How can I convince my wife to start homesteading??

~~ waving from Western New York

When I read your post the first thought that came to mind was if you had decided to what degree of homesteading you eventually hope to obtain. Mind you that decision can change with age, heath concerns, family commitments such as aging parents, and finances.
Deep woods or edge of town ? Pioneer as in grow your own grain, grind it, bake it on a wood stove with firewood you harvested on your land, or purchase organic flour and use an electric bread machine ?
It might be easier to bring her over to your side of the fence if she knew how high this fence will eventually be. You can't have compromises until you have starting point.
I do agree wholeheartedly about having more space. If I had an entire city block I'd be :banana02:
I'm now married to a man that would love nothing more than to be an extreme homesteader, out in the middle of no where, in an off grid cabin.
The only thing we agree on is the cabin. I'm an urban homesteader who would go crazy if I couldn't walk the three blocks to the corner store for a soda. Or hop a city bus to go down to the beach that reminds me of Coney Island complete with a hot dog stand and a board walk.
I would also be sad beyond words if I didn't have my gun toting, woods walking, born a few decades too late tradional husband.


On the subject winning her over with cute barn yard animals - I was married to a man who used passive aggressive techniques such as bringing home an adorable puppy after I had said no to a pet.
When I filed for divorce the dog was listed in the custody portion but unfortunetly passed before the divorce was granted.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about that dog.


~~ pelenaka ~~
http://thirtyfivebyninety.blogspot.com/

Persuasion doesnt work education does. I was raised in the country and have always wanted to get back in the country. My DH has always lived in a town and was never keen, 9 years ago when we moved I wanted to look at a small holding that was for sale he refused to even consider looking. We had arguments and I decided to just give in which I have always regretted, DH can argue a point well and if he feels he is right he wont give in. Now all these years later and educated better he wishes he has listened to me, but we are working on rectifying it we plan to make the change within 2 years and not just to country but to return to my homeland and homestead there!

3 year ago when I started really working on learning things he thought I was nuts, now he sees what I saw and totally agrees we should raise all our own food an dbe self reliant, to the point he has taken up more "manly " aspects to learn(hunting, butchering) and since our kids are nearly grown an dwe will still be in our 40's once they are ready to leave the nest we feel its a good move.

You can't ram things down her throat but gently encourage what you like frsh food, th econcern about the food supply, the rising costs of grid tied energy etc.It may take time but she might see it, th ebest hting in my mind was ot get rid of the TV it has a huge influence on how people view things.It made a huge change in my household that once we no longer saw all the PR we stopped wanting so much!

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Do not Lead for I will Not Follow
Do not Follow for I shall Not Lead
I am but a Simple Drummer

That's my DH. If I offer him milk and tell him it's goat milk he wrinkles his nose and shudders. So, when I have fresh goat milk I put it into a "store" jug. He will say "This milk is really good today" and I just smile. Same with the cheese I make from that goat milk - I just wrap it and put it in the fridge without saying anything about it. He loves it. When I run out of home made cheese and he complains I just say I will keep my eye out for when it's available again...

Sorry for the hijack

Mary

my husband with a brain injury tried to convince me we needed a wood burning outdoor fireplace to heat our house and our sons, got him to help convince me and I still said I thought it was a bad idea..they ordered it so I....got that I....built the shed to put it in, built the additional woodshed area for it..laid the cement...and helped dig the ditches to put in the pex..when THEY had it delivered..bought the stovepipe and put it up and even ordered the firewood..

I was assured that THEY would put the wood in and take the ashes out, I wouldn't have to...98 % of the time I'm the one messing with putting the wood in but I have totally refused to take the ashes out.

when he has a head injury I knew this is how it would work out..I hate it..if the ashes build up so the fire won't heat the house..I'll turn on the propane thank you very much..someone else will have to get on the stick and dig out the ashes..and if my hubby was to die, and if son didn't take over..we would be going back to propane very quickly..

