i hate confrontation, but....

This is most likley what I'd do

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This is exactly what you need to do.

Wow!! That's one self centered pushy neighbor you have there. I am with the voices that have told you he can become dangerous. He is already treating you like a second wife..dropping off the kid?? Get it stopped today. Period.

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" As needs-MUST!!"--- in other words..a gal does what a gal has too!

I'd retunr the goats and when they kid take one for your breeding usage...

Frankly if a man walked in my house without my permission he would not be walking out.. he'd be lucky if he could crawl out. I do not tolerate unwelcome visitors. I used to lock my door if I saw my inlaws car and make them wait about 20 minutes because they wouldn't call, had walked in on me several times and scared the dickens out of me. They learned to call or only visit if my DH was home.

I don;t mind if kids pop in but once it becomes apparant they are there because of irresponsible parents they get todl they have to ask my permission to come over.

Too many people nowadays take advantage of nice people and it gets old fast.

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Do not Lead for I will Not Follow
Do not Follow for I shall Not Lead
I am but a Simple Drummer

Just what I was thinking!

The problem is Chewie ( who is female) likes his wife, wants to be a good neighbor and discussed breeding the goats.

But the REAL problem is the jerk neighbor. To me it is ultra creepy to walk into someone's house. Now that the doors are locked he still tried to get in anyway, he is a rude jerk.

I would tell him you are pretty sure the does are bred and take them back home.

You are going to have to start being busy or unavailable.
If you do not want to be rude keep sayin " sorry, no" or " sorry I can't"
But if he keeps pushing then you are going to have to be to the point, you might loose a friendship with his wife but it is better than taking his nonsense for years to come.
His type does not stop, you will have to stop him or start charging him money.

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You may not copy my posts or pictures without my consent on this board or any other.

Ok, I have read all the posts and agree with the majority. Chewie, we would like to hear from you, and what actions you will take. Hopefully you've resolved all of the problems and can let us know.

There are some people you can't be nice to and I would never have let the "using" start, not even a small thing. When those type get started, there's no limit what they ask/demand and it only escalates. I would rather be hated than be used.

before i said/did anything, i made sure DH didnt' offer to have the does dropped off but, he most certainly didn't...no way. so, i moved them to a trailer in the shade. i know they do milk them, so figured by night they'd come for them. but, he never came for them! come to find out, he was 'busy' haying, so probably figured he'd get them when he felt like it, days/weeks, whenever. so, DH ran them home at 8:30 last night and told them they had to have things fully arranged with me before doing anything like this again. i am rather surprised as i am usually on my own in these things. but that was a relief.

i am told this fella sees men, himself in particular as above women. i'm kinda getting that!! so Dh's saying something may make it sink in faster, i hope. but, i am gearing up to deal with it myself too. he does know that DH is gone during the day, and often that is when he gets demanding. i believe in his mind, i am a mere woman, i am home so therefore should be doing whatever makes his day better. NOT! his young sons talk to me in the same tone....one time the boy called, and said "you need to go over and feed the sheep" in a tone like i was a child that forgot to do chores!! uh, no. no pre-arranging, nothing, they just left town, and then had the kid call to TELL me to do chores.

yes, to all those who say i must gain a spine, I KNOW. and yeah, the wife actually is a good gal, and says things all the time about how her husband messed things up with ppl, or how he let some thing on their farm go to heck, etc. she is a wonderful gal but has hooked herself to a real turd. i'd love to hang out with her more, but its not worth this mess either. she very seldom has time anyhow, as she has to work long hours. she seems tired alot and worn out.

i talked to a friend that is also in the area, and this guy is WELL known for stealing and she said that if i dont' put the stops to his dropping over when he feels like it i'll start loosing stuff too. so, as some have said, i'll feel worse if i don't do anything than the momentary confrontation!! and i like how one put it, its not confrontation, its rather taking care of my self and my own.

