living alone

newfieannie · #21 12/07/14, 11:47 AM

I'm holding down 2 places also just me. not doing a good job with the country place though. the old place is falling down but it was only a mobile to begin with and it doesn't take long to go to rack and ruin when you leave it. the land is still there though and it's mine.

I thought I'd have my husband by my side when he retired also but it wasn't to be. I would rather be out in the country. although I do have the best of both worlds right now and I'm in excellent health and don't mind the driving at all I do plan soon to get rid of the place in the city. ~Georgia.

Horseyrider · #22 12/07/14, 11:58 AM

There's a difference between being lonely and being alone. And the needs of each person is as individual as each of us. I'm a very social person, but I'm comfortable being alone because one of the people I really enjoy is me.

My DH has been struggling with cancer, and there's a very real chance that I'll be alone sometime in the near future. So I'm building stronger social networks NOW, before I have a need, because there's going to be a day when there's a project that requires two sets of hands, or requires a skillset that's beyond me.

Take a class. Volunteer. Get involved in church, your library, your county board, Extension, flea markets, farmer's markets, food co-ops, etc. Put yourself out there. Allocate a certain number of hours per month to concentrate on giving back to your community. People flock to positive energy like moths to a flame, so send that out and watch how you attract awesome people. Suddenly your life will be quite full, you'll be very busy, and you'll never have another lonely moment again.

LonelyNorthwind · #23 12/07/14, 01:35 PM

cabin, after many years of marriage, I don't think there's much difference between a divorce and becoming widowed. The sense of loss, emptiness,fear, isolation, loneliness and all the rest are combined with a feeling of failure. The economic fallout is often worse after a divorce.
I've always thought it unfair that socially one who has been widowed is supported in so many ways, yet one who is recently divorced seems to be abandoned and sometimes shunned.

So here's a kiss for luck

and good wishes coming your way.

Anyhoo, I've been divorced nearly 30 years. There've been relationships but I guess I'm hard to keep.
I've live in my 12x24 floathouse, about as remote as you can get and still be on this planet. I gave up long ago trying to find a match my age who'd be willing to live the way I do, it's not like I'd bump into anybody at walmart, and I'm not leaving!
I love being alone but not as much as I'd love having a sweetheart. Anymore I find it hard to socialize, small talk is nearly impossible.

living alone - Homesteading Questions

But look at this. In the summer I have paradise.
living alone - Homesteading Questions

Jlynnp · #24 12/07/14, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoePa

I'm a widower - wife died nearly 18 years ago - I notice that as time goes on I am getting more used to being alone - I first I was very lonely but then I realized that it was my wife that I missed most of all - and not just any other person - as time goes on you get into a routine and do what you want to do when you want to do it - you have no one else to please - I keep busy around my 12 areas with keeping things in shape - gardening - fishing and hunting - if I want to see someone I go out to eat - join a church - a fishing/hunting club - etc.

I know a guy who married again after his wife died - he was very lonely at the time - now he tells me he made a mistake - all he does is take her to the doctors - shopping - and getting told not to bring dirt into the house - he thinks he would have been better off getting a dog or cat -

I know I would miss DH if he were to pass away but I am content to be alone. I got very used to it when he worked 60+ hours a week. In fact when he retired I had a huge adjustment to him being around.

After my DM died my Dad remarried and he soon wished he hadn't done that. She was a nag and ended up spending the last year of her life in a home because she just knew she was dying.

I do second the dog or cat for company!!!!!

motdaugrnds · #25 12/08/14, 09:49 AM

As blanket stated above. It really depends on what type of person you are. Some people need others around them; and for them being very far from others can be emotionally difficult. Other people enjoy their own company and (like me) prefer animals to people. For such people living alone is not a problem at all...except when it takes more than 2 hands to get something done. (Of course you can learn to use other parts of your body as a 3rd hand like I did.) And Horseyrider puts it another way, i.e. "...There's a difference between being lonely and being alone..."

I suspect that place in the country just might bring you down at times remembering how you and your spouse "were" going to retire there together. It just might be best to do as another in here suggested, i.e. sell them both and buy something new.

Jennifer L. · #26 12/08/14, 10:53 AM

WVCabin, you've been divorced for 2 1/2 years, and you like your quiet time when the kids aren't there. I think you'll be fine by yourself if you want to be. If you had been divorced 2 1/2 MONTHS ago and you were worried about it, then it might be a different story. IMO, you ought to move to the cabin and spend 6 months there and take stock about how you feel about your life, then. Big difference between life before and life after retirement, and what seems fine to you now may not feel like it later.

