thinner lines of white scar.

I was never babied and I sure don't baby anyone - child or adult. I don't tolerate drama scenes. However I do not treat any injury - no matter how small - in a casual manner.

Cellulitis does not care about size or depth of injury or if your kid can "suck it up". Any cut, fracture, burn or even a scrape increases your risk of cellulitis because the injury gives bacteria an entry point.

A bang on the head may just bring tears to your eyes but it can also be a serious matter that developes over time. If a kid says it hurts you need to pay attention and not just dismiss it as being wimpish. Pain was given to us as a warning signal.

Duct tape IS your friend.....Amen !

But honestly, that stretchy green/red/pink self adhesive gauze is REALLY cool stuff too......

"Does it hurt?"
"Yes!"
"Good"
"What?"
"Pain is the body's way of telling you you are not dead and you need to get off your butt and go clean it up."
If they get up, then I have ascertained basic first aid. They have an airway, they are breathing and if it's bleeding then they have circulation. They are also coherent because they questioned me, so shock is not a problem at the moment. :)

I learned a lesson from my Mom when I was very young. If I get hurt and scare Mom she will whip me. So, I went thru life taking care of my own injuries and hiding it. It worked out alright. My only problem is now that I am older the Dr ordered an MRI on my stomach section. He thought I had been in a horrible accident. Many hurts but took care of them and went on. But so did Mom.

Ok, I am not playing devils advocate here but if someone one who supposedly loved me told me to let my sons testicles drop I would drop him immediately. We each do life our own way, period. If sons way is whiney then so be it. No one has to hang around and play with him or listen to it. If wife likes to coddle the kids, let her. They will learn in their own good time that love can not cure all injuries.

If one of my kids is whining (I have one female with that tendency) and her noises draw the attention of the boogy man then she will meet the boogy man...nuff said.

My job is to teach them basic ten commandment stuff, golden rule stuff, personal responsibility etc not how to stuff your feelings.

By the way LOL, my daughter just read my post and tells me I do the same thing as step dad ROFLOL. I just finished telling her it is a "small burn" with a "small blister" and she still needs to get the cheese off the bottom of the oven before it sets up! I should be ashamed...but I can't stop laughing.

My son rebuilt that ---- dirt bike of his dads.....no brakes and a throttle cable that stuck....he tried to hide the road rash and broken thumb....had to work at the dairy barn that night.....he went, his boss tried to send him home and he refused" 'cause momma would find out what happened and kick my butt for being stupid with the dirt bike"....he fixed himself and the dirt bike now but he still fears me.....more than the state police and his GF hates me because I tell her to get off her darn phone while driving....spoiled little brat...
My oldest DD is tough and mouthy...she told the neighbor off while at my mom's this summer....I got a phone call.....the neighbor visited my dad and apologized for the BS he was pulling and was shocked to find out DD is only 16....I cannot say the exact things she said but she recommended he find a quieter hobby or she would make his life miserable.....she likes to butcher animals.

My parents were shocked and asked to have her back....

My daughter had a friend visiting who lost a tooth at our house. I was horrified because I knew her family/toothfairy paid a whopping $25 per tooth! I shelled out one slim buck and that was all. When she got up the next morning, I told her it was the travel differential out to our place that caused the difference in pay;).