Dad-isms and Granddad-isms

Good place for a story I tell often about my Grandpa who passed when I was only 12:

I was probably 8 or 9 yrs old, Grandma and Grandpa had just bought a new lawnmower complete with all the attachments (think snow blower, leaf vac,....). Grandpa was showing me how careful you had to be pulling it into the tiny little yard barn due to the size of the mower deck in relation to the shed. When he almost had it threw he grabbed the hydro stat lever and accidentally pushed it the wrong direction. The result was the new mower trying to climb right up on top of the snow blower which was stored in the very back of the shed. After all the commotion had settled and things were back in place (mower removed from the top of the snow blower). Grandpa calmly pulled his pipe from his pocket lit it and turned to me and said: "I did that to show you not what to do."

He was also the man who would say, when referring to us kids running around playing like crazy "Those kids are like a fart in a skillet".

G'ma: (when very angry) "I'll knock a fart outa you that'll whiz like a rusty nail!"

Same G'ma: "He/she is as crazy as a peach orchard sow"

Same G'ma: "That girl is so clumsy she trips over the pattern on the floor"

__________________
I've done so much with so little for so long that I'm now qualified to do almost anything with practically nothing.

LOL! My grandma used to say this only with the following twist:

"Well, wish in one hand and s--- in the other and see which one bears fruit first."

I remember as kids we thought it was funny and could never quite figure that one out and it wasn't till I was an adult gardening that I it came to me LOL.

My dad would never swear in front of Mom so he would say "horsefeathers!"

And old friend, now deceased used to say all kinds of colorful things, but the one I remember right now is "I ain't got no dog in that fight!" when others around him might be arguing or there was political stuff on TV or something.

My grandmother-in-law used to say "they're so dumb they couldn't pour p*ss out of a boot with directions on the heel." Sounds like she was pretty interesting.

My husband just reminded me that his mom (whom I never met) was a stickler for good grammar and if you ended a sentence in "at" (as in "where is he at") she would say "behind the at".

My FIL had a fondness for ladies of negotiable virtue in his sayings and exclamations. (Or perhaps he just had a fondness for the ladies?) Ones I have heard from him:

It's hotter than a two-bit [lady of questionable reputation] on a fifty dollar night.

It's colder than a [same kind of lady] 's heart on payday.

My FIL was quite a colorful man, though. Other little things from him:

On marrying my MIL-- "I decided that since I like married women so much, I ought to get one of my own."

"I was more nervy than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."
"More nervous than a [lady of negotiable virtue] in church."
"She was a...socially generous...young woman."
"She's a very...friendly...lady."

I find it rather amusing that my FIL would use the w-word, to describe a lady whose romance involved financial transactions, quite freely...but that he avoided using the s-word, to describe a woman who is...umm...physically carefree... as if it was a sure way to catch the plague.

My DH, having spent 17 years in the Navy, has QUITE a repertoire of colorful phrases, few of which I actually feel qualified to repeat. One of the cleanest ones, though:

"Madder than a Chief out of coffee..."

__________________
Peace,
Caliann

"First, Show me in the Bible where it says you can save someone's soul by annoying the hell out of them." -- Chuck

"I'll slap you nekkid."
"I'll slap you bald-headed."
"I'll slap the taste out of your mouth."
"I'll slap your jaws till they ring like a dinner bell."
"I'll slap you so hard you'll ring like a 10 penny nail hit with a greasy ball peen hammer."

Demeter

__________________
"I think, therefore I am. I think."--George Carlin

My G'ma used to say "What the Sam Hill???"

Dad would say "He don't have a pot to ---- in or a window to throw it out!"

When we were really little kids, he'd notice us pulling at our britches, and he'd say "Ya going to the movies?", and we'd look at him, all innocent. "Whad'ya mean?" "I see yer picken' yer seat!".

Dad would yell "Yer gonna need an operation!! To get my foot out of yer -----!"."

__________________
I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet.

Have you seen the new William Shatner TV show? It's called ^&(%&( (Bleep) My Dad Says

I say My Dad would eat him for lunch.

__________________
http://mmsmiracle.com/EnjoyBetterHealth

From my grandfather, usually when remarking on some world or political figure or just some nutjob in the news: "It takes all kinds to make the world -- sure am glad I'm not one of them!"

And following a good meal: "That will eat right where you put it."

Another one my Old Dad would say sometimes if someone brought up a spurious argument........."That dog won't hunt!"

My Old Uncle use to say it was raining "Like a cow p***ing on a flat rock".
(Raining pretty hard, hunnh)

__________________
Be Intense, always. But always take the time to
Smell the Roses, give a Hug, Really Listen, or
Jump to Defend your Friends & What you Believe in.
'Til later, Have Fun,
Old John

From my mother:

When we would ask what something was for, she would answer "cat fur to make a bunch of kitten britches."

When we asked what was for dinner, she would answer "Hog's _ss and hominy."

General exclamation: "Sh-- fire and save matches."

When something angered her: "That makes my hind end want to chew tobacco."

There is a saying around here that I have heard from several people, meant when something is really annoying or frustrating:

"Don't that just make you want to go dip snuff with the chickens."

I still have NO idea what it means, or what kind of sense could be made of it.

__________________
Peace,
Caliann

"First, Show me in the Bible where it says you can save someone's soul by annoying the hell out of them." -- Chuck

Any time me or my brother would say "if" while making an excuse, my dad said "If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his butt."

If someone (sometimes me but usually my brother LOL) wouldn't listen to advice he'd say "Those that can't see have to feel."

My next door neighbor says all kinds of funny stuff, and he sometimes works with my dad so my dad has heard more than I have. My neighbor, who is the lone black man in a VERY white, small town, likes to tell racial jokes about his own race - and although we don't usually enjoy racial jokes, his are usually pretty funny. My favorite thing he does is whenever he overhears someone else saying something about a "colored" man/woman, he will interrupt their conversation to say "COLORED man/woman? What color was he/she?" because "white's a color too, ya know."

My russian grandmother " OY VEY!!"

granddadism

hey pops how you doing?

"oh im finer that a frogs hair split five ways"

happens EVERY TIME

Dad: "You couldn't poor ---- out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel."

Dad (After I busted my knee up): "If he was a horse, we'd put him down."

My uncle: "If one person calls you a jerk, he's a jerk. If two people call you a jerk, stop and think about it. If three people call you a jerk... you're a jerk."

__________________
A fallow field is a sin against thin children - John Steinbeck

Just remembered that when we would whine about something my mom would say "It's a tough t-tty kitty but the milk's still good." LOL!

Thank you for the memory trip everyone !!!!!!

I can't blame dad for this one...it's mine:
When referring to a bar room brawl, or any other helter-skelter situation:

Looks like 40 acres of goats f(breed)ing on a 4 acre farm!