A Rat Love Tale

"Tonight's the night" he kept thinking to himself. 'I'm breaking out of this pattern of behavior and I'm going to let my inner light shine" He had been thinking all week long, planning, practicing. He was so tired of being just like all the others. Irrationally scared of cats. Thinking cheese was the holy grail. Living to procreate and spread disease. "I am special" he mused. "I need to get that on a T shirt so females will notice me."

Finally Friday night. After a hard week's work. Scurrying don't pay good, but its about the only job there is for a rat. He hates his boss. "Scurry up!" the boss was always hollering, with an insane cackling laugh. He was at home, in his own hole, with his collection of filth and garbage, grooming himself, adding a few extra fleas and vermin. "The rat ladies will be drawn to that stuff, but eventually one will love me for who I really am!" He was sure of it. He had his eye on "The One".

Scurrying on down to the "Rat On Bar and Grill" he passed 3 cult members, chanting and passing out pamphlets. "Crazy" he thought "Just plain crazy" The Cult of Crazification has been around forever, rats come and rats go. Finally gets to the bar, the place is hopping. He looks around, sees the object of his affection. "sleek" is about all he can think. She looks at him and smiles. Oh, those long beautifully yellow teeth. He has all his lines together, he's going to shine. Discuss philosophy, Be witty. Everything. Going to break outside the box. An expression that may have came from one of his ancestors who actually escaped a maze. Or not. It's hard to know who your ancestors are when you're a rat.

"But I'm not just a rat, I'm more, so much more. I'm an individual, and I'm gonna shine tonight." He looks around. They're all doing the same thing they always do. Disgusting. I'm different. He eases up to his potential true love. He wants to say "You have a spark that thrills me to my bone" He'd been practicing being charming all week. He opens his mouth "Eek! Eek!" is all that comes out. He thinks "Oh, no, not again" as he leaves a dropping on the floor. She looks at him and he just then notices that she's copulating with some other rat. Talk about your failure to communicate! Rats copulating everywhere. Rat droppings cover the entire floor.

It was then he felt alone. And wished that he'd gone straight. And watched out for a simple twist of fate. Sadly, heading back out the door. Musing "communication would be nice. I have all these thoughts but just can't express myself." He sees the cult members on the corner. Chanting "Cheese! Cheese! Cheese!" "Is this what I need?" he wonders to himself. Deep in thought he wanders into a really bad part of town. Home. Big ole chain smoking rat momma with a whiskery voice looks him up and down. "Eek" she whispers softly. He stops and stares. He finally comes to the one true truth. He don't need to go home. One rathole is as good as another. He wants so badly to communicate. He says "We're all singing in the same band" but it comes out as the ubiquitous "Eek!" Somehow she understands.

All she hears, all she has ever heard is "Lets procreate" That's what she's hearing now, too. As far as she knows, that's all everybody means when they eek at her. She looks at him, lets get it on. He interprets it as a look of love. "Finally" he thinks, "finally". She thinks "hurry up, I need to get home"

[Tommyice]

Zong they say other things I'm pretty sure. That one that my dog killed the other morning...I'm pretty sure he said EEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeek right before his neck snapped from being shook.

Sorry I can't translate--it would exceed Shrek's host limitations statement.

[sustainabilly]

Truly a literary classic. In the tradition of Hemingway and his brother Haw, Zane(y) Greyfur, "may your tail never grow hair", and James Clavell's classic, "King Rat".

I knew I recognized you from the old days hangin out in the bistro...

[sherry in Maine]

snappin' my fingers together, beat nik style . . . . . (that's applause for your beatnik tail)

Anyway, are you sure you've never written prose for any of those magazines?

A cardinal rule of writing is that you want your thoughts to be accessible on several different levels. For instance, some people will read it and say "That boy's on drugs" Others will read it and think "Whaa????" Some will see a funny or stupid story about a rat on a Friday night. Somewhere, somebody will see a tale explaining no matter how noble our protagonist's motives are, its viewed as simply another effort to "get laid"
Then there are some people who will see a story about the inability to communicate your most important hopes and dreams.
And 4 people will think "That pretentious busker..."

Another cardinal rule of writing is to never explain what you mean.
The reason is as follows. You say something(or write it in a forum) it leaves your mind as a coherent thought. The listener/reader will put his/her own interpretation on it. Nothing you can ever do will ever dissuade them of their interpretation. 61 years and I've never yet known a woman to admit she was wrong. For instance, I can go to a bar and talk to a woman. No matter what I want to talk about, she is going to think I am there to try to pick her up. I mean, it's a bar. So, if I were to discuss music, movies, or anything, she is going to see that as my approach to picking her up. And nothing will make her think differently. She'll just think, "That guy has a different approach than the last guy, but he wants the same thing"
So, no matter what you mean when you say something, it's going to mean what the listener wants it to mean when they hear it. One day, someone may actually hear what you are saying. Don't be holding your breath for that day though.

[sherry in Maine]

Yes, Zong . . . . we know that men and women are coming from different perspectives sometimes when they meet up . . . . (is there a particular rathole you'd like to be procreating in right now? . . . . eeeeeekkk)

It was still a very creative and funny 'short'. . . .

I've had to step back and think. I feel a sense of protectiveness and tenderness toward someone I've never touched in "that way" and my rat brain (look it up, I'm serious. Read Failure to Master Your Emotions (aka Your Rat Brain Is Out To Get You). by Janice Dorn, MD, PhD) tells me "run like heck" And my superego says go for it. I'm running.