Does your significant other help prep

bassmaster17327 · #1 12/01/12, 11:12 PM

I am on here a few times a day to read the posts but do not post very often. This is going to be my post to vent a little.

I have been with my GF for a little over five years. We do not live together but she is only about five miles away and if there is a bad storm or something expected she stays here, we also have plans for different ways I will be coming to get her if shtf unexpected.

So she says she supports prepping and talks the talk but when it comes to actually doing anything it is always all me. I have to buy the stuff, I have to package the stuff, if I buy stuff and do not package it then it will sit and sit and she will never say "we need to package that food". If I say I am packaging this food she will help but just does not initiate it.

We put in "her" garden in at her house (she rents a room in a farmhouse), I planned everything and helped plant everything. She was supposed to handle the weeding and everything, well often times I had to go ge the weeding caught up on the weekends and often times she waited to long to pick stuff. When she picked the crops they were given to me to can/freeze/dry. She is considered disabled from a brain injury but she functions normally most of the time but does have seizures and has a poor memory, so she is home all the time so I don't understand why I have to do so much on my only two days off a week.

I know I should prep knowing that it has to be done but it gets frustrating. So that was my rant,thanks for reading it. Does your partner help prep and if not how do you feel about it?

myheaven · #2 12/01/12, 11:28 PM

My ds has a brai injury and deals with the same stuff your gf is. He was a go getter self motivated before his accident. He is Now just like your gf. It come with te brain injury. They need to be told And constantly reminded. That drive And self motivation is not there any more. My ds also has seizures. You loose a good chunck of your day wen one occurs and is very draining like running a 5k. She can't help it. Please go at it with love. Leave her a list to check off. That helps.

StrangeRoamer · #3 12/02/12, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassmaster17327

So she says she supports prepping and talks the talk but when it comes to actually doing anything it is always all me. I have to buy the stuff, I have to package the stuff, if I buy stuff and do not package it then it will sit and sit and she will never say "we need to package that food". If I say I am packaging this food she will help but just does not initiate it.

This part describes my wife perfectly. However it doesn't bother me. Prepping was always my "baby" so to speak so she always expects me to take the lead with it.
If I ask her to do something (or help with something) she will but she won't ever initiate anything on her own.

PrettyPaisley · #4 12/02/12, 12:16 AM

No. I get no help and no support, unless you call silence support.

I constantly here "nothing bad is going to happen" (I prep for an economic collapse.) "Before things get that bad, before they come for your guns, someone will stop them." This from my SO, a police officer!

So I go at it alone and just do what has to be done-for the four of us.

If your GF is interested the idea of a list sounds like a good one. I know when I need SO to do stuff (whether my mom is coming to visit or SO takes a week off) I leave VERY prominent list. It eventually all gets checked off without much resistance. And no arguement of "I didn't know you wanted me to do that."

Laura Zone 10 · #5 12/02/12, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassmaster17327

I am on here a few times a day to read the posts but do not post very often. This is going to be my post to vent a little.

I have been with my GF for a little over five years. We do not live together but she is only about five miles away and if there is a bad storm or something expected she stays here, we also have plans for different ways I will be coming to get her if shtf unexpected.

So she says she supports prepping and talks the talk but when it comes to actually doing anything it is always all me. I have to buy the stuff, I have to package the stuff, if I buy stuff and do not package it then it will sit and sit and she will never say "we need to package that food". If I say I am packaging this food she will help but just does not initiate it.

Could it be she wants you to be "the head", or "in the lead"?
Could she be 'playing along' because she's really into you, just not this "part" of you?

Quote:

We put in "her" garden in at her house (she rents a room in a farmhouse), I planned everything and helped plant everything. She was supposed to handle the weeding and everything, well often times I had to go ge the weeding caught up on the weekends and often times she waited to long to pick stuff. When she picked the crops they were given to me to can/freeze/dry. She is considered disabled from a brain injury but she functions normally most of the time but does have seizures and has a poor memory, so she is home all the time so I don't understand why I have to do so much on my only two days off a week.

Other than this prepping issue, on a scale of 1-10 (1 being not even close, 10 being all that and more) how would you rank her as a potential life mate?
If this is the ONLY thing you really don't see eye to eye on.....
Let it go. You do the prepping.

Quote:

know I should prep knowing that it has to be done but it gets frustrating. So that was my rant,thanks for reading it. Does your partner help prep and if not how do you feel about it?

