Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Babies - Page 4

naturelover · #91 07/25/12, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sonshine

Ok, I just re-read them. Maybe the poster that waited 3 days had the same type situation as I did with my DS..... .

Maybe, maybe not. At least you had the decency to explain and defend here what you and your child's situation was after you thought I was referring to you. Whereas with the other person I have yet to hear why it was so nonchalantly tossed off that one child needed a forgotten icepack and the parent didn't know the reason for it, why one had a broken arm that didn't get attended to for 3 days, and why a 12 y.o. lost 5 teeth in one month and the parent didn't know about it or notice it until she 'overheard' it. By about age 12 the majority of children have already lost all of their baby teeth and have a full set of permanent teeth. To lose 5 permanent teeth in one month at such an early age should be cause for concern to a parent. It's not like they're going to grow a second set of adult teeth to replace the ones they just lost and it's not something for a parent to be nonchalant about or expect their child to be nonchalant about. Why did the child lose the teeth and the parent not notice it? Was it because of accidents or was it because of malnutrition and neglect? Or what? Taken altogether, all of those 3 incidents and lack of parental observation or concern are all things that make my "neglect" alarm bells ring and I have concerns about why things like that have happened when given no explanation for it. I don't think I'm being unreasonable in my concerns.

I'm not asking her for an explanation either, just like I didn't ask you for your explanation - you took that upon yourself (although I do appreciate your courtesy). I do, however, think the other parent needs to be more careful about what and how she posts things and not expect people to read her mind if she doesn't want to arouse suspicions of neglect.

.

silverseeds · #92 07/25/12, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by naturelover

The only people that I might tell to suck it up are ignorant, whiny, complaining adults that I think are being unreasonable or using poor judgement.
.

How do you think they got that way?

I only quoted the part of your post relevant to what I was saying.

Quote:

I will show respect and never, ever tell a child to suck it up because telling a child to suck it up makes them feel ashamed.

I cant agree. abusing them is a lot different then telling them to suck it up, the times sucking it up is what they need. Even kids need the reality check from time to time you say you offer adults.

Lots more Id love to say, but I will keep it there.

ryanthomas · #93 07/25/12, 09:26 PM

I think there's a big difference between telling a child to suck it up and telling a teenager to suck it up. And I believe you can say it in a loving way that gets the point across without being hurtful. But I'm not a parent (I do have two of them) so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

texican · #94 07/25/12, 11:42 PM

Luckily, my sisters and I, aren't 'free bleeders'. Can't ever recall parent's taking us to the ER for cuts... squeeze it, make it bleed, and if it was real bad, put a bandaid on it, and enjoy the scarring. We didn't get tattoos growing up, but plenty of scar tissue...

Sawmill Jim · #95 07/25/12, 11:52 PM

All you modern folks amaze me We got a cut Granny stuck it in coal oil she called it, Kerosene to the city folks .You didn't get sick for fear of the cure and should you slide into bad health a few drops of turpentine on a spoon of sugar would fix it .

**AngieM2** · #96 07/25/12, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sawmill Jim

All you modern folks amaze me We got a cut Granny stuck it in coal oil she called it, Kerosene to the city folks .You didn't get sick for fear of the cure and should you slide into bad health a few drops of turpentine on a spoon of sugar would fix it .

My Dad tells of those remedies, and so did my uncles. Seems to be the remedies of moms choice in the 30's - 40's timeframe.

candyknitter · #97 07/26/12, 06:59 AM

I absolutely love the way you told this story - brilliant!

I used to be quite tough on stuff like this ("Oh well, nvm, get up and get on with it") but I am just like your wife now - fear kicks in!
What happened was when I was 19 my mom came back from a holiday in Greece and said she had a headache and went to bed. Now my mum was always quite a drama queen so sis and I left her to it. We popped in with cups of tea and offers of food etc but she kept moaning about feeling bad, tired etc. Sis said to me "She just had 2 weeks relaxing while we've been working hard, and still she moans"
About six the next morning I went to visit the bathroom and found mom lying on the floor in the hall. I asked her what she was doing there and she said she had been to the bathroom and then felt to dizzy to make it back to bed. I said I'd help her back and she said "No just leave me here..." so I thought typical mom being dramatic and basically just stepped over her and left her there.
A few hours later we decided enough was enough and called out the doctor. He had mom rushed to an isolation hospital, turned out she had bacterial meningitis!
Boy did we feel bad, but the thing was she ALWAYS acted like that, even with a splinter or earache - how could we have known?! Anyway now I make double-triple sure if anyones ill just in case I mess up again.

Merks · #98 07/26/12, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryanthomas

You're right to come to that conclusion for situations like that with no obvious explanation. Just out of curiosity, what was the infection?

