Anybody here have a family member with autism?

The Mrs -- your son DEFINITELY sounds autistic. It amazes me that he hasn't been diagnosed with such obvious symptoms. I think you are on the right track with the diet changes, although that doesn't seem to have helped my daughter very much (but there are many different causes for autism -- she was born with issues). I would also recommend the anti-depressants if you can find a Dr. to prescribe them for him. I resisted that for a long time for my daughter as I am against taking medications on principle unless they are really needed. But Temple Grandin (an extremely smart and well-educated adult with autism) highly recommends anti-depressants, and I finally asked our Dr. if we could try them. Now I wish I'd done it a lot sooner. I also wish her lupus had been diagnosed a lot sooner, as a lot of her behavior issues have been related to pain that she couldn't tell me about. I think the anti-depressants have a different effect on someone with autism than on a 'normal' person, helping them to focus and to not be so bothered by everything being input into their senses -- most autistics have extremely acute senses and don't seem to be able to focus on what's important and screen everything else out. I once had a deaf boy with hearing aids in a Sunday School class, and learned that someone with hearing aids hears everything, including background noises, at the same intensity, while those of us with normal hearing can screen all the extraneous noise out. I think that people with autism often have 'extraneous noise' coming in through all of their senses, not just hearing -- it's no wonder they are stressed and upset a lot of the time, and try to avoid or white out stimulus. I know the most important thing for my daughter is a calm, quiet, peaceful environment. If we just take a different route in town or stop in a place she hasn't been, she gets upset (although not to the point of screaming now, with the medication).

Kathleen

You might try reading "The explosive Child".

Basically, many kids try so HARD to be geed that they get very tense. THAT is when the little things-like come out from behind the desk- will cause a meltdown.

Perhaps he was back there because he was tense and needed to wind down?

And, yes, he does sound like either Aspergers or Autism. Does he have any obsessive interests? My son with aspergers went from being fascinated by balls to being fascinated by trains. I taught him his letters with a train ABC book: C is for caboose, E is for Engineer, etc.

I would say that DS is obsessed with things on TV. It used to be a PBS cartoon called Word World (that's where he learned to spell), then The Price Is Right, then Wheel of Fortune, then Deal or No Deal. Most recently it's a new Nickelodeon show called The Fresh Beat Band. Mostly it's game shows though. I do wonder what would happen if we just totally took TV away from him. Would he find something different to obsess over or would he come out of his fog and actually talk on his own instead of reciting scenes from tv shows?

DS is very interested in cars, signs, and trains also, but I don't think to the point of being obsessive.

Does everyone know of this,
Autism Grass Roots Tour.
www.AGRT.org
Very interesting.

Tom

__________________
Tom Lavalette, Garden Farmer
Owner Toms Tractors, Buy, Sell, Trade Garden Tractors and Implements. Custom Built machinery by order.


If Farms were Smaller, Communities would be Closer.

From my own personal experiences, autistics obsess over something until they have literally learned all that can be learned about it, then they FINALLY move on. Taking away an obsession is not to be taken lightly-older aspies (teens) sometimes post on Wrong Planet that they are despondent because somebody took away their obsession. One girl was obsessed with a TV show character, and when the character was killed off she almost went off the deep end. I would think long and hard before simply throwing out the TV.

Eventually, he'd simply echo something else. It's called echolalia and a lot of autistics have it. Your son sounds pretty severe, so you'll need to look at other things besides simply tossing the TV and praying that it helps. And yes, many autistics have near photographic memories, when I was younger I could sing songs from memory and get it generally right even though my pitch was horrible. It's not Rain Man where they have savant qualities, but just excellent memory limited to repeating things.

Tom, that site is selling "enzyme pills" as a cure for autism, were you aware of that? This is part of the quack medicine stuff I mentioned earlier. There are remedies that have been around since Hippocrates and ancient China, that's one thing. But snake oil is quite another. This looks like snake oil. I use papaya enzyme for my acid reflux, and it works far better than Nexium (a pill named after a cult, by the way, go to rickross.com and look up "NXIVM"). But enzymes don't cure autism. They may help digestion, although if your kid has gluten intolerance it's easier just to watch his diet. But they're not a cure.

