Deciding which farm, keeping DW happy

Deke - is this still about your property delima, or not? It deteriorated into a mess not suitable for Homesteading Questions, and more suitable for General Chat.

Everyone, stick to the property delima and cut out the tearing each other down and fussing about religious aspects, and if he wants to please his wife, then that is enough information. Having fusses about head of households, and such really had nothing to do with what the question is.

Two properties, He wants he wife to be comfortable too.

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"Live your life, and forget your age." Norman Vincent Peale

LOL believe me the thought crossed my mind strongly. I could tell he was sweating bullets when they put the pen in my hand for me to sign the papers. However, I signed on for "til death do us part" and decided that our marriage was more important than a house.

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Maggie

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Great post and I am thrilled they will be making the decision together, after viewing the home/property. It isn't good for either spouse to railroad the other. I have been on both sides of that fence, and have learned that lesson well.

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Christie Acres
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Then you aren't nearly as stubborn as I am. LOL

I am firmly in the camp of hangy down parts make me the boss, but...

The little house you fixed up for now, don't clean for a few days before she gets there. A sink full of dishes, cobwebs in the laundry room, tell her not to flush the toilet more than once a day, because the septic might be a problem. When driving the neighborhood, point out any suspected meth labs. Park downwind of the pulp mill for a picnic. Maybe spread a load of sludge first, and spill some on the driveway?

At the new farm, scout out some nice places to visit before she gets there.


But seriously, make sure she knows about where each farm is before she visits, and encourage her to research where the horse people and swimming people congregate, then go visit those places when she is in town. Take your time, a couple days, don't have a rigid agenda. It really sounds like a lot of fun deciding, and I don't think either option will be bad. Enjoy your visit with your wife. I don't know how you two work long distance. I get grumpy after three days away from my wife.

Oh my gosh you do not fight fair. You remind me of my husband. He knows me so well it gives him an unfair advantage!

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Living Large Down on the Farm.

Well, you might just be a pushy old woman who should have worn a bra more often. Don't make me go National Geographic on you!

DW has already stayed in the little house a few times, is quite happy with it, and likes the seemingly meth-free neighborhood. However, on one of her first visits, we did bury debris on the farm that the cops have told us was a meth lab several years before. The cops had bulldozed it. Sadly, it had quite a few toddler toys in the pile. I used my tractor to dig a big hole and pushed everything in. Two years later and you would never know it is there. That's one of the things I like about Florida, stuff grows fast, the land heals fast.

Im not sure Id bet the farm on that !
Seems to me many places are far less isolated than they were just a few years ago.

If your wife enjoys working with children, you should check and see if there is a 4-H horse club in the area of the 'new' farm. 4-H clubs are usually happy to get new helpers! (Although, with horse clubs more than other projects, sometimes there are attitudes and snob factors to deal with. But it sounds like she's had enough experience around horses and horse people to spot that and deal with it.)

The house on the larger farm is huge! Bed and breakfast crossed my mind!

Kathleen

Yes, we are looking into 4-H. She grew up in a 4-H horse program in Ohio.

B&B - no thanks! We want visitors on the farm, but not in the house. I need my daily dose of solitude.

Today was DW's birthday and she wanted me to go for a ride with her. We spent about 6 hours driving to the mountains, riding horses, and then back home again. We talked about all the issues, if she really wanted to make this move, if she would prefer to stay in horse country of Virginia, etc. She really wants to go to Florida and is now eager to see new farm.

There are pros and cons to both old farm and new farm, and there is not a slam dunk right choice. So we'll see, we'll talk, and who knows?

We made a long list of questions for the seller, and we leave tomorrow for FL. Thursday we'll tour the area, Friday visit new farm. I'll update our status Saturday.

Once again, thanks to all for your thoughts and comments.

Happy wife = happy life for everyone. Statistics say so.

Add a little sugar to the pot to make it more worth her while and keep her happy and thus keep you happy. If you want her to be happy then make her the proper chatelaine of your home, not just the housewife.

