Changing Priorities

Horatio:
O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!

Hamlet:
And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

You've been chosen to seek and learn what others can't understand. That is NEVER an easy path. You cannot do what others do easily. You CAN do what will make you grow and will make a contribution. Those who have the easy path can never understand the depth of growth you will eventually have.

Examine and record everything. Examine your activity, your foods, your attitudes, everything. Don't be quick to try to understand. Don't be quick to judge. Gather and gather, reflect and reflect. Focus on understanding what is. Then explore with tiny steps. Try avoiding the one thing that seems to have a common negative thread. Try to embrace what seems to have a positive thread. What may seem obvious will likely be wrong. Keep exploring and changing. You will learn. It WILL come. Einstein could never have been a longshoreman. Helen Keller could never have been a fashion designer. F.D.R. could never have run a marathon. They all grew because they recognized their limitations and built upon their strengths.

Well, DANG!

I regret thazt I can no longer spend hours outside in the lovely springtime, with soft warm dirt under my bare feet, but it is surprising what I can take care of.

I have a riding mower to care for the lawn.

I have rows of blackberries, and the riding mower keeps them from spreading.

I have chickens, and spend 5 minutes a day caring for them.

I have fruit trees, and the really tiny ones I can care for and pick myself. The kids help me with the semi-dwarf trees.

I have a garden, much of which is covered by the woven fabric intended for the floors of greenhouses. The roll is 6 feet wide. After the shade killed the grass I punched holes in it every 3 feet and put in big plants. I cannot care for a bed of carrots as it takes too much time on my hands and knees, and then I would have to dig them, but I have tomatos and cukes and muskmelons and other large plants.

I have NOT been successful with bees lately. It seems that I have been half-sick sometimes when the bees needed me, and getting into a hive is NOT something that can be done in 5 minutes. Bees need little care but when they need you they NEED you. And so do my kids. And when the kids AND the hive neeed me AND I am half sick yet again, the bees lose out.

Lastly, I tapped the maple tree and I got just a little syrup. Then I boiled it into candy.

That is what I have been successful with in spite of having poor health. It took me a few years to figure out how to make things work for me: I am still figuring out hpow to do grapes and a raised bed with pearlite.

You might still get your health problems under control. I have found some herbs to be anti inflammatory for my MS, but they might not work for you. But, even if you do not get your health problems sorted out, you can do SOME homesteading things.

Sorry things didn't work out for you. Hopefully ya'll can find a patch of ground near your old stomping grounds.

No help on your condition... I know pain is a booger to try and live with. A couple days a week, my knee starts complaining, and it feels like a baseball bat connecting with it.

__________________
Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Seneca
Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival. W. Edwards Deming

Specialists in Colorado for Scleroderma, etc-
Colorado:
Institution: National Jewish Medical Research Center
1400 Jackson Street, Room G014
Denver, CO 80206

Coordinating Investigator: Fischer, Aryeh MD

Other Local Participants: Kevin Brown, MD
Richard Meehan, MD
Cohen Marc MD

Telephone Number: (303) 398-1703
Fax Number: (303) 398-1040

Institution: Denver Medical Center
777 Bannock Street #4000
Denver, CO 80204-4507

Coordinating Investigator: Collier, David H., MD
Associate Professor of Medicine

Telephone Number: (303) 436-5902 (DGH)
(303) 436-5774 (Univ)
Fax Number: (303) 436-7249 (DGH)

No advice here either, but I'm sorry to hear it's not working out.

You never know, maybe there's something "better" awaiting you in Arkansas.

What good is a dream if you can't enjoy it. Why 40 acres? How about 1. We cut back to this little cabin and an acre. We have found we can enjoy life again. We do what we can comfortably and the rest will wait. Toxins were killing me, medications, chemicals, the enviroment, everything. We eat very simple home grown food and use goat milk. We built the cabin with natural materials and very little air movement to keep dust and pollen to a minimum. We are completely off grid. We don't need much and we have little to worry about. We can truely relax. Sounds like you need a good rest for the soul....James

Kathleen, I'm sorry about your situation. I am the primary breadwinner in our family. Or, I was. Now nobody is. I work(ed) at home, using computer and telephone. My job is a wonderful, well paying nurse job.

I've been out on medical leave since last fall. DH is in his 70s and retired so he really cannot go back to work. I need him to care for me and DD, who is 12. Docs say I'm not likely to work again but don't know what to do about me.

I moved from job to job to get less physically taxing jobs. Even on the phone, I went from work to bed. I barely existed, didn't live. Now, while on leave, I still cannot do the physical stuff and I'm most often in bed, but I am living. My mind is changed but it's not as dulled by the complete and utter weight of the exhaustion.

We all need to vent sometimes.