Interesting reading, all! Our 17 yr old adopted son is bipolar (PTSD) and Aspergers (relatively mild). I had sort of forgotten the part about the obsessions. Glad for this discussion as we are currently in the middle of another and I've been wondering how to deal with it. Guess I'll try to talk to him about his motives and the other person using him but let him make his own decisions about it beyond that. I'll keep reading. Lots of good stuff in the links!

__________________
http://maysmissive.blogspot.com/

I have an autistic cousin whom I've never met. She was born in the early 70s and to the best of knowledge is entirely nonverbal, doesn't have basic life skills (i.e. feeding, bathroom, hygiene, etc) and never recognized even her own parents' faces. Her mother committed suicide over the situation. My cousin has been in an institution since she was a toddler. Her father still visits her but never speaks about her to anyone, not even his other daughter.

Her father adopted a son in 95 with his new wife. He was also diagnosed with autism, but much different than his first daughter. He is about 14 now and is very high functioning - I'm not sure I would have known if someone hadn't told me, just might have thought he was a weird kid. He has really strong obsessions (planes are big right now, it was trains a few years ago) and NEEDS things to be a certain way. During a recent family vacation he nearly had a meltdown when the car seating arrangements he had made weren't followed. Things can be really tough with him and then it can be smooth sailing for weeks on end.

My niece and nephew have an older half sister who is autistic. I've known her since she was 6. It was obvious that there was something off about her. She would have HUGE meltdowns that were triggered but "nothing" (to us it seemed). Her dad would take her into a quiet dark room to get her to calm down. She would just get so overloaded with everything and needed absolute sensory deprivation. She had terrible behavioral problems growing up - these weren't made any better by her mother (that's a whole 'nother story). She did horribly in school. But when her dad got full custody of her when she was a young teenager, her life really turned around. As much as he was against medication, they tried one and it worked wonders! This kid went from being in special ed to acing all of her high school advanced classes. She helped around the house, especially with her little sister and brother. She was literally a different person. And then she decided to stop taking the medicines - thanks to repeated conversations with her mother about the evils of medications. She dropped out of college, lived on the streets for a few months and now is living with her mother and we haven't heard from her in about a year. Very sad.

I have first hand knowledge of why they call it a spectrum!

__________________
Sand Holler Farm Blog

Check us out on Facebook!

Madness, it took a LONG time for me to even consider medications. I generally don't like the medical-industrial complex, never have. It wasn't until I was forced to confront the fact that I needed help did I try them. And they worked! Wow! I still hate them, but I can't live without them. I'd never consider stopping them. I've stopped one or two due to varying circumstances, but always ended up back on them eventually. At least an autistic usually doesn't think they're poison or something, unlike a schizophrenic.

Reading threads like this helps me better understand things like Autism. I hope things work out for you. Moving out of the city you will be able to get more for what money you have coming in. GOOD LUCK! Cindy

I second this. It helped with my BP son.


For the spectrum kids I HIGHLY, highly reccomend learning more ways to desensitize and help with coping skills on their various sensory triggers.


You should have a paper copy of: "The Out-of-Sync Child" and "The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun", by Carol Kranowitz.


You can learn most anything an OT therapist would do from these books. You can also buy any type of OT and therapy equipment they use here:
http://www.southpawenterprises.com Children's Hospital where I live uses them. I also had a thread on here about trying to build around the equipment if it interests anyone else: A question for those who build or have built their homes, and...




I think taking all the fake cr@p out of food and cutting way back on sugars is good for everyone! They reccomend it for nearly every dx out there.


The gluten free / casien free (GF/CF) diet never helped my son. He also happene to have severe sensory feeding issues (he barely avoided a feeding tube). If I were to never allow him gluten or diary he would starve to death, litterally. He has a very limited group of foods he eats and noodles and cheese are a huge staple for him. I have been working on slowly expanding him and I am a pro at hiding foods inside foods. There are many kids like him that could never get through GF/CF, and I don't think it is the magic cure that many people seem to believe.






My hubby was misdiagnosed as a kid with a mood disorder (later bipolar). He was given a ton of experimental meds. He parents were clueless (and not good people) and really destroyed a part of him. My family has a history of mental health "issues" and issues with antidepressants and suicide.

