How can I convince my wife to start homesteading??

Best advice I can give is one thing not to do, and one thing to do:
1) Don't push
2) Talk

I married a wonderful woman from LA - a big city girl all the way. Not interested in Country Living at all. And she was familiar with it - her dad was from Arkansas and every summer growing up, they would visit their relatives in the country. That was part of the problem, they were very poor and she developed a lot of pre-conceived notions about what living in the country had to be like...

I've always wanted to live in the country. I lived in the country when she met me. But for twenty years in the military, we always lived in the city. She wasn't really suprised that when I got out that I wanted to buy land in the country and move there. She wasn't very happy about it either. One day I realized she wasn't very excited about a property we were looking at. (I'm kind of slow sometimes... ) She had agreed it was the best deal we'd seen, I couldn't understand why she wasn't happy we were going to buy it. Her reason? "Its your dream, not mine. But if you want it, fine. I'll do it." Not exactly the level of enthusiasm I was looking for.

So I asked her, "what's your dream?" She said she wanted to live in West Lake (a golf community...) I pointed out that if we lived in a golf community we'd be living her dream, and I wouldn't be happy... which wasn't any better than living my dream and she not being happy. Then I asked what I should have asked in the first place: "Why do you want to live in a golf community anyhow? You don't golf and the gossip circles (what we call the clubs) drive you crazy."

It turns out it wasn't the neighborhood, it was the house. She's been following me around Army living in decent, but definitely lower-end housing. She want's a house like what most of my colleagues have. From her point of view, she's waited 20 years for it and when we were finally in a place where we could do it, her dingbat husband up's and wants to move to the country.

So I asked her, "So what if we build the house you want, on the land I want?" Apparently that thought had never occured to her. She had assumed the two were mutally exclusive. (I wasn't at all sure they weren't, but it was worth exploring.) Turns out they aren't. We started looking at floor plans together. She doesn't really want a huge expensive house. ("Heck no, I'm not cleaning that monstrocity...") All she really want's a few things nicer than what we have and a once story house so she doesn't have to go up and down stairs (her knees are starting to bother her) but certainly nothing unreasonable.

The problem was the places we were looking at had houses on them - usually old, small and run down...(hey, I wanted the land - who cares about the house? Like I say, sometimes I'm kind of slow...) We ended up buying a very nice piece of land, without a house. Yes, we will have to make a few adjustments - live a bit further out, save a bit longer before starting construction, but we can get her the house she wants and the land I want. It just took better communication.

Bottom line, you'll be much happier finding a middle ground where you can both be happy, than either you, or your wife, getting your own way at the expense of the other. Talk about it, find out what you both want, and can live with. Then go for it!

Bravo, Army Doc! Way to go!

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Yeah I agree Willow Girl. Army Doc your post is great with some valid points.

There you go, Army Doc!! Words to live by....

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Well Rebel, you have received an amazing amount of information and encouragement here. I would like to add my 2 cents worth, but please forgive the wanderings - I just jotted notes as I read (and thought).

The candle idea was great - did you ask her if she might want your help? Start at a hobby store, she would need to purchase wax, wicks, etc. anyway and I'm sure they would be able to steer you in the right direction for instructions. Personally, I like to refill the glass jars that originally held candles - plenty of light and they don't drip!

My husband isn't quite as into this as I am, but some of the things that he truly enjoys are the woodstove, eating my cooking from scratch, and homemade bread. I think you're off to a good start by focusing on things that your wife would enjoy. Speaking of bread, what kind of bread does your wife normally enjoy? If it's soft white bread, you might not want to dive right into 100% whole wheat. Try mixing a little wheat and/or oats into a white bread recipe. Our favorite bread is from a recipe I found in "Countryside" magazine a few years ago. In addition to unbleached flour, it has whole wheat, oats and wheat bran in it. PM me if you would like the recipe.

Your wife has my vote for camping at the beach! I live in south central Indiana, lots of beautiful park land to camp on nearby, but in the summer, I don't want to camp anywhere but on Lake Michigan. I like to camp in the woods, but don't want to waste a summer campout in heat and humidity - get me to the beach! A little sand in a sleeping bag never hurt anybody. The main point here is that a self-sufficient life style and going to the beach are not mutually exclusive.

My journey toward self-sufficiency started very slowly, something like that may help your wife. It started with just having extra food/supplies on hand every winter. 9/11 changed that when I realized that grocery shelves were basically empty within 2 days of no shipments. Now I can everything I can grow, forage or purchase in bulk.

