Having a breakdown! Doing too much or just a phase?!!!

MamaDee · #1 02/21/08, 10:42 AM

O.K., so yesterday I officially had my breakdown that's been coming for a long time......I honestly would like to hear from other folks who do this goat thing to do if I have bit off more than I can chew or if this is just a tough phase that will get better. I don't know if I should stick it out right now or take some steps back toward sanity.

I'll describe the situation briefly--not to complain but to see if there are others like us out there who can tell me that it can be done.

We have five kids, ages 11, 8, 6, 3 and 1 1/2. I am 5 months pregnant. We homeschool and also do basketball (which is thankfully almost over), homeschool activities, etc. I am a Sunday school teacher and volunteer on our Christian Ed. board. Two inside dogs, 20 something chickens.

Now for the goats. We have 9--7 are milking. Six freshened in the last 3 weeks. We are bottle feeding 9 babies right now. It takes us over an hour to milk in the morning, 1/2 hour at lunch to bottle feed, and an hour at night for milking. I have no idea how much actual time it takes to prepare bottles and wash all the milk dishes and I don't think I want to know, but it's a fair amount. Also, arranging milk pickup times for customers. Plus disbudding, hooves and -- well, you guys know what's involved.

All was under control until the freshening got really underway. My stress level was rising, but I kept it under control. Hypothermic babies that had to be tube fed, FF's who turned into devils on the stand--you know--freshing stuff. I kept getting further and further behind on family type stuff--dishes, laundry, schooling......Well, yesterday I dumped a half gallon of milk down the back of the fridge on everything in it and I guess I snapped. I spent the day crying on and off, looking at my trashed house, school that wasn't getting done and wondering if I could really do all this at all.

Is this just too much? Do people really do this and survive? I spend half the time wondering if we should sell everything but a few milkers for our family and give up selling it and the other half the time thinking it's just a rough phase and once we sell these babies and get the FF milkers under control things will be better.

Please, someone with a bunch of kids who does this tell me it can be done. Is it just the pregnancy? I go from sun-up until bedtime and I am exhausted.
I have no time just to sit down and enjoy the kids there is so much to do........just a phase?

I have this superwoman complex, I think. I've come to the realization that right now, my cape is lost somewhere............

Dee

TNHermit · #2 02/21/08, 10:50 AM

I don't think you should let yourself get all upset. You are experiencing the difference between what real homesteading is about AKA/pioneers. And our idealistic ideas of today. Its real work, a lot more than any of us really realize and more expensive. Makes you wonder who the "Super people" really were. Then or Now

FInd your cape and take a nap

marvella · #3 02/21/08, 11:20 AM

well, i have to wonder just where dh is in all of this? figures a man would say, well go take a nap. lol!!

of course you're exhausted. you are working 3 full time jobs.

something has got to give. if you're not functioning at the top of your game, your family isn't either.

dezeeuwgoats · #4 02/21/08, 11:23 AM

I have three boys aged 13, 11, and 7. I homeschool too. We raise most of our own meat, dairy, and eggs (when the darn chickens cooperate).

Kidding/freshening is a crazy time. It is exhauting without being pregnant. I don't sell milk, but I just started doing farm shares for the very first time. So that's new.

This is what I do/did to make it do-able. I don't bottle feed. I leave kids on their dams full time for a minimum of two weeks. I milk the doe if she has a single, or if her kids are only nursing on one side. Triplets or large twins and the doe is usually drained dry. At my convenience (two weeks, a month, etc) I will start pulling kids at night, and milking everyone in the mornings, across the board. But only having one milking time, and the few that have kids eating on one side goes a long way to easing the transition, at least for us. I test every year - and have never had a posative for CAE, so I dam raise. At weaning, we milk twice a day. If a doe is raising breeding stock - I may let her actually raise them, as opposed to milking her. Last year my best doe had triplets - all three gorgeous - she fed triplets, and then when I weaned the buckling, twins her entire lactation. That was her job.

We do everything as a family chore-wise. We all milk together, feed together, etc. Homeschooling my older two is easy - my youngest still takes quite a bit of one on one. I do also work part time, 25 hours a week - and that has made me question my priorities and goals. It takes us about an hour both am and pm to do all the chores. We haven't gotten the milking machine out yet, and have ten recently fresh.

It really helps to determine what your goals are. We are ok with ten - we are comfortable with it. But then again - I have three milkers, including myself. My goal is 15 milkers, but if I get there and am finding myself stressing - then I will cut back.

