Beyond heart broke and ready to give up.

[Donna1982]

I am honestly thinking about selling out and moving back to the city. We just lost my beautiful buck that we got from Tin Mom. He was doing a little better but I guess he was just to weak to fight it off anymore. I feel like a TOTAL failure and that I have let down Tin Mom, my own mom, Eric and most of all my beautiful G-Mo. 2013 was suppose to be better it and so far all it has been is heart break after heart break. I honestly do not know if I want to or can do this anymore.

Tin Mom I am so sorry and G-Mo I hope you are running in field of green green grass with Tator Bug.

Thank you to all that had said a prayer or healing thoughts for him. Without you guys I do not know what I would do.

[mammabooh]

I'm so VERY sorry to hear that. You and your family will be in my prayers.

[yarrow]

Oh NO.. I'm so sorry... the beginning years can be tough.. full of heartbreak and thoughts of quitting.. stick with it.. I promise you in the end, you herd will bring you much more joy then sorrows..(it really does get easier the longer you do it.. you work out the kinks)

big hugs
susie, mo ozarks

((just thought I'd edit this and add.. back in the beginning I bought a beautiful, wildly spotted show doeling -paid $500 for her- Lesson 1, don't spend so much when you don't know what you are doing.. Lesson 2.. learn MORE about goat care, esp bottle baby care BEFORE you bring home the $500 doeling.. Lesson 3..make sure the breeder (who was SO helpful, before money exchanged hands).. but was TOO busy to even answer an email when the doeling got sick 3 days later .. Lesson 4.. sort of goes with 3.. when you finally get advice on a sick kid..know enough YOURSELF to know when it's bad advice..(((I lost that doe 6 days after she arrived here.. she was 4 weeks old. I was beyond heartsick.. guilty.. unsure of my ability to ever own more kids.. all of it.. back then, I didn't even own a gun (brand new to the country).. so that poor kid suffered in my arms for 5 hours before she finally died.. I was home alone, knew no one in the state... I just wanted my mommy!!! (actually I would have been happy to have had ANYBODY that night).. I made myself and that dead doeling a promise as I buried her.. I would LEARN EVERYTHING I COULD ABOUT DAIRY GOATS and their care.. I would NEVER again, be at the point where I wasn't able to do it myself (if no one was there to do it for me).. I would have a way (and be able to do it) to put down a suffering animal (got a 22 the next day.. first week I had it, one of the barn cats got hit by a car and was suffering.. never killed a thing, until my cat.. but it was in that's kid's memory that I learned to do the right thing)..
I did work and I did learn.. I befriended old timer nubian people all over the country.. asked a million questions.. I read vet manuals.. I memorized as much as I could.. I got fully stocked vet cabinets.. (I've gone from a bottle of LA 200 and some needles & syringes to enough to do minor surgeries).. EVERY goat we've ever lost.. I vow to learn something from that passing and use that knowledge to save others (be it my own or someone else's)

Saddest of all, that $500 bottle doeling... she died of COCCI, yep.. Cocci..I didn't know enough about prevention/nothing about treatment.. she didn't have the runs.. she just quit eating and by the end was screaming with belly pain.. I ***KNOW** it was simply cocci because I took her to the vet the afternoon before she died.. he tested her and told me that it was the WORST load he had EVER SEEN..treated her, but the damage was done..(I could tell he was disgusted with my stupidity about something that is just standard kid care).. I have got to assume said, breeder didn't use any cocci prevention at all (since she was over 3 weeks when I got her).. she never told me that I needed to do it either..never mentioned that it MIGHT just be cocci.. nope, told me it was a belly ach.. to give her flat sprite and baking soda... I will forever remember the doeling, my newbie-ness killed...sure the breeder let down her end, but I really take full responsibility for Gwenny's death))

[chewie]

yarrow is so right. I had tons of problems, and just now, 7 years later, its getting so its running pretty smooth. I hesitate to even say that, that sort of talk is asking for trouble! BUT it really does get better.

I just tried to figure out what when wrong, asked a zillion questions, and listened to those who have the experience. some stuff I listened and did first, and tried to figure out why later. hugs from me too....hang in there.

[Oat Bucket Farm]

Oh no! I am so sorry he didn't make it. But everyone is right, the first few years are the hardest. Things will get smoother and they will bring you lots of joy.

[nduetime]

We have all been right where you are. It hurts, it's frustrating, it's infuriating, but mostly it hurts. Hang in there like everyone said. it really does get better. I still remember losing a fav little doe to frothy bloat while I was gone for just a few hours. Sometimes it is just that fast. Sometimes, we work so hard to save them to no avail. Truly, truly, it does get better. It will always hurt to lose one here or there but the rewards when things start happening the way you want them to are so great. Thinking of you, peace and comfort.

[mygoat]

Some days I wish goats were more like sheep - uniform and zero personality. Makes it easier when it comes time to sell, butcher, or when one passes away.

I've 'sold out' a couple of times now. I always had some ole faithful goats that I couldn't survive without, but I've gone through no breeding phases. I always go right back, though. Though they can be frustrating, disheartening, or overwhelming at times they always make me pull through the rough times and then I'm back looking forward to next year's kidding season again.

