Dating - What does it mean to you?

RubyRed · #1 02/08/14, 07:29 PM

I am slowly starting to dip my toe back into the dating pool again. I don't go out often, for many reasons. My family, my personal and professional goals take precedence. However, I have scolded myself for not getting out to meet other people of the opposite sex. I mean, what's the harm, right?

I am certainly not ready for anything serious at this point, and I express this, clearly, or so I think. Just taking time out to meet someone of like mind, maybe go for a walk, or a nice dinner and conversation, share some laughs, etc.

Every time, (except for one) I get the heavy from them. Talking about "our" future, rushing into a full blown relationship immediately. What ever happened to taking things slow, meet occasionally, respect someone's time. Why does it have to be, now or never, pressure, pressure, pressure?

Or maybe it is just me? Maybe I am not ready, at all. I miss the company of a man, I enjoy the way they think. But good Lawd, that doesn't mean I am ready to fly to Vegas and get married by an Elvis impersonator.

Should I just give up on the notion of dating, all together?

sustainabilly · #2 02/08/14, 07:55 PM

You know, I wonder sometimes if there isn't a subconscious clock ticking within older people who are in the dating pool. And, behind it there are thoughts like "I'm not getting any younger and time is running out." Also like, "I know what I want so I don't need to play the field like a kid anymore."

And then there are those who want to get back what they had with only a couple of changes. They think it should be easy and everything will just slide back into place. Except with a different person. They don't even consider that they may be making all the same mistakes as the first time. Pressure to get their lives back to some semblance of what they remember, blinds them to the pitfalls of hurrying into a relationship. Just musing here. Don't really know how much the above might pertain to it.

H. S. and college; the times when most people form serious romantic bonds, have the advantage of a much larger dating pool to draw from than many older folks can utilize. Maybe that contributes to it, as well.

ETA: Don't give up RR.

SimplerTimez · #3 02/08/14, 07:55 PM

I guess it depends on your age bracket, for both you and your date.

Dating was horrible for me, so I stopped. I too, wanted to take things slowly, particularly talking and getting to know someone. It seemed like everyone that I met in person was in a big fat hurry for way more than I was. I thought it was simply because it's been over twenty years since I dated, and due to widowhood I was a little skittish. I wasn't sure where my heart really was, but got tired of all of my family and friends pushing me.

I like to take time to get to know someone, so even the people in my area I E-mailed and texted with prior to meeting face-to-face. Then we moved to talking on the phone. After a few dates, I decided I really wasn't ready for the pressure, so I stopped.

Younger people seem to know how to just 'hang out' without freaking out and crowding your space. People in my age bracket that I dated seem in a really big hurry to make it a boyfriend/girlfriend thing.

I take a while to warm up to people, even friends. Certainly to someone that I feel I might be attracted to (which just doesn't happen very often) for a long-term partnership.

But for me now, I wouldn't date just for a social activity. I'm not interested in dating someone unless I've gotten to know them well enough to know we'd share the same lifestyle interests, the same long-term goals, and other important aspects. I'm not particularly social anyway, so...YMMV. I'd rather be friends and see if that friendship grows into something else. Little things are very important to me, as opposed to things like house, income, vehicle and the like. Quite frankly, I have only gotten to know one person in over four years alone that I truly wanted to date. That didn't work out, so I'm pretty much just not interested currently. Perhaps again in the future.

I think you have to define what dating is for you - just social activity, or a true search for a partner. I'd be in the latter category if I decided I was ready again.

Best wishes, and to quote a funny singles quote I found online:

“Why is it that people treat being SINGLE like it’s the plague? I’m sorry, but it’s not leprosy people! Where in the Old Testament does it say “Boils, locusts, hail and being single?” ~ Joy Maniscalco

I'm quite content, unless I truly meet someone who could really make a difference in my life, and I theirs.

~ST

TxMex · #4 02/08/14, 07:59 PM

My last date....was going to a Lowe's. I'd feel danged awkward going out to dinner and a movie. My current problem(ok, one of them) is I rarely leave the property. I have too much to do. It is danged difficult to meet someone if you never actually get outside of the gate. I keep hoping for my ideal homesteading mate to parachute out of a plane and land beside the garden with overalls on, a hoe in his hand and an overwhelming appreciation for good southern cooking.

Absolutely keep dating! I'm surprised you are having trouble finding a casual relationship. That seems to be what most folks are looking for these days.

Twp.Tom · #5 02/08/14, 08:00 PM

No, Don't ever give up on dating?, To me, a date is a predetermined meeting with someone,that I am going to share some TIME with. I think that we put too much pressure on ourselves when it comes to dating. I know that everyone wants to present themselves, as good as possible( don't want to show up drunk, or unkempt). I just try to be myself-I am honest to a fault-"What you see is what you get". I think it may be best to start the conversation out, on a "first date"-,as to what your expectations (if you have any?) may be. I smile a lot, and I usually have good manners. I am not always like this, and I don't expect everyone else to be too. I say, " Just go for it", and have some fun, Good Luck on your Adventures** To put it into perspective, just think how many people could only dream ,of being able to go out with whoever they feel like going out with. We are SINGLE, we are FREE***- enjoy it***

sustainabilly · #6 02/08/14, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TxMex

My last date....was going to a Lowe's. I'd feel danged awkward going out to dinner and a movie. My current problem(ok, one of them) is I rarely leave the property. I have too much to do. It is danged difficult to meet someone if you never actually get outside of the gate. I keep hoping for my ideal homesteading mate to parachute out of a plane and land beside the garden with overalls on, a hoe in his hand and an overwhelming appreciation for good southern cooking.

