Domestic violence and my family

All I will add to this is, "Get mad and STAY mad!"

God bless you and keep you and your children. I will be praying for your safety, and that the courts will see through his charade.

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Je ne suis pas Alice

http://homesteadingfamilies.proboards.com/

You have been given a lot of good advice. I am so sorry that there are males who abuse women and children. They are not men, a man will do everything they can to protect, provide, and care for their families. I could not imagine causing my wife or children pain. I have you in my prayers and in the end all will be made right. Bless you and good luck.

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http://kan-green.blogspot.com/

Praying for you. I hope you get to stay in your home. Fight with everything you have. Make him pay for the divorce AND your lawyer too.

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Be the kind of woman that, when your feet
hit the floor each morning, the devil says
"Oh Crap, She's up!"

Tammy

I will pray for you and your children. I'm sorry you are going through this pain and I hope you heal stronger than ever.

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A closed mouth gathers no foot.

My heart goes out to you & your children. Yes get the best lwayer you're not going anywhere you & the children need your home, dont leave it dont give it up stand up & fight!

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Bob and Nancy Dickey
Laughing Stock Boer Goats
"Seriously Great Bloodlines"
and the meat goes on....
Near Seattle

Go to www.ncadv.org

It's the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Find your state and it's resources. Among them will be emotional support along with advocacy & legal assistance.

What you've gone through is all about his power and control over you. Going to groups where others have gone through what you have, will give you insight along with emotional and concrete help to walk your path to wholeness.

I urge you to contact your local Coalition as soon as possible. You have painted a very bleak picture and the people there can help that change.

I walked that walk, with a man now sitting in prison. You will survive. You will have a life - maybe not exactly what it was, but there will be peace and wholeness.

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Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible

You need to become an educated consumer when it comes to your state'ss divorce & community property laws. Wheather you have a legal aid lawyer of a member of the O.J. Simpson's dream team you should know the basics. Your rights & his.

Have the property acessed along with anything of major value like farm equipment or those quilts. A - on his end he will downplay when it's in his favor & B - he will over inflate anything you have of value when it favors him.

Have a heart felt talk with yourself and figure out what you are willing to part with to be free.
I know most of the posts have been about making sure you have all that your entitled to, but sometimes after all is said & done having the divorce granted is everything. I'm not saying lay down & take it. Just don't let this current reality become YOU.

When I intially went to see a divorce lawyer I told her two things - I needed to leave the marriage with full custody of our 3 young children, & my newly purchased dilapidated hud home (cheap mortgage).
That was my line in the sand so to speak. If she couldn't do that for me then I needed her to help me protect what little assets/credit I had.


~~ pelenaka ~~

Personal safety needs to come first in your plan. Never forget that. The most dangerous time in a woman's life is after she's left an abuser.

There is a wonderful life ahead of you, but you have to live to see it!

An order of protection is a good start, but at the end of the day, it's a piece of paper. Don't rely on it to keep you safe.

Do whatever you need to do to be safe, and don't underestimate what you need to do.

Be careful, and best wishes to you, lady!

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"I love all of this mud," said no one, ever.

I'm so sorry you are going through this but I praise God that you GOT OUT! My own 2nd cousin Michelle was murdered a couple of days ago by her own husband.

http://www.nptelegraph.com/articles/...s/40002084.txt

I used to play with her as a child at reunions and Thanksgiving ect. now her children have no Mama. What you are doing is unthinkably hard but I'm so glad you are keeping yourself and your babies safe.
I don't know if my cousin was abused before this but I'm guessing this wasn't the first time. I don't know if her dc saw her murdered or not Thank goodness your dc have been spared that. I'll be praying hard for you. You can do this and you aren't all alone. we are all here for you.

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Hialeahs Dairy Goats, raising high quality Nubians, ( mini nubes coming soon) and Nigerian Dwarfs!


What we use for Homeschooling
http://homeschoolingtorah.com/dap/a/?a=240

W0W! Can you believe the unreasonable and angry women that came out of the woodwork considering the few bare facts known. The wife followed personal, selifsh paths and completely forgot most of the important instructions for a good wife in the bible. Women judge a prospective husband on how good a provider he will be, forgetting that he didn't sign up to be an income slave for the rest of his life. Likely the mistreated husband will take good care of his children. As for her, she needs to forget her greedy designs on his hard work and the income it produces. She doesn't sound like she will do much on her own, but it's time for her to accept the reality of her choices and get a JoB...Glen

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The more a man travels, acquires wisdom and learns about life, the more likely he is to marry a Country Girl.

?????? Wth?

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Idleness is leisure gone to seed

Good advice here I just wanted to add one more suggestion. Under no circumstances, for no reason, vacate your house. Possession is 9/10's of the law as the old saying goes. Stay in your house until the sheriff makes you leave or your new lawyer tells you you have to go. Yes, you read "new lawyer" cause you really need one.

I also think it might be in your best interests to obtain a full grown rather large dog. Get one that will take commands, be sweet with you and your children and anyone whom you let it know is ok but, if soon to be ex tries to come in the door at 2 am it will eat him for a snack and make a lot of noise doing it. My ex tried coming around for a while after we divorced until I got Lupe, my sweet wolf hybrid (may he RIP, been dead for 16 years now). Lupe looked just like his Daddy, a big, black timber wolf with yellow eyes--looked real mean which was misleading--and he didn't have to do a thing but bare his fangs and put his ears back and ex left and never came back. Now is not the time to be lax with your personal safety, if he gets through you, your children are vulnerable. As Sarah Palin would say, you need to go into mother bear mode.