I hate all the extra work..and we spend just as much on heat buying wood for it as we did on all propane..oh ..and they convinced me to get a pulp truck of logs and a new chainsaw and they would cut up the wood...3 years ago..pulp logs are still LOGS..chains saw sits..

no..don't force something on your wife she doesn't want..pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

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Brenda Groth
http://restfultrailsfoodforestgarden.blogspot.com/

There are a few posts that suggest using a fairly strong hand. Obviously you love this woman and want her to be happy. You also want to share something that you are passionate about. You need to do this in stages. Plant little seeds and encourage them to grow, you can't force it.

Since you have started gardening, start there. Get an heirloom seed catalog and have fun looking at the variety. Maybe you could pick out 1 or 2 fun things to try this year. As an example, I am adding 6' purple pole beans to grow over my arbor this year. They are pretty and edibe. The kids will enjoy watching the purple beans blanch to green when cooked.

Perhaps you could let her know that you would like to start an edible flower bed and need her eye for choosing plants and placement.

I echo the suggestion of the irrisistable charm of those little yellow fluff balls. My suggestion is that if you ever do decide to slaughter, to outsource that task. Try to make it as unknown as possible.

You haven't mentioned children, so I assume you are not yet blessed with them. But I agree, children can be very enthusiastic.

Perhaps you need to put off buying property for a little while. To just buy it without her support is not fair. Depending on the property, it may be a larger investment or farther from stores, family, etc. These things will effect her as well. Plant your dreams and feed it and hopefully she will come around.

Stop calling it "homesteading" and start telling her you're going to "go green". Going green is the "in" thing now, isn't it?

Also, start showing her videos on Youtube of factory farming and processing plants, etc. Show her where her food is coming from. That alone may make her change her mind!

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I'm running so far behind I thought I was first!

http://hickahala.blogspot.com/

Welcome to the forum! We homestead, but my husband has no idea we do! Start slow and don't go all gungho. Start with a garden, a few chickens and go from there.

This is a great way to start. Buying local home grown anything. If you are not aware, www.localharvest.com is another great way to get local grown veggies, fruit, meat, eggs, etc. All of the good stuff without the commitment of growing more than you are ready to tackle.

And yes, learn the art of bread baking. It is the best. Once you start putting the fresh bread on the table, then the next step is grinding your own flour, that leads to storing the wheat berries (and knowing how to use them) for your preps.

Ever consider an Earth Oven? Will fit in a town backyard, you make it yourself, and another world of fresh goodies is opened up to you. Ummm, and no poop to scoop either.

There are so many things to learn and do without totally changing lifestyles. And when you do make a move, you will already have those skills learned.

I also agree that you do not need a lot of acres to work toward being self sufficient. A lot can be grown on a couple of acres and can be a great learning situation.

Hi all my fellow Upstate New Yorkers! There are quite a few of us on here. I've been researching and gardening for a few years now. I grew up in the country and want to get back to it. This forum has been great for me.

Don't try to hard or she'll never entertain your dream. Live in city or burbs? Would she be interested in living in a small town? I'd live as rural an area as she'd like and see how that goes.

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Moms don't look at things like normal people.
-----DD

You have gotten a ton of excellent advice (other than the bit of ditching your wife

I'm wondering if you married my wife's identical twin? I have been faced with almost the exact same challenges as you. Now, 8 years later my wife is picking up the eggs from our three hens while I'm out of town and we recently bought a 20 acre lot in the country that we will eventually move to. Currently, my wife does not ever envision moving out there but she refused to compost when I married her. Now, she is as dedicated as I. It took me 8 months of discussing the hens before she agreed and now she likes watching after them as much as me. She will eventually come around to the idea of moving out to our property but it will take more time.

As many have posted, just keep introducing her to the things you are passionate about and she will eventually come around. Don't try to push it on her or it will backfire. Persevere and find a way to make it interesting for her. I second the idea of leaving magazines sitting around. I think "Hobby Farms" would be a good intro for her. Good luck!

Here is how you can convince her:

Buy some land, then take your wife, pick her up, throw her over your shoulder, and carry her kicking and screaming to the homstead, then place her down and say "Welcome home darling!".

Just kidding.

You have to ask yourself which is more important, following your dreams and your personal nature, or pleasing your wife.

Not much new in my post but I echo the caution on zoning and bees. Also, check your insurance! My insurance company won't insure me against bees. Believe it or not people will sue like mad if they get stung while trespassing on your property in order to raid your garden. LOL.

