Something has got to give

Yes to all of this. It does sting a bit when I come across as making a new milk bucket more important that my children. I literally break down a couple times a week on the road fetching kids, thinking that it's not fair to them to be so stressed because I can't make this work. Yep-my mom forced me to go see a doctor because of anxiety and clearly I made an impression; she sent me home with Xanax, which I refused to take. I know I can make this work if I can just learn how. And it's not about the address, but the last place we lived wasn't working either.

And I am grateful for the input. I asked here on this board because I knew you guys would have the insight I needed. I surely can't call up my city friends and ask them-they all think I'm nuts!

Shygal, working is costing me money. Tons of it. And I say the same thing; once that house sells we will have about $1200 "extra" each month. It's just holding on until then-and it's been 6 months. We choose not to rent it out because of the horror stories we've heard.

We drink a lot of milk! And I have several who buy the goat milk (for pet consumption only, of course) but I messed up with the goats this year because of my schedule. I mistakenly thought I could leave the kids on them and they would have milk when I had more time to milk-that was a mistake. Luckily I have four more due to kid next month so I will do this right and the milk supply won't be an issue.

There are also a ton of things I want to do like get a pig but I'm so overwhelmed and feel that I'm missing out on so much because I have to spin my wheels to get back to town to make $6/hr!

Shannon,
Go back to the doctor. You might need depression meds for a while. It's not the end of the world to take a med you NEED as you make these transitions. I'm on Zoloft. Lots of folks take something. Living in these modern times with the conflicts between what we expected life to be, the economy, the world political situation, job stress, etc.... it's VERY difficult.

Take care of YOU!! If that includes meds for a while, it's OK.

Huggs,
Alice

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Alice
* * *
"No great thing is created suddenly." ~Epictitus

Owner finance the house sale. That way you have cash flow!! Interest income!!

Or.... don't worry about the horror stories and rent it. I have eight rent houses. Screen potential renters carefully. We really haven't had trouble except for a couple of idiots in the decades that I've been renting homes.

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Alice
* * *
"No great thing is created suddenly." ~Epictitus

Rather than asking for money as you need it - come up with an allowance system -- my DW and I each get $100 every payday (every 2 weeks) all of our personal expenses come out of that (Not gas or groceries). That's includes haircuts, meals out, anything we spend on ourselves.

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Apocalyptic and Survival Fiction - Readers and writers welcome

Bingo. I've told my husband from the start of all this-YOU make the money, I will make it go farther.

Figure out ways to make what you have help support YOUR family first, then you can worry about making money with it.

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" It's better to ride even if you get thrown, than to wind up just wishin' ya had."

Chris Ledoux

Maybe you should try to sell your old house for just what you owe. A quick sale would get that extra $1200 per month in your pocket sooner. Then you could maybe drop one job, work on saving more and earning income from the farm and them quit the second job.

$100.00 every two weeks each for personal expenses would be way more than we need. That would go a long way in our house. Ours is more like $15.00 a week each.

Wind in Hair gave excellent advice! I like the way she thinks. I might add that to be content in whatever circumstances you are until you can change those circumstances is a gift from God. Inner peace doesn't come from anything we do or have. It is a gift from the Creator if we ask for it.
Lifestyle is a choice and farming, homesteading, self-sufficiency are all good choices but all can have frustrating challenges and are hard work. Believe me I know as we have been doing it for 34 years. I have learned to work hard, change what I can, and accept what I can't. I pray about it and wait for the answer. This approach keeps me calm in the midst of problems. The result is inner peace no matter what happens.

Practically analyzing your situation and as suggested make a spread sheet to track your income and expenses is sound advice. We also changed our thinking about what making a living means? To us it is providing shelter, food and other necessities whether by earning money or other means such as growing our food and bartering and trading for most other things. We live with very little cash flow and have all our married life. Money is for things that can't be provided any other way such as taxes and things we can't grow. It takes a deliberate shift in thinking not to panic when living without much money.But once you get past not having a lot of money you can actually live life more fully and relax a bit knowing you are still providing the necessities of life. You can also learn to value all the things that are free in life like family, friends, nature and love.

