Dealing with a Difficult Co-worker

[whodunit]

Last night one of my co-workers, who is typically exceedingly grumpy, yelled at me.

I had done some dishes before the end of my shift and placed them on towels to air dry before they are stacked and placed on a shelf.

He saw them and asked who keeps doing that and I told him it was me. He then yelled, "Then put them on the drying rack where they belong!"

I was kind of shocked.

Of course, my first response was to do as he said, since he is older than me and has been there much longer, but then I decided I wasn't going to do it.

How do you deal with difficult co-workers? I tend to cower and stew over it for days. I am always thinking I should have done this or should have done that.

I think I lean toward just ignoring it, since that way it doesn't reinforce his behavior.

[WindowOrMirror]

was he right?

[whodunit]

No, I am constantly putting dishes away that have been left drying, so it's common practice. I think most people don't like stacking wet dishes, cups, etc.

[ninny]

Tell him where he can stuff the dishes.

.

[tinknal]

I've found that most folks like this turned into whipped pups if you yell back.....

[Pouncer]

The delivery may not have been as you'd like, but putting things where they belong is sensible.

That you just decided not to do it, on your own....well, that's another matter.

[whodunit]

It's his overall demeanor that's the problem, not just the way he handled this particular issue.

I was working with him on a shift one time and noticed that he had failed to record a temperature as required.

I called on the radio and asked if he remembered what it was. He told me and then said he would come look, but I was just going to write it down for him.

I wrote down the temperature I had just taken. He came and looked to see that a temperature was written down and grumpily pointed at it and told me it was right there.

I gently told him that I had just written that temperature down. He then yelled something like, "Then just write mine down!" and walked away. No, "thank you" for catching his mistake.

I was taught and try to practice teamwork. If we fail to do something, it reflects on the whole shift.

The issue is he wants things like he wants them, but has no right to demand it from others. Even though he has been there longer, I've got experience in this field and know what I am doing even though I try to never stop learning.

If he had just asked, I would have been more than happy to accommodate him, but now I feel that if I respond and do what he demands, he will continue to demand.

I've found in most situations, you tend to get more of what you tolerate.

[Win07_351]

I became a sole proprietor.

[Michael W. Smith]

Originally Posted by whodunit

No, I am constantly putting dishes away that have been left drying, so it's common practice.

I'm assuming (and correct me if I'm wrong) that you are in an office type employment and someone (which has been you lately) washes all the dirty dishes and then let's them air dry before putting them away.

If this is the case - I would wash MY dishes as soon as I were done using them, and use a towel to dry them and put them away. All the other dishes - from other co-workers - let them stack up in the sink - UNWASHED.

When the other co-workers ask "Why aren't you doing the dishes anymore?" You can just say "Because I wasn't doing them right."

[Tricky Grama]

Then there was the sign in the kitchen of the clinic where I worked:

"Your mother doesn't work here, do your own dishes"

[Michael W. Smith]

Originally Posted by whodunit

It's his overall demeanor that's the problem, not just the way he handled this particular issue.

I was working with him on a shift one time and noticed that he had failed to record a temperature as required.

I called on the radio and asked if he remembered what it was. He told me and then said he would come look, but I was just going to write it down for him.

I wrote down the temperature I had just taken. He came and looked to see that a temperature was written down and grumpily pointed at it and told me it was right there.

I gently told him that I had just written that temperature down. He then yelled something like, "Then just write mine down!" and walked away. No, "thank you" for catching his mistake.

I was taught and try to practice teamwork. If we fail to do something, it reflects on the whole shift.

You can't be a team player when it sounds like he isn't even on the "team"!

I'll bend over backwards to help someone - but if they have issues with how I do it or give rude comments - I don't tend to help out again.

If you notice any more mistakes this guy makes - just pretend you never saw it.

[mnn2501]

Is SSS too harsh in this case?

[Kung]

What I normally do is try talking nicely to him one time. Sounds like you're way past that.

Second time I simply tell them "I've got no problem doing something if you ASK ME like an adult. If you don't, don't expect any assistance; and DO expect the same behavior you're giving me."

