Curious, and serious question

Laura Zone 5 · #1 03/15/13, 07:13 AM

I have not been single (just me) for 24 years.

Being 20ish and living alone is different than being 40ish and alone.
Back then the 'worst' thing about being alone, in the 20s, was 'feeling safe/secure' at night, otherwise it was nice having a place to call my own that I could 'hide' in to get away from the noise of the world.

I am 'that gal' now.....I'd give anything to have all of my grown kids CHOOSE to live less than a mile from where ever I am living.

I guess my question is this: what are the downsides of being on your own, with your own place?

dkhern · #2 03/15/13, 08:07 AM

i give up... what?

SimplerTimez · #3 03/15/13, 08:30 AM

I only did it briefly, just under two years. I was in TN and all of my family was in FL.

My downside was that I had to work full-time, and in my inexperience and singleness, I did not have the time and skills necessary to do what needed to be done. I could sometimes keep it mowed (6 acres total, about 2-3 to be mowed) when my equipment worked. When my equipment broke I was under-capitalized to keep things repaired and alternate methods took up more time for upkeep and left less time for improvements/expansion/projects.
Weather plays a huge role in what you can and cannot get accomplished some days and sets you off the planned path.

I worked 12 hour night shifts, which then blossomed into 16 hours regularly when business got busy. I require good sleep. The two scenarios were not compatible for me.

To have a place and not be able to enjoy it was sometimes more miserable than not having a place.

Those were the downsides for me personally. So I'm revamping my plans and hope to one day be back on a property of my own, albeit smaller if I remain alone, and I doubt it will be close to my family as there isn't a lot of what I want in FL, nor what I can afford.

Advance thought, preparations and better savings would have probably alleviated a lot of my problems. But hindsight is always 20/20 eh?

Best wishes,

~ST

Terri in WV · #4 03/15/13, 08:33 AM

I have never minded being alone.

Being alone and a homeowner is a little tougher, for me. There are a few things that I can't/won't do that make it a bit harder than if I had a partner. For instance, I have 2 shingles turned up and there's no way in Hades that I can climb the ladder to fix them, ain't happening. Then there's the fact that me and the weed wacker have issues, so some areas of the yard look a little ragged. These are things that can be worked through though. Otherwise, there's not much of a downside that I have found.

tambo · #5 03/15/13, 08:47 AM

I have some of the same issues ST has. I work alot so it's harder to keep everything done. If I had to do it all over again and knew I was going to be alone I would've bought less ground. If I can't do something like heavy lifting I just don't do it. So now if I was looking and knew I wasn't going to have to provide all my food, I would buy a house on about an acre maybe an acre and a half with no restrictions on small animals and build raised beds . I would raise chickens,rabbits and maybe a dairy goat or two. I would plant fruit trees and bushes and try my best to not have very much to mow.

homefire2007 · #6 03/15/13, 09:30 AM

Life happens while you are making other plans, don't know who said that but it is oh so true

Huge chunk of my time in the last twelve years has been about surviving and providing for my kids. That time is coming to an end in the next few years. I'm a lot older and a whole lot less likely to have that big spread with ten gazillion projects (I say that a bit wistfully).

I've always been pretty good on my own, didn't marry and have children till I was thirty-four. Think I've got the alone thing pretty much down. I have lots of interests and hobbies and work a lot. I will miss the kids terribly but survived when my oldest son spread his wings and moved out on his own.

Learned there were a lot of things that didn't work doing it alone, so my dreams are a bit down-sized. And that is okay, too. Looking forward to finding out exactly who I am

(warts and all)!

davel745 · #7 03/15/13, 10:46 AM

I miss the companion ship with my partner.

viggie · #8 03/15/13, 12:29 PM

Starting to build a network of a couple other local self-sufficient-ish folks is helping me and would probably be beneficial to other singles as well. It's wonderful to finally have people to spend time with working on sewing and canning, and hopefully other shared interests in the future. But they are also people that can help each other out with jobs that are too big for one, share skills and tips with each other, and bless each other with extras or barter for items when we have an abundance (I'm swimming in backyard eggs right now that were traded for samples of home canned goods she hadn't tried before and a chance to borrow some Tattlers to play with).