No my spouse does not help.
Not even a little bit.
It is what it is, and I don't lose sleep over it.
I don't sit in front of the TV and watch the same movie 1000 times, and if he expected me too, he'd be sorely disappointed.
So I don't expect him to do what I am interested in.....
But I have the 2nd most dysfunctional relationship on the planet.........

7thswan · #6 12/02/12, 07:21 AM

My Dh helps me when/if I ask,but I don't ask too often. He helps me till, I plant weed,pick and cann. If I ask he'll snap beans,do things like that.Hepls me screw together boards for raised beds ect. He'll help devide up 50 lb. bags of whatever. He does the shopping,so when things are on sale,he'll stock up on things we use. He also is on the road more than me so he'll stop at garage sales, he has bought me thousands of canning jars, I've told him to stop when we got to about 3000,but he's still going strong. I suggest to find something important to them, that they can apply to Prepping. It might be something simple,such as going to garage sales or makeing jar lables on the computer for you.

unregistered29228 · #7 12/02/12, 08:42 AM

My hubby does not help with any of the canning, dehydrating, repackaging or organizing, or taking care of our livestock. But, he does most of the heavy work in the garden, and most of the gun maintenance and storage. And he has an outside job and I don't.

He wasn't into prepping at first, but eventually came around and now we're both on board. But in the OP's case, it sounds more like her brain injury keeps her from staying on track with tasks. I agree that making her a list might help, or just accept that you're going to have to be the main motivator and organizer.

naturelover · #8 12/02/12, 08:43 AM

Her head injury may be interfering with her motivation and memory so if she approves of prepping but is only minimally interested in gardening and canning don't expect her to remember or initiate that stuff. There is more to prepping than just growing and canning foods so try to find out what other things really strongly capture her interest and enthusiasm and that would represent big paybacks to her and see how those can become turned into prepping activities for her to dive into without being prompted by you. It's kind of like dealing with a little kid just starting out learning to do farm chores - if you give them the chores that they enjoy and have most interest in and want to do, they will do those things best and most willingly without prompting.

Of my last two SO's, the last one was a farm guy willing and cheerful about helping me out with my own prepping and he never needed any motivation in his own prepping in the things that most captured his own interest and was most enthusiastic about. He was great at coming up with neat ideas and creating nifty inventions that promoted and enhanced prepping for both of us. We worked well together.

The SO before that - a city boy not the slightest bit interested in all the work behind prepping, he was only interested in the fruits of the labour. He wouldn't volunteer but he would help me out if I asked him to and he was always slow and often made a lot of mistakes due to lack of interest. I rarely asked for help anyway because he had a full time job that kept him away from home for extra long hours and at least he was cheerfully handing over money that went towards buying needed prep items.

.

bassmaster17327 · #9 12/02/12, 09:27 AM

Thanks everyone. She is certainly a "follower", when we hike,hunt or even walk through a store she will never walk in front of me and lead the way. A lot of time she will say "I cant' do that, I have never done it before". She is always so worried about doing something wrong, I always tell her to just do somethng, I doon't care if it is wrong or if you mess it up.

I thnk a lot of it has to do with the head injury. It's just that when I always have to remind her to do stuff I feel like I am forcing her to do stuff. I could say "today I am counting each grain of rice as put it into soda bottles to make sure they all have the same amount, do you want to come over and help", she would be over her counting rice and not one complaint.

With the garden it is just mostly how slow she goes. If I help her weed I can get 80% done while she gets the other 20% done. She will be in the garden for hours and I won't be able to really tell what she did. She is kind of the same way with loosing weight, I just don't think she pushes herself. She gets into an exercise kick and is really into it for a few weeks and then it just kind of fades out, she did loose a lot when we first sarted dateing and I told her she had to get in better shape or we wouldn't be going out. At that time she couldnt walk for 15 minutes without almost falling over and am way to active of a person for that to work out.

I guess I will continue to prep, I just have to decide if I want to always remind her to help or just do it myself

jersey girl · #10 12/02/12, 09:36 AM

I have a small amount of brain damage from a antibiotic-resistant virus that attacked my brain a few years ago. I also do some of what your GFdoes. If something is confusing, or overwhelming to me my brain just shuts down, and all I want to do is sit or take a nap. I cannot look at something now and decide how to start. I still do canning, but I have done that for years. I sometimes have trouble with clean-up because I can't figure out where to start. I can keep the house clean, as long as no big mess is made, then I need help.
Watch for these things in her and help her break it into smaller tasks, that don't confuse her. I have worked for 3 years now to try to get my brain working better, and still have a way to go. Be patient with her and do baby steps.
Good luck!

bassmaster17327 · #11 12/02/12, 09:42 AM

Thanks, that helps a lot. She often does stuff in odd ways. Like if there is a huge mess on one counter and something small on another that needs organized she will start with organizing where I would start by cleaning up the bulk of the mess.

