R.I.P Cully

GraceAlice · #1 09/21/13, 07:12 PM

A VERY dear friend of mine was found dead this morning. I feel so special that I even got to know him. He had a long, amazing life and he is probably having fun playing solitaire and telling the longest jokes ever in Heaven. God bless him, please. Bless his wife, too.

I haven't cried and most likely won't unless I hug his wife and she starts crying. I'm honestly not terribly sad, because I know the Lord is watching over him now. Also because he had the most adventerous, AMAZING, full, life. Of course I miss him and I feel horrible about the situation, BUT I would feel selfish if I were to feel sad for myself. When someone dies, I think usually, when you get down to it, you are sad because they are gone. When you get down to the heart of that, it really just means you are sad that you and your friends and family can't see them anymore, not that you are sad for THEM! So, I won't be sad for myself, I will be happy for him that he is in such a wonderful place feeling great.

There is not really a reason for me to be sad, because he is in a BETTER place. But, of course, I am devastated for his friends who have known him for over 50 years.

He was so very dear to my heart and everyone else's too. He has his own IMDB, has written a book and written plays, he's been an actor in several things, and he has even shot a man.

He was just a fabulous man, and no one who met him even for a split second will forget him.

CJBegins · #2 09/21/13, 08:10 PM

I am sorry for your incredible loss! Remember all the good times and hopefully it will ease the huge void he has left.

Minelson · #3 09/21/13, 09:23 PM

I'm sorry GraceAlice

He really sounds like a special person that will be missed. ((((hugs))))

GraceAlice · #4 09/22/13, 09:43 AM

Well, there came the tears.

He wrote a letter before he died. Mentioning all of his friends and how they were "A good bunch". He ended the letter with his favorite movie line, "Thanks for all the fish.". The highlight, though, was that he wrote this. Sue is his wife.

"Sue, you are perfect."

I am almost crying right now. That's so dang sweet.

CraterCove · #5 09/22/13, 01:37 PM

Thanks for all the fish... That's one of my favorite books. He sounds like a treasure and someone who will be missed.

I am sorry for your loss. Sending comforting thoughts to you guys out there.

GraceAlice · #6 09/22/13, 06:32 PM

Thank you.

I am absolutely heart broken. He was THE man. He always washed all the dishes, NO ONE was ever allowed to di it but him. He would answer the phone and we would talk about how he couldn't find Sue because she's in the garden or something.

It would end with an "Adios.".

He was also the all star chef around here. He was absolutely fabulous at cooking. He was THE COOK. I went through his kitchen, touched the kitchen sink handles (this is really choking me up right now), looked at where he had been standing, cooking his famous scrambled eggs. He was absolutely AWESOME! I can't imagine anyone like him. I cannot believe that he is gone.

He wasn't your normal 86 year old. We wasn't one of those skinny little old men. He was a big guy with all the might in the world, and would always come up to his dog, trashing around his big ole' boots and say, "Leo, you're a good dog. Yes you are. Good dog.".

I... just... can't believe it. Can't get it through my mind. My first post was when I was hardened. Yeah, not so hardened anymore. Telling his story to my sister almost made me cry. I was just about to start crying, my voice was cracking and everything. But I gotta be strong.

Minelson · #7 09/22/13, 07:23 PM

Why do you have to stay strong? I think you should let the pain out. I have stuffed pain in the past and it has only caused me more problems later on. I hope you let yourself grieve for the loss of a wonderful person in your life. ((((hugs))))

GraceAlice · #8 09/22/13, 07:27 PM

Because I'm not one to just break out and start balling. Everyone around me is just so sad right now, I try not to join in that and hold it in. I haven't cried in front of anyone, just a few tears secretely. If I'm sad, I make others sad. I can't do that.

Thank you so much Min.

Minelson · #9 09/22/13, 07:35 PM

Well I'm sad that you can't be sad

It's a natural emotion...not a burden on others. For me I would hold it in because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop. But I have found out that I will stop. I think it would be a blessing for you to show your true feelings to others...Just my thoughts, everyone grieves differently. I just don't want you to get sick trying to be stoic if you don't really feel that way.

Awnry Abe · #10 09/22/13, 08:41 PM

Bawling is good. Let it fly. I've lost some very near and dear, and it only hurts worse when I can't.

GraceAlice · #11 09/22/13, 08:48 PM

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0165712/?ref_=fn_al_nm_4 Here you are, guys.

I don't feel like crying unless I really think about it. It is very depressing walking through his kitchen, looking at "his chair", using the phone that Cully had touched 2 days before. *sigh* It's very, very sad. He was much more than a friend.

I don't want to cry, really. Just don't want to. I have lived my life being the one that doesn't cry at funerals, doesn't cry over dead animals, like I was the strong one. I know in my heart that I'm really a softie, just kinda like my heart is an M&M. Hord on the outside, soft on the inside.

CraterCove · #12 09/22/13, 09:04 PM

If you want some good reasons to let the floodgates down here are a couple:

Tears shed in stress, sadness, grief carry larger amounts of toxins out of your system than other kinds of tears. They also carry out of the body excess compounds produced by your body in stress like endorphin leucine-enkaphalin and prolactin (uh excuse my perhaps poor spelling). The inverse of which is stopping yourself from crying causes an unhealthy build up of such things increasing heart rate and blood pressure and all those other nasty things.

Emotions are part of being human, of being alive, mayhap. To deny them is not strength, to deny them is to admit weakness and inability to cope. I'm not saying that to insult you but rather as something I have had to accept. I grew up venerating Spock and the Vulcan culture--- I am serious, from about age 6 onward until it became unhealthy I restricted my emotional responses. A more serious study of Vulcan culture however leads to the discovery of the fact (yeah I know it's sci-fi so take the word fact with a grain of salt) that the reason Vulcan's suppress their emotions is because they are highly passionate and nearly drove themselves to extinction. Also, they are fascinated by humans because they are capable of being passionate beings and rational beings at the same time.

Strength is not measured by a lack of outward emotional responses but by my ability to feel everything deeply and still do what is necessary in my life.

Uhhh... I'll get off the

now.

Truly your grief is yours to express or not as you choose.