For minor injuries that you witness yourself, no need to get all worked up. Even for major injuries, freaking out doesn't help, either in the immediate sense or long term. I wonder if it's possible to learn how to be calm and collected in all situations. I'm naturally that way, but probably got more that way just from life experience.

She had gotten a very small cut on her toe, that she never told me about and it got infected and she got blood poisoning. I'm pretty shure she never told me because I had gotten so sick and tiered of her complaining, My tummy hurts, head, hand, fingure.... you get they idea and this has been a daily thing for the years. I just started basically blowing it off. Well she has learned a good lesson since this happened and does not complain so much and comes to me when something really is hurting or did happen.

Merks · #99 07/26/12, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graham

"Does it hurt?"
"Yes!"
"Good"
"What?"
"Pain is the body's way of telling you you are not dead and you need to get off your butt and go clean it up."
If they get up, then I have ascertained basic first aid. They have an airway, they are breathing and if it's bleeding then they have circulation. They are also coherent because they questioned me, so shock is not a problem at the moment.

You reminded me of a saying my grandma used to say to us kids when we got hurt...

"you know what pain is?"

"what"

"God's way of telling you don't do that again"

Laura Zone 5 · #**100** 07/26/12, 08:37 AM

My knee doc said:
Let pain be your guide. If it hurts, don't do that.
Seems simple enough

ryanthomas · #**101** 07/26/12, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by candyknitter

I absolutely love the way you told this story - brilliant!

I used to be quite tough on stuff like this ("Oh well, nvm, get up and get on with it") but I am just like your wife now - fear kicks in!
What happened was when I was 19 my mom came back from a holiday in Greece and said she had a headache and went to bed. Now my mum was always quite a drama queen so sis and I left her to it. We popped in with cups of tea and offers of food etc but she kept moaning about feeling bad, tired etc. Sis said to me "She just had 2 weeks relaxing while we've been working hard, and still she moans"
About six the next morning I went to visit the bathroom and found mom lying on the floor in the hall. I asked her what she was doing there and she said she had been to the bathroom and then felt to dizzy to make it back to bed. I said I'd help her back and she said "No just leave me here..." so I thought typical mom being dramatic and basically just stepped over her and left her there.
A few hours later we decided enough was enough and called out the doctor. He had mom rushed to an isolation hospital, turned out she had bacterial meningitis!
Boy did we feel bad, but the thing was she ALWAYS acted like that, even with a splinter or earache - how could we have known?! Anyway now I make double-triple sure if anyones ill just in case I mess up again.

All the more reason to teach your kids not to cry wolf unless there's actually a wolf. When someone always complains or is dramatic about harmless stuff, we tend to ignore their whining when they really need our help.

candyknitter · #**102** 07/27/12, 04:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryanthomas

All the more reason to teach your kids not to cry wolf unless there's actually a wolf. When someone always complains or is dramatic about harmless stuff, we tend to ignore their whining when they really need our help.

Oh absolutely, if she hadn't cried wolf so many times before then we would never have been so dismissive. I just wanted to show that even whiney people are sometimes genuinely in a bad way. Invalid though did the right thing in checking out the situation before seeing it was a fuss about nothing.

pumpkin · #**103** 07/27/12, 03:19 PM

I have been reading the posts and I must say I am quite disturbed at the suck it up, grow a pair, be a man, toughen up, wimp etc comments.

My husband faints when he gets blood drawn, gagged when he changed diapers and if you vomit he vomits right along with you. And the coddling required with a cold or a paper cut is quite funny. But he is a brave man. Just because a person (adult or child) wants to be comforted when they are injured is no reason to demean them.

When I was a child our neighbour treated his son to all the nasty comments - and more - I listed above. Admittedly he was a 12 year old boy who cried when he fell down or really banged his head and could really put up a show - but so what? Stuff hurts.

One day we went on a picnic with both families. The young sister of this boy fell into the river and got swept away. Without a second's hesitation HE jumped in to try and save her. His father, MR MACHO, ran up and down the shore but did nothing. He could not swim. Neither could the boy. My Dad and Mom jumped in and pulled both of them out. I was never so scared in my life. All of us kids were wailing and carrying on including the nearly drowned siblings. Now you would think the father would have been proud of his son. Nope. Treated him even worse. It did not matter. To all of us it was clear who was the wimp.

silverseeds · #**104** 07/27/12, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumpkin

Just because a person (adult or child) wants to be comforted when they are injured is no reason to demean them.

I didnt happen to catch anyone doing that or suggesting it should be done myself.

julieq · #**105** 07/27/12, 07:16 PM

We've raised four daughters, no sons. We did raise them to be tough. But on one occasion I broke down and cried (later after it was over).

