Unsupportive spouse...

Unless he is crippled there is no reason for him to not take out the trash.
As for leaving clothes on the floor in my mind it is plain disrespect not only for you but self disrespect/pure laziness on his part.

I expect Bob to take out trash. Sometimes he needs to be asked.
I don't mind doing it but it takes two grown ups to run this place. And there's two of us contributing to any messes.
Doing simple things say a whole lot more; it's a mutual shouldering of responsibility, "Let me help you" without it being stated.
Long ago I quit housework the way I used to do it. If the house doesn't stink and things are in relative order it's good enough.
In fact I'm less picky now than when children were at home.

__________________
Bob and Nancy Dickey
Laughing Stock Boer Goats
"Seriously Great Bloodlines"
and the meat goes on....
Near Seattle

Amen on all parts of this!

__________________
"If you can find a nice pretty country girl that can cook and carries her bible, now there's a woman." - Phil Robertson

CEO and President of SWS (Skirt Wearing Society)

I'd get rid of all the horses and use that money to hire a lawn guy!

I can't really comment on your situation because I don't know much about it, but how much time does animal care take in your situation? I run a pretty tight ship around my place, meaning that I am very careful to make sure that things are perfect when it comes to animal care. I take care of 4 goats, 20+ chickens, numerous ducks, turkeys, and geese. It takes me roughly 30-60 minutes per day to give them great care. I just go through it as quickly as possible and don't stop to smell the flowers (they're poopy anyway). I have never cared for horses before, but I wonder how long it takes? Also, if it is stressing you out, why have 5 horses at all? They don't produce anything, so it isn't like you can say it is an essential part of your homestead unless you're using them to plow or something.

My wife and I both work 50+ hours a week in white collar jobs, then we come home to care for the house and the animals. Something that works for us is having very clearly defined chores. I never, ever help her with her chores unless she is sick and she never helps me with mine. Work comes before play. My wife does the dishes and all of the house cleaning. I do all of the cooking and tend to the animals, with the exception of the dog. She is responsible for the dog. I mow the lawn and shovel the driveway in the winter while she sorts the recyclables and takes out the trash before we go and drop it off at the dump together. I manage the finances and the budget. We each do our own laundry. We consider it essential to have clearly defined lists of chores that we can sort of "check off" because then there is no animosity and no arguing over who is responsible for what. If I am slacking off on something I am responsible for she can call me out on it and I have no defense and vice versa.

Homesteading is also a pretty big lifestyle choice. It works for me because I have a puritanical work ethic. Work is my entertainment. I don't watch TV or movies and I only use the internet to post here, do work, and research. I work for 10 hours a day, then I come home excited to take off my tie, throw on some jeans, and spend an hour or two working outside. If someone isn't into that sort of lifestyle, nothing you do is going to change that. No matter how hard you try, you can't convert people in the homesteading religion (as someone referenced earlier in this thread) unless they want to be a part of it.

hmmm, think he should stay home and take care of the chores ,she go to work and then she can do the extra after work like she wants him to do?



I don't know what he does for work, so its hard to say if we are splitting hairs even?

As long as hes pulling the bills I fail to see how hes unsupportive?

not bashing anyone though I expect a thrashing for pointing out how I see it!

yes it takes two, but sounds like hes giving a good bit towards his half?

His half? Nope. Marriage and a family and running a life is not 50/50. It is 100/100. His kids, his yard, his house, his dishes, his laundry, his horses - as well as hers. You may be exhausted from work but looking after children and a home and a homestead is work as well. And it does not end after 40 hours a week with overtime.

You may be brining home a pay cheque but your wife earns half of it just by taking care of the homestead and kids.

Everyone gets tired and worn out but still has to keep going. And if you cannot recover enough to take out the garbage or are so disrespectful to your wife, kids and home that you leave your dirty clothes in the living room then you need a physical and mental overhaul.

You can sit on the couch and watch baseball but during the commercials you can take out the trash, pick up your dirty clothes, start laundry. load the dishwasher and play with your kids. In other words you can help and you can give your wife a break. While you are doing that she is probably cutting the lawn.

I did it both ways! your singing to the choir!

I won't bore you with the story!

I notice you used HIS a lot in a 50/50 thing? lol

Because the discussion is about how HE won't help and it was a response to this. But just substitute "she or it" if it makes you happy because it all applies to both genders.

nope he is him and she is her, but theirs or shared or ours is completely different.

yup refuse to get off the couch the ungratefull fiend!

probably drinking beer all day none the less....

but if the horses are his he should shoulder that! but I suppose the boss will allow him home several time per day to tend the children as well?

mine was cordial enough to schedule me around school days.. though I lost all weekends...