These are some of the reasons why we avoided medicating. I just worked harder on coping and self soothing. I do know there are many out there that have needed them and it has worked wonders. You have to do what you have to do to live and function enough to keep YOU happy.




I have a secret hope that this move will help everyone heal. We have weaned son #1 down on dosages, and while he may not be able to ever get off of them... I harbor hope that "healing" his mind and body might do something. I hope one day no one will need any medication. Fingers crossed!







Back back to your original question.... what are you biggest concerns? What do you need help sorting out about having your own little chunk to live on? Can we brainstorm with you?

__________________
You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.

Ok. I owe $6k or so in student loan debt, from the trade school I went to to learn how to fix computers. I'd really like to retire this debt, because bankruptcy can't wipe it out. I am going through Chapter 7 BK right now, but I still owe that student loan, and I owe $16k to my mom for a bank loan she took out to help me when I first had a credit crunch. I was building my website business then (that didn't work out) and she agreed to help. Obviously, she wants to be repaid.

My mom insists that when I get some money that I buy a new car. She keeps saying that my car will give out soon and leave me stranded, and she can't afford to buy me another one. It's a 2002 Nissan Sentra with 142,000 miles. She refuses to believe that it could go for another 142,000. So far, I have noticed no issues. I keep it up, and I have noticed no decrease in fuel economy as happens when an engine is about to die. It still gets 30 MPG.

If I don't have to buy a brand new car ($20k), I could spend that money on land instead. Then I would have to have a well drilled unless I could find land with a spring. I think I could fudge around having to install a septic system, which is why I asked if anybody gets along without one. I plan to buy a used mobile home and put that on it. Also, I would have to buy a solar power system and a generator, and build sheds for the gennie and the rabbits and chickens. So that is basically my layout for what I would need to buy. I simply can't find anyplace for rent that's affordable, even in the sticks. I will have to stay here and figure out some way to make money here.

Ok. For the SL have you consolidated it? Applied for: http://www.ibrinfo.org/index.php ?


You should be able to lower it or even have a $0 payment due for now. Yes this wont pay it all off right now, but unless you find a good paying job or two or win the lottery, you need to get it low so you can pay on other things.



As for the loan your mom made you... what does she want from you for it? Does she want a certain amount? Do you guys have an agreement for it? You will need to work something out with her that won't use all your income.




Keep your car until its dead. There is no point in spending a ton of money on a shiny new car to make mom happy. Yes she will worry, that's what moms do. But you SHOULD make sure you keep it up and try to save some money incase it does completely die. You don't have to buy a brand new $20,000 to replace it. Another lower priced used car will be fine.





Have you found any land that you are interested in right now? How long will it take you to save up anything to try to buy it?


Are you in an area that requires a well? If not look into rainwater catchment and water cisterns instead.

Does you area require a septic field? If not definately go with the composting toilet and grey water system. Super cheap there.



If you get lucky you may be able to find a really run down place or trailer that has electric run, so you can slowy aquire solar.

REALLY look for super cr@ppy run down places that already have a well or spetic or electric... that way you can rebuild and all the utilities are done for you.



If you only need to see your doc a handfull of times a year, you could consider cheaper land in Nevada or Oregon.





I know you hate the SSI, but it does afford you a bit of leeway in that you will not be desperate for income.




You need to write out a list of all the things you want and tape it up somewhere and look at it several times a day (like a vision board... ass pics if it helps). That way you keep it in focus.


Then write the issues you have and a plan to solve each.



And then just keep moving forward. You are the only person that can keep you from your dream!

__________________
You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.

Make out a budget and set up regular payments for your Mom. If you have a good week expense-wise put the money in the bank but keep up the payments to your Mom.

You will not get another 140,000 miles out of the car, something expensive will PROBABLY wear out before then. On the GOOD side, you might get another 60,000 miles or more. You are right to keep the car.
You are absolutely right: you can.

In fact, I did.

I put the payments that I would have needed for a car in the bank instead of going out and buying a new car: I kept the old car running instead. I eventually had $10000 in the bank, and I found a small acreage that called for $6000 down and payments of $150 a month.

Even here that is fairly cheap land: there were a few problems with it including no city water: I would have to have a well if I wanted to build immediately. That acared away a lot of buyers and brought the price down to what I could afford and I bought the land.