Absolutely keep dating! I'm surprised you are having trouble finding a casual relationship. That seems to be what most folks are looking for these days.

ROFL......................
And a copy of Farm Show Magazine hanging out of his back pocket? LOLOLOL

TxMex · #7 02/08/14, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sustainabilly

ROFL......................
And a copy of Farm Show Magazine hanging out of his back pocket? LOLOLOL

That would work, but hopefully he would have the current issue of American Bee Journal peeking out of the other pocket

Twp.Tom · #8 02/08/14, 08:23 PM

They always ask me when I enter the local Farm Stores( Tractor Supply, Rural King, Feed Stores), If they can help me find what I am looking for? The next time I go, I am going to tell them, I am looking for a Honest, Good looking, Friendly, Country Girl!-Who wants to Laugh,and have some fun! I'll get back with you, and post on my responses*

RubyRed · #9 02/08/14, 08:25 PM

One of my problems is that I can be really okay holed up in my own little world. Even though my past had some very hard lessons attached with it, I am trying to be opened to possibilities. Who knows what one might find. My best friend came to me out of the blue and if I hadn't taken the chance to meet her, I would have never known such a beautiful soul, am so thankful she is in my life!!

Plus, if you don't meet in person, how do you know if there is an attraction, or not one. Anyone can say who they want to be, or pretend to be someone they want YOU to know. But until you meet them and then let your "gut" sift it out, how would you know?

I just had a conversation with a gentleman I met a few weeks ago. He started giving me this guilt trip, how could I do this to him. He had such a great time, he thought there would be more. Well, I had a great time too, until he started talking about inappropriate things. But it is still, my fault for breaking his heart after ONE date?!

TxMex · #10 02/08/14, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyRed

I just had a conversation with a gentleman I met a few weeks ago. He started giving me this guilt trip, how could I do this to him. He had such a great time, he thought there would be more. Well, I had a great time too, until he started talking about inappropriate things. But it is still, my fault for breaking his heart after ONE date?!

Ah yes. The current trend in our society...go out to dinner and then get into each others pants. It is assumed that this is where a date is going. This is so unattractive! I have no desire to be a notch on some man's belt. I especially would not want to be intimate with someone that has a lot of casual sexual encounters. It seems that old fashioned ideas and values are simply not in style.

LOL....I'm normally not in style anyhow.

Keep your standards. If you lower your standards you will be settling and likely will be back in the same situation you are now sooner rather than later.

FarmboyBill · #11 02/08/14, 09:06 PM

Dating? What does it mean to me?

Darned if I remember

RubyRed · #12 02/08/14, 09:09 PM

Don't get me wrong, sex is great, with the right person. I have to have feelings for someone before I can jump in the sack.

What this particular person did after the date is what made me uncomfortable, the next day all he talked about was sex. Sorry, but talking about what someone is going to do to other the one, doesn't do anything for me.

If there is mutual attraction, then bring on the passion! But seriously, there are 800 numbers for other things...lol Or is it 900 numbers? I dunno....

TxMex · #13 02/08/14, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyRed

Don't get me wrong, sex is great, with the right person. I have to have feelings for someone before I can jump in the sack.

What this particular person did after the date is what made me uncomfortable, the next day all he talked about was sex. Sorry, but talking about what someone is going to do to other the one, doesn't do anything for me.

If there is mutual attraction, then bring on the passion! But seriously, there are 800 numbers for other things...lol

Well he was obviously no gentleman. By doing that he was showing you how little he respected you. The good news is....you didn't have to invest a lot of time in him before he showed you his true colors.

plowhand · #14 02/08/14, 09:17 PM

Dating.........what's dating.............I seem to remember something called dating.....ain't tried it in about twenty year

sustainabilly · #15 02/08/14, 09:20 PM

Ruby, Not all guys are that way. Sure, there's the horn dog stereotype. And, it would be silly not to admit we all got needs. Both sexes. But, it's frustrating for men too. I reckon you just gotta kiss a lot of frogs, you know?

RubyRed · #16 02/08/14, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TxMex

Well he was obviously no gentleman. By doing that he was showing you how little he respected you. The good news is....you didn't have to invest a lot of time in him before he showed you his true colors.

Exactly!! But it's my fault he was turned away...weird.

frogmammy · #17 02/08/14, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sustainabilly

.... I reckon you just gotta kiss a lot of frogs, you know?

Which can be REALLY difficult if you're thinking of fried frog legs!

Mon

**Shrek** · #18 02/09/14, 12:18 AM

Dating simply means going out into your real world environment and find people who are not seriously attached to others romantically that you enjoy spending time with and if your lucky you won't be repulsed by how they look when they first wake up if your dating process grows to that stage of social interaction.

Basically the same things we all went through as teenagers only with a few more wrinkles, often some extra weight, possibly some extra family or emotional baggage and for some extra hair sprouting in our ears and noses and less hair on their heads where they want it.

Its dating, a social activity, not rocket or computer science or complicated chemistry.

TxMex · #19 02/09/14, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shrek

Its dating, a social activity, not rocket or computer science or complicated chemistry.

I think I would be better at rocket science

davel745 · #20 02/09/14, 05:40 AM

just a word.