__________________
Moms don't look at things like normal people.
-----DD

What about National Jewish in Denver? Have you looked at Medicaid options?

What about contacting the Arthritis Foundation?

http://www.arthritis.org/chest-scan.php

__________________
Moms don't look at things like normal people.
-----DD

Kathleen, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Not to mention all of the others who have health problems as well. You are such a kind person and you are making me tearful because there is nothing I can do but pray for you.
My favorite saying is, "You may feel as if your hands are tied, but God's never are."
You are in my thoughts and prayers "neighbor." =)
Shannon
(((hugs)))

I am so sorry to hear about your situation and health issues. I don't know if it will help for you to hear this, but I can only share my own situation and where that path led me.

At the age of 26, I awoke feeling like I had the flu, only a lot worse. My whole body felt like it weighed twice as much and getting out of bed was brutal. It was painful to sit up, swing my legs over the edge of the bed, and I winced as my feet met the floor. I thought I was just sick, but the days passed, and I didn't get better. I went in and was referred to a specialist, who initially diagnosed me with MS. After running tests and further evaluating me, I was diagnosed with a chronic severe case of Fibromyalgia. I was put on Steroids, and suffered a rare reaction (would have been terminal had I taken just one more dose). Then, I was given other drugs. For a year, they experimented, and I trusted they would help me. They didn't. Nothing worked and I didn't get better, so off all drugs. I began to study diet/nutrition and then did something few could imagine. My diet changed, yes, but I began working out intensely. At first, I could only do a few minutes, but soon I could work out for an hour straight. Pain? OMGosh, I had a name for that, "the burn." For 20 minutes of that hour, I experienced burning pain, but had to keep working right through it. Every morning, I forced myself to get out of bed. For years, I lived this way, just forcing myself to do everything, in spite of the pain, willing myself to keep doing it. When I married my 2nd H, my DH, the keeper , I was obsessively working out, hiking 30 miles/week, and doing 1.5 hrs of calisthenics/isometrics per day. I didn't take any meds, no pain relief, and just lived with the pain. Newly married, with a full time job, and I couldn't keep up with it all. My regimen became more reasonable, walking every day with DH.. We hiked together. He didn't understand that it didn't matter that I could hike, or walk for miles, I was doing it in pain. Mine didn't come or go, it was there every day.

Two years ago, I met a friend thru HT. I told her that I was suffering, but living my life like I wasn't, not because I was a martyr, but rather due to my inability to let that pain take away my abilities (it easily could). My mother suffered paralysis when she was only 24, over 1/2 of her body. Now, I grew up without her, knowing my mother couldn't walk, dance, hike, or do hardly anything that I could (in a wheelchair for 29 years). My new HT friend made dietary recommendations. I was to go off sugar, ALL sugar, all empty carbs, eat six times/day and drink Kefir Milk daily. The FMS didn't go away, but the symptoms decreased substantially. I can get up more easily after I awake, mentally alert faster, and much less pain. I can go on a hike, without the "burn" period. I also sleep better. Since then, I have met others, with FMS, who dropped sugar and changed their diets, and all have seen improvement in varying degrees, without drugs. This was an answer to prayer.

I began using Comfrey Salve and have experienced remarkable results in healing bruises, scratches, bug bites, sprains, strains, and when applying it to different areas of my body (where I felt pain). I use my hands a lot, which leaves them aching fairly often. If I rub the salve on them, the following morning, they feel fine. DH's eldest son came over to help us put up firewood. A few days before he came, he had broken a bone in one of his hands. Naturally, being a big tough guy, said he could use it just fine... that night, he showed me his hands to compare them. You could clearly see where the bone was broken and that hand was very swollen. He told me that both of his hands were sore from the work, so I rubbed Comfrey Salve on them. The following morning, he greeted me, and then held out his hands, "Look at them; they aren't swollen!" He went on to tell me both of his hands felt much better. I sent him home with some salve! Comfrey Salve can be made at home or purchased through another HTer right here.

I don't know if anything I did will help you enough to make a difference in your life. It made a huge difference in mine.

I'll be praying for you Kathleen!

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Christie Acres
www.SequimForLife.com
http://www.irealtyvirtualbrokers.com...lori-christie/
http://luxurywaterviewhomes.com/
SequimLiving@gmail.com

You are in my heart and prayers today. My heart aches for your sadness. Take care, and keep us updated.

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Sarabeth

"Time is not money - time is life. And what controls your time - controls your life." Wind in Her Hair

Wow, um, I'll try to address everyone's comments. I've read them all; I just tend to forget who said what when I reply.