I totally agree on dealing with cash only for *things*. Our oldest daughter is trying to save and buy a truck. I told her to take out how much cash she thinks she'll need for *stuff* (in her case, lunch foods and drinks, things for her horses) and then pay attention. Seeing that you'll only have x amount of dollars after buying y can really make you think!

If you're worried about renter horror stories, how about turning the property over to a management company? They'll take care of everything and their fee is added to the rent, so it's no out of pocket for you.

And YES, if you need meds to cope, by all means TAKE them. Doesn't mean you're weak or something is wrong with you, it just means you're a human and you've hit your threshold. You can always go off them later once things ease up. My breaking point was finding myself bent over the washer while emptying it into the dryer and suddenly absolutely sobbing my heart out while my family watched the Superbowl in the next room. My issues are due to physical/health issues but the moral remains the same- there's NO shame in admitting you need help.
<<<hugs>>>

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" It's better to ride even if you get thrown, than to wind up just wishin' ya had."

Chris Ledoux

I understand.

You sound like me in the worst of my anxiety. The stocking like a chipmunk who sees the leaves turning, scrambling everywhere in a rush, feeling like a hamster on a wheel and at the end of the day the animals still need cleaned after and oh no- dinner, we need that I suppose?

I let go of lots of ideals and what I thought were "wants". They weren't, because now I feel so free.

It is important to me that my son eats cleanly and well. So to that end, I have a small garden compared to most of you, a few chickens, and I visit inexpensive farmstands and markets. This year we're buying a home again, and then I will be increasing my perennial food plants.

For now, I am focusing more on nutrition and good exercise for my family. That's helped loads with my anxiety, as you simply cannot do an hour of pilates while worrying. I am, of course, the odd mom who runs and laughs with her kid on the playground, lol. Endorphins and bonding for the both of us, yes please.

Everyone lives differently. I don't want you to feel bad, as often happens in threads like this. It is *fine* for life to come in seasons. Some of us downsize, some go hog wild and buy eighty acres and the accoutrements. If you and yours are unhappy, change things!

This seems like good advice for almost any situation. Thank you, it's given me some things to think about.

Take stock. It looks that your family has a lot going for it too. Good work. You are being refocused. It's easy to do when you have goals and a place.

You will break down when you stop making decisions. Thinking outside of your self is a good drill. Don't think in circles. You have received some good tips above. Make each move achieve two or three things.

Know how many people would like to have your challanges.

Look back often with gladness.

I was feeling overwhelmed not long ago so I did some selling--hens, goats, and will scale down some more this week. also 'stuff' that was sitting around. did you know that facebook has 'groups' that are like a local craigslist? sold a few things on it, money in my pocket and less 'stuff' sitting around. visual clutter really gets to me. I feel edgy with junk all around me and a whole lot more at peace without.

and the best part of all is that instead of feeling sad that I've lost my stuff, I feel so much better! lighter! richer! 15 hens doesn't seem like many, but 8 is plenty. 6 goats aren't many, but 3 is much easier and those still make more milk than I need, so I am making cheese for winter, and soap to sell.

on paper, we're 'poor'. but I ate fresh caught wild salmon for supper,(a barter item) and will have goat cheese and home grown lettuce later. poor? really? not seeing it.

trips to town are as few as possible--this week it was once. only to pick up the kids from camp, otherwise I'd make another several days home. if I don't go to town, I dont' spend, so less in gas, car use, and how bout taxes? grown food requires less taxes.

to fill myself, I do art. or ride my horse--they may be a money pit but they give me SO much that, well, its cheaper than meds! I do not look outwards to fill my voids but inside my own self. pray, meditate, play outside with my farm/animals/garden.

some things didn't pan out and will be further eliminated--broiler chickens. I can buy just as good for the same as I got into my own for same money. pigs, didn't pay off real well since I dont' have a cheap source of feed. but the goats, I have browse, that works. bucket calves did too. soap sells well and doesn't take a licence. I do work down the road at a hunting lodge, have cleaned houses, ran hay makers, etc. when you're home, ppl know it and remember you when an odd job comes up.

and barter, oh, the bonus of barter!! honey for babysitting. hay for horse hoof trimming. fresh asparagus for goat cheese.

and if you have enough land, how bout a 'you pick' berry patch?? berries, soap, maybe even flowers? could you do a roadside stand? pumkins, squash? how bout having a couple kids to sit during the week? all from home. costs you little. would earn more than the mess you're doing now. at least you see that, so you're on the right track!!

