Am I cut out for homesteading?
 

Hello!
I am currently a city girl, married to a city boy who is sick of the city lifestyle and has a dream of living off the grid for good. I love this idea (and I love my husband infinitely more) but I'm afraid my working metropolitan tendencies will make it hard for me to transition. We haven't even begun the process, as we need to save up for everything, so it's not imminent at this point.
I want to be able to work (hopefully as an independent consultant) which would require a home office, internet, etc, and my Mister has told me countless times he wants me to do what I want/what makes me happy.
I suppose I am worried the gap between what I'm used to and what I envision is quite a different idea than my husband's. :shrug:

Has anyone else experienced the big move? What was/is it like? Am I cut out for it all?
Thanks in advance!

Hi :)

I believe anyone can do whatever they please, as long as they possess the necessary willpower, staying ability, and are open to learning.

In all reality, I think that people from the city have a slightly higher chance of really succeeding in the country because you have to learn everything new. Contrary to some opinions, I think this is a great advantage; you know nothing and everything that comes to you will not be viewed through a film of experience (whether good or bad). This is awesome, because you are in a position to start with innovative methods/techniques right off the bat when others are too entrenched in the 'old way'.

Experienced or not, if you love something enough, it will work out. I loved horses all my life, but never was able to get one until I was 16. I new nothing, but that bothered me not the slightest.

You will make mistakes. Everyone does. The trick is to take a step back, reassess your approach, and try again. Or maybe not. Maybe that venture is not for you. If you fail at chickens, it doesn't mean you can't do ducks. Just keep trying different things.

Exactly how do you picture your homesteading life? It would be easier to tell if you have anywhere near a real picture than if you can meet what other people mean by it.

Do you derive satisfaction from something done yourself, like preparing a meal, or are you happier in a white linen restaurant? Are you reluctant to get dirty, sweaty? Can you make your own entertainment? Sounds like some soul searching is in order. Best of luck whatever path you take.

Welcome to the forum! :)

While you work and save toward your dream, this is the perfect opportunity to test your mettle and find out if you really want to make the transition. I can tell you that for a lot of "citified" folks, they have a far more romantic notion of living the country/off-grid life than is the reality.

I'm not "off-grid," so I won't speak to that. But I did transition from a more urban lifestyle to a very rural one, so I can share some thoughts about that. I was raised with grandparents who truly WERE off-grid, since their homes were built in areas so rural that electricity didn't come for many years. I mention this only because I did have some exposure to country living before trying it myself.

I've learned that rural living involves moving a lot of stuff from one place to another: Dirt, manure, straw, compost, wood... whatever you can think of, it won't be where you eventually want it to be. There is a lot of physical work involved and it needs to be done when it's the right time to do it. Animal pens don't clean themselves and responsible livestock keepers don't let these tasks languish.

If you choose to keep livestock, you likely will get kicked, pecked, head-butted, bit or stepped on sooner or later. You can't fear these things, so think about the possibilities before taking an animal on. If you get the chance to work with your chosen livestock before you add them to your mix, I strongly urge you to take it. Another consideration: How will you handle an animal that is hurt beyond saving by the vet, assuming you can get the vet out timely? Can you manage such situations on your own?

Do you need a lot of contact with other people? Rural living doesn't always offer that opportunity. Or in some cases, it offers a bit too much with people you wouldn't ordinarily choose to spend your time around. Think bad neighbors and the like. Of course you can encounter this in city living as well, but some situations in the country can become very Hatfield and McCoy despite your best efforts. The "code" of rural living is different to urban living. It's a good idea to know it before moving to the country. Neighbors pay a lot more attention to each other -- for better or worse. And one thing they seem to universally dislike is when someone moves into their "turf" and expects the neighbors to behave differently to accommodate the new folks. Your neighbors can be your greatest asset or your worst hindrance, so your tolerances bear some thoughtful consideration.

Will you miss pizza delivery, dashing to the convenience store, easy access to restaurants, theatre or in some cases, law enforcement? Good things to think through before you commit.

Are you petrified of rodents and/or snakes? Think long and hard. They are a frequent reality of living in the country.

