Something has got to give

You aren't the first person to find themselves owning two houses. That's a big problem and you shouldn't be concerned about "spending money" or quitting a job until that is sold and you don't have two mortgages.

Second, I recommend reading the tightwad tips thread and all those in the archive to help you see how to manage working/homestead/budget/mealplans.

Third, When you cook (in crockpot or otherwise), cook enough for several meals and freeze a couple.

Fourth: This is not meant to be critical, but I'm hearing that you want to quit a job, you and your SO own two houses, money is tight and there are children involved. If you were my child, I would wonder if you are sitting on a house of cards. You cannnot support yourself and your children, you are in a hefty financial situation with someone you are not married to and you are considering quitting your job. this places you entirely dependent upon someone who has no legal obligation to you. Is this correct?

While I hope you are in a stable situation, you are really in a precarious position here. I commend you for seeing that spending is a problem for you and would encourage to do what you are asking and find other ways. Please ask your questions about how do cook, or how to stock up on the tightwad tips thread--people are very friendly there. I hope this didn't sound unfriendly--just concerned.

I feel for you for the tension in your words.
There is far too much running around. You need to take stock and start again with what you need yo do - for you and the children and what you want to do. Life's too short to spend it living it for other people and what they believe in.
Slow down, take care...and a hug from me too though I don't normally go around hugging folk I don't know!

Back in 2009, we lost more than half our income due to an economic downturn in the industry where my DH had worked since the late 70's. Although there had been clues, we were too busy living on the edge to see them and consequently were not at all prepared for it.
Fast forward to today, and I will tell you that it has been a major life change and a blessing in disguise for us. We got a crash course in cutting our spending to the bone and learning to make do and be creative with what we have.
We now grow 98% of our meat, vegetables, fruits and dairy. We shop 2x month ONLY for things we cannot grow such as coffee, tea, sugar, etc. on a monthly grocery budget of $80. Gasoline expenditures are now around $20 per week for each of us, down from nearly $100 each. We make our own soaps, cleaners, detergents, render our lard so we do not buy expensive cooking oils. Make our own cheese, butter, cream cheeses, yogurt, ice creams, etc, at a huge saving. We buy bulk and on sale and try to maintain a one year or longer supply of food, livestock needs and household needs at all times.
We made cuts--$200 cell phone bill was switched out for $60 / month StraightTalk prepaid plans, $100 Dish pkg is gone and replaced by a $49 (one time fee) Roku unit and less than $20 / month to subscribe to Netflix and Hulu. We found high speed internet for $29 month. The list goes on and on, but the main thing to note is that we took no prisoners and cut everything either back or out completely.

To smash all this down to one manageable bite of wisdom to share with you, I would tell you this: Look at EVERYTHING in your life, and find a way to either cut it back, or cut it out. Every dollar not spent is worth much more than a dollar earned.
Be creative, in this day and age, there are many ways to earn money. You are limited only by your own imagination. Sometimes a few small income streams that you can work from home, are much more profitable than a larger salary that requires travel expenses, lunch money, a work wardrobe, and childcare.
Learn to take pride in how many days you can go without starting your car and how long you can carry that $20 bill without spending it. It truly is a freeing experience and we live a much more content, satisfying life now.
And finally I remind you that happiness is something that only you can give yourself, other people and places may affect it, but only you can make you happy. Blessings.

This totally off the wall but it struck me. You have to ask for money???? No adult human being with a job or for that fact in a marriage where someone has a job should have to ask for money. Money and spending should be disscussed and agreements made, but getting an allowance like a teenager or haveing to ask for money is degrading.

I'll ask again, where is your husband in this whole scenario? What does he feel? Does he support you? Or are you acting in direct opposition to him? If the latter, you have bigger issues to solve than we've addressed here so far.
If you do have his support, then that's fine. If it's sort of in the middle, and he's neither opposing you nor wholeheartedly supporting you, then you STILL have bigger issues to solve than we've talked about so far. You can't drag him and your whole family into a new lifestyle unless he at least tacitly (if not actively) supports you.

So far, what I've heard, until and if you tell me different, is that he's working to support his family, and doing it, just barely, hanging on by his fingernails. You've had to at long last surrender your plastic because you were using it irresponsibly, digging the family into debt. Now you're living your life for what you think your mother would want, still wasting the family's money, with a child in an expensive private school, expensive child-care for the other while you spend time and money massaging your ego in an attempt to do what you and your mother find desirable, barely breaking even, and you'll lose the first time you get a major mechanical breakdown. You're adding nothing to the family and costing the kids heaps.