I don't qualify for medicaid. We earn too much. Unfortunately, all we earn goes toward living expenses. That is the main issue. When we decided on this place we thought it was a great price (and it is if you look at other places in the area) and it is much lower than what we paid in Florida. But it's still a lot. Gas for my husband to get into town for work is eating us up too. If I work until I drop, we can cover things. But I can't do that all the time.

This month, for example, I can barely keep up with my work. I've been behind all month. If I was able to cut back a bit, I could maintain a steady pace. As it is now, if I cut back when I'm not well, we can't pay our bills. Some months I am able to work extra but not enough extra to really "get ahead." So we are sort of stuck in a hole. If we were a little ahead, I might be able to stash some money for a doctor. Right now it would be a choice between a doctor or groceries (or electric bill or whatever). And before anyone says to cut out Internet, I have to have it for work so that isn't an option.

The question of why 40 acres: I guess because I like the privacy and the options it offers. I can still do lots of the things I want to do on smaller acreage. I just tend to get claustrophobic when I have neighbors.

I can mange on less land, of course. I don't plan to give up all the things I had hoped for. I'll just have to scale back. I'll still have a garden and chickens and hopefully goats at some point. I guess it's hard because I put everything I had into getting here. I love Colorado. Now I feel like it was all a waste.

So, I'm thinking about the positives if we end up moving. I'd be closer to my son. I'd have a longer growing season. I'd have TREES! (I really miss trees) Cheaper cost of living. Um, I'm sure I can think of more...

You have all given me a lot to think about. Thank you for that. I don't guess there is really a perfect solution. Things are what they are and I've always been very adaptable (and independent, which is part of my problem). I'm just frustrated. It bothers me that I have to give up what I worked so hard to get. It bothers me that my body hates me. It feels like I am always giving up what's important to me and I'm tired of it. But, life goes on.

If I can cut back I can be more productive (if that makes sense). Right now all I do is work and recover from work. I don't want to stop working. I like my work. I just need to not work as much. I'm sure I'd feel a whole lot better not being stuck in a chair on the 'puter all day! Maybe I could actually have a life.

Does that make sense?

I will have to look into the comfrey. I have not tried that before. The article from the Arthritis Foundation was interesting as well but I'm not sure I understand what they can do for me.

Thank you to everyone who is also going through health issues. It helps to know that someone understands the frustration. It has helped to be able to talk to all of you about this. I appreciate everyone's input.

Kathleen, I am very sorry to hear about your pain, in so many ways I feel for you. I too have lived through the frustrations of trying to get doctors to listen to me. Just love the feeling of when they play the "crazy card." I think the fact that I don't want to spend my life in jail was the only thing that stopped me for hurting one ER doc that told me I was crazy.

In my case, I ended up having an emergency hernia surgery and after about 6 months to a year I was feeling better. I get so tired of hearing them make excuses when they don't know that I stop paying for health insurance and stop going to them. I figure the ambulance ride only take 6 minutes from where I was living if things got that bad, and if they did get "that bad" even an intern would be able to figure out what was causing my pain.

As for the moving back to AR, I've been up in VA / DC (not knocking the state of VA, just the DC area) now for almost two weeks and for the most part I hate it here. Since it's not the place that I want to be anyway I want out even faster, but after gathering more info about CO and new info came in about FL, it creates frustration.

By the way, and I'm not asking you to answer this, but one thing that helped me shut the doctors up is I did go and talk with a psychologist, then when the MD's, etc would say "it's all in your head..." I can say, "NO, it's not, because I already spoke with Dr. So and so and he said I'm fine. So guess again!"

The way I look at most doctors is they are guessing or are "parts changers" with 10 years of schooling and some letters before and after their name. Why do you think they call it a "practice", they're not experts, they are "practicing" on you and me. I like to look at them like the Newbie car mechanic, your car won't start, he runs down a list of parts that might prevent the car from starting. When he comes to one that doesn't seem right, he charges you to replace it, guessing that will fix the problem. How many times have you heard a Doctor or an Auto Mechanic say "my best guess is..."

Anyway, this is a major sore spot with me, even more right now, so I wish you well and don't give up hope! Too bad there wasn't really doctors like "House" and some of these other people on TV. LOL

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Have a Great Day!

SirDude


____________________

My Off The Grid Journey

So sorry for you difficulties. Not to take away what everyone else said about dr and more research- I think you should do that. Sometimes we just have to accept that we don't get everythign that we want. Prioritize, do what you can, make sure wome of what you do is a bit of fun. Good luck to you.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but you knew it would be pouring in when you posted. Here's mine.

Find someone who does foot reflexology. I'm not saying it will cure you, but it is very helpful with pain management. You'd want someone who understands that your feet are tender and will work on a level that you can tolerate. When I work on feet I mix theraputic (read painful) with relaxation. Even if the person only worked on a relaxation level it would help to relax you, which is useful with pain reduction as well as sleep.