That house and property is nice but it's huge and ostentatious, it's a rich man's show place that will take a ton of work to keep it maintained and looking proud and showy and feeling comfortable for everyone. It needs a permanent housekeeper/cook/caretaker/maintenance couple to live on the property separate from the house to help you and your wife with your daily maintenance, household chores and schedules. If she doesn't have the help with it she'll end up being a slave to doing housework etc. in that place and have no time to devote to you and for doing all the other things that are important to her.

This has been interesting reading. It's been a couple of weeks since your last post. Can we have an update? What did the Mrs. think of it, was she pleased?

The property is currently maintained by a half time worker who keeps the roads graded, mows about 5 acres, and feeds the 200+ deer and 7 fish ponds everyday. Feed bill = $300/ week. No thanks to that.

I do hire helper labor to do some chores, especially when 4 hands are needed to do a job. 2 full time people? Nah.

DW did not like the property so I've decided to divorce her.

dang you cull hard .

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i went to the woods because i wished to live deliberately to front only the essential facts of life,.......,and not,when i came to die,discover that i had not lived...Henry David Thoreau

I call BS

OK, that last message was because I thought this thread needs more drama. Whatcha think?

Apologies for not updating sooner, but I was hoping to have things worked out better before the update.

Last night to celebrate the 30th anniversary of our first date, I treated her to dinner, a shopping spree, and a movie. Let's see..., we shared an order of fajitas at our fave Mexican restaurant, stopped at Walmart on the way home, and then I showed her a you-tube video of a dog sticking his head out a sun roof that made us laugh. Am I romantic or what?

She was not enthusiastic about new farm because of the lack of any source of kids or potential horse boarders. And she thought the house was too much. We talked about it on the 5 hour ride back to current farm, she slept on it, then said OK to new farm the next day. So I've left it open as a remote possibility, but realistically I think it off the table because it doesn't fit her dream.

She went back to VA and I stayed in FL to look some more. Found a great 500 acre place in GA that is the perfect balance of farmland, timber, rustic home that is sized better for us, far less expensive, fantastic 200' long barn, tractor, all the implements we would ever need, center pivot irrigation, a lake, everything I want except that it is in GA and still too far from people and horse boarders. And the real killer is that there are zero public lands, parks, forests, of any kind for at least 90 minutes in all directions. So it is a no go as well.

Found another 200 ac place that the house is near perfect for us. She has only seen pix but is excited about it. It's in the right location, 10 minutes from a small town, 15 minutes from current farm, bordered on 2 sides by 10,000 ac of public land where we would have private deeded access, is a 15 minute horse ride across the public land to a national forest, barn fits my needs for equipment, barn fits her needs for horses.

Downsides of new farm three (NF3) is that the land is questionable for my desires for orchards and grazing. It has great horse trails for her, but any place that is flat enough to put in an arena and round pen is going to be on designated wetlands. I need to get my backhoe out there and dig to see where the water table is. The region has dried up considerably in the last 20 years and the ground might be OK, it might be extremely fertile since it hasn't been touched in 2 forevers. NF3 is also the most expensive solution if we also keep current farm, so I'm not crazy about that.

We are thinking about filling her horse trailer with necessities and move some of our stuff to the cottage on current farm next week. That will get horses, dog, wife and husband living in one place again. Once settled in, we'll have to come back to VA for the horses. DW and I want to be settled somewhere, anywhere, for Thanksgiving and Xmas, even if it is a temp solution in the cottage. Dec 12th, our DD is coming home from college for 3 months before she goes to China and Korea for a year of study.

DW will get to tour NF3 and I'll do my checks on the land. If NF3 turns out to be a workable deal, it will still be probably be a couple of months to get the owners moved out so the cottage will have to suffice.

Well, it's understandable that it didn't work out, but it sure sounded great to me! Please do keep us updated on your search.
And I think that was romantic! It was fun.
There's enough drama everywhere else around here, lol!

The romantic movie

It's not just the jowls, look at his eyes.