Those that left your partner......

roadless · #1 07/13/12, 08:42 PM

....can you explain why? Where did the love go? Did your partner know it was coming? I guess I am still trying to make sense of it all.

#2 07/13/12, 08:44 PM

Mine died. I tried real hard a couple times since then, they was all playing some weird and incredibly stupid internet game. I'm done. I'd rather be alone than to be with a new age moron.

shanzone2001 · #3 07/13/12, 08:46 PM

My husband of 10 years and father of my 2 older children slept with other women....

foaly · #4 07/13/12, 08:49 PM

If I hadn't left, I would have died. Violence only escalates.

Besides, he had "other women interested in him."

Smalltowngirl · #5 07/13/12, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shanzone2001

My husband of 10 years and father of my 2 older children slept with other women....

My husband of 35+ yrs, slept with other women for many years while I was home taking care of him & the farm while being totally clueless to his extramarital activities. The topper was when he lost our farm due to the secret loans he'd taken out using the home as collateral and then he failed to pay the notes. The loans were all to impress other women while I didn't even have a decent winter coat.

shanzone2001 · #6 07/13/12, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smalltowngirl

My husband of 35+ yrs, slept with other women for many years while I was home taking care of him & the farm while being totally clueless to his extramarital activities. The topper was when he lost our farm due to the secret loans he'd taken out using the home as collateral and then he failed to pay the notes. The loans were all to impress other women while I didn't even have a decent winter coat.

Wow. I am so sorry....

katydidagain · #7 07/13/12, 09:00 PM

Mine left me to die in the hospital in July 1991 because he had to get a drink; he took our young son with him. My parents arrived at the hospital but couldn't get any information because "it" left. They were frantic; I was so alone knowing I was hours from cardiac arrest--I'd lost 3 pints of blood.

I told him then it was over; he asked me to stay until DS was 18 which was in 2004. I did that; I shouldn't have. I ended up losing everything I'd built financially because his mother decided to play rough; only his attorney got a dime out of anything.

He knew long before--he just didn't believe me. And, no, I haven't spoken to him in years and will never again. He doesn't get it (I'm sure Mommy has told him all sorts of stuff about me--as usual--DS knows to never mention him to me or me to him--how sad is that?); apparently I attract clueless, brainless, moron users.

I didn't answer your question, did I? I'm sure there were clues in your case but some people are very good at hiding their thoughts and plans; I suspect that's what happened to you.

AngieM2 · #8 07/13/12, 09:03 PM

I left as after two years of counselling that he sometimes came to, and after years of him not having time to even lean down to kiss the girls goodbye, or even acknowledge their presence - he was all business, never at a meal with us, etc.
Never held the girls voluntarily.

He didn't want a family, so I relieved him of the family. Then he wanted them and tried to use the girls as pawns in the divorce.

By the way, his own pychiatrist asked to see me, and at the end of that conversation, he said he would not change and even he advised I got out.
And he was very neglectiul to the daughters - leaving a 2 yr and 4 yr old in a hot tub while he went into another room and could not understand why that would be upsetting, etc.

And he knew it was coming - he hid from the process server for a week.

And I still had a love for him at the end when I started the divorce, I just could not live that way any longer - and then I found out the rest of the story - that took me 5 years of working with the government to keep my name clean from some of the fraud stuff he had done.

I still love what I thought he was, it took 13 years of supporting him, believing in him and his dreams, and following him to hell and back before I could not do it any more.

And I found his love went to the business, and the boyfriends I did not know about, and visited the corp apt he had - not to me or the girls.
I found out he married me cause " I was reasonably attractive, liked Swan Lake ballet, and it was time for him to be married." direct quote to the court.
I was a cover so he would be business acceptable and I worked cheap.

There is NO SENSE of it all, I've been divorced 28 years, He committed suicide 2007, and I still have questions - I even asked a ex brother in law (his sisters first hubby), last week about some info from that time.

Do not waste your time trying to make sense, it does not happen unless by accident some years later. Get on with your life - it is the best revenge. (but I did use to think of dropping him down a garbage disposal or shooting him in the hallways of where I was working).

And you're still freshly hurt.
I does get better.

Smalltowngirl · #9 07/13/12, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shanzone2001

Wow. I am so sorry....

Thanks, I'm doing ok but I was bitter for a long time. I still occasionally wake up crying in the night. You know during the day you can make your conscious mind skip over the bad stuff but at night, you don't have that same control.

I have a job that I love which pays the bills & many friends, so life is good. In my dreams I'd love to have another hobby farm but I seriously doubt if that will happen due to my age & income. So I do container gardening, have my dogs & feed the wild birds & squirrels..