Her brain injury was from a car accident when she was nine, she lost a small piece of brain and has a metal plate and some things that look like small chains that hold her skull together.

TxMex · #12 12/02/12, 10:45 AM

While reading your response I was nodding my head. This is me! I have a brain injury from a stroke. If something is very cluttered or there is no clear starting place, I get so overwhelmed that I simply can't get started. It's not that I'm lazy or don't want to do it. If I can get someone to help get me started, I can generally do ok.

As to a SO helping, having a SO would be a major addition to my prepping

Quote:

Originally Posted by jersey girl

I have a small amount of brain damage from a antibiotic-resistant virus that attacked my brain a few years ago. I also do some of what your GFdoes. If something is confusing, or overwhelming to me my brain just shuts down, and all I want to do is sit or take a nap. I cannot look at something now and decide how to start. I still do canning, but I have done that for years. I sometimes have trouble with clean-up because I can't figure out where to start. I can keep the house clean, as long as no big mess is made, then I need help.
Watch for these things in her and help her break it into smaller tasks, that don't confuse her. I have worked for 3 years now to try to get my brain working better, and still have a way to go. Be patient with her and do baby steps.
Good luck!

TxMex · #13 12/02/12, 10:48 AM

She probably needs to do it that way so that it isn't so overwhelming. I know it is frustrating for you. Try to praise her all you can. She may be doing the best that she can and the encouragement will help give her the emotional energy to do better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassmaster17327

Thanks, that helps a lot. She often does stuff in odd ways. Like if there is a huge mess on one counter and something small on another that needs organized she will start with organizing where I would start by cleaning up the bulk of the mess.

Her brain injury was from a car accident when she was nine, she lost a small piece of brain and has a metal plate and some things that look like small chains that hold her skull together.

kaitala · #14 12/02/12, 11:00 AM

I feel bad for your girlfriend all ways around!!!!!!!!

Elizabeth · #15 12/02/12, 11:17 AM

She sounds a lot like me and I DON'T have a brain injury. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and it is getting worse, not better. One thing I know for sure is that my husband must love me dearly to stick around!

There are some things I can do really well, others I can't do at all because I just can't concentrate long enough to get anything done. Then there are things I can do some of the time, but not at other times. I waste an incredible amount of time doing absolutely nothing. It is frustrating for me, but I can't imagine what it must be like for hubby to put up with.

In your GF's case it may be that you simply have to resign yourself to the fact that she just can't get a lot done on her own. More work for you, but if the relationship is otherwise good, and she doesn't object to the prepping that you do, I wouldn't sweat it. Be thankful that she isn't like a lot of the spouses posters write about who object to their prepping.

Good luck to you both.

mpillow · #16 12/02/12, 11:35 AM

My husband is very lazy around the house....he will till the garden and go hunting(sometimes cost effective)....but mostly I go sun-up to sundown goats to homeschooling...my kids help when asked for the most part...
Does he know/like being prepped?...YES!...but I overdo it in his opinion...I might value his opinion more if he was helpful.

Wags · #17 12/02/12, 11:47 AM

You have been together 5 years - I think its high time to fish or cut bait. (hows that for blunt!?)

Does she have a "brain book" I know a lot of folks with traumatic brain injuries that use them to help them get through the day with some semblance of order. I have my new ADHD 16yr old son using a modified version of them - without the check lists and reminders in it he would not get half of what he is supposed to do done.

bassmaster17327 · #18 12/02/12, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mythreesons

I feel bad for your girlfriend all ways around!!!!!!!!

I hope I am not that bad to be around

bassmaster17327 · #19 12/02/12, 11:52 AM

[QUOTE=Wags;6296297]You have been together 5 years - I think its high time to fish or cut bait. (hows that for blunt!?)QUOTE]

We have a house in another state that we are remodeling, we won't be getting married (or living together) until we are ready to move there. We are early and mid 20's, I don't see any need to rush

mpillow · #20 12/02/12, 12:06 PM

Honestly, marriage is over rated(w/o kids involved)...and this knowledge is an excellent prep!