Domestic violence and my family

"Vote for ME for KING!"

Seems like you already voted yourself King....we do not need more info, she has told us what she wants us to know...this isn't an inquisition, you know.

Are you serious. Why would YOU ever put down someone looking for help? She said she had evidence,the court gave her custody-the guy is an abuser. And You want to protect him.HIS income? They are Married, she has done tons on "her Own". She had a job and did it, her husband(?) obviously didn't respect HER. This is so what's wrong with society now.Is it all about the money for you and what things "look Like". How about giveing someone a hand up instead of a kick in the back?

Just one problem. A restraining order or protection order is useless if the abuser knows where the victims is. In other words, "A restraining order is not going to do you any good unless you leave!"

OMG,did he play Hockey? Sociopath all the way, when we broke up I wrote him a letter telling him he was a socipath, and he asked me to dinner just to ask me if I really ment it, I had to fib. I was afraid. Never heard from him again. If anyone doesn't get it-watch the movie "Sleeping with the Enemy".

2 op postings = good wishes, 1 ney sayer = 3 pages on a forum.

I wonder if she's not signed in and getting all the information as a guest.

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"Live your life, and forget your age." Norman Vincent Peale

Everyone on this site means a lot to me. I value your thoughts.

I have been a homesteader for a long time. I can go back to when Carla Emery was alive. Even before this current web format I remember a lot on-line handles. I am grateful for all your wonderful and supportive replies.

Tomorrow husband is to show up with an officer to pick up his personal belongings. My son who is 16 yrs. old told me so. I can truely say I am afraid of him.

Time has given me courage and I am looking forward to freedom.

One thing I learned about being a homesteading girl is that I capable of withstanding a whole more than I thought.

God Bless You All! And Thanks again.

Be carefull Rondallb when he comes. Take the kids somewhere else so they are safe. Lock up anything that is valuable that he may want to take in spite. Im not talking valuable in dollars but in personal value. Abusers like to take items that have sentimental value. Anything that was thought to be of any emotional value will probably be trashed and broken.
Again...please be careful and make the officer go with both of you so he can not corner you alone at anytime he is there.
Please post afterwards so we know that you are ok.

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Be the kind of woman that, when your feet
hit the floor each morning, the devil says
"Oh Crap, She's up!"

Tammy

Angie, I don't think the naysayer got the pages for being a naysayer. More like he got the pages by being a troll. You might have noticed that he has not posted again on this thread.

And I can't blame the OP for coming here in a time of stress. Heck, I sometimes "take a break" from HT. One time, I took a break from Countryside for a couple of years or more (had been climbing the corporate ladder in that time period and homesteading was the farthest from my condo-living mind), and when I came back (come to think of it, in a time of stress and emotional neediness) it had become HT. I had to make an entirely new name and everything.

Sometimes stuff like that happens. And truthfully, in the case of an abuser, I have seen them refuse to even HAVE computers or internet, in order to keep their victims isolated. One forgets passwords in a year or so.

Therefore, Ronda probably isn't a "completely new person" here. She does mention Carla. It is simply a new ID.

Oh, and Ronda, ditto on what Tammy said, keep him away from your stuff. My ex destroyed all my personal paperwork, original birth certificate, my only remaining picture of my father, etc., and then took all of my favorite albums, which he hated, while leaving his own favorites, which he knew I hated. Abusers do some insidious stuff to continue hurting their victims.

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Peace,
Caliann

"First, Show me in the Bible where it says you can save someone's soul by annoying the hell out of them." -- Chuck

Good luck to you and I am glad there will be law enforcement present when he comes to get his belongings. Can you pack some of them up to make the process go faster? How is your 16 year old son dealing with all of this? It must be really hard for him and any other children you have. Hang in there and stick to your guns and do not let your fear of him allow him to walk all over you. There are many places you can go to get free or reduced rate legal help and counseling. Has your son been to counseling?
(((hugs)))

PS Do not let a poster's comment about not sharing enough information cause you to share more than you choose to on your own. You have shared enough for readers to get a good enough idea of what you are going through. How much more than stating you are abused do some people want? Pictures of the bruises? Jeez.

In regard to homesteading, you can start all over, as some womwn here have already done themselves. It may not be what you have now, but at least you won't have an abusive husband around.

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Chick with a gun.

Rondallb- I'm glad to see your post, I was getting a bit concerned. Please stay safe.

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" It's better to ride even if you get thrown, than to wind up just wishin' ya had."

Chris Ledoux

Rondalb- BTDT, worn the T shirt. You will survive - emotionally. Unfortunately, abusive spouses become ost dangerous when the victims leave. SAY IT OVER AGAIN!
You must plan as if you WILL be attacked! I bought mace spray, sharpened my machete and reread my self-defense books. He never attacked BUT I WAS PREPARED!

Counselling is a must. You must change the ways of thinking that allowed you to be victimized. I found keeping a journal most helpful. Also do not forget your children. They saw unhealthy emotional patterns for all their life and don't know how to relate to others healthily, with respect.

