Just need some words of encouragement please

[Middle River]

Sunday morning is the day we are bringing our two Ayrshire steers to the processer, they will spend the night and the deed will be done Monday when the USDA inspector is there.

This is REALLY hard for me. I've already learned my lesson, the two holsteins we already have for next year mean nothing to me - i've distanced myself from them, and well, they aren't very smart anyways.

The Ayshires, are puppies, they run and play and just are always having a really good time- and are so fun to watch. This shows me just how much they are not mindless. We got some pics a few days ago on the one steer playing with a tree branch in our big pine tree. For goodness sakes when they were younger and the vet knocked them out for dehorning the one went down before the other and his buddy still standing hobbled over to him and cried for him. They always greet us at the fence, insist on being loved on, and just don't act like stupid cows like i wish they were.

I've been having nightmares about this - seriously. Now i'm not some huge baby of a woman, i grew up on a farm with a hard-core mother that i helped butcher many animals with. Took a break, and now getting into it with DH - these are our first cows. I'm excited to have my own safe and at one time happy meat. But it makes me sick to my stomach to get a mental pic of my boys being shot, and hung up - what is wrong with me ? I just feel like the meanest person in the world to them, and cry.

This has to happen no matter what, as that is their purpose in life, and the other 3 halves are already sold - but to tell you the truth, i'm not sure if i will even be able to eat it. I may just tell DH to keep a quarter for himself and sell the other one - i'll give it time first, but i'm not sure i can eat "them" without getting sick.

So, i'm just looking for some words, maybe to get my mind thinking some other way, or even that i'm not the only one this has happened to, or anything really. I'm just REALLY dreading loading them up, and droping them off - and looking like a fool bawling my eyes out - i feel like i'm bringing my dog to be put down to eat it. Thanks for reading this

[Welshmom]

Aww, I'm sorry. I know how charming cows can be. And pigs. This is always the hardest part.

I have also had some bad days when it comes to loading them out, feeling like a betrayer, etc. So I think I know what you are talking about.

One thing I do is I think about it this way - for X months, I took care of them, fed them, watered them, brought them everything they needed. Only the best for them. Now, it's their turn to repay the favor. It's the cycle. I take care of them, I feed them, in turn, they feed me and take care of me.

And I always make it a point to thank that animal when I am sitting at the table for the first meal.

And as much as possible, force yourself to stop thinking about it!

And from now on, keep getting stupid holsteins

[tailwagging]

This is how I see it.
God made them males for a reason. To be eaten. You didn't make them male. The choice was not yours. you gave them a good life now they are going to give back to you.

[Middle River]

Thanks you guys - It helps to hear it from others ( other the DH whom i can tell is bummed too ) what i already know, that this IS their purpose, and at least we gave them a great life.

It helps to think of it as them re-paying the favor, thats much better to think about instead of me just killing them to eat them lol. Once i get past these two, i'll be set, i'm just not sure i will be able to eat these two - the next ones are fair game though !

LOL - i blame UpNorth for selling me cool/smart cows. I think i may just stick with the dumbest holsteins i can find from now on - maybe other breeds too, if i can find dumb or ugly ones.

I just never imagined this would actually make me sick physically, nor that i would have cried so much - i do feel a bit like a silly girl - a mean one.

I'm hopeing this goat kids today so i can play with my new doeling ( hopefully ) and keep my mind off of this. Thank you so much - i am already starting to feel a bit better.

[bigmudder77]

We had some meat chickens and my mom liked them but when it was time for them to be killed she couldnt eat them or even look at them so i had to take them to my grandparents and cook and eat them.

its hard to raise cows for meat if you just have like 1-10 cause to get attached to them we use to have a huge farm with 100-200 cows for meat and we raised them up since they were little it was still hard but with that many you didnt know which one you were eatting and it was better that way

but if you dont want to eat them then you could always keep them as pets and raise some more and not get attached to them

but if you dont think you can eat it then dont get it killed thats just like throwing money away when the meat goes bad

[Jackie]

I think you should turn them into oxen and make them help with chores! lol!


My ex husband and I had 40 head of cattle mixed in with his Dad and his brothers herd. About 250 total. NONE of us ate them. We couldn't. We just couldn't pick one out of the bunch. We bought all our meat at the grocery store. Isn't that awful??? We could have ate farm raised delicious beef....instead we bought store stuff. Who knows where it was raised, what it ate and how many times the meat was frozen and re-thawed.

I am going to TRY to raise dexters for meat. But i am keeping the out of sight of the house and I WILL NOT tame them or name them. Then when it's time to go and I am going to hire someone to come and do it for me! lol!

[postroad]

My uncle raised a calf up for slaughter. He made the mistake of naming it Dave and treating it like a pet. He had to get my Dad to shoot and slaughter it.

My aunt who had no attachment to the steer would ask My uncle "what part of Dave would you like to eat tonight dear"

She got a kick of a usually tough guy getting all uncomfortable and squirmy.

He got even though. Eventually he removed all the beef in the freezer and gave it away.

