How to meet neighbors without being intrusive?
 

I am moving to a remote and undeveloped lot in the Klamath County area of Oregon. I am a fairly private person and I figure most people that live out there are the same way. I have, I think, six neighbors within a few miles and I'd like to introduce myself, feel them out, form an alliance and let them know that I am there and willing to help if they need it.

My question is how I go about doing this without invading their privacy. Do I just go to each one and walk up to their door? Do I wait for each of them to come to me? I don't plan on bugging them on a regular basis, just want to make the initial contact and let them know that I'm on their side. Eventually I want to learn from them and see how they made it out there. I'd like to maintain a close alliance with them and look out for one another, even if we don't see each other too often. Thanks! Mike

You could knock, introduce yourself, and invite them to dinner. Tell them you're new to the area and would like to get to know your neighbors. That way you're not bugging them and you can see if they're interested in an alliance of sorts over dinner, maybe find common ground, etc. Best case scenario, y'all sit around for hours swapping stories and memories. Worst, they don't show.

Go right up and knock on their door. Introduce yourself, be friendly, chat a little if they are inclined, and then leave. Most people appreciate 'up-frontedness' in their neighbors, I know I do.

If you don't then they won't know who or what you are, they may get suspicious and the relationship will be awkward and weird. When I moved out I introduced myself to the nearest neighbors, with a 'if you need anything just come on up anytime'. When i see them I smile and wave. It makes it easier to approach them down the road if you ever need to.

Throw a kegger! Just kidding . perhaps a BBQ.

Great ideas! I know that a lot of people move out to those parts to get away from people and be left alone and just wasn't sure if knocking on their doors was proper or would be appreciated. Thanks! Mike

I am a private reclusive home person and have had the best neighbors a person could ask for for over 20 years.

During that time the six of us have established an effective community watch, combined effort to rake all of our fall leaves and recycle them on the lower terrace of my property to avoid burning them since a now deceased neighbor blew up her propane tank in 1998, we supported security of our neighborhood and established a six house emergency power grid during our two week power outage a few years back and the best part of all...

...during the past two decades I have not been further inside any of their houses more than under the porch nor they into my private space more than under my porch as we all embrace the sanctity of the privacy of each others homes.

We neighborly socialize across our adjoining fence rows, while loitering at our mail boxes, passing each other while walking our road for our exercise or helping each other in the gang labor fall raking. That's all the introduction and socializing we prefer.

None of us concern ourselves otherwise with the goings on in each others private space unless called by phone or asked to give added security watch/mail collection if one of us is going to be gone for an extended trip.

The Norman Rockwell ideal of community is long dead here however the new ideal of minding our own business unless asked to give an extra watchful eye and in passing outdoors social pleasantries suffices to cement our neighborhood while also maintaining our individual privacy and sanctity.

Seven or eight years ago we had a transplant try to push that Norman Rockwell neighborhood stuff on us and they sold out and moved on within a year when they realized it didn't apply here. Hopefully they found a Norman Rockwell neighborhood to their taste wherever they moved after myself and the property owner on the other side of their place bought them out at the price they were asking, had the house moved and split the parcel to expand our own acreage and increasing our privacy buffer.

Everything Shrek said!!

Inviting someone to dinner after just meeting them is really pushing it.

Rural things including meeting people take time. I bet they know you're there - and probably more about what you're doing than you think.

A wave as you drive by or meet at the mailbox for a short "how do?", walking to meet them in a field or over a fence to ask a question or if you see them in the store, you can go introduce yourself. Don't push it - let it evolve.

Good suggestions.

I've always just driven into a new neighbor's driveway, smiled and introduced myself and explained where I live. Same if I'm the new neighbor. We always wave when they pass me on the road or at the mailbox if we don't actually stop to visit.

However, in your other post, you mentioned asking one neighbor about the other. BAD MOVE as it will brand you as nosy! Just wait and watch cautiously, keep your ears open, mouth shut to decide whom you want to trust. We have a neighbor who when they moved here, made big noises about all the people with whom they were close friends. I don't know if they were friends with all those people but I know one they mentioned by personal experience to be a CHEAT AND LIAR. That put me off them for quite a while due to the old expression about the birds of a feather but after some time, they turned out to be pretty nice folks. They've come to our rescue, we've gone to theirs. Incidentally, I never said anything to them about the man who cheated DH and me because I figured he'd show his true colors quickly enough.

