Question. Would you recommend living with someone

Hmmmm. Well, maybe y'all a little too far north?

It doesn't matter whether they like it and intend to participate, it's whether they resent it. If they resent every minute spent homesteading (or any other living/hobby) as time _not_ spent with them, there's no way it can succeed.

Yes, if she is beyond child-bearing age, but eligible for Social Security........likes flowers and green beans, but not dogs or cats......

geo

Thank you Dave for the kind words. They echoed loud as your in a dis stink minority around here lol.

I startedf this posting so that, hopefully the gal wanting to start a farm on 5 acres somewhere with a city boy can see that she is dooming herself from the git go doing that.

FBB, life becomes a 2-way street after you pair up. I would not select a spouse whose lifestyle would make me miserable, or who would be miserable with mine. You have dreams and aspirations, she has them, too. At the other end of that spectrum is two people, farmers in this case, that share the joy of their lifestyle through the good, bad, and ugly.

My DD14 at his point in her life is painting a future for herself of living on acreage and tending livestock. My advise for her is to find someone shares that vision and to enjoy a great life together.

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Honesty and integrity are homesteading virtues.

One could counter with "I've known hundreds of gals that loved sewing and talking about it. I only knew one who had a husband who did."

What FFB is talking about is a way of life, not just a hobby or an occasional necessity. So in response to his question, no, I would not recommend living with someone who does not want to walk the same path. Can it work? Yes, of course it can, but it would take a lot of work and a WHOLE lot of "true" love to get it done.

JMO.

I am always amazed at the number of people who WANT a Cadillac but BUY a Ford, then complain about the Ford NOT being a Caddy. Some people CONTINUE buying Fords, and complaining about them not being Cadillacs.

If you know what you have going in to the arrangement, why gripe because it doesn't turn into what you WANT it to be? Think you're a magician or something?

Mon

not sexually, but sharing expenses and work can be useful if people aren't making enough money to exist on their own or need some company

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Brenda Groth
http://restfultrailsfoodforestgarden.blogspot.com/

This morning DH went to his job in town.

This morning I went outside to prune for a bit.

That about sums things up! DH is city and I am country. We figured out a long time ago that neither one of us was going to change, and why should we? Neither of us should tell the other who to be!

He is a lot of fun when he comes home from work, though!

I took it as he was explaining what HE did wrong in his past. I dont see any blame on others in his post. Good learning experiences. Hopefully some younger guys will read this and avoid those same mistakes. I made some of those mistakes too. MY fault, not others.

I would NOT recommend that scenario to anyone!

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Treat me like a joke, and I'll walk away like it's funny.
Effervescent, irreverent and irrepressible, but (almost)never irritable or irascible!

Yes, yes, it did!

Our solution was simple, but "simple" does not mean "easy"!

I've talked to quite a few people who want to live in the country, and want to be on a farm, even. But, when it's 108 degrees, I'm the only one I see outside doing anything. I had a friend came over after work one day last summer, I thought we could sit in the shade under the overhang of the barn and chat a while. And she said "Is that thermometer right?" And I said "yep" And she said "How can you stand being outside when it's this hot?" And I said "I got outside real early when it was only 90 degrees and eased into it!"

Point is, everybody isn't going to like doing the same thing. But, most couples would be happier if both parties were satisfied in their own endeavor. That way, She could say "How was everything in the garden today?", and he could talk about that a bit, then ask her "And how was everything at that top secret IBM lab today?" And she could say "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" Or whatever.

Here is where our problem comes in. We both work outside the home. We get home and I want to go work in the garden. DH wants us to do something together, but he does not want to work in the garden. I need to work in the garden or the weeds will get out of hand or the veggies will get over ripe.

Now, it's fine when you have "hobbies" and spend a few hours here and there on your own thing. I don't spend much time in his reloading room, and he's almost never in my sewing room, but both are hobbies and don't take that much time.

Dealing with a big garden and harvesting, and having animals and all their care is not really a hobby. You can't just put it aside for a week and go do something "Fun" with your spouse.

I don't expect DH to work in the garden, but he has had to come to terms with me not being available to spend time with him doing things he enjoys doing. We love each other's company - but we both have a lot of things to get done because of our lifestyle choice. At one point DH was seriously thinking he wanted to move back to Suburbia so there would be time again to do all the "leisure" activities we use to do.