I do understand what you mean. We had to move before we sold the old place and then it didn't sell as quickly as we hoped. After paying the bills we had very little left over. But, it did sale and things turned around. You don't like your new lifestyle now because you are driving and working yourself to death and still worry about money. All I can say is this too shall pass. If it isn't paying then quit the jobs and put that effort into the homestead and family and see if that is what you want. Stress can do some strange things to your goals.

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Living Large Down on the Farm.

Some brutal advice from old geo, who didn't just fall off the turnip truck yesterday.......

Sell the dammed goats. When the house(currently a major burden) sells, you can buy more goats, and maybe better ones. It's no sin to have a homestead without goats. In fact, my opinion is that goats are the major mistake of beginning homesteaders--don't know just where the idea got started that you "just gotta have goats" on a homestead.

Sell the house short--you made the choice to move to the land, for better or worse. It is an albatross--cut your personal losses(not all losses are financial) and get rid of the worry......

You mention your SO ony once....... Is this a joint effort, or are you standing alone?????

Are you really out in the sticks, with no local schools, no grocery stores, no $6.00/hr employment to tide you over? You would have to only work sixteen hours a week at that rate if you could work at a LOCAL gas station/convenience store/Dollar Store. Why are you driving your wheels off to do the big city thing for that meager amount?

While you are spending time selling (radio ads?) in the city, are you missing out on the local community? You moved here, yet you haven't taken the time to get acquainted........

Have you checked Local Harvest to see if you might have niche sales at markets nearby? Local Harvest / Farmers Markets / Family Farms / CSA / Organic Food

Do you have a "home office"--a place that's wholly your own--complete with computer, office supplies, reference books, a place to pay bills, make lists, do spreadsheets, dream, make decisions??????? Make one, you'll surprise yourself at how this one little dose of "permanence" will carry over to your day's attitude and outlook. It sure helps my peace of mind......

Remember that Rome wasn't built in a day--it just looks that way with all those columns laying around---and that just a couple of weeks ago you didn't know how to start a tractor..........

It'll come...

geo

You already know you are not making money at your job (and so do your employers). Go to the employer you like best. Ask if there are any other jobs available for you. If not, quit. Go to the other employer and do the same thing. Don't whine about the price of gas, just ask if you can move into a different position. From what you have written you will be financially ahead by not working.

Can you write? You could write a weekly column for the local newspaper on gardening, milking goats, etc. Not much money, but a little bit and it could work itself into more. Are you experienced enough to teach classes? Again, not a lot of money, but a little bit. I'm sure once you quit your jobs, if it comes to that, you'll be able to enjoy your homelife more and something may come to you that works.

Goats: I can't sell the goats. I could part with a few, but the giving up the goats would be my last bit of sanity; when I can put the girls to bed after the dishes are finished, before the paperwork needs to be done, it's the only time of day I can relax. It's like zen; I've given up yoga-I crave time alone milking. I can't explain why I don't mind the smell of cow crap and the flies as long as I can sit in the quiet and milk. I can't give up all my goats.

The house that is for sale is not mine. I have ZERO control over the sale of that house. Believe me, I've screamed, cried, threatened and now I acquiesce. I've accepted that I cannot change it. Am I doing this alone? Sort of. My relationship woes are part of this stuggle but I will work around them. It's not something I can change for the sake of my children. I work because SO is a worker bee; one of those who has worked the same job for 31 years, clocks in at the same time every day, clocks out at the same time, drives to the same office, and is set to retire in 4.5 years. It's futile to try and sway a worker bee to understand a more free spirit like me, so I work to bring in some cash as otherwise it appears to those on the outside I do "nothing" all day long. SO comes from a long line of worker bees who've retired on pensions. I understand it takes all kinds to make this country a successful nation-I'm grateful for the security of that lifestyle. It's just not for me. However, I cannot accept advice on my relationship, but thank you.