I would drive by blow the horn and then knock on the door an introduce yourself. If people dont want to be bothered with neighbors they say something like "I really like my privacy" "" I live out here to be alone"
and thats the clue for you dont go back dont bother them, just say well you know where I am if you want to come visit or you need anything.

At my place we have 5 lots each 6 acres, not much, most of us do the wave thing, dont visit or call each other, have one neighbor that come over way way too much, mostly to borrow stuff or ask for help. All the others just want to be left alone will tell you the private line. ok thats fine they know where I live so I stay away. Now when we have bad weather I might call and see if everything is ok, but nobody calls to check on me. Point is dont take it personal when people say they want their privacy. After you get set up and have extra produce, eggs ect you might drop by with a bag of whatnots.

Something my daughter does, puts the dogs in the car then goes around and introduces the dogs to her new neighbors and tells them that if they see the dogs on their property, PLEASE call her...they are NOT supposed to be away from home!

Not only introduces her to her neighbors, but ensures her dogs will likely not get shot right away if they escape her, establishes (somewhat anyway) that she wants to be responsible, and makes the visit short. Seems to work well for her!

Mon

The best new rural neighbours are those that act neighbourly
Without being intrusive. You should be respectful and sense
when you are being intrusive and live respectfully by their
sensibilities toward you. It's worked fine for me in dozens
of country living years, even with the newest next door
neighbour (quarter mil down) who himself with
a hidden agenda of 'helping out' that I never intended to
ask him for to begin with. Independence of many who
dwell and stead away from towns is just that. We do fine
often without help unless asking. Then you also will find
out by local word of mouth if help might be wanted or needed.
Then see who really is interested.

I would give it some time,let it happen when the time is right,if you go around tryin to meet everone in one day you will appear to be pushy.let them get use to you bein around for a while first.if he wanted to kill ya he would have used the pistol he had in his pocket :cowboy:

I'm not fond of people knocking on my door, even friendly people. And I have an aversion to doing that to someone else.

I'd much rather mind my own business and wait for opportunities to say "hello" at a mailbox, maybe seeing them in town, maybe stop and introduce myself if they're working out by the road. But going onto their property and knocking on their door, not gonna happen, at least not by me. If I've been around for a while, they probably already know where I live as I've been coming and going for a while and if I've kept the place decent or look to be improving the place, and generally being quiet and courteous, they'll have a pretty good idea of what kind of a neighbor I'm gonna be.

I'm in the "take it slow" camp. I can't think of much that would be bad about not having introductions happen quickly. On the other hand, forced introductions might not be so well received.

Just my opinion.

pack membership is earned by following these two rules:

1) be a good neighbor
2) don't be a jerk

It seems to me when you see them outside that going up and introducing yourself as a new neighbor, chit chat a little and then make them feel important by asking them questions, something like..
say Mr Smith, since I'm new here I was just wondering what kind of vegetables you grow here, since where I lived before was a different climate.....or I see you have goats what breed do you recommend that would do well around here... or Mr Smith I was wondering if the creek ever went dry or does it run year around... or does the level of the water in the well remain constant or does it rise and fall with the seasons... ect....

This way you don't appear to be a know it all, and make them feel important that they know stuff you don't, and it's a good way to break the ice between you.

Not me I dont like people bring along dogs

I guess my background in sales makes it easy for me to "cold call". A smile and a handshake goes a long way. You can usually tell right off the bat how receptive someone is to your presence, so follow your intuition as to how long to stay and chat. I'd keep any conversation very general but positive. A little about your background, and maybe something about what your overall plans are for your new place. They'll volunteer whatever they want you to know.

I'd leave "alliances" alone until you've gotten to know them better and found common ground. You don't want them thinking of you like you did of your neighbor with the gun.

Wolf Mom and frogmammy are spot on. Frogmammy's idea is a good excuse to say hello. No one knocks on a door around here. You sit in your car outside the house. Their dogs should let them know you're there. Leave if no one comes out. Honk if it's a friend. Don't do a dinner invite, don't go in their house unless invited.