And step outside the box, too, and take a different view of your life and what you might want now. If you are in a rut, now would be a good time to start thinking about what you can do to change it.

Right now, the world is your oyster!

Use Less · #27 12/08/14, 11:57 AM

My situation is an oddly twisted version of yours. He wanted the acreage, the animals, the isolation. I fell in love with it, but when some other things went sour, I'm the one who left. He's out there, but the place is deteriorating and getting overgrown pretty rapidly. I work three days a week at something I really enjoy. I like my time alone, and have more than enough to keep me busy where I am, but if I don't get out after a couple days, I slump. It's been just over a year and many things are not settled, plus other changes in my family and group of friends could be part of the up and down for me. If you can swing keeping both places and try it out for a while, that might be an idea.

JoePa · #28 12/08/14, 12:14 PM

I think it is a lot harder for a woman to be alone than it is for a man - a man can go pretty much anywhere by himself - and can do a lot of things a woman can't do - repairing things - she isn't as strong to protect herself either - so if you are a woman alone you need to get others to join you when you want to do something - so it boils down to this - if your a woman - try and catch a guy - if your a man - don't get caught

sisterpine · #29 12/08/14, 12:36 PM

As many others here I was devastated by my divorce. Until then I thought I was a very independent woman. Turns out I was independent because DH always had my back. Now I live on the new stead and help take care of my mother. My brother lives next door though he is often working away in the big city, my DD lives in the house with mother and I but she goes to the city 2-3 times per week for groceries and boyfriend stuff. Mostly I just stay here. It has now been a few years since my divorce and I no longer have nightmares about it and what happened to me trying to be on my own. I do not miss being married at all but it would sure be nice to have a close friend to play games (poker etc) with sometimes. I hear that there are folks down the road who play poker at the community center and I will be checking that out. Meanwhile I continue to learn more about myself and how to make ME happy.

Queen Bee · #30 12/08/14, 12:57 PM

Who says you have to be alone for the rest of your life, IF you don't want to be! You have to decide if you are keeping the Maryland property or sell it. Once it is gone it will be gone... if you love the place keep it.. if you are keeping it as security..sell it. You can always find another place if needed. If this has been your dream go for it. There are tons of single people out there looking for long term relationships OR you can always have family and friends visit. Good luck.

michael ark · #31 12/08/14, 06:28 PM

I think you will be just fine . Being alone now a days isn't like it use to be with chat rooms skype and all the new tech finding someone to chat is just a few clicks away. I mean look here i'm in arkansas having a discussion with you . You may want to look at tango or other face time apps for your phone in case you come down with melancholy.At times i miss being a bachelor.I didn't get married till i was 34 cause being alone fit me at that time and thats old for around these parts.

Nice view north wind.

am1too · #32 12/08/14, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by motdaugrnds

As blanket stated above. It really depends on what type of person you are. Some people need others around them; and for them being very far from others can be emotionally difficult. Other people enjoy their own company and (like me) prefer animals to people. For such people living alone is not a problem at all...except when it takes more than 2 hands to get something done. (Of course you can learn to use other parts of your body as a 3rd hand like I did.) And Horseyrider puts it another way, i.e. "...There's a difference between being lonely and being alone..."

I suspect that place in the country just might bring you down at times remembering how you and your spouse "were" going to retire there together. It just might be best to do as another in here suggested, i.e. sell them both and buy something new.

That is what tools are for.

am1too · #33 12/08/14, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Queen Bee

Who says you have to be alone for the rest of your life, IF you don't want to be! You have to decide if you are keeping the Maryland property or sell it. Once it is gone it will be gone... if you love the place keep it.. if you are keeping it as security..sell it. You can always find another place if needed. If this has been your dream go for it. There are tons of single people out there looking for long term relationships OR you can always have family and friends visit. Good luck.

Yeah good luck with having friends and family visit unless you have something really good to bribe them with.

DAVID In Wisconsin · #34 12/09/14, 01:37 AM

Having remarried after 12 years single, allow me to share this little nugget: With someone sitting next to you, you can feel more lonely than when you were truly alone.

ChristieAcres · #35 12/09/14, 02:24 AM

I think you should keep both places until you have someone by your side, who shares your goals in life. I was divorced for three years, before I met my current DH. Our 11 year anniversary is coming up in January. This year, we moved to a new property. We are excited about everything being accomplished, as we prepare to build a log home.

