suppose

This strikes a bit too close for me to be comfortable with. When I was a child our family made the long trip half way across country to visit my father's mother. It was a big deal so all of his sisters and brothers came to grandma's house and made a mini family reunion out of it.
My aunts were all gathered around the breakfast table early one morning and forgot that I was on a pallet in the next room..... I heard all kinds of "unofficial family history". Seems that some of my cousins have different fathers.

Now, 35 years later, one of them is having health problems that his brothers are not having. These are not rare, or difficult to detect or treat illnesses but......

To use Zong's terminology--- this particular dog has been sleeping for more than half a decade. Just recently this cousin has begun to be more in contact with me. I just do not have the heart-- or guts--- to wake this puppy up.

__________________
http://doremafarm.com

I was not offered the choice to find out or not. My Uncle told me about a half brother and sister. I have met them and it is ok but we aren't close or even hardly ever see each other. Shocked? No. My Father died when I was 13 months old so I never knew him but, I knew of him. There are probably others.

I would be soo tickled!

__________________
Just country lady nothing fake about me.... :baby04:

I have been searching for 2 half brothers for years w/o success. I'm the eldest and I doubt they even know I exist. I would love to find them, and hope they would be glad to find out I know about them and that they would like to know about me. We share the same mother. I was 2 when she and my dad divorced in 1950 and he was granted custody of me. She didn't wait for the divorce to be final before she remarried, but the "boys" are from what I think was her 3rd or 4th marriage.

__________________
I've done so much with so little for so long that I'm now qualified to do almost anything with practically nothing.

Let's say I have a brother, whom I share a father with, but different mothers.

Both, my mom and the father of me and this brother, have passed over.

Would I want my cousin telling me about this brother I knew nothing about?

Depends.
Does the older brother know about me?
Does he resent the fact *I* got to grow up with dad, and dad abandoned him?
Can I live with new knowledge that the dad I grew up with, may not be "what I thought of him"?
Will telling me disrupt my family (wife, children, other sibilings)
Will telling me disrupt his life?
Does he know the cousin is telling me? And does he approve?
How will this knowledge effect my extended family, or his extended family?
Will this knowledge bring more good into the world than hurt and confusion?

So so so many questions.

__________________
I am sure of two things: There is a God, and I am not Him.
The movie Rudy

HEY glad to see what others have had happen. In saying this driftwood we may be related???? HA HA HA. I get a call from a lady in Florida who is my cousin. Met her in ancestory .com. We share the same gggrandfather. Now her father had 21 or 23 children not all by the same woman. My grand father had several women who were not his wife and children were born of these mateings. Flash forward to present day. One of the cousins has stated a fb page. Started with 2 now up to 83 and counting. I have found it quite interesting that I now have 13 uncles and aunts I never knew. Only 3 left alive. It in my opinion was great to connect. Some are resentful others not. So goes humanity. PM me if you want the fb page. Oh by the by I have a half sister somewhere in Germany I would love to find.

__________________
:cool: :angel: TRUTH & MERCY
www.dixieflowersoap.com
www.mollyjogger.com
Big D Farm Blog

I'd be delighted to hear that I had relatives that I didn't know about...the more the merrier

bigjon, it's hard for me to understand someone not wanting to know or have contact with new found relatives, not having been through this myself, but my MIL has been.

My MIL was adopted from one of those 1950's "unwed woman's homes" that teens were sent to in the old days when they were pregnant. Her adoptive parents then went on to have 7 biological kids. She was always the odd one out and her mother purposefully made her feel that way, told her horrible things her whole life. Luckily her dad was wonderful. Consequently, she doesn't feel strongly about family, the idea of family makes her very anxious and stressed. Fast forward to about 15 years ago, she gets a letter from a woman who is her 1/2 sister. This sister has been looking for her her whole life. She grew up knowing she had a 1/2 sister given up for adoption. Discovering my MIL was one of the happiest moments of her life. My MIL was so distressed, really almost out of her mind with negative emotions. It was very hard for the rest of us to understand. She eventually contacted her, the family lived only an hour from here (in a different stated from where they were all raised!). First she just met with her sister, then we all went to meet the family. Very nice people. Overwhelming to my MIL. She had to back off for a while. She went through several phases of being in contact and then feeling smothered. Now she has balance. She keeps in touch with a bit of distance, she goes to weddings and such, but not holidays, she has asked them not to exchange gifts. She keeps in touch on Facebook and email. One thing that did make a difference with her. She found out that her 1/2 siblings (the other along with her mother had passed) had a horrible childhood, worse than her own. Her mother was a very mean alcoholic.