Our DD had a severe compound break in her forearm from getting bucked off a horse and had to have it pinned. I had DH go with her when it was time to have the pins removed as I just didn't feel I wanted to be there. About a half hour later he came and got me, she'd requested me. I went in and there were tears running down her face and I could see the pain that she'd been in while they were trying to unscrew those pins. I sat there and comforted her through the process, then I completely broke down when we got home.

I was there years later with her for the birth of our first grandchild and saw how tough a gal, how really in control she was. But I am now of the opinion that removing pins from a bone needs to be done under a heck of a lot more anesthesia than it is!

pumpkin · #**106** 07/27/12, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silverseeds

I didnt happen to catch anyone doing that or suggesting it should be done myself.

Actually that seems to have been the whole theme of the thread. Suck it up, be a man, shake it off, walk it off, wimp, baby, ignore the whiner, crying wolf. All those are demeaning comments and don't offer much comfort. Just watch a child's face when any one of those things is said to them.

And "be a man" is wrong anyways. If you are talking about enduring pain then an accurate instruction would be "be a woman" since women bear pain better than men.

||Downhome|| · #**107** 07/28/12, 08:44 AM

ya what ever

pretty sexist comment there.

ryanthomas · #**108** 07/28/12, 09:08 AM

To each his/her own. Raise your kids how you wish.

silverseeds · #**109** 07/28/12, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumpkin

Just watch a child's face when any one of those things is said to them.

I do. Which is why I see no validity to what you are saying. Some parents do demean their kids in that way but in my experience that is a small minority, and the same parents demean them in other ways as well.

In all honesty Im a bit baffled by your stance. I guess time will tell whos children will be best able to face life on its own terms. We have much of a whole generation raised as you suggest imo its failing horrendously. Valuable life skills babied right out of them.

pumpkin · #**110** 07/28/12, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silverseeds

I do. Which is why I see no validity to what you are saying. Some parents do demean their kids in that way but in my experience that is a small minority, and the same parents demean them in other ways as well.

In all honesty Im a bit baffled by your stance. I guess time will tell whos children will be best able to face life on its own terms. We have much of a whole generation raised as you suggest imo its failing horrendously. Valuable life skills babied right out of them.

My stance is one of experience and observation. As I said in my first post I don't baby anyone - but I do have respect for everyone.

To humiliate a child serves no purpose and the type of comments made (as I listed before) are intended to do just this.

I don't believe in this gender nonsense. Everyone needs to be able to take care of themselves and their children and wives or husbands - both housework and farm work.

The children we raised are all on their own now. Paid their own way through University with hard work, have good jobs and are devoted to their families. And they are bringing up their kids in our way. I guess it worked.

Laura · #**111** 07/28/12, 02:27 PM

I find it amazing that a valid topic can be totally invalidated with black and white thinking.

Childhood is too short to let kids waste it on hystrionics. Teach your children to self-comfort and self-assess their boo-boos. Ya'll have a lot more fun and adventures, be happier and become well adjusted adults when you don't coddle the Baby Within.

As far as missing serious medical problems, even doctors miss some big ones. That doesn't make it neglect.

**AngieM2** · #**112** 07/28/12, 03:11 PM

Please consider that not everyone posting on this thread, has the same cultural background and they may find one way not the way they were brought up.

fishinshawn · #**113** 07/28/12, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InvalidID

So this weekend we were BBQing and needed more wood for the fire. My SS/14 went out to split down some of our firewood into nice thin BBQ sized pieces. While doing so he had a splinter bounce up an clip him in the cheek. It was a pretty good size and left an ugly little cut.

When it hit him he instantly dropped to the ground like he'd just taken sniper fire. Of course everyone goes running over to check on him, and his mother rushes him into the house to doctor him up. Not knowing exactly what has happened I do a quick search of the area to make sure he hasn't chopped a finger off or something. When no missing parts are found, and no sign of blood or gore I go in to check on him.

In the bathroom I find his mother spazzing out and assume it's gonna be pretty ugly. I herd the kids out if the area, grab the other first aid kit from the kitchen (just in case) and rush into the bathroom to see how I can help. What I find shocks me... Ready? Men with weak stomachs shouldn't read any more, moms should read on though.

He's got a cut on his cheek about 1/16th of an inch deep and 1/8th inch wide. The gauze pad she has used to clean away the blood has about 7 spots on it. He's laying back on the bench in the bathroom talking in hushed tones like he's near death, come closer he says, I want to tell you something ma... She's in full panic mode at this point (which is very much unlike her)

Ok I think, maybe it WAS worse? I move her aside and go in for a look. Nothing in the wound, not very deep, minimum blood. She's still trying to push over my shoulder and fussing about maybe he needs a trip to the ER. I quickly decide she needs to be somewhere else and send her for ice. (Uh oh, we're out of ice, it's a trip to the store for her) As she's walking out my 7YO son come in and heads for the tub. He needs to clean up he says... Ok.