Cut yourself some slack - it is a crazy busy time of year under normal circumstances! You are pregnant on top of it! Holy Smokes! All the things you listed would be too much for me.

niki

myheaven · #5 02/21/08, 11:29 AM

I am in the same boat. I just had my 6th 3 mts ago. My oldest is 8 and all are sick. Im only milking one. My house is trashed I have goats in the house eating all the papers and screaming due to being locked in the bathroom. Im feeling over whelmed. You are at the peek of the mountain. It will get better when the babies are gone. You need to work in time for a nap.
What jobs are your kids doing? Make them pick up a few extra things to do around the house. Let some things go. Have jammie days. If you are not going nowhere why get into new clothes. Limit the out of the house activities. Have someone else take kids to bball. Limit schooling. The world will not end if you dont get everything done.
Only allow milk pick up at a certain time. If you dont come get it you wont get it.

try simple one pot meals. Less dishes. less time at the stove. Paper plates. I hate disposable dishes. But at this time its a must and the paper turns into heat when we are done.

Try to think this too shall pass this too shall pass.

Breath and cry get it all out it will help. Hug your kids that will help more.

dezeeuwgoats · #6 02/21/08, 11:33 AM

I agree with Marvella......When I say we are all out there as a family, that includes my husband. It is family time. A lifestyle. He can't milk due to some issues with arthritis, but he is helping in other ways.

Living like this, eating like this is a lifestyle choice - it should include everyone. The family has to work as a unit. It is too much for one person to do alone.

I hear you about just enjoying the kids. I have learned, and am teaching my children to enjoy time spent working together. We take unplanned 'breaks' to giggle about goat kid antics, or to watch the piglets in the straw, etc. but we work.

Kidding is a marathon, and there is no getting around that unless you schedule your breedings to be staggered. Maybe, this year with your pregnancy, it was too much - but next year it won't be?

Niki

MamaDee · #7 02/21/08, 11:59 AM

O.K., thanks everyone.

I'll take a deep breath and calm down. I am calmer today--yesterday was well deserved cry fest, I think.

I don't do it often or complain lightly...but I just didn't know if I'd done too much. I tend to over-do. ; )

And, I didn't mean to imply I do this all myself. I don't. My oldest boy and six year old daughter come with me in the a.m. to milk. The boys do chickens. My 6 and 3 year old love to bottle feed at luch, weather permitting--too cold and icy for them right now, though. I used to do both milkings, but hubby has taken over night--he takes the second youngest boy with him then. Since we have started bottle feeding kids, hubby basically does laundry.....I don't have time to look at it. So I have help. It's just alot--for everybody. I may have to rethink the bottle thing. But...we don't have space to let mamas stay with babies. And we wanted all the milk to sell. I let the mamas stay with babies until the milk tastes good, then we pull them. That's about a week--unless we need the pen for the next kidding. But we try not to bottle feed the first few days when you have to do it all the time. We only have to even out the udders.

I will try to prioritize and cut back what we can. I don't want to let school slide too much (although out of necessity we have some) b/c I do NOT want to still be doing school in June when I am due July 5.

I am praying for God to give me some patience and energy to not be overwhelmed right now and hang in there. I know when I am overstressed I don't take the little moments to have fun and laugh WHILE we are doing this homesteading thing together. I start doing things "to get them done" and then get frusterated b/c they are never DONE. This lifestyle is our life and when I'm overtired I guess I forget that.

I just get stressed with the school thing, too. I haven't done much with my 6 year old the last few weeks.....the boys are older and can do more with minimal direction, if needed. I feel like she's getting cheated b/c we haven't done phonics....But she is willing and happy to go down to the barn three times a day and be the mama to those babies. She's a harder worker than her older brothers! She is getting life lessons, and I have to remember that. She's the only one who can tell the babies all apart and give them the right bottles.....and I'm worried about phonics? And she is the one who held that tube fed hypothermic baby in the house for two days. So I guess phonics can wait a few more days.......

Thanks for the reminder and the thoughts. It helps to hear from others who do this, too.

And this has not been all bad. The last couple of days have knocked me down a peg and forced me to ask for more help. I actually called a lady from church practically in tears yesterday....I was supposed to do the reading that night and take soup for the Lent service. DH ended up working late and I was looking at doing the night milking and getting everyone ready for church by 6 o'clock. She came right over and took my soup and my reading to do herself. I never would have done that had things not gotten pretty bad. So I learned that it's o.k. to ask for help sometimes. My pride will survive, I'm sure!