Yes please do keep working to stay safe.

Glen I don't understand where you are coming from?

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Hialeahs Dairy Goats, raising high quality Nubians, ( mini nubes coming soon) and Nigerian Dwarfs!


What we use for Homeschooling
http://homeschoolingtorah.com/dap/a/?a=240

Or.... Since we are quoting the Bible....

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)

I don't think that Christ ever abused the Church... Maybe he (The Husband) forgot to read the Bible and messed up. I would think that the pictures and evidence mentioned in the OP and the Guilty Plea make up some ground for the mistakes made during your post Quietstar..... Just saying.

My family's prayers are with you in this time of need rondallb. We will pray that God opens your eyes and shows you the best path to walk. Please don't give up, the things you are fighting for are things your children will need.

God did not create Woman to be a punching bag. When we marry and take vows one of them is love, honor and obey. Where is the honor in beating on the mother of one's children? An abused woman has already earned every penny she can get out of the husband at the divorce, paid for in blood, stitches and broken bones, and that does not even take into account the mental damages of living that lifestyle for so long that she begins to believe that she deserves no better. I have never let a man do that to me personally but, I have been the one who picked up the pieces of a friend or two that have, not good.

are you talking about the op qstar???

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Hialeahs Dairy Goats, raising high quality Nubians, ( mini nubes coming soon) and Nigerian Dwarfs!


What we use for Homeschooling
http://homeschoolingtorah.com/dap/a/?a=240

Wow. My wife has worked very little outside the home. She has provided care for my children and always takes care of our needs. That was a choice we made as the alternative was to have strangers raising our children in daycare of after school care. Does that make her greedy or a bad wife by biblical standards? I pray we never divorce but if we did she would get everything she's entitled to. That's just how I am. I find your statement a bit harsh and judgmental.

Michael

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http://kan-green.blogspot.com/

Michael, you are a for real gentleman.

Yep get the meanest lawyer you can find ask for everything you can bargain down easier than up . Don't sigh anything till the Judge forces the pen in your hand . Get mad don't get even get a head

I my case my wife would deserve more than half just for putting up with me

Hmmm, Glen, I had a husband that thought like you once. My response to a tirade like the one you showed was to keep track of the hours I spent in managing a household, provide him a bill for services rendered, minus the cost of my room and board, at the current going rates.

When all was said and done, even at minimum wage, he owed me over $500 a week for all of the services I provided him and all of the labor that went into his care and comfort. Laundresses, maids, cooks, secretaries, and childcare don't come cheap you know. It turned out that my working hours were FAR beyond legal.... 30 hours a week just in OVERTIME? And I certainly wasn't getting time and a half for it!

Now, I have to admit that I am not the kind of woman that is going to appreciate a diamond ring or a Mercedes 350SL. If a gentleman wants to shower me in gifts, then I prefer Dewalt, New Holland, and Snap-On. ~smiles~ All that being said though, the husband that I presented that bill to after such a tirade was, like the OP's husband, exceptionally abusive.

I filed for a protection order after I miscarried due to a beating.

Glenn, you see these women as coming out of the woodwork telling the OP that she should go after every dime of her ex's hard earned cash. Are you an abuser yourself? Or have you had a bitter experience with divorce and now fail to read all of the information about abusive cases?

Abusers tend to prevent their spouses from acquiring job skills. As the abuser wants CONTROL and someone who is completely dependent is FAR easier to control than someone who has the skills to support themselves and their offspring. Yet you blame the OP for not having a job?

Did you completely miss the fact that the OP's husband pled GUILTY to domestic violence? Admitted it? Yet you wish to defend that man's wallet?

For myself, I was able to crawl out of the depths that my abusive husband put me in, and find a man that, like Michael and Rebeldigger, would never DREAM of raising a hand to me in anger...and who also believes that, should we need to part, that it takes two to make a relationship and two to break it, but as people who have lived as partners we still have a responsibility to one another. He would not leave me homeless and penniless.

And why should he? Why should anyone who makes $100,000 a year begrudge a house and some college course to someone who spent years picking up his socks and suffering his outbursts of anger? Will it cause him to go hungry? Will he miss a meal over child support? Somehow, I doubt it.

Jesus spoke of loving one another, showing kindness to one another, and being generous toward one another. If you want to talk about "the Bible's" view of things, then Paul stated plainly that when one is married, the two become one flesh, and if you wouldn't beat yourself, then you are wrong to beat your spouse. The Savior Himself never once suggested that one spend years mentally and physically HURTING one's wife, then turn her and your children out to starve. Before you start spouting about how women are supposed to be in the Bible, I would suggest you study a bit of Hebrew history. Then study the New Testament. You might find that modern secular law goes really easy on men.

To the OP: I took the "I don't care what he gets, just let me out of here!" approach with my violent ex....but I did not have children to support. If I had had children to support, I would NOT have let him off so easily, as it would not have been for me, but for them. They do not deserve to be torn from their home and their way of life because your husband is not only violent, but miserly as well. The only person they have to fight for THEM is you.

It is certainly not easy to go from spending years as a submissive and fearful spouse to the fighting mother....but do your best. You have more support than you realize.

Oh, and allow me to also add: Don't listen to your mother. Mothers NEVER see their children as they are once those children reach adulthood. There is always that haze of memory... the 13 year old that broke the china plate and hid the pieces behind the microwave... that clouds a mother's current vision. It can't be helped.

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Peace,
Caliann

"First, Show me in the Bible where it says you can save someone's soul by annoying the hell out of them." -- Chuck