Question for the ladies

I really don't feel threatened by anything where I live. We get cougars and bears coming through the property, but they're interested in the critters, not me. I don't have any problems staying here alone.

Heh, I even backpack solo. I do tune into the little feelings that say something's not right. I read somewhere that humans only use about 1/3 of their brain's sensory capacity. I figure that "unused" part of the brain is still picking stuff up, it only registers in my conscious mind if something's just not right. I have no qualms about changing plans at the last minute, taking a different route home, or just plain leaving if something feels "off".

I spent my frist winter in Maine alone and the only fear (if you can call it fear) was the weather that I was not used to. What would I do if the power went off for a long while during 20 below days, I didn't have a wood stove yet, and our roads are very bad days on end sometimes. the pipes broke, out of water for a week and the the reality of freezing to death did cross my mind, when just about that time a Ranger knoted at my dorr to see if I was ok. then my neighber got out and checked on me. I learned that nature was the bigest thing I needed to respect not fear. We all keep an eye on each other. A house fire in the dead of winter with the fire dept some hour away can prove to be very costly in life when standing out side in your housecoat. So I do respect" the what could happen "more, I feel safe here in my Maine woods. I am more carefull when I work alone, thanking less of beeing hurt when others are around.I did get scared by a moose, witch I scared just as bad, we both went out septerat ways, and when I was some distence from him I felt happy for the chance to be so close to this huge wounderfull anamial. Silly what we fear at one time, only to be stronger and more assure of ourselves after it has passed.

Whats that the old folks say "feel the fear and do it anyway"! I live alone on top of a mountain about 7 miles from my nearest neighbor. I have learned to pay very close attention to my "gut feelings". We have black and grizzly bears as well as moose and moutain lions in our area. I have made the "stay away from me " rule but I doubt the animals have paid much attention to it. When working out on the land near the house I am seldom armed (unless i get the feeling i should be!). But any time I am several hundred yards from the nearest safe place I am armed with a big gun! I suppose it could be used on the bad guys (we do get firewood thiefs on occassion) but mostly it is for scaring animals away. I am a fair shot and I do practice- I will not be had by mad man nor beast (unless i choose to be LOL)

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www.MontanaSticksAndStones.com at Goshen Farm

I'd always feared rural life as a single woman then since I was married by the time I began it even when DH was gone I never worried- guess I was the mom and had the kids to watch over. That said I had burglar bars and barking if not fierce dogs.

When I'm out in the woods alone if I hear people coming and there's no woman I hide if possible- esp if the otehr people might be armed (and or drunk) hunters. Not sure what I'll do next homestead- depends on location and isolation. I've even lied to neighbors I didn;t know so well about when my male housemate was out of town.

If I were Paula the fishing area is what would decide me- I'd only finish the work if I had a closed cab (would that be as safe as a locked car? can't run anyone over in it tho) or a firearm. If I did ever live alone I'd try to fake it to people by dressing mannishly if possible when out in the yard, asking DB to visit a lot, consider firearms (a big step for me!), try to get crazy witchy woman don't mess with her reputation if necessary.

(Can you imagine centuries ago when the only protection an old crone living alone had against theives and rapists would be that she might cast the evil eye on you?)

Whew...I feel better now! From your first post I thought you were unaware of Memphis' reputation!

It would be great to get together sometime. Maybe you could come down here. I'm not real fond of Memphis...LOL.

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I'm running so far behind I thought I was first!

http://hickahala.blogspot.com/

I agree with everyone else, pretty much.

SOme of you know, DH is in the military and tends to be gone more often then not. Therefore, I can't always afford to wait for him to be around to do things or help out.

WHile I refuse to live my life in a constant state of fear, you better believe that I listen to that inner voice when it nudges me and tells me something is just not right. I have no qualms about just picking up and leaving somewhere if the situation makes me nervous, or even refusing to go and/or cancelling a trip. And like Jenn, I've been known to lie to people about DH's whereabouts and expected date of return. Why? Because there are people out there who automatically think that a woman alone is an easy target. I would prefer to avoid the opportunity to educate them differently.

