Domestic violence and my family

you never leave the marital home. you also file well you have physical custody, you should be awarded legal and physical custody during the divorce. the custody may change due to court decision.

this would hold true with either sex in most cases.

Oh, My! That was harsh. Are you speaking as a man once scorned? Perhaps you have been through something similar and are personalizing it?

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Chick with a gun.

Ditto this! Prayers & good thoughts...

Patty

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Rondallb, I am praying for you and your children. It is much better to be safe and away from an abusive husband than to have lots of nice things and be with him. I am sending you some ((((((((((((((((BIG OLD HUGS))))))))))))))))))

I've had to leave two homes (yeah, I picked some winners), one an abuser, one not legally so, but he sure was a jerk. The first I left with NOTHING, the second with the bare minimum I was entitled to. It's so much easier after all the carp you have put up with to just roll over and accept it. HOWEVER, DON'T DO IT.

He may have battered you, but he hasn't BROKEN you. All the tenacity you had to hang on for as long as you have, you can keep that up for just a little while longer, you CAN!!!!!! It feels absolutely awful to be a few years out, watching your ex enjoy the fruits of your labor, while you're still struggling, and should have been afforded more of a chance at the new life you deserve.

Talk to others who have gotten divorced. Find out if they got the short or long end of the stick, and get the lawyer mentioned with the long end. You worked very hard to provide the quality of life your family led, and you deserve to have more to work with as you continue.

You said a good portion of the property is leased to a farmer. That will continue, right? So you'll have extra income there. Other posters were correct about services for displaced homemakers, as well. In addition, I don't know if it is so in your state, but here, if it is a DV claim, you are entitled to emergency welfare services, which do include child care, food stamps, cash, transportation assistance, etc.

In addition, call your utility companies, and have the utilities switched into your name, so he can't shut off your power, phone, internet, or anything else you need to survive and make your case and get the support you need. See if they'll work with you on payments, and such, too. Call the mortgage company, and let them know what's going on, and how he's obligated to continue with payments, and if they can let you know the moment he's in violation. Then you can go back to court and ask it to be deducted from his paycheck.

Even if his family and yours are not supportive, there are plenty of folk out there who do understand, and are willing to help. Now is the time to rally the helpful around you, and keep out those who aren't.

You will get through it, and you will find the strength to fight. It's one more fight, you've been through a zillion before, don't give up now! You can do it!

You're in my thoughts and prayers- sending some positives your way!

Projecting much?

WOW is right, how did you miss where she mentioned how hard she worked on the homestead AND in the marriage and even went to counselling for it? He has been violent but HE is the mistreated one? Pay attention, sweetheart.

Either your comprehension skills are lacking, or you support abusers. Makes me think there's a reason for that.

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Wise enough to know I'll never be wise enough to know it all

DO NOT let him win. You are entitled to a lot because you gave up a lot! Raising a family and running a house and raising food for that family is not nothing. You should be able to keep your home and your possesions. If you give up he has won and will contue to win. He is the abuser now you need to get him where it counts-in his pocket! Geta lawyer who will fight under the law for everything you can get do not give up and crawl away defeated. He has tried to destroy you now you have the chance to fight back and win. Get a big dog that is loud and do not let the husband in the house. You ahve tried and he hasn't al he has tried to do is destroy you for being more independent than he wanted. Your mother is a fool- no woman should take abuse I suspect she may have been abused too and felt she desrved it do not take this with you. Your conselor is right kick mom out of you head and take it back. If your family would rather believe your husband over the court giving you protection than they are not too smart don't listen to them!

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Do not Lead for I will Not Follow
Do not Follow for I shall Not Lead
I am but a Simple Drummer

I was in an majorly abusive marriage for many years. Way too long! He had manipulated me so much, I didn't think I could leave. When we split, it was his doing. I was 8.5 months pregnant and he kicked us (me and our 5 yr old daughter) out of the house because he had found him another wife. He led me to believe that I didn't deserve anything and I basically let him have it all. I regretted it later, of course. When I knew better. Don't make this mistake. You and your children need a place to live & you need stuff to live. Call that hotline someone mentioned before. They will help. They can appoint you a lawyer for FREE. And restraining orders are not worth much. My ex walked through his many times and no one cared. Some of the brain issues my 14 yr old daughter has, docs are thinking was caused by the last time that he beat me, a week before she was born.
Have some form of protection, other than that piece of paper. My ex got nastier once we were seperated. (wanted me gone and wanted his other woman, but still wanted to control my every move) Protection from him and counseling for you are very important. Your kids will see the truth one day. My 5 year old used to blame me for everything and believed everything he said. She is 20 now and knows the truth. They figure it out eventually.
I'll pray for you. My heart aches for you. You are not alone. We care. Much love.