The "Omnivore's Dilemma" is another great book. It's even better on tape or CD, great if you have a commute. My husband started to come around, when I re-rented it at Cracker Barrel on a road trip. It was in that book that I was first introduced to Joel Salatin and he has written a number of very good books that tend to make one feel that they can accomplish even more.

Speaking of accomplishments, if I understood correctly, you are sort of new to this effort yourself. As you progress, you may find aspects that you don't necessarily care for yourself, so try not to waste effort encouraging your wife to try everything, just in case you end up thinking that some of these chores may not be up your alley either. A homesteading lifestyle doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do everything the way our forefathers/mothers did. It just means that we do what we can to be more self-sufficient.

I think I have bent your ear enough, Rebel. Welcome to the forum.

I think Army Doc has just given all of us younger married folks a great example--way to figure out the win-win compromise!

NYR, everyone's been giving you great advice. Don't push her, figure out what she can deal with, and take the rest of it slowly. And if you live near Rochester, NY, get yourself to the Rochester Public Market so that you can get into the absolutely incredible food available there. Once you get her eating Seven Bridges good and CHEAP grass-fed beef, she won't go back. The market is one of the things DH and I are going to miss the most about this place when we move in a couple of weeks . . .

The people who have been on this forum for years know that I was a jerk as a husband for a long time. I have changed over time...giving my wife the love and respect that every person deserves. As I have become a decent husband, she has taken more interest in farming, and homesteading.


I dont think you can convince anyone to do anything. I think if you love homesteading, and treeat yuor wife with love and respect, she may not decide to live amish, but I almost bet she will embrace your interests just because she loves you and is interested in what you are.

Of course I have no idea what kind of marraige you have, and I mean no disrespect. IM just telling what I have experienced in my own life.

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My wife was a born and bred city girl. When we were first married, we lived in a surburban house on one half acre(for 17 years). I began to pester her about every two weeks with new real estate ads for one country place or another(I was a born and bred farm guy). So, when it came time to transfer to a new location, I found this place and brought her here for a look-see. While the kids and I were upstairs choosing their bedrooms, she was in the kitchen telling the realtor: "I'm in trouble, he's gonna buy this place and he didn't even look at the kitchen." (It was pretty filthy and needed everything new, in the worst way) Then the kids and I went out and looked at the sandy beach and the pristine clean water--then we walked in the woods to see how much fireplace wood we would be able to gather, then we looked at the garden spot, and the barn-to see if it would hold my tools and a workbench. She just sort of trailed along, reluctantly.

So, I won her over, gradually, with: new carpeting, new kitchen flooring, swimming(she was on a swim team in high school), fresh fish, strawberries, baby kittens, Barney, the big floppy coon dog we had to build a fence around, green beans to can and give to new neighbors, walking trails, armloads of gladiolus and zinnias, sweet corn, a new sewing room, new loyal friends at church(a bell choir), rowboat rides, fresh U-Pick blueberries, asparagus from the neighbors, a local grocery store where she spent more time in the aisles visiting than grocery shopping, armloads of blossom branches from the woods, fresh dug potatoes, and butternut squash pies at Thanksgiving. And humor: the first cat that knocked over the so-called fresh Christmas tree, losing every needle--the remedy, I went out and cut down a Colorado Blue spruce the previous owners had planted, Barney, the big floppy coon dog we built a fence around. The 9n that quit running the minute the dealer left the driveway. Squirrels circling and chasing each other up and down the tree trunks. Baby kittens. Wearing a straw hat and posing with a pitchfork. Listening to bluegrass music on the radio every Saturday night, just after Garrison Keillor. Chasing mice with a can of fly spray. The new pastor, who chose to sit on the floor to be "informal" as he greeted us that second week, springing up when he smelled the cat urine(from just one of the nine kitty cats of the former owner) beginning to permeate his trousers.

Five or six years later, she came inside one evening, sat down beside me and exclaimed for the first time, "I just love this place!"

Now, I cherish those memories. Hope I didn't bore you with this.

geo

oh and watch the BBC series blood sweat and take aways about where our cheap food comes from mostly like thailand and they shipped a half dozen 'out of touch' british kids out to work on the farms. and really thats the better part as i am more objectional to the genetically modified factory farms
but blood sweat and t-shirts is pretty accurate if not better than what actually takes place as no one would let them into the bad places