When you get your finances sorted out, start putting car payments in the bank. Tell your mom that you are saving money in case the old car dies. *IF* you can make your car last for another 60,000 miles you might get both a land down payment and have enough left for another car out of it.

Our old car died the year after we bought the land,, and so I bought a good used pickup with the money left in the bank. I needed payments on top of that also. This kept the budget TIGHT for a while but we managed.When you look at property, look at zoning as well. Zoning will tell you if you can put a mobile home on he land or not.

[/QUOTE]

It took me 5 years of looking 2-3 times a month to find affordable land. Keep looking, it is worth it.

I would suggest a 4 pronged approach.

1. To increase your income, put up notices on the bulletin board at the grocery store that you clean computers, wipe out viruses, whatever you think will sell well. That is free advertizement. Put ALL money earned like this in the bank.

2. Set up payments for your debts. With your income the debts are pretty heavy. It took you several years to get that far into debt, it will take you some years to get out of debt. That is something that most Americans do have to do at one time or another. Right now I would suggest $100 a month to your Mom, perhaps? Would she accept it? And make your education payments as well.

Do NOT buy a car at this time but put some money every month into the bank TOWARDS either a car or land. If your Mom brings up the "Buy a new car" bit again, tell her that you are putting money into the bank every month for IF and WHEN the car dies.

3. This is the most important part. Reduce your expenses.

I do not know if you kick in for food costs. If you do, that can usually be dropped fairly painlessly. For instance, I can feed a family of 4 dinner for $5. A jar of spagetti sauce, a little on-sale hamburger, and some spagetti noodles will do it. OR, you can take some mac 'n cheese, add a little on-sale hamburger and frozen peas and call it hamburger helper. OR, you can take some on those inexpensive pork steaks and some bar-b-que sauce and an on-sale jar of apple sauce and .... But you get the idea. Food is the easiest place to cut costs on.

I find it helpfull to put a little money into my pocket at the beginning of the week. When the money is gone, I stop spending. This is intended as pocket money for small things: the odd pencil, a cold soda, a fast food lunch if I am hungry and in town without a lunch.

If I do not spend it all, I set the money left aside for little unexpected expenses and/or for a treat for myself. I DO enjoy Borders Books!

So, if you get $600 a month of SSI, and I am guessing here, then set aside $100 for your Mom and $50 for your student loans???? I am guessing here, also.

Figure $10 a week pocket money.

Figure $100 a month grocery money if you cook for yourself. There are inexpensive recipies at this site if that would help, and some of them are easy as well.

Figure $90 a month for car maintainance, clothing or other needed things.

That leaves you possibly $250 a month that you might be able to bank? Unless you pay your Mom rent? $250 a month is $3000 a year towards a new car if yours dies, or towards land if you can keep it running.

ALSO!!!!!!!!!! There is any money you might earn getting the viruses of computers or writing for ehow or whatever. BANK THAT also, do NOT spend it.

4. Lastly comes the FUN part!

Your homesteading skills. You will not be comfortable on a homestead unless you can do things that most city folk cannot.

So, earn how to build a fire: inside a bab-b-que grill at the park is legal, or in the grill inyour own back yard. Do not use lighter fluid.

Learn how to bake bread, to cook vegetables from scratch, and so forth. Can you have a small garden next year? Buy a half-cup of cream and make butter from it. Eat the butter on home-made bread.

YUM!!!!!!!!
....................
To be honest with you, making land payments on SSI would be pretty tough. But the economy WILL get better, your business MIGHT pick up when the economy gets better, and jobs will be easier to find.

If you are out of debt, and have some money in the bank, and a larger income from either a job or your business (or both) then a realtor will SMILE when you walk in his door.

OOPS. I forgot to figure in car insurance. Well, I cannot even GUESS what a single male in California pays, but it does need to be included.

Can you retire this debt if you're on disability? You might want to ask about this. I'd certainly be leery of spending money, getting a loan, etc., without paying off that student loan first.

__________________
Moms don't look at things like normal people.
-----DD

First off, I really want to get rid of the student loan, because I don't know what will happen after SHTF. Current payments are $67 a month. The loan to my mom has a monthly payment of $330 a month. My mom said that she'd be happy if I made minimum payments. I'm currently going through bankruptcy, which wiped out other debts, so those are my two biggest debts.

