Need some advice.... A little long

JPiantedosi · #1 12/06/12, 12:31 PM

Ok, Im in a bit of a pinch. Of the 14 horses we have on the farm, I have 2 that are my designated Field trial/dog horses. Both were purchased and broke with this purpose in mind. I learned a long time ago in the business of competitive dogs not to get overly attached to these dogs, and have more or less played by the same rule of thumb for my FT horses.

Well I have a little paso mare (posted her for sale here a while back) WHo is a really nice dog horse and trail horse, but she is too small for me to push over rough terrain scouting and handling dogs (im a pretty big fella). Well I know a TWH trainer in TN who I was talking to about her and he has proposed a trade for a big young mare, which would be better suited for me.

Here in lies the problem..... When I broke my leg a couple months ago I had my wife working my 2 horses and pushing dogs off of them. My wife who for the most part wanted nothing to do with these gaited horses (actually was fairly irritated when I bought them) seems to have found a soft spot for my little mare. Whne she heard me talking to my buddy about the possibility of a trade, she got kind of funny about me getting rid of my mare.
When I asked her if she wanted me to keep the mare she told me It was my horse and I could do what I wanted with her.....

I know for my uses it would be a better deal to just make the trade (assuming both horses are what the other is after). However, I have been YEARS trying to get my wife to accept the reality that these gaited horses truely are a nice ride and that for what we do they are better suited for the work than the walk trot horses we have. Should I just bite the bullet and hold onto my mare and purchase horse number 15 in the next year or so and ride it out, hoping that maybe this little mare will help pull my wife to the "dark side"? Or do I just Make the trade and get the bigger horse so that I can have what I ultimately need and let my wife do what she will as a result?

It is hard for me to look at this from an emotional perspective or from the perspective of selling a "pet" so any input would be appreciated.

Thanks
Jim

bluemoonluck · #2 12/06/12, 12:56 PM

What you should do is sit your wife down and cut the games out of this. You need to lay it on the line and communicate very clearly with her. If she is telling you "this is your horse, do what you want with her" then she can NOT get angry/upset if you sell her. If she wants to keep the horse, she needs to TELL you that she wants you to keep the horse.

I hate these kinds of spousal games...its right up there with "Guess why I'm mad today, because when you ask I'm going to huff and say 'nothing'".

SFM in KY · #3 12/06/12, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JPiantedosi

When I asked her if she wanted me to keep the mare she told me It was my horse and I could do what I wanted with her.....
Jim

From a woman's point of view, let me translate this for you.

I love this little mare and would like you to give her to me so she isn't 'your' mare anymore but I don't want to say this because it would give you ammunition for your next horse purchase. And if you do trade her off for something else, I'll never let you forget it.

I suspect for the sake of family harmony, it would be wise to present her with an unexpected Christmas present, complete with a red bow. It will probably be much easier to work in horse #15 under these circumstances and I believe it will ultimately be a win for you, even if your wife never does a lot with the mare except pet her.

stormaq · #4 12/06/12, 01:57 PM

I think you you give your wife the mare as a Christmas present. I agree with SFM, that you should put a big red bow on the mare. Does she have her own saddle? If not buy her one & have her name engraved on it.

sidepasser · #5 12/06/12, 01:58 PM

I think you better listen to SFM..

Otter · #6 12/06/12, 02:41 PM

I agree with SFM. And I don't see it as as a game, so much as your wife not trying to push you. It's your horse, and she got a bit attached to your horse, but it's still your horse, and you need a horse for field trials.

My DH lets me make all dog decisions (I rescue). And so I decided that we don't really need to work hard at finding a home for Roscoe, as that's the one dog that DH really likes. And I love DH.

Now, my math might be off here, but, you have 2 gaited field trial horses, one that works for you and one your wife likes (and you've been trying to convert her to gaited horses) and 12 other horses on the farm.
Are none of the other 12 worth trading to this fellow? Or selling to make room and money for a horse that better suits your needs? Why are we keeping 12 horses that you can't use?

Susan Mary · #7 12/06/12, 02:42 PM

Yes please keep her and give her as a wonderful gift. If she doesn't like her after all you can always trade in the spring.

Kazahleenah · #8 12/06/12, 06:45 PM

I'm with SFM... sounds like she'd LOVE that lil mare as her own.

JPiantedosi · #9 12/06/12, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otter

Now, my math might be off here, but, you have 2 gaited field trial horses, one that works for you and one your wife likes (and you've been trying to convert her to gaited horses) and 12 other horses on the farm.
Are none of the other 12 worth trading to this fellow? Or selling to make room and money for a horse that better suits your needs? Why are we keeping 12 horses that you can't use?

Well. your math is good. However, of the 12 we have they are all my wife and her fathers barrel horses as well as a couple of retired show horses and an old blind mare, and a pony we keep here for the neices and nephews. These are the pets. Other than 2-3 of them, they are all used and all ridden, but they are not dog horses.

The gentleman whom I would be trading with is interested specifically in my mare This little girl is a GOOD dog horse that gets alot of attention.

I honestly don't believe that my wife is playing games here. she is usually pretty good about putting it out there. I honestly believe when she says it is my horse and do what i want that she means it. But I wanted the opinions of others (specifically women) on the situation.

This little horse is a really good dog horse and has gone alot of miles chasing dogs, and field trialing, Im guessing Ill just hold on to her and use her around here to work young dogs, and let my wife use her to trial off of. And, its not as though I cant use the mare to trial off of, I just think a bigger horse would be better suited. after all she has been my go to for a couple years now.

Thanks ya'll its hard for me to look at things from the other side sometimes.

Jim