I'll tell you here and now that spending half the time you spend driving, on sending your child to a public school and then helping him or her with homework, will be far better for them than financial stress and a private school.

Hard decisions, girl. Time to start adhering to your wedding vows; and reading proverbs for the kind of things a good wife does.

If I were you I'd quit one job, sell 3-6 goats, start making and selling soap with all the extra milk and maybe get some honey bees and sell the honey. Beekeeping can be very enjoyable and profitable.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I've read some good ideas that other people have posted in this thread.

So...?

Sounds to me like you need to simplify your life a bit... take a deep breath and start over so to speak. First... sell the other house to the insurance company, next, go and pull the main on your power, and have the water shut off. Sell your vehicles.... insurance and maintenance on those babies really add up quick. Live without all the unnecessary junk for a while... a few months should be all it takes for you to figure out what you really do and do not need. Remember... the majority of people who have ever lived or are currently living today have never had running water or electricity.... much less air conditioning and automobiles. Get your priorities straight, and the rest will fall right into place.

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"Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits." Mark Twain

I've had to go 40 miles one way more for work for years working 4-5 hour shifts. Once one starts going those kinds of distances for low paying jobs the choice of car can really make or break a job. You say you have a Kia, does it get less than 35 mpg? If so dump it. I've found I have to get better than 40 mpg to really make a short shift pay. Also I buy beaters. The last one was 150 bucks, I have another 250 bucks into it but it has been reliable and gets 45 mpg on my 45 mile one way commute.

The only car repairs I'll consider are ones I can do myself for under 100 bucks. If anything major goes out (like a transmission) the car will get dumped for the next sub 500 dollar beater. Scrap is pretty high so I never loose out much on a beater. The last one I took in I got 275 bucks. It was a free car so I didn't loose a dime on that one Also some insurance companies will give you a huge break on insurance depending on the type of car. I call up my insurance company first to see how much a potential purchase will cost me. I've looked at cars where my insurance would be almost double over my current car. I always get liability only since my car is such a cheap pile I could care less about it being wadded up in a crash.

I never buy new tires, I get them for free from the back of dealerships. I've gotten pretty good at spotting trouble tires. Best time to get a decent set of freebies is during the fall. Everyone is dumping their tires for a good set for winter. I stock up then and usually I go through about 2-3 sets of free tires in a year.

When you make peanuts keeping car overhead as low as possible is the only way to go. On an extreme beater I won't even change the filter, just oil. Spark plugs are cleaned off with some sand paper. air filters blown out with an air compressor, ect.

I made 10,000 dollars last year, I have no kids but I also have no SO either so my income is the only income. This year I've made even less. I've averaged about 600 bucks a month in income so far this year, and that is gross. I'm cheap by necessity. The only reason why I make it is because of low overhead. I bought a cheap house, I buy cheap food at the bent and dent, I drive cheap cars, I buy used clothes. When ever I spend money I weigh my options very carefully. If I want to buy something for the fun of it I always get rid of something else to pay for it.

I'll collect scrap off the side of the road and stash it in a pile at home. It's like getting free gas on the side of the road. As much driving as you do for your job you should be able to find people throwing out plenty of junk that could be cashed in. Around here a trunk load of random junk usually yields me about 15 bucks or so depending on what it is. That buys me enough gas for 170 miles. Car batteries are going for a pretty good penny. I have gotten as much as 150 bucks for a trunk load of batteries. Your commute could actually make you a little extra money, you just have to think out of the box. Good luck

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http://www.xanga.com/shackman A blog about whatever

PrettyPaisley,
I empathize greatly. I know that feeling oh so well, to be wound so tight and feeling like if one pin comes out of place the whole life will come crashing down on your head.

You need a day to yourself to work this out and do some soul searching.
This is what you are doing:http://youtu.be/Zhoos1oY404And eventually, something is going to fall.

Is it your SO who insists you work? or is it the in laws/ ex laws/ parental units/ friends/acquaintances you need to please? Only one of those opinions is truly important (spoiler; its the one you share your life with), and I bet even then there is a compromise somewhere, you just haven't found it yet.