Dee

dkdairygoats · #8 02/21/08, 12:16 PM

Being pregnant certainly doesn't help you handle stress. I am due June 3 with my first and I can tell I can't handle things like I used to. I had 4 does kid in 2 days, 7 bottle babies now. I have much less than you (no homeschooling, no other children) but I am full to my gills with milking 4 does, bottle feeding, and working full time. My philosophy--one day at a time. One hour at a time if the day is too much. If it's still too much when the baby comes....I'll sell a few does. If it's no longer fun, then something needs to change.

jimandpj · #9 02/21/08, 12:17 PM

I have 8 children - 11, 9, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, 7 months (first one and last two are girls, the middle 5 are boys).

We homeschool.

We have 36 chickens.

We have rabbits (3 breeding females, 1 male) and kits of various ages

We have potbelly pigs. (3 breeding females, 1 male, 5 young pigs, 4 piglets 4 days old)

We have dairy goats (9 does, 3 bucks, 4 of them in milk, 5 yet to freshen).

We have a HUGE garden, lots of berries, and a growing orchard.

We've been doing this for almost 4 years.

I am currently not pregnant, and have said that if I get pregnant again, all the animals have to go (ok, I don't really mean that, or do I??).

My husband works 4 days a week (very labor intensive) and spends the rest of his week working around the homestead. He butchers, fixes what the children break, builds stuff, and helps both in the house and outside.

The children work extremely hard. My 9 year old completely handled all the milking once I had the baby last summer. My 7 year old makes breakfast, 9 year old makes lunch, 11 year old dinner. I make the bread, cheese, stuff like that.

What I have found is this: In order for me to stay sane, I had to stop treating the homestead as a way to bring in extra money. It has to be only to benefit my family. I stopped selling milk. I stopped selling eggs. (I do still trade my piano teacher lessons for eggs). I just give away produce that I don't have time to can. I do not go to the farmers' market to sell stuff.

I am down to 36 chickens from almost 75 - this is the right amount for just our family.

I still need to reduce my potbelly pigs. This is too many. We do not need that much pork and we do not have that much time to butcher.

I am down to 4 rabbits from 8 - a much more reasonable number, but I'd still like to have one less doe, as soon as I can figure out which one to butcher/sell.

But those animals are all really easy to care for on a daily basis. Five minutes tops, unless we're cleaning stalls - and then it's about an hour once a week.

It is the dairy goats that just take up so much more time. My goal is to get down to 4 full size dairy goats that are awesome producers. That will provide us with plenty of milk to drink and to cheese and soap with. Oh, the biggest thing I did this year was to give ALL my kids (goat kids, not the human ones

away for free. I have dairy goats for milk. I do not show. I do not need to replace any of my milkers. The kids are just extra work that I do not need this year. It was the best decision I every made. I let them nurse for 3 days (I can't use that milk anyway b/c I worm the does the day they freshen) - and then they're off to their new home. Yipee!!

Honestly - I couldn't do as many goats and still enjoy them. And when I've got too much to do, I get frustrated with my children too easily. And I won't live that way. So - my 2 cents is to cut back. It is very easy to add more goats later.

Hope that helps!
PJ

Common Tator · #10 02/21/08, 12:18 PM

I was stressed when I only had 2 kids!

Looks like you are spending lots of time bottle feeding babies. Hoeggers carries this four bottle rack for feeding four at once http://www.hoeggergoatsupply.com/xca...&cat=14&page=1. If that looks like more money than you have in your budget, I tink a nice rack that holds several bottles could be made from scrap lumber. Good luck, and DON'T be too hard on yourself!

farm mom · #11 02/21/08, 03:49 PM

Hi there,

We have a lot in common! Here is a post I made to this site a few weeks ago:

When do you decide to give up the farming thing?

I was having a melt down too! But you know what, it passed. I get that way from time to time but then things come together again and I'm o.k. You may have to cut down after the baby comes. I had to stop milking our dairy goats after the last baby came. It was to hard to sit out and milk goats each morning and evening. The newborn just needed me more and it was too overwhelming. You may consider drying some of them up before then to ease your load. Take it one day at a time and don't be afraid to cut back. I am a super woman wanna be too!

ozark_jewels · #12 02/21/08, 03:56 PM

I don't have any children and am not married, but just holding down a job, milking, kidding, feeding everyone.......its insane! Give yourself a pat on the back.....your doing fine!!
Kidding season is always insane, I don't care who you are.

