Neighbors, dogs, catfish bones

Yep, seems childish to me. She has no evidence at all that the neighbor is throwing anything over her fence. My neighbor butchered a deer a few years ago. Next day, the deer hide was 200 feet out in my fenced pasture. I know the guy very well and he did not put it there. He has no dogs and mine don't get in the pasture. How did it get there and why should I assume he did it?

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Dear Math, it is time you grew up and solved your own problems.

I'm probably included in the 'you idiot' category... No problem.

Hey, sometimes people don't know what the rules are. I make mistakes All the time. Sometimes I make the mistakes, even when elders tell me I'm headed for trouble. Nothing like getting whomped upside the head, and having to deal with the consequences, to reinforce the need for change and avoidance of the same problems in the future. Experience is a great teacher. Too bad there isn't a book, with all of the unwritten rules and regulations involved with living with other humans, whether in the city or the country... Different situations/different rules. Maybe I should write it. Ok, everyone forget what I just said... forget about the book... nothing to see here, move along...

There's nothing wrong with making mistakes, as long as a person learns from the experience. Small mistakes I might make over and over again, as long as the cost is low. Mistakes that cost more than a hundred dollars, I never willingly make ever again...

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Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Seneca
Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival. W. Edwards Deming

I have had problems with neighbors in the past and have bit my tongue more often than not, just to keep peace with the neighbors. They continued to drive me crazy with the son riding his dirt bike ALL DAY LONG back and forth in front of my house, I worked midnights at the time and it was just a nightmare. Their dogs killing chickens. The dogs coming to bark at MY cat on MY back porch half the night. It was not pleasant. All I wanted was to have a good relationship with my neighbors, because I do try to be a good neighbor myself.

Biting your tongue is not always a wise thing to do, because often they are clueless that they have done anything wrong.

I would not have called the police, but there is really no reason to bring that up as many opinions have been voiced about this and you do not need more. But the question remains, how should you handle it?

If you are like me, you don't want to venture over and knock on the door and start accusing them of stuff. There might be an offshot chance they had nothing to do with the fish, or even knew the son was doing it. I think back when I was very young. We lived at the foot of the mountains and we often threw things over our fence into the woods. Those were large woods and we never saw a soul step foot in that area, but the land was not ours. We just disposed of biodegradable things over the fence. Now that I think about it, all those years we were littering on someone elses property. I mean it was things like you mentioned, fish bones, but sometimes other scraps or pan grease or something.

Maybe if you just mention that your dogs are bringing home fish bones and one got sick from it and so you walked around to figure out where they came from and discovered the pile. Be non threatening about it and mention that digging a hole to dispose of the bones/head etc. would be appreciated so the dogs won't keep dragging the stuff home with them. Even make a joke about the size of the fish or something to lighten the mood a little. Be sure ot tell them you don't want them to think of you as a bad neighbor and such and felt talking to them about it was the best route. If they deny the fish was theirs, APOLOGIZE. There will be no way for you to prove it was their fish and to become critical and accuse them will only result in a bad relationship that can cause you to end up with more than fish thrown across the fence.

We have moved to an old farm with few neighbors. However, the land across from me just sold and they already have a double wide on it. They have not moved in yet, but will soon. I was horrified when I saw the driveway being cut, but good neighbors can be invaluable. I plan to bake them some cookies or something when they move in and pay a visit. I will tell them up front that the dogs have been used to running everywhere since we moved in and think they are supposed to protect that land as well as ours. If they see them over there just call their name and tell them no and send them home. I will give my number to them in case they have a problem they can call and not to hesitate to call. I want to start out on the right foot with them and hope to become good neighbors.

All is not lost with you and your situation. Pay them a non threatening visit. They may have never thought throwing the bones in a wooded area across a fence was a bad thing. I imagine it never crossed their minds your dogs would get into it or that it would be a bother. Just let them know.....and then give them the chance to redeem themselves and become good neighbors with them...it is invaluable in many ways.

Good grief people, would she be complaining if the fish heads were on THE OTHER SIDE of the fence... where her dogs couldn't get to them? Insert commonsense here. If her dog was digging under the fence to get to bones ON THE OTHER SIDE of the fence.. then yes.. idiot you would be to complain about that. Heavens to betsy.

Forest Breath.. what a nice gesture on your part with your new neighbors. You can come be my neighbor anytime. That's advice a new person could use, might keep a dog from getting shot too.

well....I'm southern born and bred and I tell ya it would just depend on the neighbor how I handled it. The little punk up the road from us that kept letting his pit loose to tear into my penned up chickens? yep I called animal control several times...I've called the sheriff on him too over several things. See talking to him would do no good....he'd just stand there and cuss me out. I eventually went to the expense of building a new coop and run where that blasted dog cannot get to it...unless it goes thru my 3 dogs first. So if the guy has given you grief before then I wouldn't worry about handling it this way.

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Ginnie..
http://ginniequilts.blogspot.com/
You can say what you want about the South,
But you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North.

Think the decision was that I was not fit to speak to the neighbor myself, let police do my talking. And repeated offense though noone had yet given the 'stop it!' order. My problem here in the South is I seem to make things worse when I lose my temper- only men are allowed to get mad here.

Thanks Forest Breath and Ginnie and all the rest. Don't know if the police have been or will be; if I find more bones I'll try to speak directly if I feel able to do it politely.

As an extra bonus I have reestablished communications with the other neighbor I had first suspected, the LA man- what a relief to feel we're on speaking terms again (all of this started after I yelled at him for something- so I couldn't tell if his next coolness to me went along with being willing to throw garbage in my yard or just with being upset I got mad at him). Going to bake him some bread for Tgiving and will even be grateful for him to be asking to borrow more than I would venture to ask someone for again. Friends come in all stripes.

Sadly don't think I'll feel like giving any gift to the other guy's family unless he shows up apologizing for his son having messed up. We had been trying to get them something as a house warming gift- so sad I never caught them home when I was prepared. Now I'd be afraid after all the fierce HT threads on neighbor troubles that it would be a sign of weakness, especially with a fellow whose son or even self may think garbage over the fence is okay.

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US Army veteran, military retiree spouse, and military; civilian; British NHS; and VA doctor.

She complained because the dog brought it to the house.
We can only go by the information given

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ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

While most on this thread thinks Jenn should have tried to talk to the neighbor, I have to disagree. She had no relationship with him, and so could not know his reaction. From my own experience, with a neighbor I had spoken to more than a few times, I had a major problem when I had a serious complaint. Even though it appeared he was coming home from work, he was quite drunk when he got out of his truck. He was threatening and obnoxious
I'm talking to the police next time!

In an ideal world, all people would be respectful and thoughtful of one another. This isn't an ideal world, so people make mistakes.

If could be a person thinking "phew, this stinks" and tossing it as far away from their house as they can. Could be predators dragging it over (they can cross fences). Could be they thought the dogs would like fish entrails. Could be a whole lot of things.

A simple conversation with the neighbor would likely have clarified the situation and resolved it. Peacefully and amicably.

Instead of feeling like it shows a weakness, think of it as being a bit above what is expected. Kindness and humor go a long way, (even here in the south ) All is not lost and most things can be mended if meant to be. It only takes time..... and a kind gesture sometimes.

Good luck and I hope you and your neighbors have a great Thanksgiving.

I think Jenn summed up her position pretty well in Post #27. Consequently, I feel it is time to close this thread before it gets too out of hand.

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This is the government the Founding Fathers warned us about.....