OT: Dear Hubby again....

CJBegins · #1 12/04/13, 11:55 AM

I am so depressed and could just bawl all the time. I am trying my best but it is tough.

Last Saturday morning my hubby had a very severe heart attack. He was life flighted to the hospital that his cardiologist works. They had him in the cath lab within the hour but weren't about to open the blockage.

A little history, he had 3 vessel bypass in March 07. (16 days after we got married) In the following 6 months he had 3 more MI's and lost one of the grafts. Since then he has had a pacemaker and a total of 25 stents (some inside of others) in attempt to keep the 2 grafts open. Some time in the last 2 years he lost the 2nd graft to blockage and the MI Saturday was the last graft. Long story short his heart has one large vessel supplying blood to the heart tissue and very little collateral circulation.

They don't feel that he is a good candidate for another round of bypass due to the tissue damage from the most recent MI and the fact that he has extremely small vessels and cutting on the causes a tremendous amount of inflammation and scar tissue to build.

So he is home taking it easy. Will continue to have chest pain until all the tissue that is going to die is dead. In the mean time he is at risk of rupturing the heart wall or developing a lethal arrhythmia.

I just started a new job and was relying on him to care for my numerous animals while I am gone 3 days a week. Now he won't be able to do much. So, I will be selling my milk goats and cows, which will leave me with the horses, donkeys, dogs, cats and rabbits. Our hogs are gone.

I am scared to death that I am going to come home and find him passed away. I work 12 hour shifts and drive 1.5 hours to get there. I have been staying with my son and his family during my shifts and coming home when I am done.

The doctor seemed kinda optimistic that once the tissue does what it is going to do he will no longer be in pain and will possibly build some endurance.

So sorry this is so long but I really need to put my feelings into words. I try not to talk to him about my fears because he is working really hard at having a good outlook and I don't want to be a Debbie downer.

Carla

LisaInN.Idaho · #2 12/04/13, 12:05 PM

You're not a Debbie Downer. I'm so sorry you and he are going thru this...it has to be so scary and a constant stress. I don't have any words of wisdom but you and he are in my thoughts and prayers.

Snowfan · #3 12/04/13, 12:12 PM

Would some type of home health care be an option?

Cannon_Farms · #4 12/04/13, 12:27 PM

if it helps I kinda know where you are at, my husband had a massive heart attack a fews years ago, not because of anything preventable but rather we found out he has major heart and artery defects to the point there is nothing they can do other than put him on blood thinners and bp medicine to rest his heart.
The fear never goes away, I still roll over in the middle of the night and make sure hes still with me, but over time Ive become less scared and it was helpful to make sure that I could take care of the kids if something happend. My heart will shatter when that day comes but everything else is prepaired.
Him taking care of the farm can be a good thing if he can get some help out until hes more stable, men dont do good with nothing to do and its good exercise without strain with a few modifications on how things are done. we had horses when my husband had his heart attack and in a panic of what ifs while he was in ICU and odds where not in his favor, I regret giving them away to this day but its what I thought I needed to do, I definitely wasnt prepared to be a widow at 30 and all I could think of was to find a home for anything that eats so we as a family could survive.
((hugs))

yarrow · #5 12/04/13, 12:55 PM

oh Carla.. I'm so sorry to hear about all this.. what an awful situation to be in.. the constant fear & stress has got to be so hard on you (which isn't healthy for YOU!)..big hugs and good juju headed your way.. hopefully once everything settles down with his heart.. he'll be stronger and able to do more then they think he will be...
so sorry to hear about needing to rehome the goats & cows.. (just adds to your heartache and stress I know)

and NO you are NOT DEBBIE DOWNER.. we are your friends.. talking it out is good for you

susie, mo ozarks

trnubian · #6 12/04/13, 01:00 PM

I am so sorry. Prayers for the right decisons to be made, healing and peace for you.

Doug Hodges · #7 12/04/13, 01:07 PM

Through God all things are possible. Said a prayer for you. God Bless

CJBegins · #8 12/04/13, 03:52 PM

I hadn't considered home health. That ought to make him mad...lol. He keeps telling me that he has got this.
The irony of the day is our insurance agent called an wanted to offer life insurance for both of us. I can't imagine how expensive that would be.

Cannon_Farms · #9 12/04/13, 04:30 PM

I made sure our mortgage insurance would cover non accidental and then through my job I got a $50000 policy for like $5 a month, 500k for dismemberment is included in that. Met life seems pretty reasonable at least to me, I could have gotten more but he would have had to do a health screening.

sisterpine · #10 12/04/13, 04:30 PM

I am neither wise nor an expert at anything. I do know though that you find laughter where you can, love when it is present and sorrow when it is not. You are very blessed to have such a love in your life. I pray that your love heals and you both get to enjoy many more days together. sis

Cyngbaeld · #11 12/04/13, 05:39 PM

So sorry, hon. Try not to stress over it too much. Nights can be the worst, so you might want to find something that you can distract yourself with before falling asleep. A friend listens to Bible tapes and says that helps. I sometimes will quote long passages of Scripture to myself and that helps too. Praying for everyone you can think of helps. Anything to avoid rehearsing your woes over and over to yourself in the dark.

Backfourty,MI. · #12 12/04/13, 06:03 PM

I am so sorry your going through so much Carla & no your not a Debbie Downer! It helps if you can just vent sometimes & that's what friends are for!
Hoping things work out better than you think & maybe you can keep a few of your goats, just dry them up for the winter & see how everything & hubby is in the spring before you rehome them all.
Hugs coming your way!

Goat Servant · #13 12/04/13, 07:47 PM

Carla this is life. Unfortunate shtuff happens to all of us at the most inopurtune times. To our loved ones, to us.
Thanks for sharing your situation, your fears. Many will be praying.
Katie made a good point regarding drying everyone up for now.

Suzyq2u · #14 12/04/13, 07:56 PM

Oh Carla I'm so sorry. As stated above you are NOT a debbie downer.
Please know we're thinking about you & hubby here at our house.
Hang in there!

Ford Zoo · #15 12/04/13, 09:53 PM

I can't imagine the fear that this brings. Know that I am thinking of both of you. Please keep us posted and know that we are here for you.

Pony · #16 12/05/13, 11:49 AM

This is not you!

Pony · #17 12/05/13, 11:50 AM

I am so sorry that you're going through this trial. {hugs} and prayers.

Otter · #18 12/05/13, 02:30 PM

Would you like to board some goats for a month or two while you work this out? It's a lot to deal with all at once, I know. If there is no one closer to you, I can work out bio-secure housing for a couple of goats for you so you don't have to rush to get rid of everyone.

SkeeterBlue · #19 12/05/13, 04:16 PM

What a terrible thing to have been and be going through. Carla, I will add you and your husband to my prayers.

KathleenElsie · #20 12/06/13, 08:44 PM

Prayers and hugs. Prayers for a healing and peace beyond human understanding . Will dedicate a Devine Mercy for you and yours.