The other thing I'll usually tell people is "You've got two choices. You can treat me well, and have a guaranteed friend and helper. OR you can treat me like crap....and hope that if you're ever in a position where you REALLY need my help, that I won't remember how you're treating me now."

[Tiempo]

I don't care if you made a mistake or not, it is completely inexcusable for one adult to yell at another imo (unless it's your drill sgt )

Next time, I would look at him straight in the eye, and in a firm, but modulated voice tell him to never, ever raise his voice to me again.

[kasilofhome]

If this place of employment is a form of health care---(writing temps and washing dishes leads me to this idea) there just might be an area (city, county, state) that just might reg that clients dishes are to be dried in a dishwasher or air dried on a rack. This may sound crazy but I am aware of rules and reg in the inhome health care group home policies.

Inspections do happen and a small outfit's dishwasher was down --inspect came in (great luck) and saw dishes drying on a towel. That was not the inspectors focas. But that the operator chose to have the dished washed in the two sink set up while waiting for a replacement dishwasher to arrive. The brillant insector informed the owners of the violation and suggested that not only would he be back at a later date to reinspect but that a kitchen remodel was warranted to install a 3rd sink so as not to ever in the future need to wash the dishes when the dishwasher out of work.

So, The person may lack manners and personality for which makes your time with him pleasant but he could have a point --if so his having a valid point (if he does) could be used against you. Find out any dish drying regs

[FourDeuce]

Originally Posted by mnn2501

Is SSS too harsh in this case?

Probably, but Ignore works as well in the workplace as it does on the computer.

[plowjockey]

Originally Posted by whodunit

How do you deal with difficult co-workers? I tend to cower and stew over it for days. I am always thinking I should have done this or should have done that.

I think I lean toward just ignoring it, since that way it doesn't reinforce his behavior.

He's not grumpy.

He is a bully and he is bullying you, because you are letting him do so.

Here is what I would do (after about 2 minutes of this non-sense). Get my face about 2 feet ways from his, make sure his eye and mine are completely locked and inform him that he has absolutely NO right to talk to me that way and proceed to tell him why, NEVER breaking eye contact.

He won't have the guts to punch me in the face and he will either change or get the very same treatment, each time he pulls this "stuff".

Oh and trust me, I am not the tough, macho guy. Rather reserved. I ran into a very similar situation years ago. I don't know if this older guy thought I was gay or something, as he only badmouthed and pick on certain workers, while being nice to others. ( we was aplant manager, but I was assigned there temp from a different plant) After about 2 days of this, even badmoutning me over the 2 way radio, I got in his face and called him out, for what he was doing. He stated that he could say whatever he wanted and even wimpily tried to push me away. I said what I had to say. After that he actually became reasonably good to work with. A nice guy overall. I beleive this situation would have only gotton worse, if I had not done something.

You can "ignore" it, if it does not bother you, but since it does YOU, have to do something about it. Besides as a female, you have a not-so-secret weapon ability - it begins with a "B".

Don't be afraid to use it.

Bullies will cease, when they know someone is not afraid of them.

[fordy]

.................I was kinda involved in a somewhat similiar situation but it was two idiot brothers , I had too "Turn the other cheek" because the manager was afraid of these two fools and one other worker they are buds with . The manager and her husband quit and left as of 02-01 and our new manager is a much more balanced person . So , in the long run I preveiled , I still have my job and I am now assigned too a work area where these folks are not assigned . It was tough not being able too respond in a way that I would have liked too , but it would have been only a temporary form of gratification because I would have lost my job , no question . , fordy

[blufford]

Fill a nice sized plastic bucket with water and arrange it on top of a door that he's getting ready to open. After he gets soaked hand him a mop and tell him to clean his mess up.

[ejagno]

As long as you allow someone to verbally abuse you then that is giving him "permission" to continue this behavior. Stepping away from the immediate situation to difuse it was the best course of action at that time however the minute I see him again I would calmly and firmly let him know that his yelling is not permitted and you will tolerate no such abuse from anyone period. It's time to set the boundaries now or you will pay dearly from here on out since he knows that you won't call him on his crappy behavior.