All this said, there's nothing like sitting out in the truly dark-dark, watching the stars sparkle overhead, listening to owls hoot or frogs sing. When the scent of wild privet fills your snoot as you sit with your beloved watching the sun go down as you share a nice glass of something, there's nothing like it and you'll wonder how anyone lives any other way. :)

I wish you luck in your quest, and if you spend time on this site in the various forums, there is much to be learned before you take The Big Leap! I am sure you have already thought of many of these things. Hopefully some here can help with answering your many questions!

Well, only you'll know what you want.
As for city life transition to small town life, because
your rural living still is based on what nearby village
or municipality you deal with, and people there will
know about you etc.

I grew up in a mid sized city, though always had some
Animals or grew stuff, had outdoor interests....thus already
primed to live in the country....just matter of what to afford
for land there. I always worked in semi professional career
Job, but wanted the country life. Did/do both. It's all about
what interests you. Set up a business, do whatever you want.
If what surrounds you in the country atmosphere, so much the
Better. It ain't easy, whether you live in the city or in the country
side. Both will have challenges.

There is a lot of variation in what is available. A lot depends on how amenable you are to cultural shifts, a DIY mindset, and interaction with fewer people on a more constant basis. I wonder how much of hubbie's discontent is a desire to actively go off-grid and how much is simply wanting to get off the hamster wheel of seeing a majority of income vanish into the pockets of "required" expenses.

Depends on what your definition of homesteading is. You mentioned 'off-grid'...that is probably too much of a change to go from city living to off-grid living. I think the term has become popularized over the past few years and people have these dreams and ideas in their heads about what that is, when in fact, there is a lot more to it than what most think. You really need to be educated and prepared for the type and amount of change that would bring to your lives. I would guess that the vast majority of people who think about going off-grid would not be able to sustain that type of lifestyle. That said, there is a lot that can be gained in your quality of life by just moving to a more rural area with a little privacy to grow a garden and raise a few animals (chickens are great to start with). Taking it slow to learn how to do the basic homesteading skills, even on-grid, is a great way to start with (and stay with).

You know, you don't have to go from living in the inner city to knock down, drag out homesteading. You can easily move to land outside of the city and commute, and while you are doing that, live a "country lifestyle" and see what you think. And if you like it,you can wade deeper and deeper into the homesteading pool. :) There are no time limits on what you do, there are no "you must do this to be a homesteader and if you don't you're a failure" rules. There is no certain amount of things that you have to do. You might have chickens and a garden but that's it. You might go whole hog and have large livestock.

What I am saying is, try things out without pressure on what you "have to" do to be a homesteader. Live the life that you find fulfilling and let that be your guide.

Good luck.

The biggest adjustment to us has been the painfully slow and limited internet. I only mention that because you said you want to telecommute.

Other than that, we started with no knowledge...we learned everything through research (and experience!!). I wouldn't change a thing. However, we are doing something similar to what Jennifer mentioned...1/2 way homesteading. My hubby and I both work full time. However, we are setting up our place for when we retire to be much easier to maintain. For now, we enjoy our garden and critters and all of the work!

Well we didn't come here as city slickers but we did come here having to start from scratch on this piece of land. The most important thing to know is that you will work harder (physically) and longer than you ever have before. You will make hundreds of mistakes (even if you do your homework). You will donate your blood sweat and tears to the the endeavor. You will have moments of deep discouragement and a desire to quit. But...

If your passion to do this and determination to learn is bigger than the blisters on your hands and the mosquitoes on your neck, you will finally find your reward. The first time you pick your own food from your own garden that you grew yourself, you'll know why you didn't throw in the towel....and nothing is quite as special as the first time your livestock have their offspring. Now that's a beautiful sight. :)

I married 3 city girls and I will NEVER marry another. Does that say anything to you?

That you are fundamentalist Mormon with a death wish? :D

LOL lol. NOT at the same time lol

There is a happy medium. My wife and I are/were in the same situation. We opted for a house that is not located in any incorporated town, but is only 8 miles to the nearest walmart. My neighbors are 400+ yards away in any direction, but we do have a public water co-op, public power, but we use propane and have no trash or sewer service. Our road gets maybe 40 cars a week down it; With the addition of a grid tie solar system and wood burning stoves we can be off grid if/when necessary, but my wife can drive 15 minutes for a mani-pedi;

That three city girls made a mistake? :shrug:

You just have to want to. You don't have to be right, ever, but it's nice once in a while.
Do you know how to get to Tractor Supply.

Have fun.