There are local schools-the bus drives past here every morning. However, my children are in a charter school in the community where we were living. I went as far away from there as I could to get out of town keeping in mind I needed to drive in each day. That's another reason I kept my job. I figured if I was already coming into town I didn't really have a reason to quit. I now see that was a mistake. I am not the homeschool type. I am just not. I would love to consider a local school but, being the black sheep of the family (my people already think I'm nuts because I don't value an advanced degree and prefer to live out here)-I am certain my mother would never speak to me again if I took the girls out of this school.

I've gone over this in my head for six months. Yes, there are areas here where I could work. There's a Walmart 6 miles up the road. I could apply and that might work during the summer, but with little kids who are not in school-what I would make there wouldn't cover child care. When school starts again I'd have to work around pick up/drop off times and my littlest one isn't old enough to be in school yet-so childcare for her.

I don't sell radio ads. I drive around to stores and merchandise on a project basis. I have dicussed with boss #2 a more consistent, local territory, but that has fallen on deaf ears. Boss #1-with whom I've worked under for over 6 years, has been out on medical leave twice this year. In addition to that, she now has a new supervisor who is making big changes. I feel I cannot walk away from that job since I've had it for so long and feel loyal to her. Not as if I can't be replaced, but I like her as a person and when she came back for a couple weeks she asked that I hang on to see how things would change. They are supposed to change territories to be closer to each employees home.

Thank you for all the suggestions about ways to generate some cash out here where I choose to live. I plan to explore some things here locally-and start selling off a ton of material crap (that doesn't include my goats!) At some point I will either snap or it will all work out. And while I refused the Xanax, I did accept the Celexa Rx. I just need to get the prescription filled.

And I still don't know how to start that tractor!

We've moved about 40 miles from town and my job of driving all over the city to make sales calls is no longer worth the amount I spend on gas. I actually have two jobs doing that-so I'm losing money. I figure my rate of pay is about $6/hr after gas and wear and tear on my car. Add to that driving my eldest into town for school each day, then taking my youngest another 30 miles to my mother in law's house for cheap babysitting and I'm really not making any money.

* You are making money, you are just spending more than you are making. What do you really want? Do that.

Problem is, we still haven't sold the other house and I figure that is costing us about $1200/month.

* So sell one place or the other. Better to lose a little now than everything. Take the equity to pay down your debt, keep what it costs you to live for 3 months as a cushion.

We have a ton of pasture for the animals so I feed costs aren't *too* overwhelming (a dozen or so goats and one family cow) and I've learned that chickens don't need too much feed when they have this much poop to dig through

* Sell most of the goats.

I handed over the debit card to my SO

* Best thing you could have done. Good for you, you know your limitations.

there are things around here I should be doing that are being neglected. Number one on that list is properly feeding my girls.

* Only keep 1 job and do this. You are overwhelmed, took on too much too quickly. Cut back and take control.

I'm having a hard time letting go of a couple hundred dollars every two weeks-but need to learn to live with less. How do I do that?

* Spend less. Only buy what you REALLY NEED.

SO and I see things differently when it comes to food and cooking. I like to stock up; 50# of everything at once is how I like to do it, 1/2 of a cow at a time, when SO would rather go to store and buy 5# every week. If I quit my job and shop like that I will go insane with insecurity.

* Stocking up takes money, buy what you need for only 2 weeks for right now. Only shop weekly for perishables. Spend less, means less you need to work. Live out of a garden. Cook like you want, SO will like good food, good company.



....James

I keep thinking there has got to be a way to make some money on this land with the amount of time I want to spend on it. I don't want to get rich, but there is a huge market in the Charlotte area for clean, local food. I can't sell my milk or cheese because of state laws but surely I can sustain a small CSA. Just a few hundred dollars a month would be perfect.[/QUOTE]

Good luck in your decisions. Have you looked into the NC Cottage industry laws? You may not be able to sell your milk and cheese, but if you don't have pets in the house, you can sell preserves, cookies, cakes etc at farmers markets. I have been looking into this but am eliminated due to my two dogs.

I would be delighted to be one of your CSA customers! You are right. There is a huge market here in this area for fresh food.