FarmboyBill · #9 03/15/13, 04:46 PM

I had hoped to play cards with X and my kids. instead X, at 400# slipped and fell on ahomemade foot rest on the wheel chair. She cut around a 6in gash long and around 38ths or so at the deepest. And around 1/2in at the widest. DD was here, and a guy who was DDs boyfriend who is living with X, as in JUST living with her. DDs kids. Within a moment or 5 there were 4 fire turcks and an ambulance her to take her to the hospital. Ds is going to bring her home.
IF something like that happened to me, Id likely just have to fix it myself, and wait for say 10 mins for the ambulance to get to me, and suffer alone while waiting.
Just saying, thats one downside

SimplerTimez · #10 03/15/13, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FarmboyBill

<snip)
IF something like that happened to me, Id likely just have to fix it myself, and wait for say 10 mins for the ambulance to get to me, and suffer alone while waiting.
Just saying, thats one downside

If you're rural and under the auspices of a volunteer EMT or such, count it 30-45 minutes or more, from experience. I kept first aid kits around my place and NEVER left the house for the woods/fields what have you without my cell phone on me.

FBB brought up an excellent point that I had forgotten about.

~ST

sidepasser · #11 03/15/13, 08:01 PM

I love living alone so perhaps I am not one to give advice. But the only thing I hated about being alone was cooking too much for one person - lol..and having someone to talk to. Which I don't have now that I am married so that was for naught anyway.

DH and I do things on our own time and mostly he and I are on separate schedules and goodness if I mess up his schedule for something I need to do..so basically even though I am married,

I live alone. I do what I want, when I want and how I want. I guess it works for us.

I love my independence and I love being alone, I actually look forward to days when no one is at home but myself. I guess that is because I lived alone for almost 12 years.

you have to be able to tolerate your own company and be glad for it. Otherwise you substitute other people for the lack in your own life.

WhyNot · #12 03/15/13, 08:33 PM

I was going to say the best thing about living alone and the worst thing about living alone is living alone...but this here says it so much better....
because...I think...I have found in my time alone that not only do I make better choices because I have time removed from others for reflection on past decisions, the good and the bad....I also seem to live in a completely different world than others. Which suits me...but again gets lonely sometimes.

Tommyice · #13 03/15/13, 09:08 PM

I've always lived alone. The solitude and silence don't always bother me. Although I do admit to having the TV at times just to hear conversational tones. Music is fine but can also get monotonous. I don't like talk radio because all you get is someone else's opinion.

Cooking for one (even if you plan leftovers) can sometimes be daunting. When there's someone else it's easy to cook because you have to. When you're alone, if you don't feel like eating then you don't. It's easy to fall into "cereal for dinner mode" too often.

True sometimes you do need more than two hands to accomplish things. Unfortunately I think you either get used to it or you don't.

Tommyice · #14 03/15/13, 09:10 PM

One other thought....do you think how you were raised as a child has a bearing on how you "cope" with being alone.

I had two brothers growing up and they were 4 1/2 and 9 years older than me. We didn't play together. During the summer most of my friends went away to camp. Only one or two of them didn't. So if they weren't around, I played alone. Quite happily too.

cindilu · #15 03/15/13, 09:36 PM

Leslie, good thoughts and something to consider. I know when I was a child I always played make believe with my sister. Funny because we never played Barbie mansion or they we were princesses or had houses made of gold. I always played like we were surviving a storm or surviving in general. Looking back I am not sure of those were coping skills or if I was just doomed a prepper way back then as well?

willow_girl · #16 03/15/13, 10:02 PM

Quote:

I guess my question is this: what are the downsides of being on your own, with your own place?

Honestly, one of the happiest years of my life was the one between the time I left DH #2 and met DH#3. I lived alone and loved every minute of it!

I picked a house that needed a facelift but was structurally sound, so I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to. (I did remodel the bathroom -- by myself! Plumbing and everything! It was fun.)

I had a decent job and enough money coming in that I didn't want for anything. Life was good. I say go for it!

cindilu · #17 03/15/13, 10:13 PM

Willow Girl, you even did the plumbing to your house? Like plumbing from the floor up type of thing? That is the one thing I am stumped over while designing my new house is the plumbing. I say you did a awesome job if that was the task you took on.

willow_girl · #18 03/15/13, 10:16 PM

Oh no, not the whole house! I just replumbed the lines for a new sink and vanity, and installed shut-offs while I had everything apart. I also had to take the toilet out to replace the floor, and reinstall it. That was plenty scary enough for this girl!

cindilu · #19 03/15/13, 10:20 PM

Well, I would say you did a fine job of tackling it and being a single gal at the same time, kudos go to you for it.

Ramblin Wreck · #20 03/15/13, 10:48 PM

After growing up in an old farm house with eight people queing up for the one bath followed by three years in a college dorm (with only a slightly better person to throne ratio than at home) followed by marriage and kids and ten years of school board work with calls at all hours of the day and night (hardest $50 a month I ever earned) and thirty plus years of working to make a living...I find having this house to myself to be a tremendous blessing. Don't get me wrong. It's nice to have so many family members within easy walking distance, and maybe even nicer that they don't like to take walks.