It came down - he was free to leave but I wasn't going with him. He accused me of forcing him to stay, because he really didn't want to leave me, just the way we were living.

Now - he married a Farmer's Daughter, but I don't think he really knew what that meant - not that it's a lifestyle and not just a hobby or something you did if you felt like it.

On a good note, we came around and now he embraces the lifestyle as much as I do. He even told me yesterday he will try to take a more active role in the garden - as he loves to eat food he does not have an allergic reaction to.

I can honestly say that if DH had felt as strongly about NOT homesteading as I felt about doing it, we would have split up. He needed to decide if he was willing to share his wife with the homestead.

I have a co-worker who married a farmer. She's had a very hard time coming to terms with him not having a 40 hour a week job that he can come home from and do non-work things. At least he works with his family so he's not the sole one, so they can get away regularly.

Sometmes you might need them to help out with something. Tending to the animals or garden when you can not. I would want someone around who would do that,and not make a big resentful attitude saying," You knew I hated this stuff when you asked me to move in. Find someone else."

When you open your home to someone(even renters) you should be able to count on them to help out in a pinch.

As a person in a mixed marriage-I am country and he is city- I found that scheduling dates helped.

I "DATE" can be as simple as a shared meal at home in front of the TV. The point is, seeing very little of each other on Tuesday is eased by knowing that there will be quality time on Wednesday.

Sure, it can work. Lots of couples don't share hobbies and interests and are happy in their relationships.

BUT, I would wonder about anyone who says "I love you, but..." and refuses, to the point of obstruction, in the other person's hobby or lifestyle. That's a recipe for conflict.

She is absolutely NOT dooming herself. It can work just fine and dandy. It all depends on the people involved. I have never felt that I need to rely on anyone other than myself to be happy. DH has always wanted my happiness and has done a great deal to ensure it. However - just because my happiness is wrapped up in a homestead lifestyle doesn't mean that he has to be miserable slogging around in dungarees and muck boots when he prefers a suit and tie with good leather shoes. We can both have what we want. I can have my small acreage, my garden and my animals. He can have his work, his hobbies, the peace and relaxation of a quiet country porch. Just because we don't have much homesteading in common doesn't mean we don't have a great number of other things we enjoy together.

No matter what, we all have to make accommodations on many levels in our lives if we intend to share it with another. If we want everything our way, we are unlikely to find anyone willing to compromise their own life entirely so that we can pursue our dream with little consideration for them. On the other hand a little negotiation can go a long way to making both partners' dreams become a reality.

Mary

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In politics the truth is just the lie you believe most - unknown

I have been happily married to a man who fit that description for 12 years :0) long as he buys my feed and joyfully eats what I grow- im happy

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I think one needs to have some shared goals or interest,
If home steading is your passion, and living in down town city is theirs I really doubt if things will last long,

but I think one needs to at least have some middle meeting place at least, and if you both share the same loves and passions I think things will be better yet,

other wise you will be two people living in the same house doing different things and talking only for the sake of informing each other of your decisions that could effect them, and living your lives separately, (if you stay together) you may end up being room mates with benefits,

but after a while even the benefits are hollow if there is not desire for each other, and there lives,

love is more than a feeling, but the feelings sure do help,

If one is living separate lives "together" is it worth it?
you just lonely in a different way,
because if you can not discuss or plan or dream together, and your doing all what your doing alone and they are doing all there doing alone,

and then there is the issue of how you live as a person, neat freaks, or slobs and where one fits in to that picture,

(knew a couple that split, and he was the nicest guy you could ever meet, would help any one that he came into contact with, but he would promise the moon, and would have fulfilled if some thing for some one else would not have come up,
when it come to friends and family, he hardly was ever on time (many times never showing) as he was helping some one else, at first I thought she was a witch, when seeing him more after the separation, for some business and then some other meetings, it was clear the difficulties were not one sided ed,

what I am saying is there has to be some compatibility and some general direction you want your lives to go in, and how one wants to accomplish that,

My Yvonne wasnt all that interested in the country life when we got together but she was at least open minded and liked the idea of trying new things. She was ok with it when I dug up an 8'x'8 "garden" spot in her back yard and planted some cabbages and maters though. As time has gone on she has gotten much more in tune with the homesteady stuff, having our gardens, and she loved loved loved the baby chicks! I do most of the farm stuff and she does her stuff and it works well for us.

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"Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits." Mark Twain