What to teach the puppy next?

If you really want to go for the gusto (and this little Rhodes scholar sounds like it just might want to as well) teach it to read! Yes, you can teach a dog to read, or - depending on his or her brain level - at least recognize printed words. You start out by covering his food bowl with a card, which he has to push off or pick up to eat. Then you put the word 'food' on the card, so that the dog associates the food with that particular arrangement of letters. Do the same for water and put a card by where the leash is kept marked 'walk'. When it is time to eat, pick up the appropriate card and give it to the dog first, then feed, water, walk, etc, reinforcing with verbal commands. Eventually, put the cards over their intended target, but don't put food in the bowl until the dog nudges the card off and/or picks it up. Then reinforce verbally and feed/water/walk - whichever is appropriate. If the dog obviously wants food, but has picked up the water card, give water, take the card, and say 'water! good boy'. Then pick up the food card, give it to the dog and say (in a question voice) 'food?'. The dog should wag its tail. Have it bring you the appropriate card and drop it, after which you comply with the appropriate 'delivery'. Eventually, you should be able to line the cards up by the door or by a cabinet or somewhere out of the way, and the dog can bring you the card that expresses it's wants. New wants (like 'sick' or 'hurt', can be introduced at the appropriate time by showing the dog the card, reinforcing verbally (use down, sad language for sick or hurt) and who knows, you could end up with a dog that rivals your local thugs for vocabulary.

Using advanced methods of this sort of training, one lady (a professional experimental-level trainer) is even reputed to have taught her very exceptional dog to not only type (on a specially created machine) but to take dictation as she spoke the words with a not-too-shabby error rate (lots of repeated letters, and such, but clearly following her speech). One day, she wanted to practice, but the dog kept running off and not wanting to play along. After she started getting frustrated and disciplined it, the dog slunk up to the typewriter and spontaneously and repeatedly typed out 'bad dog' in his little doggy manner (sort of read bbbaad dooggg, baddd dobaddoggg. etc) The dog had actually learned to associate sounds and written word with meaning, and created it's own conversation. Too cool!

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The truth will set you free. But first it will ---- you off.