We've been here close to 3 years. We know 3 of 4 neighbors. The 4th moved in 2 years ago, DH took them a bag of veggies, said hello. We never went to anyone when we moved in, just let it evolve. Out in the field is a good place for hello. One neighbor is the "hello" guy, checking everyone out, testing them (the test around here is a big fat joint and a beer at 10 am). He's the only one who came by when we moved in. I might add he came by when we looked at the place, tried to warn us off, he thought we were city folk from our Subaru. The 3 out of 4 are a solid force thanks to him.

I live in north Klamath County. Go up to their door, knock introduce yourself, saying you wanted them to recognize you so they wouldn't be concerned if they saw you around etc... NOW depending on where you bought be very careful on passing by no trespassing signs to get to the doors. Certain areas you just don't tread.

VERY important to get your property fire safe. You're moving to a fire probe area, be prepared and try to make your property able to survive on its own in the event of a fire

Do not bring your dogs to my house uninvited. My dogs do not like strange dogs on their property, barking at them from a car. If you let our dogs out of the car, I know you are new to the country and don't think.

Attend the local church. Even if the beliefs aren't yours, the neighbors will attend the church and they to know you!

Remember, in the country, everyone is somehow related so watch what you say about another neighbor.

I don't recall saying daughter let her dogs out of the car.

Mon

Going for a walk along the road in the evening is also a good way to meet the neighbors without being intrusive.

invite them to bbq at your place . print out a flyer if your afraid to knock on the door. around here we usally beep the truck horn before getting out of the car most people have dogs to watch out for . remember to tell them to bring a dessert this seems to kinda break the ice at gatherings .

I cannot tell you the names of my neighbors N or S or W of me. next door. I like it that way. I know the man E of me, but not his wife.

No, you didn't, but I have a neighbor who brought her 3 dogs in the car with her to our house, car windows down, undisciplined dogs, barking and jumped out to challenge my dogs. My dogs were well behaved, she couldn't even catch hers. Unless your dogs will sit quietly in your car and not bark, do not bring them to my house. I would also wonder (and ask) why she felt it necessary to warn me about her dogs.

We will be arriving to our new rural home in one month and are also wondering how to approach this. We don't want to just drive up their property and possibly cause alarm to animals or people.

Neighbors are pretty far apart, I think we have one of the smaller parcels at 10 acres...others are larger up to 60 acres.

Would it be well received if we dropped the neighbors a quick introduction note...via good old fashioned Postal Service .... or is that just plain weird?

Janna

Yup, weird.

Unless there's a closed gate, or KEEP OUT on their gate post, there's nothing wrong with going to their front door and introducing yourself. Just let then know who you are and where you've bought. If they feel like expanding the conversation they will.

AND take notice that, if there in the middle of something, then say hi and by. IF it looks like they could use a hand, offer, but don't expect it to be taken. Were a pretty independent bunch, and if we try it, we usually figger we can do it, and without help.

Probably because people tend to shoot dogs they don't know a little quicker than ones they 1. know are NOT supposed to be out, and 2. know who they belong to. And yes, her dogs sit quietly in the car.

Anyone who drives up and just lets their dogs out of their car is just plain rude to begin with.

Mon

I read your other post about being greeted by a man with a gun. The fact that it seems a big deal to you says a lot. I generally carry something when going about the farm and don't give it a second thought if I'm at the far end and going to talk with a neighbor.

Also, if you moved in by me and came up talking about being allies to me, DW and I might think you were at best extremely forward and at worst maybe a bit tetched.

Don't be overly worried about rushing out and introducing yourself to the neighbors, you'll have opportunities to get to know folks and they'll have opportunities to get to know you. I'm sure there is a local weekly newspaper for the area - get a subscription. There are always local events, fund raisers, etc. In rural areas, everyone knows everyone and everyone's business - the NSA has nothing on the local grapevine.

Just a few thoughts.

Mike

When we went down to buy our land the next door neighbor & his wife came over & introduced themselves. We were pleased to see that they are raising many of the same types of animals that we hope to have.
Going down the winding, narrow gravel road, there's a low spot where you have to slow down to less than 5mph unless you want to bottom out; we happened to see a man waving at us from his porch, so we stopped.
He introduced himself also and even gave us his phone number in case we had any questions about the county or that particular area.