As a woman who is physically fit, much stronger than I should be for my age & size, able to fix things, and more than capable of defending myself? I enjoy time alone and hiking with our dog. I don't feel the need for much attention, however, I prefer not to live alone. Since my DH has so many skills, I focus on ones which are my own (not our shared skills). Absolutely, he is much stronger (freakishly so for his age) and can do so much more than I can (more than most men can). Yet, I could live alone if I had to.

Tango · #36 12/09/14, 06:53 AM

I've been human alone for a very long time in different ways. It is a personal quirk in people. Humans tend toward herds and they like to talk, some like to talk ALOT even if they don't know what they are talking about. Living alone is very different from liking alone time when there is family in the same house or weekend retreats by oneself. There are inevitable hardships - for me it would definitely be getting sick and still having to "work." But I have livestock and gardens. It is really a state of mind. My "next door" neighbor in my last farm was in his 80's and lived alone. He stayed tough until a stroke got him and then he died within a few weeks. There are also, as have been noted, times that people thrive on solitude. They can heal or recover or plan quietly for another phase. If you are asking, you are considering it. You know yourself better than anyone else. All that said a friend was buying a parcel nearby and the contract was declined at the last minute. It would have been nice to have someone I know and love close by but it wasn't meant to be. Ultimately for me that means keepin on keepin on. The benefits still disproportionately outweigh the downside of being a hermit.

Buffy in Dallas · #37 12/09/14, 08:43 PM

I know how you're feeling WVcabin! Thursday would have been our 30th anniversary...If he hadn't run off with his tennis coach...

(ya, it was like one of those lifetime movies)

I've been single for 5 months now but have yet to be alone since I live with my parents, daughter, sister and BIL. Sometimes I want to run away just to have some time alone. I know if I was actually living alone it would be different.

My future plans have changed quite a bit in the last year. I know I want to be close to the kids. Close enough to visit frequently and close enough that I won't feel guilty if I need them to come help me with something.
I'm keeping my options open.

You might want to hang on to both houses. (Keep those options open.)

ChristieAcres · #38 12/09/14, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tango

I've been human alone for a very long time in different ways. It is a personal quirk in people. Humans tend toward herds and they like to talk, some like to talk ALOT even if they don't know what they are talking about. Living alone is very different from liking alone time when there is family in the same house or weekend retreats by oneself. There are inevitable hardships - for me it would definitely be getting sick and still having to "work." But I have livestock and gardens. It is really a state of mind. My "next door" neighbor in my last farm was in his 80's and lived alone. He stayed tough until a stroke got him and then he died within a few weeks. There are also, as have been noted, times that people thrive on solitude. They can heal or recover or plan quietly for another phase. If you are asking, you are considering it. You know yourself better than anyone else. All that said a friend was buying a parcel nearby and the contract was declined at the last minute. It would have been nice to have someone I know and love close by but it wasn't meant to be. Ultimately for me that means keepin on keepin on. The benefits still disproportionately outweigh the downside of being a hermit.

This was precisely the point I made in my thread. I may enjoy my alone time, hiking alone, and occasionally going on day trips by myself. However, I have zero desire to live alone.

blambert · #39 12/14/14, 08:38 AM

Give yourself permission to be happy and follow your dreams. I went through not so nice a divorce, and it took me a few years to get where I could stand the thought of being alone the rest of my life. I too had the dream of retiring with my husband (now ex). I am single (for nearly 23 years) and have bought my property, building my cabin, and thoroughly enjoy the quiet times. When I get lonesome, I go visit my grown children, or invite friends not lucky enough to own rural property to come camp and visit for a few days. Of course I let them help while there too! My neighbors look out for me, as I do for them, and I enjoy life. Just make the affirmation that no matter what life throws at you, you can be resilient and happy.
Good Luck, and Merry Christmas!

Horseyrider · #40 12/14/14, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buffy in Dallas

I know how you're feeling WVcabin! Thursday would have been our 30th anniversary...If he hadn't run off with his tennis coach...

(ya, it was like one of those lifetime movies)

I've been single for 5 months now but have yet to be alone since I live with my parents, daughter, sister and BIL. Sometimes I want to run away just to have some time alone. I know if I was actually living alone it would be different.

My future plans have changed quite a bit in the last year. I know I want to be close to the kids. Close enough to visit frequently and close enough that I won't feel guilty if I need them to come help me with something.
I'm keeping my options open.

You might want to hang on to both houses. (Keep those options open.)

Buffy, I so admire your strength, resolve, and outstanding sense of your own self worth. The kind of betrayal you've endured isn't unique to you, but your poise and ability to pick yourself back up in the face of it is really remarkable. The people in your everyday life are so very lucky to have you there.