Wow Glen, (quietstar) ...just Wow! Not sure where you got YOUR facts from???

Anywho... prayers being said for all involved, prayers for safety, peace, comfort, and softening of the hearts. Prayers also being said for truth and justice. God keep you and your family.

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Trish

Seriously, I am COMPLETELY dressed!

Just keep moving...just keep moving!

As has been said, you need to check around and find a GOOD lawyer. You don't want to go with the cheapest lawyer on this one!

Start getting a list of all the assets. Preferably a list of all assets from the time you split up. Have several years of tax returns. Once you meet with your good lawyer, he (or she) will need this information because chances are you are entitled to half of it. Half of ALL bank accounts, half of ALL stocks, bonds, CD's, mutual funds, retirement accounts, pension, etc.

Check with your lawyer about signing up and starting to get money from your husband now while the divorce gets started so you and your children have something to live on.

Remember that you are ENTITLED to at least half of everything. Instead of rolling over with your soft underbelly showing, and ready to say you are losing everything - you need to get MAD!

YOU are the one who went to counseling to try to help your marriage, and YOU were trying to help your family with the homesteading. It sounds like it's going to you and your children so you need to make sure you get everything you possibly can to ensure the children are cared for as well as yourself.

You say your husband made all the money - well part of that is due to you staying at home and taking care of things. You need to fight, fight hard, and take no pity on your husband when he starts complaining you are taking him to the cleaners.

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Michael W. Smith in North-West Pennsylvania

"Everything happens for a reason."

So, Glen, did you quit beating your wife?

Patty

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May I steal your usual thunder with a POTDA award? (I dont know where you get your smilie for that). Glen has gone so far astray from the bible he its hard to describe.

To the OP, you have gotten lots of good advice but beyond that please understand and believe that not all men are like that and as another poster so ably said; real men dont abuse their wifes physically or emotionally. You need to take care of yourself and your kids and dont be worried about the outcome....homesteads can be replaced and just think of the future where you wont live in fear and with the strife.

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www.salmonslayer-simplelife.blogspot.com

Let your new lawyer do all of the communicating...I didn't have to speak to my ex during the divorce process. You can also have a neutral designated place to exchange the children for visitation and you can even get it supervised if you are worried about him becoming physically or verbally abusive. Note to self: Never date anyone named Glen!

One thing noone has mentioned... in the first post, the OP states that while they were separated, she bought their homestead. If the house is in just your name,rondallb , there's no way in the world you should have to leave it.

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" It's better to ride even if you get thrown, than to wind up just wishin' ya had."

Chris Ledoux

I am guessing her lack of income and him leaving is why she feels she has to leave her home. She probably figures she cant afford it. Since she bought it while they were separated his name may not be on the loan, so he will not feel compelled to pay for it now that they are divorcing.
I dont know any of this to be true, I am inferring it from what I read.
I assure you real men do not think like Glen. My wife is a stay at home mom because we want to raise our children. She does have a masters degree in administration so she gave up much for the honor to be our childrens mom. If we divorced she would certainly be entitled to half. But I do not concern myself with that because I chose well.
Glen marriage is not much different than business. If you own a company and screw it up or abuse it. It will likely cost ya more than half, and possibly some of your free time too.
Men do get taken advantage of in some divorces. The OP's case does not sound like one of those.

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Sold the farm no more critters
I have a postage stamp lot now
I aim to make it the most organic productive 1/3 acre in southwest Missouri
With a 20 acre plot to be added in 3 years or so

Well, thanky, kind sir.

And you're so right about the poster being astray.

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It's time you started telling your side of the story and give them the evidence the courts had.

It's time to stand up for yourself and your children.

I would find someplace to store everything that isn't fastened down, he doesn't deserve to share in your things. Since he never participated in homesteading he probably doesn't know about the majority of the items you have. Even if you have to move to an apartment you may still be able to raise a garden at a friends or family members place.

Don't give up the dream just yet.

This is a fairly unique first post ever.

Wow...you are so wrong on so many levels!


"Never date anyone named Glen!"
Yikes, I almost did, way back when....he spelled it with two ns, though, so maybe it would have been either twice as bad or better!

LOL well Glen your half right The women here just cant wait to support "One Of Their Own".
But just as they don't have much to go on neither do you. I did pick up on a tone of I cant do anything from her but not a lot of facts.
It would seem to me that with half the assets she listed she should be able to live the lifestyle she told us about.
Yet she goes into the woe is me I gotta live In a apartment weep.
Why? good assets and skills would seem to make it pretty easy for her to live the life she wants unburdened by the hubby or his money.
I think the Op needs to be telling us and her family a LOT more if she wants us to make conclusions.