Would/could those dissenters hold it against you if you dropped one or both jobs to start your own business? Working out of your home gets you on much better footing on the homefront both for your animals, your kids, and your meal plan.
What do you love about your country life? What sorts of things are you passionate about?
Do you love shopping and antiques? How about yard sale-ing and thrifting for things to sell at a markup to an upmarket price? Is there an antique mall with good traffic and good terms for vendors near you? how about a vibrant farmers market? Do you love DIY? how about learning to upcycle old furniture into something more country fabulous? An old dresser or table may cost you $10 at goodwill, but a distressed coat of paint on a structurally sound piece may bring 10 times that in the right market.

Are you an outgoing and open minded type of gal? how about signing on as a "passion parties" rep? I have a friend that has amazing benefits and great income on part time hours and she put her outgoing personality to work marketing items intended to bringing couples closer together (even in the bible belt... no, ESPECIALLY in the bible belt!)

Do you have a passion for baking? decorating cakes? drawing? painting? making jewelry? growing stuff? there is a way to put any skill out there to work. It's just easier to be productive when you do something you love.

Cleaning houses and babysitting may be the easiest answers, but they're not for everyone. (Certainly not mine!!)

If raising baby animals is your thing-- browse craigslist and classifieds and see what people are buying. Maybe you can find a niche there that will bring you joy. I do great selling geese and laying ducks, maybe geese, ducks, or in demand chickens would work for you, too. I'm planning on getting into Marans chickens next year. The hens are in very high demand to chicken keepers for those brilliant chocolate looking eggs, despite them being a dual purpose and not laying as much as a layer breed. (The roos make great freezer birds) All this and they come in vibrant color combinations-- the unusual colored birds being so rare hatcheries don't even compete.
Poultry seems to be my niche, quite unexpectedly.

I'm getting that the empty house is an asset from prior to your relationship that belongs to your SO. You want it off your list of problems but you don't have the right to force the issue. I get it. Would he be too upset if you checked with a rental management company or two to ask how they would handle such a property? what it costs and what they could get in his bank account each month?? It might help to have hard answers and hard numbers to sway him into action.
My mom's SO is an engineer and he doesn't always have the energy or foresight to deal with that type of thing. She has to bring him the opportunity and pleasantly surprise him before he acts.

I'm with the posters that say "to hell with" your mother if she's going to act like a child herself and "divorce you" if you take your kids out of charter school. But I also understand the dynamic that is between an adult child and parent that have had a rough relationship. You still want that approval, even if you hate all they continually put you through.

I also empathize with your feelings about homeschool. I'm not good with elementary school material personally. I love having my kids in school during the day so I have time to get things done-- but at the same time I still guide some self study and extra curricular learning that essentially gives me all the fun and fundamental benefits of homeschool and charter school, but I've still got my break, my kids get socialized, and the teacher keeps the kids up with the state requirements.

I'm not seeing any way you can maintain both of those jobs. You need to do as was suggested and see if you can get them to change ANY aspect of your current services to the company-- a raise, closer territory, mileage-- and say goodbye to the one who will not work with you.
Are you even counting out how much lunch and drinks and coffee and bottled water cost to keep YOU going during the day when you figure your costs to work? It's so easy not to count a salad here, a sandwich there, a starbucks here and there... but DH eating lunch at work across the street is killing our budget.
It's not even about the money, it's how much your home life is suffering because you're so over extended. You should be able to enjoy your life, but you can't. It's incredibly sad.

Please pick at least one plate, stop spinning it, and put it back in the cupboard.

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There is a time and a place for decaf coffee.
Never, and in the trash.
Are you an AZ farmer too? Arizona Backyard Farmers on facebook

Walmart, no- Goodwill, YES

Really appreciate this thread. Advice I am taking to heart for my own unstable situation. My overwork is like your second mortgage- I'd hate to make expensive changes just before the light at the end of the tunnel, just unsure how long the tunnel is!

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US Army veteran, military retiree spouse, and military; civilian; British NHS; and VA doctor.