I figure I'm ok as long as I don't start collecting cats.

chamoisee · #10 07/13/12, 09:17 PM

Most of the partners I have left were abusive in some way. One had addiction issues and after those were resolved the spark just wasn't there. I tried getting back together with him for the sake of our child, but he wanted to be adored and for me it was going to be more of a friendship/partnership thing. Right around then, a woman came along who swore she loved him to pieces and he took off with her, so that was the end of that.

maverickxxx · #11 07/13/12, 09:19 PM

Why some people just are not capable of real love an commitment. Saying an doing are to different. The only person she loved was herself an her kids are behind that. She did but didn't know. She knew I'd leave but she didn't think I'd not come back. Her son knew. Was prolly hardest thing I be ever done. Leaving her kids she was easy. I can still hear his voice after 3 years saying mom leave him alone he hasn't done anything he never does anything! I rember what she said to him an I knew it was never going to change no matter what I or they said. Two nights before that her daughter wanted me to read her story an was telling her mom how I could do anything I could just stand up an punch hole in ceiling n put skylight for her to see the stars. So I can imagine its tough to make sense after u spent lifetime with someone. But leavn kids I assume is infinitely harder I know it was for me. N when ever I see the little girl in store where ever she yells my name n runs over to give me sweetest hug. An the intensity of her hug has never changed. It's the same one u get when they are telling u a monster is under the bed. Or watching the little boy hiding in tall grass watching u load machines an equipment on trailers for three days. But the text messages an interaction reminds u why u are leaving.

#12 07/13/12, 09:36 PM

Hey, because I raised my kids by myself, I became hardened off to life. In the early 70's, a man with kids didn't get welfare or food stamps. He got threatened with taking the kids away. I learned how to fight the system, I learned how to be mean, I learned how to drink hard, I learned how to take drugs, i learned how to inflict incredible violence. All in the name of keeping my children together. And I did it. The woman was raised without a sense of morality. What was so different about us? I did what I had to. She did what was expected of her.

katydidagain · #13 07/13/12, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roadless

Zong we are actually on the same page....I stuck with my husband for 29 years...through all kinds of life experiences...because I love him....and quite frankly I still haven't given up much to the dismay of those around me who don't understand why I still mourn him....I hurt deeply because I love deeply. I didn't walk ....and I would still take him back...but he has another now.....and acts as if our time together never existed.

I am so sad for you--being betrayed that way is heartbreaking. I stopped loving my EX when he left me to die; I wish I could fix it for you--I really do.

**Terri** · #14 07/13/12, 09:41 PM

I have not heard a single person say that they just gave up.

The 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And, it is not unusual to go back and forth on the list.

The only way to never grieve is to never love, and that would be a life not worth living, IMHO!

Lastly, what purpose does it serve to yell at each other? Will it change anything? Will it do anything other than spread pain?

Grizz · #15 07/18/12, 03:55 AM

mushrooms lol

nehimama · #16 07/18/12, 06:18 AM

Mine was an alcoholic. When I could no longer respect him, I could no longer love him. Sad, so sad!

JohnnyLee · #17 07/18/12, 06:39 AM

If there is one constant in human lives, it is change. Everyone changes, everyone grows, hopefully for the better.

BOTH have to make it a priority to grow together, or you WILL grow apart.

WhyNot · #18 07/18/12, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roadless

....can you explain why? Where did the love go? Did your partner know it was coming? I guess I am still trying to make sense of it all.

1 kept trying to kill me, love pretty much was wrecked regardless, he had no idea it was coming.

1 kept sleeping with other people, my love dissolved after he wouldn't stop, wore me out, he had no idea it was coming.

1 died in a car accident, that love is still there and I mourn once in a while still for him, nobody had any idea it was coming

1 kept hanging out on singles sites and met people for sex, my love dissolved when I found out...didn't try to work on that one, he had no idea it was coming AND didn't understand why this was an issue.

1 well that one just dissolved because we became roomates, we tried to work on it, he insisted everything was fine but we were becoming more like ships passing, he had no idea it was coming and was extremely angry with me for a few weeks until he met the woman that is now his wife. This one we basically grew apart, he wasn't very honest with himself about what he ultimately wanted in life and when I figured out where I was headed they were on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Those were the major ones. The ones I saw for a few weeks or a few dates jumped ship before it came to port LOL

willow_girl · #19 07/18/12, 07:16 AM

Ehh. None of my ex's were bad guys. They weren't perfect, but then I'm not either.

I guess sometimes I get restless ... that's all!

Fowler · #20 07/18/12, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nehimama

Mine was an alcoholic. When I could no longer respect him, I could no longer love him. Sad, so sad!

I'll drink to that..LOL