Give it some time, hopefully you'll make the best decision for you. Don't do anything you'll regret later while you're stressed. And I'm sorry you lost G-Mo. I missed what was wrong with him.

[Oat Bucket Farm]

I still remember losing Lulu to goat polio because we didn't know what it was in time.

[Zilli]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my beautiful Zoey in December and I still think about her every day and think about "what if?" "What if" I had done this or "what if" I had done that?

So sad. It seems like there have been a lot of losses on the goat forum lately and I'm sad for everyone else who has also recently lost a member of their goat family.

[anita_fc]

Some of us have our roughest time right up front. I know I did. I spent 3 years in a holding pattern after my rotten first year. I agree with everyone that the goat personalities make it worth it in the long run to "hang in."

I'm so sorry for your loss. I do know how that feels. Just don't make any big decisions right away. Time will heal. {{{Hugs}}}

Anita
Dan-Ani Pygmy Goats, Idaho

[dbarjacres]

So sorry.

[motdaugrnds]

Donna .. ((hugs))

The other posters are right in that every single goat owner goes through something like you're going thru now. It is simply a learning phase; and few vets help much.

My experiences are similar in that I lost two GREAT PEDIGREED Alpines due to a vet's diagnosing their condition using canine values. (If I hadn't had that doe...and her "healthy" kid still in the woumb...necropsied I would not have known this.) Then I lost my beautiful 2-gal x day milking Toggenburg from a rumen dysfunction while doing exactly what the vet was telling me to do...keep forcing alfalfa pellets down her to get her to gain weight! OMG when I stopped using local vets, I stopped losing goats!

Still, no matter how sensitive we are to the needs of our goats, we will inevitably make mistakes. We can only learn from them and continue. I do hope you have the heart to continue.

[nehimama]

I'm so sorry about your loss, and I hope you will hang in there with us!! ((HUGS))

[Minelson]

I'm so sorry Just so sad for you what a tough year for you so far! You are not any kind of failure. How could that be in your mind?? If it were Tin Mom, your mom or Eric in your situation would you think that of them? G-Mo is with Tator Bug and they are painfree and happily living in bliss. And when you see them again they will be even happier!
You did everything you could I'm sure of it. It's so sad but sometimes we just can't save them G-Mo knows how much you love him. (((((((hugs))))))

[Crazy Farmgirl]

I'm so sorry for your loss!!

As the others havee stated we all have been there! Sometimes no matter what is done they don't make it, it is a sad but inevitable part of animal husbandry! You can only do your best and hope for the strength to understand when that doesn't save them all. Look around at all your happy healthy goats and KNOW you are not a failure at this indever and you haven't let anyone down you take the best possible care of them right to the end...that is all you can do!

((((HUGS))))

[GoldenWood Farm]

((((((hugs)))))) I have been there, I can promise it will get better and it will be worth it. You are NOT a failure and I know you did everything in your power to save G-Mo as well as Tater Bug.

I don't have any words of comfort (I have been sitting here to 10 minutes trying to think of what to say) but I can say I have been down that road before. I have lost kids and adults in my 10yrs of owning goats, sometimes because of my stupidity and sometimes it was out of my hands. Some of those times I was ready to throw in the towel and just be done with the whole thing, wash my hands of it and move on. I didn't, I just kept on and kept learning and every day I am thankful I never gave up.

Take a deep breath, go outside and give Boo Boo, Monkey and everyone else a HUGE hug and allow yourself to grieve (no beating yourself allowed though). ((((((((hugs)))))

Justine

[wintrrwolf]

Donna you really cant let it get you down. I do know how you feel I almost did get out of goats when I lost my goat mate Sugar, my very first goat so tolerant of my learning curve, and I still blame myself that I didn't catch it quick enough. If it hadn't been for Pawnee stepping up and loving me like Sugar used to(sending thanks to pony for selling her to me), I wouldn't have stuck it out and then wouldn't have got my little brat Pebbles (thanks yarrow!!) and I wouldn't be here right now telling you that its not all bad and its all worth hanging in there. ((hugs))

[dozedotz]

Like everyone else, I am so sorry this has happened. When you think about it, we are not just people who appreciate goats. No, we are goat vets, goat moms, goat nurses, people who can read signs of impending goat problems and goat janitors. We also have jobs, children, husbands/wives and extended family and friends...church, school and on and on. So, to say that you lost one or even more is not so crazy...Whatever you decide is best for you, do not blame yourself or feel guilty about trying to do the best you could, for caring deeply about someone besides yourself and not knowing everything. If I were you, I would reread what Suzie wrote over and over and then think about how much you respect her knowledge and her herd and how she got here!! Then if raising goats is not what you want right now, you can know that you can do it at another time or another place without thinking that you just "gave up." It is not a piece of cake and there is a steep learning curve. You are not to blame for what some of the best and most successful goat owners have also experienced...just like you.

[Frosted Mini's]

Originally Posted by mygoat

Some days I wish goats were more like sheep - uniform and zero personality. Makes it easier when it comes time to sell, butcher, or when one passes away.

I don't know about other breeds of sheep, but the ones I have have a TON of personality, so I don't know that you can even make that generalization. Animal keeping is hard sometimes! Like my husband says, he prefers the plants because it isn't really all that sad when they die. I couldn't live without my critters, though.

[Jyllie63]

I'm so sorry