Saying goodbye to two old friends

GoldenWood Farm · #1 12/01/13, 06:53 PM

Sorry I haven't been on much, life has gotten rather crazy with lots of changes and my energy has been down. I also got my wisdom teeth out and developed dry socket (don't recommend anyone doing that..it hurts

).

Anyways this thread is to say goodbye to two of my old friends here on the farm. Tomorrow our old girl Grandma Ric and my sweet Toyboy are being put to rest and buried underneath our big oak tree.

It is time and while both are not deathly ill I am making the call before they go down hill and while they are still somewhat happy. I don't see them weathering through this winter well at all and honestly I have been putting it off out of my own selfishness. I have the vet coming out to the farm so I don't have to stress them out and they will be able to end their lives on the farm they grew up on.

Grandma Ric came to me as a yearling, she was the first doe I ever saw a delivery on or assisted with. I learned to milk on her, kicking leg and all but my friend said if I could learn to milk her I could milk anything

. This old girl has been through it all with me, I gave her to my mom quite a while ago but she still has a special place in my heart. I am sending my mom on a long drive with my dad while I stay here with Ric, it is to hard on my mom to be here when she gets put down. Grandma Ric is 11yrs almost 12yrs old and her age is starting to show in drastic ways. Her time has come and I will stand by her until the end letting her know how much I love her.

Toy...my sweet Toy. He never knew he was supposed to become a big nasty buck, he always was my sweet darling boy. He was my first buck I ever owned, him and his twin sister came home with me dripping wet from being born one Easter morning. I will never forget his first time breeding a doe because he was only 7 months old at the time. She lowered her head to him and he ran trembling behind my legs (all 100+ pounds of his manly goatness

). Toy was known for passing on his sweet quiet temperament to all his kids though he also was known for passing on his Houdini escaping skills as well! He was retired and castrated at 7yrs of age and has spent the rest of his days just being a happy old guy. Now at almost 11yrs old I am saying goodbye to one of my best friends. I just like with Ric will be there until the end with him..just holding him and letting him know how much I love him.

His sister remains in the herd and is now herd queen though this is her last year being bred. She will be retired and live out her live on the farm just like Toy did.

I have added some photos of Toy doing what he always did best...being my buddy and then of Grandma Ric in her prim though the last picture is the true Ric...goofy to the core.

Justine

yarrow · #2 12/01/13, 07:24 PM

Big hugs.. (I know how hard it is.. to make the *decision*)...they had a good life and knew nothing but love.. (it's so much better to let them go on a *good* day, then to wait too long and HAVE to do the deed).... I'd been watching something neurological with Jackie for the past couple of months.. nothing I could ever put my finger on in the beginning.. but I knew something was just off with her.. (started with her never coming into heat this year... then it was subtle little things.. holding her head a little weird..sometimes, other times.. she was perfectly normal and I would question did I even see her being weird... one eye not looking quite like the other... a little buggy.. not looking straight ahead..just little stuff).. then it suddenly got a whole lot worse this past week.. staggering.. on and off star gazing.. (still eating and not in obvious pain.. no fever, color good... just off).. Chris carried her back to the barn thursday night.. she was just to tired to make it all the way.. still alert and there.. but.. friday morning found her down and seizures beginning.. I ended up having to shoot her..(I'm pretty sure we were dealing with a brain mass or something along those lines).. I've been kicking myself for the last couple days.. wishing I would have gone ahead and had the vet out to humanely euthanize her (we always have them give a BIG dose of sedative first.. so the girls just fall asleep with us, before the pink stuff)... I knew on tuesday that it wasn't going to end well.. but did I call??? nope.. wanted to give her another day.. vet was of coursed closed wed (their normal day off) and then thanksgiving.. by friday it was bad enough I needed to end it right then... it was quick, but much more violent (esp for the LGDs... Lola just sat and stared at me the entire time)..harder on me too (hard being the one doing the deed and harder yet, for being the one who waited too long, hoping for a miraculous recovery...

You are being a good goat mama..
much love and strength being sent your way..
susie, mo ozarks

GoldenWood Farm · #3 12/01/13, 07:30 PM

Oh Susie

. I am so so sorry you had to go through that. I needed to read what you wrote though, I have been having the hardest time with making the decision with Toy. He is pretty healthy and I COULD grain him through winter and probably bring him through maybe okay. But he isn't happy, I catch him staring out in the distance for sometimes hours. He is in with the bucks but with his old age he can't stand up to them like he used to. So now Abe bugs him daily but I have no place to put Toy other than the buck pen. It breaks my heart but I know that I have to make this decision for him not for me.

I can't shake the feeling that I am letting him down somehow though...that I am taking the easy road out on this. But then I catch him in those moments...and I see the look on his face and I know I am making the right call. The spark has gone out of his eyes and his joy is going away.

Justine

Clovers_Clan · #4 12/01/13, 07:43 PM

Such a blessed, long, full life. That kind of longevity only occurs with the best of care and a whole lot of love. Judging by the photo of Toy hanging out, many fond memories will remain when they're gone. Sending strength your way.

