How Do I Keep My Mouth Shut?

MJsLady · #21 07/12/14, 10:16 AM

BRP remember, even chores done partly and perhaps not as neatly still bless your homestead.

As long as she doesn't give chickens things that make them sick or something let it go.
Weeds will be there tomorrow, let her get to it in her time.

I know it is hard to see things not getting done as we want them done, I have to bite my lip and remember that even if i have to replace the clean dishes where they really go, he ran the dishwasher for me!

dizzy · #22 07/12/14, 10:33 AM

I have a roll of duct tape.

Lookin4GoodLife · #23 07/12/14, 11:23 AM

Maybe Rockpile is just venting here so he doesn't let loose on his wife. I often use the various forums I'm on for just that. Not to escape into some "fantasy world", just to talk to other folks sometimes. Sometimes just to say "DANG IT!" I don't know how long Rockpile has been married, but he states quickly in his post that he is "one to be very picky with his garden and his animals". I'm sure his wife is used to him by now. LOL I'm kind of that way myself. MY thing is my raging ADD. I like most things around the house done a certain way, simply because that's the only way I can accomplish the task. If I change that, my world tilts into chaos.

All that being said BR, yeah, I'd have to agree with everyone else, your best bet would be to do whatever it takes to keep the old mouth shut because if you're thinking (unrealistically) that there's not going to be anything left by the time you recover, tick mama off and see what's left. LOL I'm slowly learning that with my 4'9", 100 lb Vietnamese wife.... Sometimes it takes a while and I get right up to the point where I realize..... "Uh oh.... it's time to shut up now." LOL I say anything else and there's going to be HELL to pay.

Good luck with your recovery brother and don't try to get back to it too quick and aggravate your situation. And when you're back on your feet, make dang sure you buy mama some flowers, take her out to eat, or do *something* to show your appreciation!

Lookin4GoodLife · #24 07/12/14, 11:23 AM

Or actually, you don't have to wait until you're back on your feet. I'm sure she'd probably appreciate it now.

Rustaholic · #25 07/12/14, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kasota

SNIP
Give her a hug and a kiss and tell her how much you appreciate her efforts. Make her a cup of coffee or a cup of tea. You'll both be happier for it and she'll probably try a little harder to do things the way you would...but in the end it doesn't matter. No one is going to care for your garden the way you would. No one. It's just how it is. I feel the same way about my garden if I have to be gone for a bit and my sister comes over to water or do whatever. I'm just grateful she's willing to do anything at all....

If you are sick DO NOT kiss her.

bja105 · #26 07/12/14, 04:06 PM

If someone is going to do it all wrong, they are not really helping! I can do it wrong myself!

I get even less help from my family. They will help in the garden, only if its not too hot, not raining, the work is easy, and I am working there, too. If I work 12 hours two weeks straight, I can be sure that the garden is never visited, the chickens got barely enough care to stay alive, the cattle and horses will eat only if I left enough hay or pasture. I can also be sure that the family will have a list of new projects for "us" (me) to do.

I can't stand it when people think trying is enough. I fix furnaces. Nobody pays me for my effort, they pay for results.

Livestock and gardening are different than laundry and dishes. Housework will still be there if you skip a day, or a week.

Thanks for letting me rant. Now I can keep biting my tongue at home.

driftwood · #27 07/12/14, 04:08 PM

granpa used to say if your able to run your mouth,than your able to do it your self...

run a weedeater,where many dogs have been, it will learn real fast to keep your mouth shut ...,,

haypoint · #28 07/12/14, 06:18 PM

For many years, while my wife was a stay at home wife (no kids for awhile) and then a stay at home mom (kids in school) and I was working off the farm and lots of extra time trying to earn as much as I could, I'd come home and work my tail off around the homestead.
Even when at work, I was thinking about the family and the farm. I'd make lists of things I needed to buy on my way home, things that I needed go order ahead of time and projects that I needed to get done and the order of importance. These reminders were very helpful to me and enabled me to be more productive.
I even made lists for my wife, things she could get ready for me ahead of time, so when I was home, I could get going on this project or that. Never things like, " Cut up that pile of boards into 8 feet lengths." But more like "Set the Skil saw and the extension cord on that pile of boards, I'll cut them when I get home." Sometimes the list was overly optimistically long, just as my list for me was nearly endless.

But those chores were seldom done. It was like she hadn't read them. Took me quite awhile to learn that those lists represented my priorities, but not necessarily hers.

We shared milking duties. I milked in the morning and she milked afternoons. When I had the chance to work an extra 8 hours at my job, earning a couple hundred bucks, I thought pushing off my morning milking to her was the least she could do. She figured if I wasn't going to be home to milk, then we might as well sell the cow. I sure missed that cow.
Once while working on the peak of the house, I asked DW to steady the base of the ladder. While 30 feet in the air, she explained, " You be careful up there, you break your back and I'll put you in a home." At the time, I thought she was kidding. I know better now.
So, BRP, if you are all buggered up and DW doesn't share your gardening perfection, etc., maybe you need to re-list what gets done on the homestead, based on what you can do and what she wants to do. Be glad for what she does, praise her, help as much as you can. You never know, another health issue and she could put your complaining self in a home.

Buckhuntr · #29 07/12/14, 08:39 PM

Late in May, DW and I went on vacation. We hired someone to come by in the mornings to feed and water the outside critters, and DW's Mom and Cousin agreed to house-sit, feed the housecats, and gather the chicken eggs each evening. DW showed Cousin an old cabinet behind the barn where some guineas had a communal nest, and told her that we were going to put the eggs under some Silkies later to be hatched. After about three days, Cousin noticed that no guineas were on the nest, so she brought all the eggs into the house for us... and put them in a bowl... in the refrigerator!

