How much help

We don't expect or demand, we are a team, living OUR dream. Sweetie is tiny, I am small and have physical limitations (not handicaps) We need each other. No big expectations, just reality. We make a good team. My vow was short and sweet. "I, James, take you Donna, to have and to hold, until death do us part" NO EXCUSES" We love our life and our little piece of heaven right here....James

who said slave? If you benefit from what is being done then you should help out with it being done.

men and woman have also had their roles that they are good at. (hormones play a good part)
Generally the man have been the security, be that war,the 4 walls and a roof, fences or food.
woman the nurturer raising off spring, and watching the home.


mowing the lawn was to protect the house from snakes and such (security)
wash bedding was to keep blood sucker off the kids (nurture)


see it is fairly easy to know who should do what. just ask why this needs to be done. is it for security or nurturing ( UNLESS agreed upon by BOTH.)

note to the males If a women feels secure and safe she will feel more nurturing to those who provide that feeling.

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He who thinks he knows, doesn't. He who knows he doesn't know, knows.~ Joseph Campbell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeMrK...AE7062ADE5A19C

I am not married but I do have a Significant Other that we have been in a committed relationship for a year. When we went into this we both had expectations of one another. I work from the home and he is a Deputy/ Detective which keeps him very busy and sometimes away from the stead all day when working on cases. I manage the home, chores, preserving. When he is home, he does the physical things I cant do and we enjoy spending as much time as we can together, especially planting the gardens and working on various projects. The feeling after we have accomplished our goals is so fulfilling and we both "get it", that feeling.

At my age (48) I wouldn't hook up with someone that didn't share my desires such as homesteading and such. If I was with someone that didn't like what I LOVE, like animals, gardening, canning, prepping, I would be missing that connection I so enjoy with my SO. Not to mention, I would think resentment would build up over a period of time with someone not "into" their things that they love to do. I have had men when I was dating say they would learn to like the things I do, which was a nice gesture, but, on a nice day they couldn't understand why I wanted to play in the dirt when they wanted to go on a motorcycle ride for all day. One of my deal breakers is that if they hate horses. I want horses again and that is something I WILL have and spend as much time as I can with them. I would always hear some derogatory remark about how they stink, blah blah blah.

If couples can work around their different lifestyles great for them! But for me, it was a prerequisite to like most of what I do AND hold up their end of it too, as I do!

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I think it was pony that brought up servants.

Edited to add after rereading... nope, it was me! I had mentioned that I had not signed up to be a servant.. pony seemed to think otherwise.

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"Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits." Mark Twain

so true. I do not want a slave, and so hate when a person I know whines "oh I need a slaaaave!" ugh. nor will I be a slave. but some days you give more, some days you get more.

for the most part, I am home, and do not mind doing it all. its the way I contribute and I am proud of that. my hang up is when I finally need to ask for help on something and get turned down, then it gets ugly. I wouldn't ask if I didn't need the help, and I see the turn down as a real slap in the face.

but in general, I've always been one to do it myself, its just what I do. just never seen a reason to ask for help when I could do it!

for the kids, they have some chores, but if its something over that, I either pay them or offer something. I think that's fair and the way the world is. DD15 is earning a prom dress by working for me around the place right now. had plenty to do, and am happy to have the help but its stuff like my goat barn spring cleaning. those are my deal, so I don't think its fair ot make them mess with it. but I also dont' hand out prom dresses for nothing either! this way we both are getting a fair deal.

Ouch! First - I do not consider myself anybody's doormat. Second - I do not "put up" with it. Third - I am a grown up and feel that my decisions are mine to make and if you don't like them, then you don't have to follow suit.

I have explained on several occasions that DH has no interest whatsoever in homesteading. He is much more at home in the city. However - because he wanted ME to be happy, he was fine with moving to the country, with the caveat that he would earn the money and I could play farmer. I actually enjoy playing in the dirt and raising my animals. He does not. Why would it be OK for me to insist that he get dirt under his nails and pig poop on his boots? That would be as tyrannical as him insisting that we live in a townhouse.

He builds fences and animal housing for me. He helps me unload feeds. He never complains about feed bills. He does housework when needed so I can be out enjoying myself in the fresh air. Poor little doormat me.

Marriage is about sharing. It is about making the other partner happy. It is about the two partners dividing tasks so that each does mainly what they do best, with each getting a few things they like doing and a few things neither enjoy. It isn't a score sheet to be marked off "I did this. So now he owes me that." Harmonious marriage is when both partners work together to make things happen for mutual benefit, with neither one taking advantage of the other and with both feeling they have the best of the bargain. I am pretty sure I have the best of this one.

Mary

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In politics the truth is just the lie you believe most - unknown

It sounds like your hubby does help you.
it doesn't sound like you are a door mat

but what if he wouldn't unload the feed "just because" yet ate the eggs and drank the milk? wouldn't put up a fence to keep the deer out of the garden " just because" yet enjoyed the fresh veggies? didn'ts care if the fox ate the turkeys yet enjoyed thanksgiving?

was selfish yet wanted to benefited from what you labored at?

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He who thinks he knows, doesn't. He who knows he doesn't know, knows.~ Joseph Campbell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeMrK...AE7062ADE5A19C

I have relied on myself since I was 17 - and I am 65 now. This was not born of cynicism. I have always had a very good work ethic, and being a Leo I have an independent streak that needs to succeed. I have always made plans and worked towards goals. I enjoy success and am not ashamed to admit it. My DH recognizes and acknowledges my abilities and my drive, which is why we get on so very well.

Mary

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In politics the truth is just the lie you believe most - unknown

Then I may end up with smaller and more frequent feed runs, fewer animals, or a smaller garden but it would make very little difference. I enjoy what I do and to quit would be to cut off my nose to spite my face.

I do this for me. Not for him. Or only indirectly for him anyway. Providing good healthy food is my pleasure and one of the ways I show my love.

Mary

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In politics the truth is just the lie you believe most - unknown

Ok, I cant resist... I would toss them out on their backside... simply because with that attitude they would have voted for Obama and his socialist ilk!

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"Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits." Mark Twain

lol!!

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He who thinks he knows, doesn't. He who knows he doesn't know, knows.~ Joseph Campbell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeMrK...AE7062ADE5A19C

All things that benefit the family unit are worked on together as a family unit wherever possible.
Whether that be outside chores or indoor chores, it does not matter.

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Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Since you asked:
My statement of "I have no "expectations" therefore am never disappointed." Came to me as a learned trait, I guess?
By having the land, animals, equipment, etc the family was provided for and although there was the normal grumbling about; bales to heavy, weeds to thick, I did it last time, etc things got done and it was more or less a team (family) effort.
Then it was parts of the "team" failing in doing things that needed to be done and me just doing the needed thing(s) without really "raising the roof" over having to do it.
Later came the time(s) that "long on promise - short on results" started to happen. The yes I'll be there at (a set time) to help with haying, wood, etc but either showing up 3-4 hours late or even not at all because - well - because........
So the "expectations" became less and less with the animals becoming fewer, the garden getting smaller, and fewer "care" (meat/produce) packages available until there were no more "farm" animals, a small garden growing what I want to grow, and no packages........

Therfore here I am.............