We went through similar situations just kind of reversed. I was self employed for several years while the 3 boys were were young. my DW had in home daycare stayed home with them and did other odds and ends jobs for extra money. We lived in a small town on a few acres and had a nice garden, chickens and other animals. DW decided she wanted to go back to college and get her teaching degree and my being self employed was great when times were good and tough the other times which got to be more the norm it seemed. So we sold the house in the country and moved back to the city in a small place and I went to work for a company and she went back to school. Here we are 6 years later and just now back in the position to move back to the country. Problem is the boy's have grown so much over these years and like the city conveniences and the friends which some are good and some not so good. Our thinking was 4 years wouldnt be so bad but the reality is it has been. 1 income can be stressful when living where you cant grow some of youre own food and trying to keep youre kids looking as good as the others. Kids feel you.re stress but don't understand it. All they want is to be loved and a happy home to come home too. Seems like you turn around and they are almost grown. If I were you I would focus on making a happy home first and everything else will fall in place. The saying kids grow so fast isn't just a cliche.

Thats easy... the tunnel goes on for the rest of your life. There will always be another project... or obstacle in our way. We need to adjust our lifestyle to be able to deal with all of the hurdles that come up along the way. (most of which are self inflicted) I have found that doing with less works much better for me than trying to keep up with the neighbors.... kinfolk or anyone else. Sort out what you really need.. then figure out the simple ways to meet those needs so you can spend the rest of your time doing important things like fishing, watching butterflies, and petting the dog.

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"Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits." Mark Twain

Uh..........how do you sell the house to the insurance company.

And How do you sell your vehicles and keep a job?

And try living without running water and electricity in the US and keeping your children.

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Recognize the beauty in things, in creation, even when thats difficult to do.
Be loving, show compassion. Create while we're here.
Enjoy this life, be in this life but not be of it.

Don't think they are married.


And proverbs doesn't solve a thing unless you want to be a slave pretty much, also not everyone is christian.

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Recognize the beauty in things, in creation, even when thats difficult to do.
Be loving, show compassion. Create while we're here.
Enjoy this life, be in this life but not be of it.

You "sell" your house to the insurance company by burning it down.

Shygal is correct. This situation is not about me treating my SO less than honorably. I am simply trying to figure out how to make the best decisions in a challenging time.

My children are not in private school. They are in a lottery based charter school that is paid for by tax dollars very much the way public schools are. A few of the differences I cannot control-like not having a busing system. Regardless, living where we do we wouldn't be close enough for busing.

I have no control over selling the house as a short sale. My car doesn't get 35 miles to the gallon and I cannot sell is as I bought it new. I intentionally bought an inexpensive car so I could afford the payments if things got tight. My name is on the deed to the new house.

Yes-I have issues with my mother. I do what I can to keep the peace and I would not deny my girls a relationship with her. She is an extremely different grandmother than she was a mother and thank heavens, a much better one. Far more tolerant and patient and when she comes close to crossing the line with my girls I have no problems giving her the what for. It's my inability to set boundaries but that is not the #1 issue I have to deal with right now.

I think I have a plan. My 5 year old said to me just last Monday, "Mommy, why don't you ever go to yoga anymore?" I told her we just had a lot to do now that we've moved, I have to go back and forth to work and school and we have the cow and all the goats, ect and she replied, "Well I'm not in school in the summer so you should go back." So I did. I found a place not too far from job #1 that's only $5 a class and plan to go 3x a week. It's amazing the calmness I get from that one hour.

I will continue to kill myself for the summer-but as soon a school starts in the fall I will be quitting one, if not both, jobs. By then I pray the house will have sold but if not, the money I make this summer will be spent on stocking up food for us and feed for the animals. I will can, freeze, dehydrate, and stock all I can while getting the fall garden in. Basically-making hay while the sun shines. I told my 2nd job I didn't want more than 20 hours a week and the supervisor understood so she cut my hours from over 40 to right at 20 going forward. My other supervisor should be back from medical leave soon and has already told me she will work to get my route moved closer to home. If these promises don't pan out I will quit both jobs comfortably knowing I have stocked food for several months.

I have 9 weeks to make this all work out. I can survive if I can see the end in sight. Thanks for the suggestions and thoughtful responses. I think sometimes that I still struggle with how I was raised and how I want to live. It's a process going from being raised with so much importance being put on material things to learning to live with less. I know it's better to live with less; I know that in my heart. It's just hard to transition. But like everything else I take on, if I want it badly enough I somehow manage to make it work.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.

I know you can do it Shannon! You're a farm girl at heart and farm girls are tough!(((((((((()))))))))

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There is a time and a place for decaf coffee.
Never, and in the trash.
Are you an AZ farmer too? Arizona Backyard Farmers on facebook