Especially mommies. @};-

I will say this, though. If a person is having enough trouble in their marriage that they are complaining about a spouse to strangers, they need to get serious about getting some help and working things out, because the marriage is already in trouble.

__________________
Moving to that big black hole in the night satellite photo. (also the hole in cell phone coverage )

Nah, we are good.

I just wanted to point out that even if he only does the fun stuff, and then even if she only asks him to, that may give her a much-needed break. It helps even if the hubby only does the fun stuff, because a hubby is oh-so-much-more willing to do the fun stuff than to do the not-fun stuff like picking up their toys for the hundredth time.

Clothes on the floor are an irritant but they only takes 30 seconds to pick up. Him helping with the kids can give a 2 hour break and so is far more important!

One person can do it all for a bit but not for forever!

I think she was just tired. I also know sometimes "homesteading" and being a stay at home mom gets lonely. There is no one to talk to so you need a place to vent.

Here's what I think: I think people sometimes have faults. Sloppy, annoying habits. Thing is, you can't really change other people. You can, however, change how you react to them. You can choose whether to be annoyed. The only person you really can control is yourself.

DBF has a habit of tossing junk mail and empty packages and whatnot on the floor next to his chair. I like the house tidy ... I could let it annoy me; I could nag him about it. I don't. Once or twice a week, I gather up all the detritus and dump it in the trash. Takes about 30 seconds. Not nagging him about it (even though I have a right to, and would be perfectly justified in doing so) is my little gift of love to him.

BTW, he's in the kitchen right now, making me the cup of tea that I wanted. That's his little gift of love to me. He knows my shoulder is hurting, so he went and got the bottle of Aleve and put two pills on the desk for me to take with my tea.

Before bed, I'll probably pick up the socks he left on the floor and throw them in the wash. And so it goes ...

__________________
"I love all of this mud," said no one, ever.

Willowgirl, I basically do he same thing. I cannot change him and so I do not try.

DH shows his love all of the time, but he regularly gathers up the litter he leaves in the bedroom and places it on the clean counter next to the garbage pail. This is beyond illogical: another 12 inches and it would be in the garbage but he will not do that.

I know I am not perfect either.

I just might spend the rest of my years alone, because NEVER EVER again will I accept poor treatment,and someone who does not respect my boundaries.

I will NEVER again allow another human being to manipulate me into thinking JUST because they bring home the bacon, that their duty is fulfilled and the REST falls on my shoulders.
Guess what?
I'm gonna fry me my own bacon if I have to do everything else anyway.

Laziness, lack of respect, and generally acting like an ogre is UNACCEPTABLE.
I am worth more than that garbage treatment.

I am a mommy to 3 adult children, who pick up their laundry, wash it, dry it, fold it, iron it, hang it and put it away.
I will not longer be 'mommy' to my STBEXH.
He can go find some empty headed desperate fool to do his socks and be his 'mommy slave'.

__________________
I am sure of two things: There is a God, and I am not Him.
The movie Rudy

I think when you are in a soulmate relationship- doing the whole- I will choose not to be annoyed by some little behaviors like Willowgirl said - the junk mail- and like Terri said- is a whole lot easier-
I have habits that DH is annoyed by- but he says nothing and doesn't let it bother him- - I literally leave shoes all over the house by the back door in the kitchen are 2 pair- by the front door in the kitchen are 3 pair-right by the island in the kitchen are a pair- and on the back porch are a pair of boots- our kitchen is not big LOL- in the livingroom are my slippers and probably 3 pairs of socks next to my side of the couch-
he knows I like to switch my shoes depending on the reason I am going outside- so he just ignores it-

He puts the recycling on the counter- even though the bin is 2 feet from the counter - I ignore it- what ever- he is my soul mate-

so yea- I do understand the whole doing things out of love-

BUT- there are things we have discussed that neither of us want to have to do for the other one- and we are good with that- we make sure we don't 'annoy ' each other with the big things-

you have to figure those out- and make sure you are "in love"

__________________
"If you can find a nice pretty country girl that can cook and carries her bible, now there's a woman." - Phil Robertson

CEO and President of SWS (Skirt Wearing Society)

Give up a little bit of your organic requirements and get either a riding mower, or if it is a very small yard, a self propelled mulching lawn mower with a good quality engine. As for the veggie garden, made sure you are doing as much weed control as possible with mulch and ground covers instead of hand pulling.

If those are hubby's horses, leave everything but feed and water to him. He can do the hoof cleaning and brushing if he wants it done.

For years I ran a small farm with a completely unsupportive husband. He would not lift a finger outside because it was "my thing and not his". What I found, after the divorce was that my work load dropped considerably when I no longer had to do the work involved with taking care of him.

My income went way down without his salary, but I had a lot more money to spend because he had spent so much of our income on himself.