So, you did the right thing. You felt uncomfortable, and you acted upon those feelings. No smart woman I know would have done otherwise.

As a side note, I agree with the poster that stated that if you are going to have a gun you better know how and be prepared to use it. There are many classes for women about firearms safety and use, and if you ask me, it would be money well spent.

Nikki

My father always taught me to listen to my inner voice and to understand that fear was a tool to keeping yourself safe. Has a police officer he said that natural instinct of things not being right and heeding a feeling to be cautious had served him well and had enabled him to take control of situations that might otherwise had gone bad.

I don't live my life in fear but I am aware of my surroundings and use caution in unfamiliar or potentially unsafe situations. I see it the same as using caution when driving. If you see a road hazard you slow and swerve to avoid it. When I feel or see something unsafe in my personal surroundings then I take the appropriate precautions to insure my safety as best as possible.

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"... it is not the things you have that make you happy. It is love and kindness and helping each other and just plain being good. " LIW

This is a timely post for me. I just got a book on hiking trails in my area. I am really excited to start my weekly hikes but have been concerned about being in isolated areas alone. I've thought about getting a pistol but I thought that might be too extreme, so I'm going to get pepper spray instead.

"I just feel frustrated that I could have finished mowing that property today."

My thoughts are I know what you mean you sound like hard worker but safety first the work will get done somehow! Not only human or animal predators, what if you had an accident or a malady occured and need assistance asap,nobody there to help you. What kind of feeling would that leave you with if you were all alone? Best to be outdoors with a partner.

How do others handle this? Would you/do you carry a gun when you are in a situation like this? I always carry my cell phone, but if something happened it would take a while for anyone I called to get to me. Am I just being paranoid? I wouldn't have thought twice about it when I was younger, guess now I'm just more aware of all the meanness that goes on.

Sometimes yes I do carry a gun if i trek a bit thru the property, even if it's just to the ponds. Abundant wildlife, coyotes and wild pigs, as well as poisonous snakes. I really think the cell phone idea is a good one, but it's not giong to make a difference if nobody is there immediately. Partner always.

Oh, I feel perfectly safe here on our farm----at all times, there's just never been any reason for fear. We don't even lock our doors, well, sometimes at night when we sleep. But I am a jogger and there are long, lonely, wooded public trails that I no longer jog alone on. I did when younger, but things are different now. There have been problems in this area on those trails. I very much believe in those inner voices and am trying to learn to listen to them better and less to what other people say.

Being that I'm one of the "gun toting, pit bull breeding" weirdos that most are scared of, little phases me. I do get a gut feeling from time to time but since I normally have one of my dogs and my gun with me (and I tend to have a short fuse) the feeling passes.

I think most women just depend on their men for too many things. In the pass DH was gone for a year at one time then a few years later was gone for another 9 months. This fall he'll be gone again for 9 months. If I would stop what I was doing in fear something MIGHT happen nothing would get done around here. I also refuse to show my daughter that she needs a man to survive...

However, I also think each person needs to go on their confort level.

But what about the millions of times people have taken early morning walks and not gotten shot in the head? What are the real odds of this happening? 1 in a million? 1 in 10 million? Too much for me to live in fear of it happening.

Rose is not living a charmed life, just a very normal and realistic one. The odds are heavily in her favor. We see something on the news and say that could happen to me, I need to be afraid. A shark attack kills someone. Ooooo don't go in the ocean - what about all the millions who did not get attacked swimming? You need to be aware of your surroundings and you need to think ahead about what to do in the event of an emergency. Carry a cell phone if you are alone - i prefer 2-way radios on the property because they take a beating. Take a good dog with you in the woods. I always carry a knife (not to kill anyone or anything, they are jusy darned handy to have on you) We worry about the wrong things. Odds are greater you would hurt yourself cutting hay than some random psycho would come out of the woods and attack you. Worry about accidentally slicing off a digit since it is more likely. Listen to your gut, but know what is rational and what is irrational. Otherwise you let your fears rule and direct your life. Believing that no one in this world is safe because it is such a sick place is a rotten way to live. You'll spend your life hiding and miss so much. I'd rather live like Rose than avoid the world. People actually do and live thru it.

