Not excited about kidding

KimM · #1 12/29/10, 06:03 PM

I just don't feel jazzed about kidding season this year. It'll be 4 weeks tomorrow that we had to put our old puppers (best friend ever) to sleep and I'm still struggling with that, even tho he was old, even tho he did have a great life, even tho it was best to help him pass, etc. He was part of who I am, or at least who I was for 16 years. It's getting a teeny bit easier but I'm still so empty inside without him. He was one of my life's biggest blessings.
First 2 does are due the 15th and 17th of January. Guess that gives me a couple more weeks to heal. One thing that is very promising is that one of the does is forming a gorgeous, well-attached udder with correct teat placement. I guess that's something.
The rest are due - 3 in March, and 4 in April, and one in May; not too overwhelming. Maybe I need some baby pics or something but it seems wrong somehow to feel happy about much yet.

Minelson · #2 12/29/10, 06:30 PM

I'm sorry

Try not to bog your self down with "should" feelings...I should be happy, I should be grateful, I should be sad etc... You should be how ever you are. Suffering a loss makes everything feel different for a while. The anticipation might not be as strong this time around...but the fun will be there after they are born. My baby goats got me through my brothers death so I'm confident yours will help lift the cloud even for a little bit for you. Did you watch that Giggle with the goats video? www.Gigglewiththegoats.com. They have a bunch of video clips that will make you smile. (((((HUGS))))!!

dosthouhavemilk · #3 12/29/10, 06:34 PM

Forget the baby pictures...you simply need to come over and cuddle honest-to-goodness newborn Nubians! If you can make it Friday, we may even get interrupted by more newborns making their appearances.
I know how you feel though. I was not jazzed about this kidding season and after the last few days still am not. Even three successful kiddings into it with 7 live healthy kids on the ground.
Those quints will keep you on your toes. ;o)
Which udder is forming so nicely? Sophie's or Daisy's?

KimM · #4 12/29/10, 07:24 PM

Minelson, I DO watch that video now and then and it never fails to make me smile, at least a little. Yes it is a great distraction. I'm sure I'll get feeling more positive the closer it gets. I hope.

Roseanna, I can make it over Friday but it'll have to be earlyish. My car is getting worked on at 3.
It's Sofie's udder that's coming in so nice. Daisy's is still questionable, nice teats though.
"Quints" - nooooo!!!

SilverFlame819 · #5 12/29/10, 07:54 PM

Kim, I can certainly empathize. Yesterday I took my "little old lady dog" (who doesn't know she's old) on a walk up the canyon and it was the first time she's ever gotten turned around and lost us on the trail. She was quite confused and lost, looking up and down the trail, not being able to figure out where we went, when she was found. She is 13, will be 14 in July. She is starting to go deaf, and is also starting to lose her eyesight a little. I am already starting to panic and get emotional about it. Obviously those of us who are animal lovers have lost animals in the past, but there is always that ONE dog that seems to be a part of your soul, and this dog is that dog for me. I am so sorry for your loss. It isn't wrong to be joyous over your new babies any more than it is to be sad over the baby you lost. I'm told the important thing is to focus on the amazing time you had together and be grateful that it was YOU that had him, and not someone else, but that doesn't seem to make you forget the loss.

*hugs*

southerngurl · #6 12/29/10, 10:38 PM

I gotta say I feel kind of similar. I am interested to see the udders on my FF's and see the kids out of my buck.. but lost my grandpa in October and lost Penny, my first nubian doe he bought me not long after.. I always want to tell papa about the babies and show them to him and this will be the first time I can't. Penny was the first doe to kid on our property and in a way made my herd mine. Really stinks but what can you do.

KimM · #7 12/29/10, 11:56 PM

I'm so very sorry for your losses, especially your grandpa of course. I pray a lot to help me get through. We'll be ok in time, but it'll take just that...lots of time and support from family and friends. We can lean on eachother here too.
The goats make me stay busy and active and it helps. (((hugs)))

Quote:

Originally Posted by southerngurl

I gotta say I feel kind of similar. I am interested to see the udders on my FF's and see the kids out of my buck.. but lost my grandpa in October and lost Penny, my first nubian doe he bought me not long after.. I always want to tell papa about the babies and show them to him and this will be the first time I can't. Penny was the first doe to kid on our property and in a way made my herd mine. Really stinks but what can you do.

victory · #8 12/30/10, 12:08 AM

I take it that is the picture of your little buddy? I have always admired him, looks like a little spit fire!! They sure do get under your skin, and it's is so hard to say good bye!!
My best buddy got cancer last October, man it tore me up!! He was the naughtiest dog I ever knew, and everyone loved him terribly!! It was so hard cause I was in surgery when we found the cancer. It was so hard for me to go to work after that, especially assisting with exploratory surgeries!!
My heart goes out to you!! Time will help alot, but we all grieve in different ways, and each way is right. I can't blame you for feeling blaa about kiddings coming up. I imagine it hard to try to get excited when your heart is broken. Give your self a big break, and a huge hug!!

nehimama · #9 12/30/10, 07:02 AM

I'm so sorry about your heavy loss. Please don't berate yourself for grieving; it's normal and natural to grieve.
Thankfully you had each other, and there are millions of good memories to think back on, and heal the hurt eventually.

KimM · #10 12/30/10, 08:50 AM

Oh I'm so sorry about your little guy. Are you a vet tech? I'm SO thankful that Rad was so healthy for so long. We should request a memorial page in the Pet forum for pics of our little sweeties.