Sounds kind of like Ehlers-Danlos syndrome -- a friend of mine has it. She's trying the guaifenesin protocol for pain management -- warning, symptoms get worse the first few weeks (actual quote: "I feel like microwaved death") -- with some hope that will help as she's already noticing some improvement. Anyway, not trying to be all Internet Doctor with a M.D. from Wikipedia University, but it might be something to ask a doc about. I hope things with your health and situation improve soon!

Okay, I emailed the Arthritis Foundation. Maybe they will have some ideas for me regarding treatment. We'll see what they have to say.

SirDude--you are so funny. Doctors are just practicing. That's what I always say! lol Once you find one who has it mastered, please let me know.

Callieslamb--yes, that's what I am trying to do. Adjust my priorities. But, that doesn't make it easy.

Maura--that's a good idea. I used to have a book on reflexology. It never occurred to me to find someone who practices it though. I've often thought a massage therapist would be helpful.

No, I didn't ask for advice but I don't mind receiving it. It can be very helpful to see other points of view.

Don't give up, you WILL find THE way. Life is nothing if you CAN"T enjoy it. Do whatever it takes to get past it, no excusses. Doctors said I would never work again in 1984, no hope. I found the perfect doctor, a surgeon that semi-retired to chronic pain management. He had done 24 surgeries on me, I was his first NEW patient. I was walking death. Total change of eating habits. An old country doctor and my Mom saved me at birth and Dr. Chester saved me at 28. I have 3' of stomach, surgery at 3 days old. had polio at 7 after a bad farm accident and 2 devestating relapses. I was on medication for high blood pressure, high chloresterol and pain medication. My body was killing me. Went off all medication, very strict diet. I was 5'8" and weighed 124 pounds. Goat, milk, yogurt, soft cheese, cottage cheese, apple juice, spring water and all the fruit and fresh vegetables I wanted. A year away from all stress, I got up to 140 lbs and felt great. I have never looked back. That year of my life that I thought was going to be wasted was the best thing that ever happened to me.... except for my wife and 2 kids.... BUT.... I wouldn't be here if I didn't take that time. I saw where I was headed and knew if I was ever going to live and enjoy life again I had to do it. Quit making excuses and do what YOU have to do. You are stressed and if you don't change that you will never get better. You WILL stop.... but you won't be in control and you won't get better until you do. Only you can make that change, do it. I am lucky to have my little piece of heaven. 1 acre, gravity feed water, small cabin, life is great....but life IS what YOU make it....James


P.S. Do you have a touch of red hair and fair skin? Were you born left handed? If so you are wired different.

My suggestion is that you check out some chiropractors who are well-versed in healthy diet matters. Perhaps you are regularly eating something which you are allergic to or which is toxic to?

There is a book "Eat Right for Your Blood Type" which I found very helpful. I tried to discuss it with a medical doctor but received a heavy dose of mockery, scorn and derision. However, he agreed to do a blood test and told me my blood type. I then altered my diet to follow suggestion in the Eat Right book.

With or without the help of a good chiropractor, you can go on a good cleansing fast, then very slowly start to ingest heathy non-toxic clean foods, starting with wheat grass and carrot juice. Colorado has some excellent resources if you start searching in the health food and psychic book stores or look on linefor such sites as Perelandra (which is in Virginia). Pray with thanks for healing and follow the promptings you receive. Stay in your dream property! You were led there for a reason! Now just be where you are and follow the adage: Seek and you shall find! And try the Prayer of Jabez. It works.

You've gotten lots of good advice and it seems like you've done a whole lot of research on your own.

Did you try a total elimination protocol for your diet?

If you didn't have this forever and can identify the time and process by which it all started, you've got a good data point.

I will say, my poor Aunt Clara had FMS and it was a booger. Another friend here was diagnosed with FMS about a year after she had a baby but just couldn't wrap her mind around it. So, she eliminated everything from her diet and then started adding things in. Turned out she didn't have FMS, she had allergies to certain types of preservatives that are really common. After she got sick again she took her log to the docs (Navy docs require everything spoon fed to them). They couldn't argue with that and sent her for testing and voila, that was it. It really does restrict what she eats because this preservative is in just about everything...she has to make most things homemade...but she is well. She has some nerve damage and small lingering pain because of the damage but no more crippling pain. Another woman in that clinic who was being tested at the same time it turned out hers was to the lining of cans...like the kind vegetables come in.

It can be sudden. Apparently our chemistry changes with time and children, etc, so you don't have to have been allergic to it forever.

Just thought I'd add that.

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Christy
Growing Human
http://growinghuman.blogspot.com

When wearing narrow lenses of hate and ignorance, is it any wonder one finds it difficult to see clearly? - Me