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Ultra Lord is not afraid of chickens!

Brandi, I think you took my remarks personally.

I assume you're not cooking meth or letting your whole pack of pit bulls run free onto others farms to kill and harrass the neighbors livestock and corner people in their own barns. Those nasty neighbors moved in 3 yrs after we did(we were the longest residing people on almost 700 acres) and proceeded to cut my fences so their dogs could have room to run and so they could fish in my stocked pond! The whole property was fenced & posted so we could get our farmowners insurance at lower rates and they kept ignoring any requests to stay out of my pastures & away from my pond.
These same neighbors tote loaded guns on their 1 acre & 'target practice' with high power rifles in the direction of their neighbors chicken coop, barn and yes even hitting my upstairs bathroom window once. :no: I doubt that you're in favor of 2am drug deals where they all carry weapons and brag about not being afraid to use them on 'snitches'. :no:

So those are the types that make for really bad neighbors; all of which I assume you're not doing. Those kind of neighbors will never be an asset to a community IMO.

So ya, for me Memphis has a much safer feel. It may not be any safer but at least there are laws that are upheld if someone is causing that many problems in a neighborhood.

I carried a loaded pistol everywhere but some places just don't give off a good vibe if that makes sense. I didn't think too much about it until I realized no one before us had ever lived on that farm for over 3 yrs-makes you wonder .....

Ravenlost, maybe later this summer I will make the drive down. I get the impression I won't see you up here anytime soon! :haha: I can bring you anything you may want from Memphis at that time;instead of you having to drive up.
I live on the East side by Cordova/Germantown not right in the middle of Memphis-it's really nice over here.

Kathy

Jim, I do agree with you for the most part, but the sad truth about our society is that women do have to worry more than men - in other words, I think there is definitely going to be a gender split on how this topic is viewed. I can see how this whole thread may seem pretty reactionary, but in reality, it's more a fact of survival, especially for women.

A friend of mine traveled to Greece on vacation, where she was attacked, bound, and gang-raped. She has permanent nerve damage in her hands from the cords that bound her wrists, but that's the least of her problems. Now, do I still travel? Of course! But you'd better believe I don't wander around by myself in unfamiliar areas, nor to I ignore those hairs on the back of my neck! And, should I wander into unfamiliar territory alone and get scared, does that mean I'm doomed? Probably not. However, there's a reason we evolved with this reaction, and who am I to argue with Nature?

I feel perfectly safe on my farm, as well as in the neighboring town, the cities that I travel to for my farmer's markets, etc. However, there have been times that I've had those feelings of "something's not right". I listen to them, act accordingly, and as a result, I'm one of those millions that have avoided trouble. And I really do believe that as long as I continue to live that way, I will continue to be safe. Sure, I could igore fear and probably still come out unscathed, but I'd just as soon not leave my fate up to the luck of the draw. It takes less pain and effort to listen to that little voice that it does to try to smother it!

I think that's key here - addressing fear (assuming it's not linked to some chronic neuro/psychological malady) when it comes up is not hiding, it's just smart. There is a huge difference between taking on a "victim" role versus being aware of your suroundings, aware of your gut feelings, and acting accordingly.

Be safe!

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April

Gardener Chick, Poultry Wrangler, and Goat Mama!

I think you are correct. Fear can be healthy and keep you alive. But if you let fear control your every move and take on a vicitim posture you will more than likely be victimized. It is obvious when someone is alert and aware of their surroundings and those persons are less likely to become the victims of crimes of opportunity.