Yupper, that is my little love. He really was more laid back and just fun and silly. Very silly and very affectionate. He was also SO good, he just hardly ever did anything wrong. Christmas day was hard because he adored ripping his presents open. I couldn't even wrap gifts on the floor as he'd butt in and start grabbing the paper and shredding it! I used to wash and wrap all his toys just for him to have a lot of things to open, it was such a joy to him. Granted he hasn't been able to do that since he lost his teeth and eyesite but it brings back memories - I have soooo many "triggers".

The coming new year is llike turning the final page on a chapter in my life and that hurts cuz he won't be coming with me into the next one and I'm not ready to start "writing" new stuff yet.

Today is 4 weeks since he passed. I'll be spending most of the day in the barn, feeling for babies moving in bellies and getting areas and pens set up for kidding, getting kidding kits ready, doing any last minute hoof trims, getting belly pics, etc. Even though I'm not much in the mood to even mess with the goats, they do need me and it's good for me to tend to them. I'm coming back around. It's just such a rocky and hilly road to ride back. I'm grateful for the support here, truly. Thank you for putting up with me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by victory

I take it that is the picture of your little buddy? I have always admired him, looks like a little spit fire!! They sure do get under your skin, and it's is so hard to say good bye!!
My best buddy got cancer last October, man it tore me up!! He was the naughtiest dog I ever knew, and everyone loved him terribly!! It was so hard cause I was in surgery when we found the cancer. It was so hard for me to go to work after that, especially assisting with exploratory surgeries!!
My heart goes out to you!! Time will help alot, but we all grieve in different ways, and each way is right. I can't blame you for feeling blaa about kiddings coming up. I imagine it hard to try to get excited when your heart is broken. Give your self a big break, and a huge hug!!

KimM · #11 12/30/10, 08:56 AM

I just worry that people will get tired of me bringing him up so I guess I'm pushing to feel better.
He has a silly little website - it was the first one I ever put together. I'm going to update with a bunch more pictures and short stories as a memorial to him. It's something I'll be able to share and look back on. when it's done I'll post it to the Pet forum. Thank you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nehimama

I'm so sorry about your heavy loss. Please don't berate yourself for grieving; it's normal and natural to grieve.
Thankfully you had each other, and there are millions of good memories to think back on, and heal the hurt eventually.

southerngurl · #12 12/30/10, 09:16 AM

I've never been one for little dogs, but he sure does look like a little character.

I know sometimes when you lose animals you feel like you can't talk about it to many people because they're like It's a dog, get over it. But when something is part of your life, it's hard to lose whatever it is.

WindowOrMirror · #13 12/30/10, 09:54 AM

How do you feel about jokes and puns?

KimM · #14 12/30/10, 10:47 AM

I don't understand your question as it relates here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindowOrMirror

How do you feel about jokes and puns?

Kshobbit · #15 12/30/10, 11:04 AM

Well this must be a good day for tears. My deepest sympathy over the loss of your best friend, RAD. He looks like a real character too. It never gets any easier but watching your new babies dance around the pasture will help a lot.
((((((HUGS))))))

goatkid · #16 12/30/10, 11:11 AM

I'm sorry you lost your dog. We had to have out 17 year old Shih Tzu put to sleep about a year ago, so I can relate to losing a pet dog. He was a rescue dog I got when he was six. I had to remind myself that we gave him a good life here and it was just his time. He was an old man. It's OK to enjoy your baby goats. The circle of life goes on. I hope your new kids will lift your spirit.

beccachow · #17 12/30/10, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KimM

I just worry that people will get tired of me bringing him up so I guess I'm pushing to feel better.
.

No one will ever get tired of you bringing him up. We care about YOU, and if YOU are hurt, so are we. I know that feeling you are having right now...you may even go a few hours and not think of it, then it's like pulling the scab off and it hits you again. Those few minutes as you wake up are blessed, until it hits you again.

Day by day, it will get a tiny bit better.

I lost my canine soulmate CJ almost 4 years ago. I will never forget him, and sometimes I will still cry thinking of him.

More times than not, though, I can laugh at some silly thing he did now. It took me a while to get here.

Baby goats will not take Rad's place, but it will give you something else to think about and care for while you heal.

Now go bury your face in some gaot fur...hair?? and cry if you need to.

KimM · #18 12/30/10, 12:21 PM

You all are so sweet! Thank you!! I'm gonna go take baby belly pics and post them later.

victory · #19 12/30/10, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KimM

I just worry that people will get tired of me bringing him up so I guess I'm pushing to feel better.
He has a silly little website - it was the first one I ever put together. I'm going to update with a bunch more pictures and short stories as a memorial to him. It's something I'll be able to share and look back on. when it's done I'll post it to the Pet forum. Thank you.

I would love to see it!! If you don't mind sharing!

I have to say, I was never one for small dogs, but I had to try as I really wanted a small companion to take with me. I ended up with a three legged Toy Rat Terrier, and I will never ever be the same. Never thought I would have another Terrier after my Danny Boy (he was an Irish Terrier) but now, I want to always have one!

Your boy looks to be a Min Pin am I right? Aren't they of Terrier breeding as well? I love the personality, so sweet so friendly!!!PLease please do not worry about talking, isn't that how we heal?? I still cry when I think of my bad boy. I still talk about him through tears, it's been over a year now.

KimM · #20 12/30/10, 06:46 PM

I PM'd you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by victory

I would love to see it!! If you don't mind sharing!

I have to say, I was never one for small dogs, but I had to try as I really wanted a small companion to take with me. I ended up with a three legged Toy Rat Terrier, and I will never ever be the same. Never thought I would have another Terrier after my Danny Boy (he was an Irish Terrier) but now, I want to always have one!

Your boy looks to be a Min Pin am I right? Aren't they of Terrier breeding as well? I love the personality, so sweet so friendly!!!PLease please do not worry about talking, isn't that how we heal?? I still cry when I think of my bad boy. I still talk about him through tears, it's been over a year now.