3 city girls AND I made a mistake lol

I agree with Nicole Irene worst part was going from Fios internet to barely functioning internet! We moved from the city 1hr away (my husband commutes to work each day) we found 38acres and we are 10min from one walmart and less then 20min from everything else (including another walmart LOL) Its actually easier to get to walmart here then it was in the city (stupid traffic)

I'm thrilled with the arrangement, my husband tolerates it because he loves me :)

I married a city girl. After three years in an apartment, we built a three bedroom ranch in the close suburbs, while I worked at a large manufacturing plant(the one that went bankrupt) in Indiana and she taught third graders. I began to thoroughly scare her every week by bringing home a new real estate listing for a "place in the country". After fifteen years of that, I had a chance to transfer to this area to the large manufacturing plant(the one that went bankrupt) in Kalamazoo. I found this place and put my foot down. I told her I would sack groceries if need be to finance this place--and she told me, then I never want to hear you complain about your job again.

Her true feelings: "it's formiddable." But it certainly wasn't off grid, no animals, town was five minutes away, and the mall was twenty. She actually made more lasting friends here than before, and in time she began to love it here(She told me so) Together we gardened, cooked fresh foods, made jams and jellies, froze corn and green beans, ate fresh fish from the lake(a very nice feature), dug potatoes, grew onions, and had all sorts of fresh flowers and all kinds of wild flowers and blossoms.

I regret that I had scared her so much by bringing all those real estate listings home. It would have been better to just sit down and discuss with her my reasons for discontentment and my wishes to "homestead" (in my own way....) Luckily, on this forum there isn't any homesteader of the year award....you don't have to live off grid, swing an ax, and raise goats to follow your own combined dream. I urge you and your husband to really talk it out together.

geo

Yes, we were 'city folks' with a 'dream' of being country folks.
I found out 11 years later, that he was not genuine, that he had been 'faking it' / lying to me all along.
During those 11 years, he 'pretended' like he was all for the country life....but underneath, he festered, stewed, hated the work.
Instead of sitting down and talking to me he began to resent me. Silently.
I had no idea.
This was the TIP of the iceberg of his deception; but it was part of the charade.

I tell you this because communication with your husband is THE most important thing you can do.

You and your dh should sit down, put down on paper where you want to be in 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months.
Write down goals, ambitions, etc.

If he says "yeah, I want to have 10 kids in 10 years, all home birthed" and THAT is not on YOUR radar, you need to have an honest, frank discussion with him now.

If you say "yeah, I want to go out to dinner once a week at La Tee Da restaurant, and drive a new car every three years" and that's not on his radar, you need to have an honest, frank discussion.

Communication is THE most important thing you can do.
Being DEBT FREE is the second most important thing you can do.
Being mentored (learning how to make soap, how to garden, animal husbandry, etc)

Communication is Key!!

I agree with everyone who said that communication with your DH is key and also knowing where you (as a couple, not individually) want to be in 1, 5, 10 ... years.

We are not off the grid but our goal is to be able to be off the grid if needed. Right now we are closer to people than we would like to be in the long run. It was a compromise, we are in the country but not entirely secluded. There are 4 more houses up our road and we can see 3 houses from our porch. I did not feel comfortable living further than that from others and raising kids more remote (I grew up in Europe in area with high population density so there our homestead would be considered remote). After living here, I would gladly move to a very remote/secluded place but it was not something I was comfortable with off the bat.

If you are planning to have kids in the future, how do you want to raise them? How close do you want to be to schools and activities? If you have a child that wants more interaction with other kids, how far are you willing to drive? We homeschool and my son would be entirely content with the occasional trip to town but my daughter craves activities with other kids. So we find a good middle ground. If I did not have kids, a couple of trips to town a month would be plenty to keep me happy. But I have to take into account my kids' needs and interest and we go several times a week (swimming, gymnastics, homeschool coop, field trips, library, etc.).

How important are modern conveniences for you? Are you OK waking up to a cold house and waiting for the wood stove to heat it up or is that going to drive you nuts? If you have animals, are you OK with being "tied" to the farm (it is not always easy to find someone who can take care of them for you) or do you like to take a few vacations a year?

How comfortable are you with being further away from cell phone signal, hospital, law enforcement, etc.?

I hope this turns into a wonderful adventure for you and your DH. Best wishes!