All to often women ignore their instincts in order to be polite. Men on the other hand seem to think they can handle anything and get in over their heads. And both sexes seem to discount how violent women have become in recent years. We tend to trust women more than men, and that can be a downfall.

Bottomline - if something doesn't seem right to you, it probably isn't. Better safe than sorry.

Paula,
You've gotten some good advice here. The summary of it being that each person has to choose what makes them feel safe. For you, today, it meant going home rather than staying in the field. Tomorrow, you may not feel that way. Some folks carry a gun, others have big dogs, and others are just mean enough that everything is scared of them anyway .
So don't feel bad, dear, or ashamed in any way. Make sure that you do stay atuned to that radar that is built in. It will save your hide more times than you can imagine. I've been in the woods many a time and felt the hair come up on the back of my neck. Most of the time I could just stop and look around slowly until I saw a form (usually a coyote or bear) fade into the woods. Sometimes it was snakes. Then there were times that I didn't see what it was, but that didn't make it any less real.
That same radar has helped me in my business life as well for many years.

So you did good.
Stay safe.
mamabear

Kathy nahhh. i don't take anything on message boards personally. I found it funny how people generalize certain things and I let my sarcastic side get the better of me.

The good advice I've read here says "go with your gut feeling" - I agree -

We will soon be moving to our new place & I know from experience it will take me a while to feel comfortable there - it is secluded & my cell phone doesn't work there - that is why I go now whenever I can - just to work in the garden or walk around with the kids - just to get to know the place & not feel so apprehensive

And to caberjim & everyone else - it DOES happen.........

I never gave another thought to my general well-being until 12 years ago when my friends & I were attacked in a park. The reason? gang initiation - There were 4 of us & about 15 of them. I remember thinking....."this is how I'm going to die".......After punches & kicks & knives & guns, I was lucky to escape with lots of bruises & bumps. One friend lost an eye - another was in a coma for weeks, lost his short term memory & still cannot walk well.

It was a life-changing experience - it rocked my world.....I don't think of the 'incident' every day but I know it has effected the way I feel about everyone & everything. I think it was the first (and only) time I felt genuine hate - a TERRIBLE sickening feeling. I do not feel safe in open spaces that I don't know well. And worst of all, the 'incident' proved to me that there are people out there that will hurt & even kill me if given the chance.

Ladies, beware. I suppose getting beat up by a gang is quite unlikely in the middle of 100 acres of hay :haha: But, go with your gut feeling - getting the hay cut one day later is OKAY

Also, if you have a chance, take a seminar on self-defense or even just self-awareness. Know who's walking on the other side of the street. Notice when strange cars drive by more than once or twice. Just pay attention.

I've travelled all over the world alone as well and let me tell you sometimes bad things do happen. Maybe you are lucky I don't know, but just because nothing has happened to you doesn't mean you dont' have to be cautious and protect yourself.

While driving a jeep in the mountains of Mexico, I was held up by machine gun and was lucky that all they did was scream at me then steal my gas and cookies (dang it I really wanted those cookies!). I had to coast the jeep back down mountain and luckily the breaks worked. Then another time, also in Mexico, the whole bus was held up by a psycho with a machete. I've had friends kidnapped on vacation.

Most of the people I ran into were good. But you don't protect yourself from those people.

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Our website promoting the use of Missouri Herbs. www.MissouriHerbs.com

I injured my knee falling off a mountain trail during a winter backpacking hike with my Boy Scouts in NW GA and held them up from their destinations by almost 3 hrs- I remember the other assistant scoutmasters waiting for me at a road crossing and telling me they wanted me to set up camp there and wait for them to come back in the bus and pick me up the next afternoon. I went off on them BECAUSE they waited till we got to the road crossing instead of suggesting I drop out and wait a couple miles back in the back country. My "automatic safety awareness" has always factored the back country as being safer then a town location. (The idea of camping solo was fine- I have also done solo backpacks!) I managed to limp back out of sight of the road and really enjoyed my 24 hour solo experience.