I guess my take on contacting new-found relatives is let them know you're out there, you care, but don't push it. For some it's too much, for other's it wonderful. I'd hate to hold back from someone the chance to have more loving and supportive family.

I would want to know.

A few years back my aunt tracked down a daughter she had given up for adoption. Aunt was well into her 80's when she found her. She had gotten pregnant out of wedlock and back then keeping the baby simply wasn't done. My aunt didn't tell anyone about her until she actually found her. Everyone was so happy to learn they had another sister. They took it slow and got to know each other over some time and now they all see each other as true brothers and sisters, even if they don't share the memories of growing up together and their lives that way were different.

I'm guessing there is a lot more of this out there than one would think - half brothers or half sisters and things were kept quiet.

I know on my Dad's side, he had several Uncle's that slept with the same woman all around the same time - and she got pregnant. Of course, the child may fathered by some one totally different.

I have an Uncle that supposedly slept around and had a child by it. Uncle doesn't believe it, but the child does have several family characteristics . . . .

It's all I can do to handle my 3 sisters.

You always see the stories on tv that have the happy endings. You never see the ones where lives were disrupted and torn apart and family didn't get along.

__________________
Michael W. Smith in North-West Pennsylvania

"Everything happens for a reason."

i tried to contact 2 half brothers (they are twins) and evidently they are not interested either. kinda sad but eh, i've gone this long without them, what's another 30 years? i don't want to rock their boat, and they look like they might have a bit of 'thug' in them--their fb photos don't point to upstanding looking gentlemen, but, i am very open to not judging if i could/would meet them.

to the op--if its in the person's best interest, then maybe, but if its to further your own or someone else's, no. not saying that's the situation, but you get my meaning.

chewie/vosey,as i've gotten older i've grown to wonder about my sister(different mothers)FB has shown me i have 2 nieces.and i will never get to spoil them.she has my contact info-time will tell.....

Yes, I think I would like to know. But, I am the oldest of 9 children. So I am sure I would already know. We were a pretty close Family.
My Dear Mother was the middle child in a big Catholic Family of 13 Children. So, on that side of the Family, I have 76 First Cousins. And we are spread all over the Country. About the only time I get to see any of them now a days is when someone dies and there is a funeral, if we go.
Which is rarely.
On Dear Dad's side of the Family, 6 siblings, they were spread much more widely. Most of them I haven't seen in several Decades. But my Dear Sister stays in touch with a few f them on a regular basis. And, I talk to her nearly every week.

__________________
Be Intense, always. But always take the time to
Smell the Roses, give a Hug, Really Listen, or
Jump to Defend your Friends & What you Believe in.
'Til later, Have Fun,
Old John

Sounds more like a sperm donor than a father.

My mostly estranged father and I don't have a warm fuzzy relationship. He's more "the guy who married my mom for a few years". My stepfather is a wonderful man. I honestly wouldn't care how many other kids he (biological father) made.

__________________
It's not me it's spell check.

If the mystery 1/2 brother knows about YOU then it is your decision, but if he doesn't know you should probably keep the info to yourself for the moment while you really give it LOT of in depth thought.

Personally, if someone popped up out of the blue to tell me they were my half sibling, I'd be happy and excited.

__________________
They shall all sit under their own vines and their own fig trees, and they shall live in peace and unafraid. Mica 4:4

I have two half sisters, one from my Dad's first marriage and one from my Mother's second marriage after she was married to my dad. My Dad's daughter I found and I wrote to her. She wrote back once. I wrote again and she never replied ! I guess she couldn't accept my racially diverse children! The second younger half-sister I haven't located and doubt if i will bother as I don't need any more rejection in my life. I had two full blood sisters who died at 52 and 61 yrs. and another half-sister who died at 2yrs. Sometimes reunions work out and other times they don't. Unfortunately mine didn't.