Why don't they understand ?

[hoggie]

For my 40th birthday a couple of weeks ago my Godmother sent me some money - about $100 - saying that she wanted me to spend it on something for me.

I have wracked my brains, and I have decided that I would like to spend it on some soft fruit bushes and, if there is any money left over, then some herb and dye plants. My 40th project is to plant up my orchard sometime in the coming year, so this seemed like a good use of the money. It is something that I want, that I will enjoy for years to come, and something that somehow keeps being pushed to the back of the list.

I told my mum this morning that that was what I had decided and she said "that's not what she meant by something for you". I said OK, but I can't think of anything else, that would be "for me" that I want.

So my mum said "well what about getting your hair done, or some clothes?"

I am 40 - and she STILL can't understand that this IS for me. Having my hair done doesn't interest me AT ALL, and would only last for a couple of weeks anyway. My fruit bushes will benefit us for YEARS.

Maybe I am a cuckoo. I love my mum dearly but I think I grew up in the wrong nest. Why can't they figure out that this IS who I am

hoggie

[hoggie]

OOpps - sorry - this was supposed to go in Countryside Families

hoggie

[Alice In TX/MO]

It's ok. I thought you might be going to say you were going to get another goat!

You were most eloquent in your explanation. Put something like that in your thank you note.

[moonspinner]

First off, it's great you still have your grandmother at age 40!
I'd send a thank you note and tell her how excited you are about your plans for the money and how it will keep on giving for years to come. I wouldn't even mention your mother's comment on the "girly" stuff.
Hey, you're 40 years old and if your grandmother didn't stipulate a condition for her gift, then you're free to spend it as you wish.
I'm with you on this one - a beauty treatment over an orchard? Not for this gal!

[MOgal]

Welcome to my world! I'm nearly 59 years old and only my dear husband can understand why I'd rather have a rose BUSH than a bouquet of roses.

Keep in mind that each time you look at the tree/bush, you will think of your wonderful grandmother. If you did the hairdresser route, there would be no memory of her in the distant future. Same with a clothing item. That tree or bush could outlive you and be a connection from your own kids to their great grandmother. Hey, I'm sorry--I've been preaching to the choir!

Stick to your guns, follow the path that will lead to your own happiness and don't worry about your mom.

[Jan in CO]

Ah yes, I can identify! My son thinks the pod people came, took his parents and left 'these people' instead. He can't believe we have goats, sheep, etc. People in the family just can't understand, although some are getting there, that the things that make me happy are things that help me do my work here easier/better, or make a difference like a tree or bush. Your Godmother may never fully understand, as my sister in law doesn't--why we don't want diamonds and hairstyles but do want apple trees! Go for what makes you happy, and tell her how much you appreciate it, and think of her every time you see them.

At our family gift exchange two years ago, I took an old fence stretcher my brother in law brought for his white elephant gift. I thought my son was going to have a heart attack!

Jan in Co

[Jcran]

I must be your twin sister; I love my mom but she doesn't get me...I bought a really nice fullblood boer doe with birthday money and she was flabbergasted. She is a fashion gal and the Imelda Marcos of shoes. I love good barn clothes and a great pair of mucker boots.

[rranch]

Hey, no one would dare give me money in fear I would buy myself another goat. My family thinks I'm obsessed. I say some collect trinkets or go golfing, I like goats.

[goatsareus]

hoggie, if you are 40 years old and your Godmother, among others, does not 'get it' yet, they never will. Just write an enthusiastic thank you card offering, in a few years, a return gift of canned jam, in perpetual thanks for her generosity. Buy what you want with the gift.

[hoofinitnorth]

Hehehehe, I had this exact same conversation with one of my sisters. LOL She drew my name for the family gift exchange and all I want are things I need - for the goats mostly. She said that's not what she means by what I WANT. I told her that if I end up getting something I WANT but don't NEED (if I could even think of such a thing, I'm far too practical these days!!!), I'd just end up having to spend money on the thing I NEED when she could have saved me the money by buying me that item in the first place! LOL

[hoggie]

LOL - I DID think about another goat. But I think I need to get mine running REALLY smoothly before I get any more I also considered a stainless steel milk bucket, but I thought that might be TOO much for them to take

Yep - the way I see it, fruit trees will keep us in lovely soft fruit, benefitting me, DD AND mu mum for years to come. And will be a lasting reminder of my Godmother. I will go to town on a thank you letter saying how wonderful it is to finally be able to plant up some wonderful bushes

hoggie

[southerngurl]

I am the same way, hate shopping for clothes, dont' care about getting my hair done. Would much prefer and animal or plant haha. Something that isn't useful isn't much fun to get in most cases. You should see how excited I can get over a load of hay.

