i hate confrontation, but....

ufo_chris · #81 09/22/10, 08:28 PM

Yeah on all telling him "NO" but your nice hubby told him to arrange something about the breeding thing later.....he should have just told him "NO" or 'NO ,not after this show of disrespect"
Hope it works out for you!
Chris

Ozarkquilter46 · #82 09/23/10, 08:09 AM

I always have trouble saying no. I changed my way of wording and just say you know that dosnt' work for me. Or if someone asks me to babysit I just say mine are grown and I am done with that game I am just not kid friendly any more LOL. They never ask again. As for a excuse well do you really need one. If they ask why just say your not my momma and I don't need to explain it to you. No is no and thats all. Once you get your hackles up and stand your ground the first time it gets easier and he will learn real fast not to push. Good luck.

makete · #83 09/23/10, 09:52 AM

I agree with Ozarkquilter46. Why would you want to explain your answer? I would just tell him that you dont have to have a reason, that you dont answer to him! If he persists, just turn your back to him and walk away or if he is at the door, just shut it.

Wish I could come over and help, but your husband should be your rock, not some other person.

Txrider · #84 09/23/10, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by makete

I agree with Ozarkquilter46. Why would you want to explain your answer? I would just tell him that you dont have to have a reason, that you dont answer to him! If he persists, just turn your back to him and walk away or if he is at the door, just shut it.

Wish I could come over and help, but your husband should be your rock, not some other person.

Heh, my answer if he asked why not is simple... I don't want to.

Jennifer L. · #85 09/23/10, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lorichristie

Chewie, DON'T TAKE THE ADVICE of the former posts recommending you just "BLOW UP" on the guy. I have known some awful things to happen to a woman, who came off like a doormat, and then snapped on a controlling idiot. If you need to confront him, you do so with your husband by your side (that may still cause a scenario you may wish not to happen). Simply saying no, setting boundaries, and sticking to them will accomplish exactly what you want without things getting OUT OF HAND. Also, make sure you have a deadlock on your door, and keep it locked. Should the neighbor come over when your husband is gone? Simply don't answer the door. Then, he should be informed, when your husband is present, that he is never welcome at your home with a call first, permission, or an invitation.

The way I handle people, saying no, and sticking to my boundaries? Earns me respect; ugly behavior doesn't. Even so, some will consider me a b---- for saying no, and I don't care what they think.

Since when has she been a door mat? From what I've read a neighbor who has been playing a little fast and loose with Chewie and her husband's property. This doesn't make him a psychopath, it makes him someone who has the personality that makes him believe that if he's not given limits, then what he chooses to do is OK as far as the OP is concerned. As far as living your life in fear (which is my definition of having to live with your door locked and not opening the door unless DH is home), nix to that, too! The guy needs to be told. Period. He's not going to listen to a soft voice without steel in it. Period. Perhaps "blow up" is too strong a word for it, but the neighbor needs to be told forcefully to back off.

Who wants to live in their place in the country being afraid of the neighbors? Try to stay on good terms with them, and if it becomes obvious they'll take advantage of you, tell them what's what and be done with it.

Jennifer

sidepasser · #86 09/23/10, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Txrider

Heh, my answer if he asked why not is simple... I don't want to.

I like that answer, nicely direct and no excuse needed.

chewie · #87 09/24/10, 06:05 PM

update....they called my husband today (never me?!) to tell us they bought their own buck. not real sure why the felt the need to inform my DH of this, or any of us for that matter, but they did. what a grand idea, you want to breed, so buy a male! in any case, the goat issue is over, yeah!

i think we have made em mad tho. i wish it didn't but that's too bad, better them mad than me fretting. and wow, if asking them to please call first before dumping off goats is enough to make them mad, glad i 'got out' now before much else went on! too bad, the wife was a nice gal, there was some potential for having fun together but *shrug*, looks like i was mistaken. i find it kinda weird that this has gotten so ugly!!

dragonjaze · #88 09/24/10, 06:41 PM

definitely better off, chewie. not worth your time or effort.

JuliaAnn · #89 09/24/10, 06:58 PM

Well, if it *has* gotten ugly over this incident, IMO, this is proof that the guy isn't right in the head, and you are safer not having anything more to do with him or his wife. A more serious incident might cause a more serious response from him. I know you seem to have wanted friendship with that guy's wife, but I don't believe it's possible to be friends with one person and have their spouse angry with you. I just don't think that would ever work.

Just keep those doors locked, and don't answer if it's him.

ETA I just thought of something else.... you say you wish they hadn't gotten mad at you....

You can't control how that guy feels. He is responsible for the problems, not you, and he is the cause of his own anger. He created the tension, he is the one who walked into your home, onto your property, etc., and if he's mad, well, boo hoo, he has no one to blame but himself.

Maybe he will eventually leave you alone.

GoldenCityMuse · #90 09/25/10, 08:41 AM

Now remember, YOU did not make him, [or anybody] mad, they CHOSE to get mad. We have no control over anybody elses emotions, only our own.

Likewise, others are COMPLETELY responsible for their emotions, they can choose to react however they want to.

jill.costello · #91 09/25/10, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoldenCityMuse

Now remember, YOU did not make him, [or anybody] mad, they CHOSE to get mad. We have no control over anybody elses emotions, only our own.

Likewise, others are COMPLETELY responsible for their emotions, they can choose to react however they want to.

POTDA!!! (Post Of The Day Award)

Macybaby · #92 09/25/10, 10:58 AM

Sort of off topic, but my husband has a temper and will often say "they/that made me mad" as an excuse for not controlling his own temper. Sometimes he acts like another person's actions make him not responsible for his own behavior.

It's emotional black mail, plain and simple. If a person says "you" made me get angry, they are trying to manipulate you into being afraid to do things your own way.

Chewie, sometimes I wish you had moved a bit farther east. I would love a homesteading minded neighbor. I'm surrounded by farms, and there does not seem to be much interest in raising their own food, well, other then beef. It's no wonder SD ranks at the bottom of the list for states were adults each veggies.