Off topic: The heartbreak of losing a child

[Doug Hodges]

I've been reading the posts about kids, twins, loss, etc. today is a rough day for me. This whole time of year is hard. I lost one of my sons August 17, 2009. He was 3. He was at my moms and got away from her for a few minutes and drowned. I didn't want to put this in anyone else's post so I made my own. Some days are worse than others. His birthday is especially hard. That's today. My son Mikael (Michael) would of been 9 today. I lost him 5 years ago. No one should ever have to go through the loss of a child. God bless those of you that have experienced this loss. Below is my boy a few weeks before the accident and a couple more. Not only was he beautiful but he was highly intelligent and was very athletic for his age. He even played softball with the bigger kids on July 4th of that year. He could hit the ball and run like a deer. I miss him so much. I think of him daily. I had his stone carved in China.

I try to keep this all in but sometimes it just helps to get it out. Writing it down is a release for me. Sorry

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http://www.spottednubian.com/index.html

[myheaven]

The loss of a child is never something you can "get over", it is a pain you learn to carry. It is so very hard to carry. every day you wake up and put the chains of grief over your shoulder and carry on. some days are better thend others. We are all here for you Doug. I still remember whend you opened up your heart to us. I cried so hard for you. We are all here for you.

[Ardie/WI]

My sister has buried 4 of her 7 children. I can't imagine. I asked her, after the third child died, how she survived. She said that she didn't have a choice. She added that she just put one foot in front of the other and kept going.

She has Alzheimers now and I wonder sometimes if it isn't a blessing.

[where I want to]

I read your post and honored the life of your son for that moment. It was good to simply post. You have my sympathy for your loss.

[Goat Servant]

Oh Doug.

[dozedotz]

Doug, When our baby Liam died he was followed by Shannon, Ryan, Brendan and Ian. From the depths of loss there is gain, from the grief there is joy. Destiny is obviously the sun born from the darkness. All of us experience some kind of profound despair in our lives and the opportunity to revisit that moment again and again...surely there is good there that can be hard to see. I really believe we are being prepared for something much bigger to come. Our little daughter in law had an older brother who was one of those amazing guys who can "do it all." He and his wife and their 5 kids were all killed together in a terrible air crash. Since that horrible day two more children have been born into her family and now twins are on the way. It doesn't change the past, but it sure brightens the future. Life is good...always. Some of us get more of it than others...make the best of it!
We care about you and your dear family, Mac and Paula

[Muleman]

No need to say sorry to us here at HT. I only wish I had something more meaningful to say? Our prayers are with you, thanks for trusting us enough to share.

[Zimobog]

Doug that would crush me. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Tim D Pruitt]

Doug and family,
So sorry for your heartache. No words can really comfort - they are simply inadequate. This world is full of grief and sorrow. This is not the millennium where everything is perfect. Our hearts long for a better place where there is no pain like this. Our prayers are with you.

Tim @ Pruittville Farms

[nehimama]

I'm so sorry for your heart-wrenching loss.

[Janis R]

You never "get over" the loss of a child, it changes you. I lost my youngest daughter at 24 of lung cancer; no she didn't smoke. She has been gone over 8 years now and , it feels like forever and yesterday at the same time. I will never understand why she had to be taken from me. The only comfort I have is knowing that I will see her again when I get to heaven. I was mad at God for a long time, but instead of looking at the loss I chose to thank Him for the years she was here on earth.
I am sorry for your loss

[Frosted Mini's]

Doug, I am so sorry. Your poor mother too, for the guilt she must feel. I need to go hug my children tighter now.

[vicker]

I'm so sorry this became you all's life. I do believe it makes you more beautiful, if you let it. It's been almost 30 years since I lost my two. I still dream of them occasionally and, while I am slowly turning into an old man, they never age. I dreamed of them all night a few nights ago and it just struck me how they never age. I used to dream of them every night but, now, over the last 2-3 years, it is only occasionally. It is good. Life is beautiful, and their loss was really about the largest part of my life that made me who I am.

I know how set apart you sometimes feel, and how you would trade it all to just have it all back. God loves us and sometimes picks us for enormous tasks. You never could be big enough for it, so don't try

He was a handsome boy. You'll see him again, when your race is run.

[mzgarden]

words fail but tears flow. Heart pain is the worst pain.

[ne prairiemama]

Oh doug I'm so sorry that he is gone. He was a very handsome boy and sounds so smart and amazing! I wish you had no need of a stone for him but that stone is probably the most beautiful one I have ever seen in my life.

I will be praying for you and yours. Thank you for sharing him with us. That means a lot to me. Tears here to add to yours.....

[FireMaker]

We lost our daughter 23 yrs ago. God has used that experience to help others. That has been the blessing. Was sitting a McDs one day and a lady was getting frustrated with her daughter. A beautiful little curly headed blond. She called her by the same name as ours. It was really tough and I needed to get out of there. Too much thinking what could have been. I stopped by the lady and told her she had a beautiful daughter. She looked at me like I was a nut job. I added. "my Hannah would have been 22 if she was alive". Her lightbulb came on.
Praying for you.

[SeaGoat]

My neighbors lost their 9 month old to drowning in their pool this summer.
I watched helpless as it all happened.
Listening to that mother weep has haunted me since.
Now every time I hear screaming the sickening feeling of that day returns.


I dont know my neighbors, they moved in only a couple months before it happened.
I do think of them everyday. I wonder about her pain, I wonder about her nights, mornings, days.

While I silently share grief with them, there is no way I feel what they do.
It makes me cry from my children sometimes.


Please dont hesitate to talk about you pain, easier said than done..
But there is always someone willing to listen.

[Jlynnp]

Doug you have my deepest sympathy. I know all to well how hard it is to face those days that are special when you have lost a child. I lost both my son and daughter in July of 1977 to a senseless murder. You will never get over it but it will get easier.

[VA Susan]

So sorry, Doug for your loss. What a beautiful son God gave you. We put roses on my little daughter's grave this week. She would have been six. She died a month before her due date so we never got to know her. The Lord gives us grace and comfort but we have still shed many tears. We know that she is safe with the Lord in heaven now.
This world is not the way God created it. It has been spoiled by sin. Death is abnormal. One day there will be no more sin sorrow, pain or death. Jesus came to destroy the devil's work and He will give eternal life to all who will come to Him in faith.

[notwyse]

There are no words for this that I know. But so sorry anyway. It is good and right that you remember him. Love is like that....sometimes it hurts.