[mamajohnson]

well welcome to my world! I am almost 50, and it hasnt been too long since my mom and older sister asked me "don't you think your too old to have long hair, shouldn't you just cut it off and get it permed?" GEEZE! Maybe I should die it blue too?????
I nearly passed out!
So, nope they don't get me either. They all laughed when I (in my excitement) blabbed that I had milk goats.

Now they just shake their heads, roll the eyes and shrug.... lol!

And I am sooooo happy, I don't care! ((they don't dare give me money either!))

[deetu]

My mother-in-laws tells all her friends that most daughter-in-laws will buy clothes or jewerly with the money they get but hers buys goats. I love my mother-in-law

[elgordo]

I'm with you - if someone wants to make me happy just get me some more animals or more fencing materials! Maybe your mum would see it your way more if when your fruit/herbs produce for you, you'd give some to her or make an herbal tea mix as a gift?! (My mom still gets me "cutesy" bathrobes or trinkets, so I know how you feel! PS I'm a gal!!)

[Backfourty,MI.]

Bushes & fruit trees a Great idea but make sure you plant them where the goats can't get them. I have to keep an eye on my goats when out because they will eat them if they have the chance, Good Luck & Happy Birthday!

[MOgal]

DH and I went to Columbia (Missouri) today to get new tires for his car. While we were there I bugged him to ask if they might have an old 13" wheel that would fit a little utility trailer we have that was built from a '76 Datsun pickup truck bed. They did and just gave it to us! We've had the trailer for 8 years and keeping tires on it has been a frustration, especially since one wheel is a 14" and the other is a 13". My neighbor gave me the old tires off her car which still had a lot of use in them but both were 13". So.....IF this new wheel will fit the trailer, I'm in business for good tires. Right now, the tire on the 14" wheel has a slow leak that a mechanic friend can't fix so having 2 good tires/wheels on the trailer is great news. DH couldn't believe I was so excited over this wheel. That utility trailer is handy as a pocket in a shirt. Up until this year, we've only used it on the farm but since DH doesn't have time from his job to cut enough firewood, I've been going to a pallet mill for firewood from their scrap pile. By loading our pickup and this trailer I can bring home nearly a cord per trip. You bet I'm excited that this wheel might fit the trailer!

[65284]

Hoggie, IF you have goats, you do realize that there isn't a much worse homestead mix than orchard trees/bushes and goats. If you slip up even once, and you will, and leave a gate or shed door open the goats will devour your trees/bushes down to the ground. I spent way too much money trying to have an orchard and goats at the same time. Never had any luck until the goats were gone.

[midkiffsjoy]

Originally Posted by MOgal

Welcome to my world! I'm nearly 59 years old and only my dear husband can understand why I'd rather have a rose BUSH than a bouquet of roses.

I had a boyfriend once who used to bring me potted flowering plants instead of cut flowers! giggle.

I have to agree. First you are well old enough to make decisions for yourself!!! nod. We have a pear tree that's been in our family for decades and it's a piece of our history. I wouldnt trade it for anything. grin. When dh's grandmother gave me cash for Christmas my MIL could not understand WHY I used it to buy DUCKS, but dh's grandmother thought it was SO COOL!!! She liked the idea that it was the beginning of my flock (she died before she found out that they were all preditorized). How does your mom know how she'd react? If YOU chose a fruit tree than GO FOR IT!!! (great choice btw!!!!)

[midkiffsjoy]

Originally Posted by elgordo

I'm with you - if someone wants to make me happy just get me some more animals or more fencing materials! Maybe your mum would see it your way more if when your fruit/herbs produce for you, you'd give some to her or make an herbal tea mix as a gift?! (My mom still gets me "cutesy" bathrobes or trinkets, so I know how you feel! PS I'm a gal!!)

My therapist asked me what I wanted for Christmas and was confused when I told her that I would bounce on my head for a roll of field fencing!!! giggle.

btw.....DH just asked me what I'd do if he handed me $500.00 and told me to spend it on myself. My answer was quick. #1 buy the lumber to build my shed/milking room. #2 Buy the lumber I need to finish my greenhouse (and I could DO IT too!!!!) grin.