One thing. Are you bottle-feeding?? Try the lambar bucket....oh my gosh, what a lifesaver!!

WC WI Lisa · #13 02/21/08, 04:00 PM

You have 5 children with one on the way? You are a superhero in my eyes already.

deafgoatlady · #14 02/21/08, 04:11 PM

Dee, I understand how u feel. But I would use the bucket with nipples becuz it does help. If I was you. I remember I was pregnant with 3rd kid while having this going on. I just use math and reading (homeschooling too) with my kids during the kidding season until it is over with it then go back on schooling fulltime. It does help a lot. And I rememeber that I had My oldest one make breakfast , I make lunch and had the kids come with me to the barn, at suppertime My husband feeds the baby goats while i doing the milking and my husband did the bucket (filling the water and hay).. That is what we did during the kidding season.. Yes i had breakdown when I was pregnant with my 3rd.

Maybe you can try that. Just do the math and reading during the kidding season so it wont be soo stressful. And encourge ur kids to help clean up and put the dishes in the dishwaher. That what I had do that with them.. It helps a lot becuz that time my husband was building our new house and didnt get home until 1 am everyday and go to work at 5 am and comes home at 6 pm to eat supper and leaves again to work on the house.. It was crazy!

Dee, U will be okay. U will make it thru. I know it.. I went thru it.. Take a deep breath and relax for little bit.... It will get better!

Tam319 · #15 03/05/08, 09:42 AM

Hi Dee,

I just have to give you a ((HUG))!!! I can SO relate to you right now!

I am 5 months pregnant as well. This is only my second (DS is 2 yo) but I run a dayhome during the day with 3 under 3 yo so definitely have lots of little ones running around and its impossible to get things done outside with a brood of tots in tow. I'm always too worried about keeping track of where everyone is and can't get anything done. They try to help but usually end up dumping water or grain everywhere and making MORE work rather than less.

We are kidding right now and it is insane. We had 26 kids (meat kids) this weekend and Nubians are starting next week. I am totally exhausted and had a total meltdown on the weekend as well. You are not alone! I am really stressed about the Nubians freshening. We bought really $$$ breeding/show stock and I am feeling very intense pressure to raise them on CAE prevention b/c that is what show people want. We are struggling to get set up yet as we don't have a separate pen for the kids or even a place to milk set up. I am so frustrated! To top it off we have 40-ish pigs to feed, one farrowing this week and about 15 that are butcher weight but no $ to pay for processing. We have family situations going on as well as my grandfather is hospitalized and my Mom (my usual main supporter and childcare provider during farm chores) had major surgery a few weeks ago and is out of commission. DH, bless his heart, works so hard to help out but one person can only do so much. He commutes 2 hr a day, gets home at 7 pm and we chore for 1-2 hr. He usually doesn't get supper til late at night and my DS isn't in bed til late either. It is all less than ideal but we are in survival mode and I don't know what else to do differently. Just getting by day to day.

It really does add up. Things like housework and baking fall by the wayside. I signed up for an online university course in Farm Management and I haven't even started it. There are all these stupid stressful things piling up and its overwhelming. People try to say helpful things like "Take a nap! You deserve it!" but they don't realize that that isn't a reality when you have a bunch of animals and humans counting on you to care for them. I don't remember the last time I had the luxury of a nap!

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. We need all the strength we can get to get through this and keep our bodies healthy for the little ones we are growing. ((HUGS)) to you and hang in there

cathleenc · #16 03/05/08, 09:57 AM

count me in as a fellow overwhelmed mom and homesteader!

2 boys, ages 4 & 6, husband who is on the road for work at least 50% of the time, including weekends. Just moved to the farm 4 months ago, already up to 50 animals, more or less. Have to haul countless buckets of water up a well-iced hill daily. Record-breaking snow and cold this year. Old house that does not heat above 58 degrees anywhere, bedrooms average 50 degrees. Trying to bake all our bread, yogurt, make cheese, all from scratch cooking. Still haven't really unpacked more than 40%. Own an out-of-state business (breastfeeding specialty store) for which I do all the marketing, bookkeeping & management from afar. Work crew in the house and barn for at least 20% of the time since we arrived. Chicks in the incubator, chicks in the brooder, milking goats, pan feeding kids, dogs chasing the cats, cats stalking the chicks, boys in the wood stove, ducks in the highway, ..... Did I mention that the kids go to school in different towns? So endless driving between one school and the next.

