Victimhood

[grandma12703]

I am bothered by being accused of throwing out victimhood in a thread. I just have a question and I want to know others feelings for real? I personally like to hear those that have experienced things in life tell about how they survived and how they felt during those experiences. If a thread is made up of those that have experienced and those that have read about things I tend to pay closer attention to those that have experienced.

I don't always agree and I know I am not always agreed with. I accept that and expect that. I try not to disallow anything I don't agree with but I still may not agree but people's feelings are legit.

Survivorhood and victimhood are two different things. I get confused when folks seem to have a real problem when you tell a life experience in a discussion. I don't know if they are really just that insecure about their lack of knowledge or if life experience just doesn't mean anything.

I want to hear others feelings. Maybe life experiences shouldn't be discussed but IMO that is where real answers and feelings come from. I have learned a lot on HT from folks who have gone through rough things and come out better in the end.

[Ardie/WI]

Id advise you not to pay any attention to what ppl accuse you of. They are faceless persons floating around the Internet. You don't know them and in all probability never will!

Just state your issue, read the responses, discard the ones that have no bearing on your issue and keep the good ones!

[Patchouli]

I guess I would have to read the original thread? Not really sure of your meanings grandma12703.

[grandma12703]

It is just in general because I don't want to site particulars. I don't want this to go against anyone else I just want to know how others feel about life experiences being told in conversations on here. You are welcome to look at my past posts and feel free to honestly tell me if I went to far. This is really the only forum that I have been involved with that I get into the discussions mostly because I seriously respect most of the folks on here. I think everyone has a lot to offer. I guess I am just trying to learn what is acceptable.

[crazyfarm]

I am a member of many internet forums. I have one for every different interest I have. There are some people who give an opinion or post a question and then get upset with anyone who does not agree or does not give them the answer they want. They claim they are being bullied and so on and so on. Those people are "victims" but only of their own brains. Victimhood is a thing if you make yourself one. I've never been one.

[crazyfarm]

Also, life experience and book learning are all anyone has to talk about right? If you can't share life experience you might as well post links to books/articles because that's it.

Just keep in mind that everyone lives somewhere radically different and no 2 experiences will be experienced the same.

[grandma12703]

Absolutely!

[notwyse]

I love to hear life experiences. It is gratifying to know I am not alone in making mistakes. I love to hear of others opinions....with their reasons. I learn. I think. I grow.

[belladulcinea]

Victimhood is an ongoing oh pity me type of thing. Survivor "hood" is about getting stronger, getting well and saying that it happened but moving on so you're not stuck in the endlessness of being a victim. I like reading about other's experiences and such, once it's clear they can't/won't move on then, yeah, I lose interest.

[1shotwade]

I try to reply to threads the same as I would in person. If people don't like that I have to assume they have had so much drama in their lives they are not comfortable without creating more.Sometimes i step on toes,but not intentionally but I rarely let a post upset me 'cause we do have "some" freedom of speech left in the country.

Wade

[Oggie]

I got into an argument with a mime, once.

Boy, did he get tired.

But, even that kerfuffle wasn't spectacular enough to spill over into two forums.

[LisaInN.Idaho]

No one called you a victim in that thread because of your life experiences. It w as because you kept personalizing responses and looking to be a victim because someone was arguing with you. And no one discounted your life experiences except perhaps by saying that being the child of a soldier in the Vietnam war does not equate with being the victim of racism

[grandma12703]

Originally Posted by Oggie

I got into an argument with a mime, once.

Boy, did he get tired.

But, even that kerfuffle wasn't spectacular enough to spill over into two forums.

Ok, I'm done. Point taken.

[notwyse]

I find myself deleting some stuff before I post. I have to remind myself that it isn't always about me...thank god. Taking care is important on a forum in order to get the knowledge that others can share.

[AngieM2]

Was started in Homesteading Questions and moved here.

[Terri]

In my opinion, someone I would consider to be a survivor says "those jerks", while someone I would consider a victim says "woe is me!"

IMHO

[Patchouli]

I would say the difference between just sharing an experience that you survived vs. playing the victim is the attitude you have when telling the story. If it is apparent the story is to get you sympathy or to excuse your poor life decisions that is playing the victim. If you are just sharing the story to show you understand the topic because you have experienced it too that is not playing the victim.

[Karen]

IMHO we either choose to be a victim, or we can choose to rise above it and either do something about it to help others from being hurt in the same manner, or else just move on. It's all about how we choose to handle what we call "life".

Victims choose to keep replaying it over and over, allow the offender the one to continue to have the control, and start using it as a way to excuse their own personal bad behavior.

[MJsLady]

I guess I feel if something adverse happens, you get over it or you die.
My stepmother once told me she felt sorry for me. I told her don't worry about it, life happens. I choose to get past negative events.

Folks tell me I am a cancer survivor. To me I don't identify that way. Cancer is an illness I had not something I need to identify myself. It was a scary time but it is past, now it is time to move on.

To me victim hood is something that is carried on for generations until there is no possible way for the current "victims" to feel or truly understand what the real victims went through. Atrocities happen. When do we get done paying for them is the question.

I don't find words to be victimizing. Being thrown in jail and told once you are done nursing your baby you are going to be killed because you refuse to deny your religion, is being victimized. Some one calling you ugly names, is not. You can walk away from that and choose whether or not to let it bother you. Death is hard to come back from. Only 1 man ever truly did. Some one breaking your windows, stealing your lunch, yes those make you a victim, you can however still fight back. It shouldn't traumatize you for years.

I find in most cases victim hood is a state of mind. Something a person adopts for what ever reason. Like the term racism it has broad meanings and few distinct definitions.

[TRAILRIDER]

Thank you, MJs lady, well said.