Now here's where some of you will hate me and most of the men will agree. After the door is closed (and locked) I tell the boy to get up and go to the sink. 'I can't', he says in his deathbed voice.

'Son, get off your

and go to the sink, NOW!' He gets up but grunts and groans with every little movement. (I'd like to thank the academy, my agent, and all my fans for this award...) When he gets to the sink and looks in the mirror he turns 8 shades of red. Not because the wound scares him but because he realizes how foolish he looks. About this time he starts tending it himself, cleans it up puts a bandaid on it and goes to watch some TV.

I turned my attention to the boy in the tub. When he saw his brother go down he came running and cut his leg on a blackberry thorn. A long cut but not too bad at all. He's climbed into the tub to clean it off and has a bottle of peroxide with him. I go over and help him clean up and start dabbing peroxide on his leg, no big deal. His little eyes well up and he asks me through clenched teeth hurry it up already. Once he's cleaned up he puts his shorts on and paces up and down the hallway for a few minutes looking kinda PO'd, and is outside playing before mom gets back with the ice.

Now some of you will be wondering why I'm posting this in S&EP. It's simple really. Let your kids testicles drop women! The older boy is so used to his mom fussing over every little bump, scrape, and bruise he went down like a sack of tatters when he got a splinter. The younger kid is so used to getting cuts, scrapes, and bruises he goes to tend himself unless it's serious. Who do you think is better prepared for an emergency? Which is better prepared for life in general? If no one had been around the older son would have laid there for how long?

PS, once the older boy realized he wasn't REALLY hurt he was fine. I think he was more than a little ashamed of himself when he heard his mom and I argue later about her not letting him be a man, and as I said above, her not letting his balls drop...

I am constantly fighting about this with my wife.

silverseeds · #**114** 07/28/12, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumpkin

To humiliate a child serves no purpose and the type of comments made (as I listed before) are intended to do just this.

I find this pretty offensive actually. Wanting a child to face life head on has nothing to do with humiliation.

Laura · #**115** 07/28/12, 05:37 PM

Culture and cultural survivalism. Right off the top, the last culture to coddle infantile behavior in those who were not infants were the French Royalty. They did not survive the Revolution.

pumpkin · #**116** 07/28/12, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silverseeds

I find this pretty offensive actually. Wanting a child to face life head on has nothing to do with humiliation.

The words used - suck it up, grow a pair, be a man, toughen up, wimp, baby, whiner - ARE very offensive. There is nothing character building in those words. You don't have to use demeaning language to encourage a child to face life head on. People today just accept crude language. Very sad considering the English language is so rich.

naturelover · #**117** 07/28/12, 05:50 PM

Give it up as a lost cause pumpkin.

Some people are just not ever going to grasp the concept.

.

InvalidID · #**118** 07/29/12, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumpkin

The words used - suck it up, grow a pair, be a man, toughen up, wimp, baby, whiner - ARE very offensive. There is nothing character building in those words. You don't have to use demeaning language to encourage a child to face life head on. People today just accept crude language. Very sad considering the English language is so rich.

Different strokes for different folks is all I can say. Some of us believe there is a time and a place to tell a child to suck it up and be a man. Part of being a parent is doing the hard things, the unpleasant things, and yes; sometimes what would appear to be the mean things.

As for the words being very offensive... You raise yours as you see fit and we'll raise ours as we do. I think the whole participation trophy mentality is offensive. This isn't the family forum, this is S&EP. We're not PC here and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Sonshine · #**119** 07/29/12, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumpkin

The words used - suck it up, grow a pair, be a man, toughen up, wimp, baby, whiner - ARE very offensive. There is nothing character building in those words. You don't have to use demeaning language to encourage a child to face life head on. People today just accept crude language. Very sad considering the English language is so rich.

I agree that the name calling is not called for, however, the whole theme of not coddling them makes sense to me. When our DS was small and learning to walk, when he fell I didn't run over to him and make a fuss over him, but told him to get up and try again. Of course I was watching and knew if he had hurt himself or just got startled. When he got older and got the flu I would treat him and hug him, but discouraged the crying and hysterics I've seen other kids displayed. I think parents can go overboard in their attempt to protect their children. Children have to learn that there are times we aren't going to feel well or that we are going to get a cut or a bruise. It's not the end of the world, but they will react to how we respond. If we panic, then they will too and as they grow they will always respond in a panic to every little mishap in their lives. Life is hard, it's best to prepare our children for real life.

oregon woodsmok · #**120** 07/29/12, 03:36 PM

There is no excuse to ridicule a child. When mine wasn't hurt badly, I just looked and told him he'd live. Name calling is not called for.

Incidentally, little girls ought to be taught to cowboy up, too, but no need to ridicule little girls, either.