Seriously, unless you're zoned rural, many insurance companies won't insure against bees.

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Christy
Growing Human
http://growinghuman.blogspot.com

When wearing narrow lenses of hate and ignorance, is it any wonder one finds it difficult to see clearly? - Me

Why do I imagine your wife is on a sunbathing website asking how she can convert her husband?

There is something wrong about trying to convert others to anything. Symptoms of a control freak. Yes, you can offer, but trying different tricks to manipulate people is wrong.

There is an assumption that homesteading and self-sufficiency is critical. Kind of like a religion. I have finally concluded that it costs more in money and energy than buying at the store. Yes, homegrown food may be better quality, but you can find good food at the store, or from a local farmer.

Which makes homesteading a hobby, and you don't force your hobbies on others.

It sort of depends on what sort of projects you are doing.

I make a big profit on the garden but the chickens will never pay for their hen house. They might have paid for the last one but that one was only 3' by4'! The cost of the wood for the new one is more than the value of the eggs even before I pay for feed.

Some people are able to scrounge for wood but I did not and so the hens cost me.

I made an excellent profit on the blackberries, though: the root that I started with was a gift and I ended up selling blackberries at the farmers market.

Never in my life would I have imagined anyone being able to sue for being stung by a bee. it sounds so crazy. Is this true? If it is, I need to move very far away from humanity....just to protect myself.

hi! not adding much, except if someone doesn't want to...they honestly don't want to. my neighbor down the road has been trying to talk his wife in to moving here for the 10 yrs. I've known him. isn't. going. to. happen. so he comes to the property (with a gorgeous house, so that's not her issue) on the weekends alone. it's not always about gardening or chickens, but some people just can't stand the thought of living 'out'. it's just too secluded for their personality, which isn't a fault.....but something you'll likely not change. took my hubby 10 yrs. to get excited enough to participate in gardening (and helping to expand it all), but he says he'll never kill anything. nor clean a coop. so if I want chickens...I GET IT ALL. lol I figure at least my hubby enjoys rural living, BUT...that was my idea, too. he started out just moving to please me, and that could have gone very bad.

We live in the suburbs right now but everyday its getting more and more like the city. It's getting over populated adn with the wrong crowd. We both grew up here and it has changed drasticlly since we were kids. She loves candles so last night I mentioned she should make her own candles this way she never runs out and she can always have them and she was up for that. She told me to find out for her how to do it and she'll do it. Hey its a step in the right direction I think.

Someone asked if we had kids... No kids yet still waiting... we want to buy a house before we have kids.

I want to thank everyone again for all the great advice I'm getting here.

Sounds great! I know there have been posts on here in the past about candle making, if you can't find them, start another.

I would NOT push. I would gently guide. There is a big difference. If you start out doing what you enjoy and take responsibility for it all, without asking her to help, she may just start coming outside with you and giving you a hand here and there when needed.

If she likes berries and fruit, one of the first things on your new homestead might be to plant an orchard and a berry patch. She could pour over the catalogs with you and help you choose the varieties. (Don't forget deer fencing!).

Little steps, gentle steps and lots of loving. Not everyone wakes up wanting to do it all. I know 10 years ago there is no way I would have been raising my own animals, and processing the meat. Canning? Dehydrating? Bee-keeping? I would have laughed at the suggestion and questioned the persons sanity.

Now, I am all about being self- sufficient. My need to protect and care for my children changed my views too.
I did not need to be pushed, or even gently persuaded, I came across articles on food etc that shocked me and made me consider my lifestyle.....oh and I used to be a vegetarian and a lot more picky about my food than I am now.

People change, but it needs to be on their own terms, at their own speed. Do what you want to do, and ask her if she wants to be included, help and so on.

You may be surprised!

Be careful.

DH#3 and I went into homesteading together. Five years later, he decided it was too much work and wanted to move back to town. This left me in a pickle, as the plans we had implemented were contingent on both our participation. (For instance, I had a job that involved being on the road 6 days out of the month.)

Even if your wife comes around, what if she changes her mind later?

I would advise you to plan accordingly.

(I have a non-homesteading husband now, and that's OK, as I've been careful not to bite off more than I can chew by myself!)

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"I love all of this mud," said no one, ever.