I am currently mulling options for my business. I am thinking of selling monthly plans, where people pay me $120/mo and I come out to their home and clean off their viruses and tune up their PCs twice a month, and if they have an emergency I can come out the next day and take care of it. I also need to expand advertising. I am currently not doing anything with the business because of the bankruptcy. I had a hard time charging more than $50 for a regular repair because there is so much competition out here. So I could sell a monthly service, and have regular income.

I get $927 a month from Social Security. I noticed that I tend to waste this money fairly quickly if I think it's "free money", obviously I need discipline. I stock up at Wal Mart, non perishable goods that will last a while, and I eat out of my cupboards for most of the month. I buy my own food, and I buy cheap protein like Spam, vienna sausage, and tuna. I also have some frozen meats in the freezer, so that helps. My car insurance is actually $40 a month, really not bad.

Well. I paid circuit city $99 to de-virus my computer. I could see doing it every 6 months, as there are 4 people using it and the kids go to any website that flashes a really cool ad. De-bugging every 2 weeks might be a bit too often for your usual non-computer savvy person.

It is a good idea, though. It would provide you with a regular customer base, though it works out to over $1400 a year. People will throw the old PC out and get a new one instead. It WOULD be worth it if a person came out every 6 months or so, though.

As for the food, do you have a fridge with a freezer compartment up above? Spam and vienna sausage, by the pound, are pretty expensive. If you enjoy them fine, but, it would cost you less to buy a family pack of fresh meat and re-package it in baggies, then freeze the baggies.

A day of spam, a day of chicken fried pork. A day of vienna sausage, a day of sweet 'n sour pork. Etc.

By the way, I ALSO tend to fritter away money on little things. That is why I put $20 in my pocket once a week for little things for myself and the kids, and when it is gone I stop spending.

The kids also get an allowance, but, when you are in town and lunch time rolls around, I consider it my responsiblity to feed them. I will say something like "I have $12. That works out to $4 each. Keep that in mind when you order".

OK, not every 2 weeks. Maybe every month or two. You'd be surprised, reading the computer technician forums, what people do to their PCs. When I was doing emergency repairs, I found people who had been using their PCs for 4-5 YEARS without any protection at all, and their systems were pretty much toast by the time I was called in. The average brain dead sheeple can destroy his PC in no time at all, and the viruses that are out there keep getting nastier. I think 6 mo is way too long. IMO.

I find that I can't eat regular family pack meats for too many days in a row or else I get too full and have to let all of it flush out. Thus the spam and vienna sausage and tuna. It's still cheaper and healthier than the fast food I was eating.

Loquisimo, what you could do with the family packs of meat is to separate and repackage smaller portions, freezing most of it. If you got several different kinds, you can switch off (this is basically what we do, although usually for three people). Spam and Vienna sausages make nice treats, and are good to have in the pantry for those times when you are in a hurry or the power is out and you can't cook. But they really aren't all that healthy for regular consumption!

Kathleen

I have an autistic son. Been reading this thread and dont know what level he is, we never got him labeled, but he is a functioning autistic he is 16 now lived the first 12 years of his life with me. At 12 he wanted to go live with his dad and I allowed it...his father has twin boys that are 3-4 yrs old now and both are autistic. Hmmm. Out of my 4 children he was the coolest kid but dont tell my other ones I said that We had many trails and he and I learned so much, I had my fight with his kindergarten school they wanted to label him MR and I made them bring in a specialist, lucked out when we moved the new school had an actual autism specialist there on staff. My son is in all regular classes with a helper now only a couple hours a day. He is on the wrestling team and does very well. I remember the "night terrors" when he was a baby and the only thing that would calm him down was music -Fresh Aire / Mannheim Steamrollers to be exact. He still process's some information different, and he dearly loves driving his sister's crazy, sometimes to the point that I have to step in He has never been on medications, don't know if he ever will have to have them, I hope that I the specialist's, and now his dad have been able to teach him coping technic's that will serve him through out life.

__________________
The more I know people … the more I respect animals.
Lovn Ivy Farm
http://lovnivy.webs.com/