There were at least 30 eggs, maybe even 40.

big rockpile · #30 07/12/14, 08:47 PM

Well today I feel much better. Don't know if it is steroids or Pain Meds. But I helped her put up bunch of Cherries.

She is very good at mechanical stuff. I went to school to be a Electrician, she read my books and is better than me but she said from the start don't worry about all the math and wire.

The way I taught her to drive a Big Rig was showed her how to go through the gears, got in the Sleeper, told her to wake me in 6 hours.

big rockpile

Gurnis45 · #31 07/13/14, 02:50 AM

Grandpa taught me years ago, "No one will ever do as good a job for you, as you will do for yourself". And that is a fact, no matter how much they love you, no matter how much you pay someone, you are the only person that will do it to your own satisfaction. That's just a fact of life.

Horseyrider · #32 07/13/14, 05:30 AM

Hi BRP! I'm on the opposite end of your situation. My DH has had a series of disabling events, the latest being cancer. I've been doing virtually everything for the last two years. While it started out as a frightening prospect, this has been good for me. He's told me how to do certain things (like start the stubborn generator after a storm) that have always been his job, and while I have so much work here to do I'm almost always behind, I'm also empowered. It's true that on many of these chores I don't do as good a job as he does. I accept that because he's much more practiced and experienced at them. I also accept that, should he have to frost a cake, it'd look like bad spackle because he's not experienced at that job.

We each have our things we're good at, and the rest is just stuff we need to get done.

Right now his cancer is in remission, but the chemo has really left him depleted. He may never fully regain his strength or stamina, so if I'm going to live here, I need to be able to do most everything. I know some tasks won't be done as well as he does, but it means I get to stay here, and that means the world to me.

He is kind to me, gives me all the information he can to do things right, and when I fail, he forgives and helps me do better.

I'm glad you could vent here. I'm sure my DH vents a bit with his friends. His life right now is much harder than mine is.

sdnapier · #33 07/13/14, 06:51 AM

I read about a couple who were worried how the other would carry on if one of them died. So they kept work journals for a year. They each wrote what they did and how they did it/where they kept it/etc. so the other would know.

On the other hand…when someone knows you care deeply about your garden and animals they should try a little harder. A favor done poorly is no favor at all.

big rockpile · #34 07/13/14, 05:40 PM

When we had our Homestead and I first got sick. It was agreed that she couldn't do all the chores. So at that time sold all the animals and poultry were sold, it was agreed I would Hunt and Fish for our Meat as I felt able to. Then over time she didn't want it being so difficult to get out, we had an offer so we sold out.

We bought another place found the House had major problems so we bought this place close to our Son. Know he could help but don't count on him. Got a small garden and orchard started. Got Rabbits and Chickens. Ok have this to supplement our food. We figure this is all we can handle at this time.

My problem is I've always thought you have land you put it to use. So we have been kicking around expanding on animals and small fruit, including getting Goats.

What is crazy stopping us isn't if something happening to me and her handling it. Is the market and if she can milk when I can't.

big rckpile

am1too · #35 07/14/14, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kasota

I'd be willing to guess that whether or not you have said anything that she is fully aware that you are not happy with how she is doing things. Maybe she wonders if anything she does would be good enough. That would frankly drive me nuts.

Maybe she, too, is wondering how to keep her mouth shut.

Relax a little. It's not the end of the world if the chickens get shut up earlier than you would do it or if she doesn't water things the way you would do it or spray the way you would do it. Very likely spraying the okra didn't kill it.

Give her a hug and a kiss and tell her how much you appreciate her efforts. Make her a cup of coffee or a cup of tea. You'll both be happier for it and she'll probably try a little harder to do things the way you would...but in the end it doesn't matter. No one is going to care for your garden the way you would. No one. It's just how it is. I feel the same way about my garden if I have to be gone for a bit and my sister comes over to water or do whatever. I'm just grateful she's willing to do anything at all....

Yep, single people do it even while they're sick. Be very thankful you have any kind of help.

am1too · #36 07/14/14, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badlander

This is an opportunity for a learning/teaching experience. When you get back on your feet give your lovely wife a crash course in spraying and write her out a cheat sheet in a spiral notebook that she can fall back on should the need arise. Write out what you need her to do for you while you are not able to do it and keep the responsibilities as simple as possible. Remember that she is already doing her 'chores' and has now taken on yours also. My husband has told me more than once when he has been ill to do just the bare minimum. He realizes that I am already doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry and pet care along with the garden and orchard duties. I have heard him say, that will wait till I can do it more than once.

If you give her a list of the essentials and some tips of how to do the essentials that she may not be used to doing I bet there will be less stress on both of you.

Feel better!

Some of those things wouldn't even need to be done if the garden had healthy soil to begin with. I've little to no weeds, no bug problem, and no blossom end rot. I use no 'cides either. My neighbors garden was eaten to the ground.

am1too · #37 07/14/14, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by driftwood

granpa used to say if your able to run your mouth,than your able to do it your self...

run a weedeater,where many dogs have been, it will learn real fast to keep your mouth shut ...,,

fer sure

crazyfarm · #38 07/15/14, 09:38 AM

Could be worse. This second pregnancy was hard on my physically. My DH had to take over my chores. That's how he found out how many chickens I had bought............................................ .................................................. ...........

DragonFlyFarm · #39 07/15/14, 11:00 AM

People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel. Show love and appreciation daily

blue743 · #40 07/16/14, 08:42 PM

if you were to teach her all the things you do that need to be done on a daily basis when you are not layed up it will be easier than teaching her while you are layed up and unable to help.