My ex told everyone I went to the battered women's shelter because I couldn't afford to set up an apartment on my own. My parents whom I told about the abuse thought I was overreacting and my dad paid to set him up in an apartment and helped him move when the judge gave me the apartment back. Then he (dad) cut me out of his family for 2 years- didn't come looking for me till I had graduated from nursing school and moved to Florida.
I consulted with a Catholic priest (he attended Mass till he was 9) a Morman bishop (he converted to LDS at 10) and a Methodist minister. Each of them stressed to me I had broken Biblical teaching. Their position was that no "true" marriage had ever existed. The priest said I needn't even apply ffor an annulment, that was only for cases where a true marriage had existed despite an impediment. The counsensus of these religious was that due to my ex's sociopathic character, he had never been a partner in a true marriage- he had never cherished me as Jesus had cherished the church. They all 3 told me I was free and only needed to work thru the sham of a "legal" marriage which should never have happened. Do not let people who are not truly religious condemn you for protecting yourself and your kids. As the priest and bishop said to me- "God did not put you here to suffer or to have his gifts to you wasted by your untimely murder".
BTW my ex's mother was a kind and loving mother. I tried not to talk to her about her son, and we continued on good terms and she came to stay with several weeks every couple of years to see her grands. If your MIL and you are on good terms keep her (I used to say I had kept custody of my kids and my MIL!) It can be useful to have a mole in the enemy camp. But be careful if you weren't on best of terms before and now she wants to be your buddy. You don't want HIS spy in your camp.

Remember every ending is a new beginning. It became my mantra.

I worked hard in therapy so I wouldn't remarry the same man, with a different face and name. It worked. GFB and I are married 30 years now. But while I was working thru the self immolation of my first marriage, I would;ve told you I never wanted anything to do with men ever again.

Grandmother Bear, what an incredible story! You are to be commended for all the hard work you did to get away from your abuser, and to stay emotionally healthy enough to re-marry. I am praying for you and for the original poster and for all women and children who are being physically, emotionally or sexually abused.

I just wanted to add this, because I didn't see it in anyone else's response. I apologize if it is there, and I missed it.

BUT WATCH YOUR MONEY. If you have any access to your family finances, keep an eye on them. I believe your lawyer can help you keep them secure so that he can't start moving things around -- if he hasn't already. It is classic for men who feel they have all the power to hide funds before and after marital breakdown so that their ex spouse will have no access to them/so they won't be factored in to any of the payment calculations. Likewise, if you can, you should cancel any credit cards/etc. that you have have authority in. Do EVERYTHING within your power to keep him from financially abusing you, now that he can't physically abuse you.

"OMG,did he play Hockey? Sociopath all the way, when we broke up I wrote him a letter telling him he was a socipath, and he asked me to dinner just to ask me if I really ment it, I had to fib. I was afraid. Never heard from him again. If anyone doesn't get it-watch the movie "Sleeping with the Enemy". "

No, he played soccer and wasn't a sociopath, but did take inventory of all my belongings to see what he'd be getting when we married and planned for me to drop out of school to put him through....at 17 I was sure I didn't want to make sacrifices not of my choosing....come to think of it, I still don't!

Nope its a beat the husband fest.
Did you actually read what I wrote? I didnt say she had to tell us more just if she wants us to make reasonable conclutions we need to know more.
As long as shes willing to have a bunch of "Yes Women" say "poor Girl" shes told us enough. But if she wants good advice there a lot more she needs to tell us.
Her choice ,put it out there or dont.
BUT AS IT IS THE STORY STINKS!

Did you read what SHE wrote?

People have lost everything due to their negligence causing injury. Yet this man has intentionally inflicted violence upon her.

And you are sympathetic with an abuser why?

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Wise enough to know I'll never be wise enough to know it all

I think that, when you've been treated like a doormat for almost as long as you can remember, you learn to act and think like one. I remember when I was getting my divorce - I was so afraid to do it because I was somehow convinced that I'd end up losing everying. He had run up tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt etc and I was convinced I'd get stuck with all that debt. My lawyer looked at me like I was nuts when she heard what I was thinking. She asked "what judge in his right mind would give you all that debt?"

I didn't make out like a bandit but I got a fair deal. I broke about even and was able to make a fresh start.

If there's any way that you'd be able to make your house payments and pay your utilities as well, don't be afraid to fight for the house. I would think you'd get enough in child support and alimony to make the payments. You might not have a lot left over but that's where all those homesteading skills and tools and resources might come to your rescue.

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"What if I fall?" "Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?"

With a restraining order, he can be arrested for calling or coming over, or stalking her or the kids.

.........................If , you don't have a small pistol , then go buy one and learn how too shoot...IT ! Signed court protection orders aren't worth the paper they're written on , If there is no police officer to enforce them . , fordy

Intelligent,Well Balanced women resist the common female failing of being governed by emotion rather than proven facts and grown-up logic. I suspect that many are being played to some degree by this unknown newcomer.

A good while ago I was married until I gave up on her behavior and filed for divorce. During this process I was called all the terrible names and accused of being violent as well. Final ruling was that I received custody of my son and two daughters. They have become wonderful, responsible adults that remain very close.....Glen, a Member since 2002 without a single Troll trick,what ever that would be.

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The more a man travels, acquires wisdom and learns about life, the more likely he is to marry a Country Girl.