Goat Servant · #5 12/01/13, 08:41 PM

The hardest thing is to let them go when you know they need to.
But it is the most unselfish thing we can do when there is no other way.
Auto was a big old sweetheart of a buck. He always talked to me. He loved his cheek & butt rubs.
Had the vet out he was going downhill.
"Hear that sloshing in his belly? There's some sort of internal injury."
I was in denial though I heard it.
Pumped him full of meds & he was OK for a few weeks.
Then the area he spent most of his time in smelled off.
He was off. More meds. He wasn't going to make it & I wasn't spending another 300 for a farm call.
The 4th of July came. We set him free.
Big hug for you Goldenwood.

Minelson · #6 12/01/13, 09:13 PM

Justine...I am so sad for you but so proud of you. Your love is showing. BIG! And there is no way that these 2 don't know how loved they are. What a wonderful life they have had with you. Goodbyes are so very hard but so very needed when we only wish the best for our beloved goats. ((((tearful hug))))

Backfourty,MI. · #7 12/02/13, 01:18 AM

I am so sorry Justine, what a great life Ric & Toy have had & so much Love. Sending hugs to you!

parrotman · #8 12/02/13, 05:04 AM

Knowing when to let go is not to care for, but to care about. Your compassion for your friends, is beyond words. Find comfort in knowing your selflessness will send them off with dignity and respect.

Doug Hodges · #9 12/02/13, 06:45 AM

This thread has me torn. I don't know what I will do when the time comes. I've had family in hospice care that were allowed to die on their own time. I have put dogs down that were injured and suffering. This has to have you tore up. God Bless

nehimama · #10 12/02/13, 07:39 AM

I feel for you. Big HUGS!

DragonFlyFarm · #11 12/02/13, 10:55 AM

Oh Golden...I'm so sorry for the decision you have to make. Try to remember that our critters live in the moment with no worries of the future. The worries are for us to bear. All they know is their wonderful life full of love. Hugs to you.

mammabooh · #12 12/02/13, 11:26 AM

Aw, so sorry. I'm proud of you, though, for doing what needs to be done.

meggie · #13 12/02/13, 11:41 AM

I am so sorry for your loss..sometimes the right thing hurts the most.

GoldenWood Farm · #14 12/02/13, 12:57 PM

Thank you everyone for your kind words, thoughts and wonderful hugs. This day is wearing very heavy on me

. The vet should be here around 3:20-3:30pm and I find myself wanting time to crawl but yet also speed up. This day just sucks already

.

Justine

anita_fc · #15 12/02/13, 01:15 PM

OMG, Justine. In NO WAY are you taking the "easy way out". <tears of empathy here> It is such a painful balancing act to decide when the bad days (or hours) outweigh the good. The "easy way" (if anyone could even call it that) is to back out when the time arrives and they are having a good day. Like Susie, we once had to shoot one of our LGDs when she became painfully terminal when all our vets were out of town at the Idaho Vet Med annual conference. It was horrifying and it marked us forever.

Hugs and prayers to you on this difficult day. You are showing your special friends the ultimate love.

aart · #16 12/02/13, 04:24 PM

Ungoated lurker sending you condolences, wishing you peace and strength in processing your grief, kudos for a difficult but responsible decision.

We know from the day we let them into our hearts, that one day they will break them.
The joy we gain by loving them will, in time, once again outweigh the sadness they can bring to our lives.

GoldenWood Farm · #17 12/02/13, 09:40 PM

It is done....I had two amazing friends come out to be with me. We where scheduled to have pouring rain and wind but instead we had clear blue skies, beautiful sun and a slight breeze.

It was a BEAUTIFUL day, Ric and Toy got to spend their last few hours in the back pasture underneath our oak tree eating beautiful green grass and soaking up the warm sun. I made sure they got their fill of yummy apples sliced up so they could eat them properly. I have to give HUGE kudos to my amazing vet, she is the sweetest woman with both animals and people. She gave me the biggest hug when she first saw me and was just so good with both Ric and Toy.

We did Toy first, he went so fast and I am so thankful for that. She gave him the shot while I held him and he was gone before he fully went down to the ground. Ric took a bit longer but I held her head in my lap and just crooned to her. I know in my heart I made the right decision for both of them and I feel at peace now. We buried them both beneath the old oak tree where they loved grazing.

Again my vet is just amazing, she helped us in moving them to their final resting place and just was so amazing and sweet. My one friend brought out her two bottle kids and we got our baby fixes after all was said and done. It brought a smile to all our faces seeing the young ones so full of life and jumping around

. I know that Ric and Toy are happier now and Ric is reunited with my sweet Brandy Girl whom I lost earlier this year. They never had to leave their home...something which I am very thankful for.

Justine

Minelson · #18 12/02/13, 09:49 PM

Sounds like a perfect life with a peaceful, perfect ending. We should all be as lucky as Toy and Ric. (((((hugs))))