this is the same guy that was in the other thread, so things are gaining speed already and i will put the stops to it. i'll look into some 'setting boundries' reading, too. i realize i could use that. dang. i love the plan of just repeating a phrase and i'll stick to it. no more dropping off the kid, which i did cuz i feel sorry for the boy. they homeschool, but nobody seems home! if they sent them to school, much of their sudden babysitting needs would be over. i don't get that part.

its like he seems to feel that since we're friendly, anything we have, including time, should be available to him anytime he says so. very assuming! and he comes off like he is fully entitled, almost as if i owe him! and i guess some of my big stink over this one is what's next?? i can already see this growing fast, and it must be stopped. i do feel very sorry for his wife, kids and animals (they are not well tended, so no way is my buck going there, which was what he wanted in the first place) but i must think of me and mine first.

i will look into that book mentioned too, i appreciate suggestions to learn how to deal with this stuff, as i feel it is one of my biggest personal downfalls!! it causes me great stress, and i see my youngest falling in the same path, noooo! setting boundries without being rude is what i aim for, but i also know some ppl just dont' get it til you are rude!

thanks so much, hearing the replies has given me a boost of spine!!

I have zero tolerance for men who treat me like that and their sons will be let know very quickly that they do not treat adults with disrespect! Glad your husband took the goats back I am sure that will go a long ways.

It's not the does fault, yet you suggest intentionally letting them out. What if they got hurt? That's not a good idea.

Notice that she said "by the pool", not "in the pool".

Chewie, the reason I said you needed your husband there when you instruct him that he is not to walk into your house uninvited is that I was afraid he was arrogant and had a poor opinion of women.

Some guys are just like that. I used to be a Customs Inspector, and ran across quite a few men who just refused to be told anything (resembling instructions or orders) by a woman. It didn't matter to them that I was enforcing U. S. law, and had the full force of the government behind me. All they saw was a rather small and rather young woman telling them what to do. It did help that I carriied a gun in the line of duty, and that was a great visiual deterrent.

I was also surrounded by other inspectors that would jump in and assist, with force if necessary. Occasionally, it was necessary. Either myself or another female inspector was about to be attacked the attacker hadn't counted on EVERYBODY helping the inspector. I remember one time a very tall guy was sent in for a secondary inspecton. I was the first inspector to reach his car, and the guy resisted every step of the inspection. One of the older and more experienced women working with me had a bad feeling about hte guy, and took his ID in to check on the guy. It turns out that he had several arrests for assaulting police officers. I was still out in the inspection area with the guy and he was belligerent and verbally hostile, behaving like he was going to get violent. He looked all up and down me, (at least a foot shorter than him). His eyes rested on my gun for a minute, then he looked up at my face again, and almost immediately he looked right past me at what was behind me.

Every available Customs and Immigration inspector, and even the USDA guy were all standing behind me, staring the guy down, but prepared to act if he got violent!

If you tell him, without your hubby there backing you up, he will feel the need to set you straight. Whether verbally, or violently. So get hubby over there and THE TWO OF YOU need to lay down the law. Your hubby IS your backup. Having let himself in, he now knows the floor plan of your house. He knows what valuables you have and where they are. I also believe that he has been trying to catch you undressed.

Let your local sheriff know about his creepy bahavior and that you will want him arressted if he tries to enter your home again.

So if he comes over and tries to enter your house again, or succeeds, have him arrested. He will have had fair warning from you and hubby, so it shouldn't be too much of a surprise to him.

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I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam.

Popeye

Oy! i can feel your pain..... and wish you a heaping full cup of "spine strengthener"!!

I am not one who enjoys confrontation either and have on several occassions had a creepy neighbor who knew my DH worked nights.... and liked to come over and "chat" after he left for work at 9 pm.... We moved later that year, and even when I see him at the store, I just turn around and walk away... nothing to be said...

Its amazing now, because I am finding I can say no to just about anything.... within reason... and I don't feel guilty.... I don't want my DD to ever think that its ok to let people run all over you just because you are too nice to say no!!