So we have met two neighbors without even trying and I expect any others that are interested in the new people will probably stop by or we will see them as we come & go.:goodjob:

Just let the friendships evolve naturally, I personally would prefer to just meet in the course of our daily activities instead of a formal introductory knock at the door. But that's just me.:spinsmiley:

You could place a note in the mail box. If you want to be more personal go to the county court house and get a print out of your area. I got a block map with names of owners. Property owner has an address on file for tax purposes. You might ask the mail delivery person for names.

Forgot to address this: Good grief! What made you think it was a warning?

With seven kids, doors/gates CAN get left open. Much better to introduce your dogs and ask that you be notified if they are off their property...as they are *NOT* supposed to be.

Her family raises a lot of different types of birds. A loose dog can cause a LOT of damage quickly. Still, if she finds a dog on her property and she knows who it belongs to and that it is NOT some stray, she will call the owner. If she doesn't know, well....

The area she lives in, people are friendly, but not in your pocket. They help each other out when needed, and are pretty laid back.

Mon

neighbor 3 doors S of me stopped by this evening. Wanted me to help him push a 53 Chevy car from one garage to keep it under cover, into another where he does body work and paints. I locked up the house, and came up in my pk as he had groceries in the back. Took about 15 mins. Visited a bit. He gave me a 5 and I threw it over on the couch. Said I didn't need paper, that I had already wiped, and the smell he was smelling if any was the cat smell from cats coming up from the hole in where the gear shift used to be. He gave me saome peanuts and walnuts, and I came home.

before I ever bought my place, I knew every neighbor on every adjoining property except the one that was 4 miles away. I visited the place numerous times before making what I consider to be a rest-of-my-life decision. With each visit I looked for people to be outdoors so I could chat across a fence. The two neighbors I didn't get to meet that way, I tooted the horn at the road in sight of their house until they came out. That still didn't work for one couple and I waited till my DW and I could go together, thinking that her pleasant face was less scary than mine. We walked up to their house, but still stood back about 50 feet and "HELLLOOOOOed" until they came out.

That last couple has turned out to be good friends and neighbors. As my house wasn't complete and I had no running water, I treated them to dinners out and they gave me home cooked meals. They let me fill water tanks when I needed to irrigate new plantings and to use their shower when I was covered head to toe in soot from burning slash piles. They even let me use their washer and dryer a few times and they call me whenever they see a stranger near my entrance.

The reason I got to know the neighbors prior to buying was I wanted to ask each of them if they knew of any reason I shouldn't buy the place, like dead bodies, toxic waste, meth heads, on the path of the next interstate, or whatever. That wasn't my idea; I read it in a book.

In some states, you can go to the county website and link to a tax map. Just google the state, county, and "tax map". Zoom in on yours and the neighbor's properties and you will be able to see info such as name; address; dates and prices on all ownership transfers going back decades; taxes levied and if they have been paid; home sq ft, bedrooms, baths, and general shape; home construction materials; outbuildings and if they are rated for human habitation or strictly Ag use; zoning and use restrictions like wetlands; a google earth photo and how acreage how it is being used such as row crops, pine plantation, natural, improved pastures; and other info.

There is no privacy for property owners.

My new neighbor brought their children and fresh baked cookies. Sure glad to have them. The old ones had been there since dirt and were not nice at all. I posted on your other post where you had gone out and the neighbor greeted you and was armed. Hope all goes well.

Sounds like you need to hold a pig roast.

WWW

I just knock and Introduce myself , most folks here are not disinclined to such.
Though we are not to far off the beaten path.
I just met the new neighbors down the way, seeing if the beagle that showed up might be theirs.
It was a little late but I think they knew I was sincere in getting this guy home.
Had a half hour or so talk and I can tell you he has made tremendous improvements to that property.
Leaving out was told if I need anything feel free to stop back in.
I in return offered the same.
I know most of the neighbors, and most are decent.
I will caution though sometimes its a blessing not knowing your neighbors.
Well I do not know all the neighbors I do know many of the long term ones and they in turn know many that I do not and so on.
So I can employee the grapevine when something happens like the beagle showing up, or a horse etc.
Not everyone gets along either... you want to avoid getting in bad blood.

My suggestion is a letter to your neighbors , saying hello and the reason for the letter, being you did not want to put them out by showing unannounced,that you wanted to introduce yourself being the new neighbor that you would welcome knowing your neighbors and a invite to stop in for a sit down when they can find time.

non invasive and non threatening if you don't get a response then you know they live by the its better not to know the neighbors rule.