[Middle River]

Thanks bigmudder - I feel i can do this with future cows, these two are going to be hard though. The dumb holsteins even took turns getting sick (once each ), and even nursing them back to health i'm not attached, they just aren't the brightest crayons in the box, and i'm going to keep buying beef from the store, so i've got to not get attached again.

I've thought of all different ways i could keep them alive - keeping them as pets won't work, costs too much for nothing. They would make nice oxen, but i don't have the time for that, and nobody is interested in buying them for it. Then i also have to deal with the fact that the meat is already sold, with deposits already in hand. I do know ( at least when i'm calm lol ) that this is what they were born for, and i gave them a wonderful life. It's just hard.

Don't worry, i will not let the meat from our half go to waste, I'd feel worse letting that happen. If after a month i still can't eat it, i'll sell it - we had more family interested then beef availible, so i'm sure somebody will take a quarter, then that will leave DH a quarter.

Thanks again for listening to my sillyness.

[Middle River]

Thank goodness i'm not the only one - nice to hear others get through it too.

Jackie - I've really considered the oxen thing, but would have to sell them for it due to my lack of time, and a tight feed bill for only those that are needed/give back, and thought they could help as oxen, they are not needed.

[postroad]

Could you eat me?

Or my cute little baby?

It is going to be hard to eat from my Dexter herd when the time comes!

And yes my kids have given them all names.

[Middle River]

LOL ! Postroad - too funny ! Thats a yes and no - if it's mine first and a cool cow that i know personally, most likely not - if however you just wanted to get him processed and trade for mine - YES lol ! I see yummy beef for the grill, it's just that when i look at my two i'm seeing sweet funny boys - and feel like a jerk, and get sick with the thought of them being killed, hung and packaged.

[tailwagging]

why yes I could eat you.
OH NO I couldn't! you are a girl!
Is your baby a male???
If so yes I could eat him.

[oldmanriver]

Think of this way if you are going to eat beef a cow has to die . If not yours then mine or someones . Your 2 will die if not to feed you and the family then they will die of old age or to some other factor . It is hard but don't buy beef if you have your own . The beef in the store was just as alive as yours . Law of the jungle things have to die in order for others to live .

[Middle River]

LOL - i was wondering if thats a boy or girl too. No way would i be able to get a girl for eating :+) Infact i just ordered my feeder pigs that will be ready in a couple months - told him i want all barrows if possible so there is no mental confusion for me :+) Also because i have a female pot bellie that lives in our house - so i want them to be as different from her as possible - plus, one thing giving me comfort is knowing they are fixed males and have no other purpose.

[postroad]

Originally Posted by tailwagging

why yes I could eat you.
OH NO I couldn't! you are a girl!
Is your baby a male???
If so yes I could eat him.

Lucky for me and her the calf is a heifer not related to the bull I have now. Yay.

Her name is Mocha, but she has turned more red, like her mum.

We have three steer calves all black and identical looking. My boys call them the three amigos so they really don't have individual names.

Not going to be to much of a problem eating them. I hope.

[copperhead46]

I know that my beef steers have lived the best life, they have been taken care of, treated humanely and got to eat good feed and green grass, live in a nice big pasture and now they will fufill their destiny. They will feed me and my family. The more beef we buy at the store will cause more beef steers to be crowded in to nasty feed lots, force feed awfull stuff to make them grow faster and filled full of hormones and God only know what other crap. They live a horrible life and then are killed. I will quote the guy that is the editor for Mother Earth News.........."when people ask me how can you eat something you have raised, I ask, how can you eat something you haven't raised" We don't know how they were treated, or feed or anything about them, so for the safety and health of my family, I eat what I raise. Feel good in knowing that your treated your animals well and now they will reward you.
P.J.

[Middle River]

Thanks for the quote copperhead. It helps, and now i'm starting to see that it's not like they will hold it against me - it's not like i'm going to just go out there and wound them and make them live, they will die with only happy memories, and then our hard work and time/money will reward us. I just have to keep telling myself this, and hey, i may pretend that i bought the meat - or at least try to. And give DH the warning to not ever say who we are eating :+)

[Onthebit]

I had the same problem with my lambs last year. Just before hubby was to do the deed, the twins came over and butted my legs for a pat. I scratched them on their heads, led them to the shed and left til it was over. Then I helped skin, gut and process them. I thought about it at night...them coming over for a scratch and all trusting. I felt terrible. Then I cooked some up and OMG I never tasted such beautiful lamb in my life! So I finally quit thinking it in a bad way.

[linn]

I know how you feel, middle river. That is one reason we never name the animals that are dedicated for slaughter animals. It is all too easy to get attached. But, just think about the good home and great care your animals had while they were at your farm.

[Madsaw]

I hate to say this, to a point I am a very hard ash. But, I could not do what you are doing. I had a hard time selling cattle to butcher let alone haveing one done for myself.
I guess that is the reason I hunt. I much prefer vension over beef. Plus it does not cost that much to hunt them here with unlimited tags. Its very easy to fill a frezzer.
My old jersey steer must be close to 18 or so. I hate to see the day he is gone. We just lost our old mother cow last week. She was 25. She was such a asset to the farm. She would raise about 30 calves per lactation.
Bob