MY own son has had a problem with my saying NO more than anyone... but he is slowly seeing that Mom means what she says and I will NOT CHANGE MY MIND!!!

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Tami

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

I agree that your husband should go with you both for safety sake and to show a united front. It would be detrimental, though, to take your hubby if he doesn't have a backbone.

Your neighbor's wife is really no better than her hubby. She's allowing him to drop off their son. A thought just came to mind. Is he physically abusive to his wife?

This man is dangerous. He acts as if your property is his. He treats you as if you're a thing, not a person. People like that are dangerous and this situation could well be violence waiting to happen.

I hate to say this but you have played a large part of this problem. Did you do the guy's chores while he was gone? If so, why? Did you watch the kid? If so, why?

I'm becoming more and more convinced by your posts that there's domestic violence in this home. The man keeps his family isolated. If that kid is home alone all day, then he's being neglected. For the best interest of that child you need to call your state's child welfare authorities.

For you and your family's safety, you need to report this to the authorities. I'd start with child welfare and animal welfare. I'd make a report with the Sheriff's Department. That way, when/if something happens they have a report on record.

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Moms don't look at things like normal people.
-----DD

If I was your DH I would set this fella straight right quick if he was treating my wife that way... Walkin in the house when I am not home and creeping you out.

as someone on here said last week
No is a complete sentence..use it

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Brenda Groth
http://restfultrailsfoodforestgarden.blogspot.com/

Men like that are just a waste of good oxygen. And he needs a comeuppance.

Do you know how dominant male apes act? If you have watched them and how they act, and if you translate that to human and use the more subtle moves you can mess with their heads in a very delightful way. Find a video or online video and just watch. I used to volunteer at a place that had them so I watched a lot. Human males will react to the cues of being around a more dominant male but won't understand that they are or why they are. It's fun and instructive! And it's a good way to put them in their place...which is walking behind with a closed mouth just appreciating the view.

Also, stop using submissive female moves. If you hate confrontation you are probably doing it without knowing it. Guys like that eat that up and often don't even realize they are completely getting their rocks off on it. It reinforces their mistaken belief that being bigger means being better. Study it and stop yourself from doing it. It WILL put a pause in his behavior. Even alpha female behavior will give them pause and will cause him uncertainty for long enough for you to reinforce it will strong words that draw a boundary.

But, if he's a whack job, make sure you're packing in case he loses it and wants to physically re-establish dominance.

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Christy
Growing Human
http://growinghuman.blogspot.com

When wearing narrow lenses of hate and ignorance, is it any wonder one finds it difficult to see clearly? - Me

Wow.....
If my 'neighbor' treated me like that.....and I hadn't already filled his butt full of rock salt, my son, and my dh would be trippin' over each other to get at him to drop the heavy on this guy.....

My dh and son know I am a pretty 'strong' woman...but someone talks to me like this or God-forbid walks into the home WITHOUT permission when my dh WASN'T AT HOME????

The neighbors COD would be: Lead Poisoning.
He's trespassing.
Being a smelly horses hind end, is just an added bonus.
He's TRESPASSING.

Them's mighty big stones, walking into another man's home.....while he's gone.....and bossin' another man's wife.....

This is totally something you would only expect to see in the movies.....

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I am sure of two things: There is a God, and I am not Him.
The movie Rudy

I think I'd set up a gate with a surprise electric feature....

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http://upwardlypoor.blogspot.com/

I always like to put this in a perspective of "what if?" If I can't muster the self-love it takes to protect myself, then I self talk like this: "Jill, what if that man looked your daughter square in the eye and said, "get out of my way, you little brat!"?

Talking to myself that way usually gets me sufficiently incensed & mad in order to say what needs to be said!

If I can't be "momma-bear" protective for my own sake, then I do it for the innocent lives around me.....

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...'o shame on the mothers of mortals, who have not stopped to teach; of the sorrow that lies in dear, dumb eyes; the sorrow that has no speech... from -'Voice of the Voicless', Ella Wheeler Wilcox