My survival secret? Let the house go. It's mildly trashed at all times and certainly could be cleaner. I make myself sleep as much as I can - without sleep the game would be lost in an afternoon. With sleep, at least I can react to emergencies and LAUGH. Laughter and looking up at those crystal clear winter skies and kissing those sweet childrens' faces and getting to see my beloved husband every once in awhile - that is the sweetness of life.

Follow your heart. And take care of yourself! That baby growing inside needs a mom with enough resources to grow and thrive. Animals can be replaced. Family cannot.

hugs and hope,
Cathy

MamaDee · #17 03/05/08, 10:01 AM

Tam,

OMG! You need a hug worse than I do!

Right now I'm trying to type with my sick 1 year old on my lap. We spent the night in the recliner with her throwing up all night long. She's number four out of the five kids to get it, so I hear you about survival mode.

This morning I said, "O.K., whoever is not throwing up is going to the barn with me. The rest of you lay on the bed (on a layer of towels and bowls in tow) and watch PBS until I can get back. Here's wet washcloths to wipe your face if you throw up.....please take care of Livie (she's 1 1/2) if she does" Ugh!!!!!

Luckily, one of the older boys isn't puking yet, so he was elected for chores with me. Otherwise I would have went myself--even though I got no sleep and am feeling rather queasy myself!

Good to know I'm not the only one having breakdowns! Actually hubby stayed home one of the days that the kids were sick. I hadn't gotten any sleep that night either (3 year old puking all night) so hubby volunteered to do barn chores in the a.m. He does night time about half the time when he's home early enough. He hasn't done them since all six are milking and all 9 kids are on the bottle. And morning chores take longer--more milk, I guess. By the time he came back from milking 6, bottle feeding nine, dealing with FF's on the stand, kids not used to a bottle, etc.......he came back and said the goats were ruining our lives and he wants to buy milk from Wal-Mart!

Good thing his breakdown was a different day than mine!

But......we have decided to downsize. We sold one of the dogs. We are trying to sell all nine babies and two of the milkers. So I just keep looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. Until then....take a nap? I wish!

Dee

Tam319 · #18 03/05/08, 10:07 AM

Hi Dee,

Oh man, sick human kids on top of it! Argh!! That is rough. I woke up this morning with the Black Plague or SARS or some other variety of horrendous illness. LOL I have a bad sinus headache that is making me nauseated and really runny nose. And of course I can't take anything for it. *sigh* Sometimes you just have to laugh at how ridiculously impossible life is becoming. Ha!

I am so sorry your little ones are so sick. That is SO hard. DS had the stomach flu about 3 weeks ago and that was so hard. LOL on the PBS. I always swore "MY kids will never watch TV" but now it is a lifesaver when a person has to run outside to throw some hay in the feeder or pull a kid. Life, eh?

What is your due date? I'm due July 13th. Summer time babies kinda throw a kink in the works as there is SO much to get done with fencing and barn cleaning, etc in summer. But they grow up so fast so I guess I'll just savour this time and get more done next year.

Hey Dee...go take a nap will ya? *LMAO*

Tam

mpete · #19 03/05/08, 10:26 AM

Goats take a lot of attention, but family takes even more. I think we all have this "I gotta be perfect" syndrome whether we have our own children or not, whether we are man or woman. Life happens. Messes get made. Being pregnant is exhasting to your body. Break downs are almost good.... as long as you don't hurt anyone physically or mentally. I usually feel better after I have one. I have 4 children, my hubby has 2 and we took in a homeless girl. I have been known to go sit and watch my peafowl and goats for hours as my "alone time". Maybe you can find a way to get your "alone" time... whether it be driving down the road, watching tv, sitting next to a creek, visiting the animals.... We'll all be praying for you... ~~michelle

MamaDee · #20 03/05/08, 10:59 AM

Break downs are almost good.... as long as you don't hurt anyone physically or mentally. I usually feel better after I have one.>>>

I agree. This has taught me the superwoman thing wasnt' working for me anymore. LOL! That's how we came to the decision to downsize. So something good came of all this.

Now I must go do pukey laundry. Want to hear something gross? This morning my 18 month old was begging for something to drink--I knew better b/c she'd probably throw it up. But she was crying so hard pointing at the goat milk I was straining. So I thought it would be a good test--it's warm--a bit easier on the tummy than cold. She kept it down for awhile. Then she threw up cheese all over my bed. Wouldn't you know, it looked more like cheese than the stuff I tried to make yesterday out of our extra milk! Blah!

Dee